asexual and aromantic people are not ‘broken’, they are whole and good human beings, deserving of whatever kind of love they want

[image transcript:  -Hallo! - It’s Asexual Awareness Week, so I’m here to bring some awareness. Wooh! - This is not going to be one of those comics with facts and figures about asexuality.  - Other people have explained this much clearer than I ever will, so I’m gonna post some links in the description for you to check.  - What I do want to discuss is how just sharing that type of information isn’t enough.  - You can know the theory and still not realize you’re asexual. (And thus, struggle with your identity) - “Asexuality means you don’t experience sexual attraction” - “…"  - How is that supposed to mean anything to people who don’t experience it in the first place? - We literally no frame of reference here - Something that can* happen becuse of this lack of reference, is assigning the wrong feeling to the concept of sexual attraction.  * and I do mean can, in no way does this happen to all of us. - To explain that, imagine you equate ‘smiling’ with 'happines’. - But instead of wondering why, unlike others, you aren’t happen when you smile… - … You assume that the other emotion you feel when smiling is happiness. -The same thing can happen for sexual attraction. And once you have that mindset, 'people who don’t experience sexual attraction’ will no longer resonate. - Because you think you do, even though you don’t. (and the world isn’t gonna disagree) - Personally I mistook 'thinking someone is pretty’ for 'sexual attraction’ for a long, long time. - And although that can be part of it, it’s not the full range of that feeling. - It’s really easy to  be wrong in a situation where you only have dry info and no stories about people. - So, please. - If you participate in raising awareness for Asexuality, - Don’t stop at sharing definitions and orientations. - Share people’s experiences too.]

Reading about Asexuality didn’t make me identify as such, because it didn’t make me aware of a mistake in my thought pattern. Watching The Big Bang Theory connected the dots for me. I have to live with the fact that over ten years of soul searching was resolved by watching The Big Bang Theory, and I don’t necessarily wish that fate upon others. OTL 

So share people’s experiences! Share media featuring asexual characters! Share anything that makes us as human and diverse as we are. I mean, share the facts too, but don’t just leave it at that. We have faces, we have lives and we have stories. And often, they’ll overlap with yours. 

And when I say we need to share people’s experiences, I don’t just mean the ones of Very Specific People, share diverse experiences. Share the experiences of asexual POC, of asexuals with a disability, of asexuals of any gender, and of asexuals of any romantic orientations.

…Also I feel like I’m a little clumsy in my explanation but again, this is why I said I wouldn’t make a regular infographic, ahah.

Links to a few resources as promised!

adriofthedead’s great and informative comic: here asexual awareness week website: here AVEN: here (Edit: It’s been pointed out to me that AVEN’s a pretty racist environment, which I don’t wish upon anyone. I’m leaving the link up because this post has spread a lot already and I don’t like to alter my words after that, however, please proceed with caution. Or not at all because tbh you deserve better. This post by @thingsthatmakeyouacey outlines the problems and it’s probably a good ready, whether you make use of AVEN or not) and theasexualityblog

Things that are okay:

Things that are not okay:

Trying to figure out if you’re ace or aro can be so goddamn hard because it’s like, trying to find the absence of something. Imagine you’re at a pond and you want to know if there are any turtles, or fish. Say you find a turtle and you’re like “great! Now I know there are turtles.” Or a fish, now you know for sure there are fish. Or you find both, and now you know for a fact there are both turtles and fish in the pond.

But like, if you don’t find any turtles it might be that there are no turtles or maybe you’re just really shitty at looking for turtles and maybe you THINK you saw a turtle over there or maybe it was just a stick. Maybe there are only a few turtles. Maybe you need to do something special to find the turtles. Maybe a bunch of these rocks are actually turtles but you couldn’t tell them apart. Maybe there are no turtles. You have no idea. Meanwhile some people are saying “Oh there have to be turtles! You’ll find them eventually ;)” or “How many turtles have you found in your pond?” or “Try planting some vegetables at the shore to attract the turtles.” Or “Oh no! What disaster happened to your pond that there are no turtles?” And you’re just standing there wet with an empty net and a tired expression.

But whatever because whether there are turtles or fish or not your pond’s ecology works just fine without them because that’s what eco-communities do they form a system around what they have. You aren’t missing anything if you don’t have turtles you just have a pond system without turtles. If someone tried to change you by pouring a bunch of turtles into your pond it would probably fuck something up.

So you don’t have to be entirely sure. You don’t have to search every inch of the damn pond before you can decide there are probably no turtles. If you want to take the aro or ace label because you think it fits go for it. And if you do find your turtles you can rename the pond. That’s fine.

File under: Things I did not expect in this month’s Cosmopolitan, but I am quite impressed by. Now if they could write a little more about it that would be great.

(Also if someone who was asexual could actually confirm this is an appropriate and nice response, because I’m assuming it is.)

reasons why asexuality & ace spectrum orientations need to be recognized and discussed in the mainstream media. i wonder how many people realized asexuality existed after reading this article? and looked into it and felt that relief of “i’m not alone!!! i’m not a freak!!!”

Color me impressed.

Yes, it is not only a nice response, but an honest, insightful and compassionate one.  The writer has put their finger on what I think is probably the primary damage most asexuals grow up with: In a world where everyone seems obsessed with sex, where there seems to be absolutely nowhere to turn and no one to look to if you’re not, the almost inescapable conclusion (typically reinforced by the people around you if you seek advice from friends) is that you must be broken.

(And let me tell you, going through life with every movie, book, TV show, news article and poster ad–not to mention friends and family–telling you basically, “But you should want to bang this hot person right here!” starts feeling pretty rapey after a while.)

Stumbling across a small article in a random magazine that says, “Have you considered that maybe you’re not broken?  There are other people like you.  Look, there’s even a name for it” is…holy shit.

Facts about aces:

But most importantly

@apprenticedmagician

am i doin it right

ive recently found out that in the 80s lesbians who were more interested in cuddles and kisses rather than sex were called bambi lesbians

it’s such a cute thing omg let’s bring this term back

the love ace lesbians found for this post warms my heart mind body and soul and spirit

jughead just not being into girls masterpost

honorable mentions: 

Reblog if you genuinely support asexuals

It terrifies me that there’s so much raging passion in the lgbt+ community that insist on marginalizing asexuals and implying that asexuals don’t deserve to have safe spaces. There’s still so much acephobia so I just wanna know which blogs are genuinely supportive and a safe space for asexuals

I hate the superiority shit that goes on in this community sometimes it makes me legitimately angry.

“If you don’t want to transition 100%, you’re not trans enough”

“If you’re not equally attracted to men and women, you’re not bi enough”

“If you didn’t always know you were gay, you’re not gay enough”

“If you’re not cis, you’re not lesbian enough”

“If you want sex in anyway or you’re not sex repulsed, you’re not ace enough”

It’s fucking super nasty and just alienates people and makes them feel bad.

Very cool Merriam-Webster,very cool.

how do you pronounce it?

when ur asexual friend gives you good advice

I have no idea if anyone feels the need for more pride flag colored bees, but here is a few more.

UPDATE: i guess there was a need so MORE BEES.

Today is June 10th, Asexual Pride Day!

Happy Pride Day aces! 💜