i have no title and i must post

THE TORCH (Headlines from the end of the Hundred Year War, as collected by the Royal Museum and the Military Historical Society)

The Torch was a newspaper founded in year four of Fire Lord Azulon's reign and shut down in year 16 of Fire Lord Zuko's reign. It had two purposes: to act as a mouthpiece of the current regime and to provide sensationalist entertainment. Due to the oft-conflicting nature of these dual purposes, examining the Torch can provide insight into Fire Nation society during the War and the spread of information within it. The Torch was occasionally permitted to gently criticize the government, leading scholars to believe that its true purpose was to alleviate public tensions and moderate criticism of the War.

Barbarians Destroy Grand Fleet At North Pole: Unnatural Powers Used, Fire Lord Ozai Vows To Protect Nation

Obituary For Admiral Zhao: "Not well-liked or particularly competent, but still mourned by 5-12 people in the nation"

Air Nomad Terrorist Sighted In The Earth Kingdom: "Possibility of Earth terrorism in the homeland", Cautions Top Official

Air Nomad Terrorist 'Oung' Sighted In A Swamp: Possible Drug Use?

Air Nomad Terrorist Kidnaps The Daughter Of EK Noble Beifong Amidst Rising Cries To Submit To The Fire Nation- "Helpless and blind"

Giant Drill Launched, Destroyed In The EK - Expert: "Definitely the best way to spend the equivalent of three years' GDP. All hail Fire Lord Ozai."

So, uh, just... thinking about Zuko hating tea.

You see, Zuko holds on to his hate of hot leaf juice for all his life. But he still drinks it every single day. He will brew himself tea, and then complain about it. When asked, he'll just grumble something about "Uncle says it's good for me."

He gripes to Iroh about it, too, whenever he visits. And he drinks every cup that his uncle puts in front of him.

Iroh always visits home for the Summer Solstice. (Zuko isn't too big on the spirits, either, but it's tradition and one of his best friends is a professional spirit bridge.) Every time, Zuko sets the table and brews tea for two. And Iroh always makes a big show of tearing up and "it's so lovely to have tea with my nephew." And Zuko, in return, always makes a big show of huffing and "it's just tea, Uncle."

Nothing lasts forever, though.

One Solstice, when Zuko is in his forties, he sets tea for two before realizing his mistake.

He sits there for a long time.

And then, because nothing lasts forever and the tea is getting cold, he invites Izumi.

Izumi hates tea, too.

The thing I love about Zuko is when he loses his status. He doesn't slum it up or get a lesson in appreciating the simple things. He just goes from theft to robbery to vagrancy. And then he gets a job. And it's clear that the job is the thing he hates the most. Not the starvation. Not the loss of his dignity. Not the turning to crime. The job. Is the worst.

He was BORN to be in customer service.

At the intersection of crack and tragedy, I have this fic idea about Zuko getting time looped during the day of his Agni Kai.

The first few loops are painful and traumatic. (Well, they're all painful and traumatic, but after the first fifty times... even getting half your face burned off by your own father gets old.)

After a while, he manages to stay awake long enough to hear Iroh crying at his bedside, begging for Zuko to stay. Pleading with the spirits, please, not him too.

(And then it takes more time for him to realize who visits him after Iroh falls asleep. She doesn't say anything.)

Zuko makes a Plan.

In the mornings, he tracks down Iroh or any experienced firebender, and he learns. So what if he isn't good? He'll make up for it the same way he always does: with hard work. He has the time.

(One of these days, Uncle won't have to spend the evening crying to the spirits.)

He gets better. Far better than he has any right to be. Iroh is thrilled on the days when he manages to catch him and not one of the other masters. Every time, the other masters barely tolerate him until he shows them. Iroh is always patient and kind.

Middays are reserved for Azula. A sister is a sister, and maybe... maybe Azula just needed somebody after Mom left.

(Zuko got that wrong, too. He's pretty sure he died the first time, and this is the spirits punishing him for being a bad son, a bad brother, a bad prince. He'll get it right, eventually.)

And at sunset, he still tries to plead with his father. Ozai will never hear him, but he has to try.

(A few hundred burns to the face can make you hate a man.)

But no matter how hard he tries, he can't beat Ozai. His skills improve, but his body doesn't - it will always be thirteen, with undeveloped chi paths he can barely break through to, and Ozai is a man in his prime.

Until one day he fights so well that Ozai halts the battle. He has the old general (after all this time, Zuko has completely forgotten the general) brought up, and orders Zuko to give him a mark of shame. To prove himself a good son and a good prince.

He stands above the general and looks at his tears and his shaking hands and his panicked eyes and he understands.

This time, Zuko earns his scar with pride.

(And when Iroh cries at his bedside, he reaches out and squeezes his Uncle's hand: I'm here, I'm not leaving.)

(And later, when Azula comes in with her soft steps and doesn't say anything, Zuko cracks open his good eye and gives her a smile.)

(And when he and Iroh set out the next morning, it is with purpose.)

(They leave behind a princess who knows that her father is not invincible.)

What if Zuko was adopted by King Kuei? Like, immediately after his banishment?

I mean. The dude doesn't know about the war. Zuko absolutely would tell him that he's the former crown prince of the Fire Nation, sure, but Kuei is probably the only person in the world who would just go "huh! A fellow royal!" and leave it at that. "Your own father banished you? My. I suppose you'll be my ward!" (He read about kings fostering the children of rival rulers, to ensure peace, and just figured that it was a neat tradition.)

And I absolutely subscribe to the slightly-fanon-not-quite-canon interpretation of Zuko as a theatre lover. And from what we see of King Kuei, he is an extremely sheltered man. What if they are both exactly the same type of nerd? What if they bond over obscure plays?

Long Feng is obviously going to try and disappear or ransom Zuko the second he can, but he can't do it openly. Kuei is only a figurehead for as long as he doesn't know he is one. And no matter how dumb Zuko is, he isn't dumb enough to give Long Feng the chance... at first.

Kuei is a completely safe adult for Zuko - somebody who wouldn't hurt him, but also is not physically capable of hurting him. But if we look at him, he also did a complete 180 on Long Feng the moment he had tangible evidence. He reflected on his failures honestly, and actually did do better. He's not a bad person, and not even stupid - just sheltered and naïve.

Meanwhile, Zuko is exactly the kind of challenge a man like Kuei needs to shake him up. I give it, like, two weeks before Zuko (having been informed of The Rules by Long Feng) tells Kuei all about the war, and then something like six months before Zuko tells him about the war honestly. (You know, with the war crimes.)

There's intrigue! How does a banished Fire Nation prince navigate the complexities of a court he knows nothing about? (Badly. Long Feng tries to sabotage him at every turn.) Mysteries! Who are all these weird ladies who call themselves Joo Dee? Heartbreak! When Zuko is inevitably disappeared by the Dai Li for getting too close to the truth. Awesome non-action moments, when Kuei remembers that actually, he is in charge, and he would like his son back. Serendipity! When it turns out that Zuko's bad eye and ear make brainwashing very hard to do on him (it only sort of works). Awesome action moments, when Long Feng inevitably tries to kill Kuei, and Zuko snaps out of his half-brainwashing!

The epilogue is the Gaang arriving at Ba Sing Se. They find Appa brushed and healthy and good friends with the Earth King's adopted not-son and yes-bear.

I haven't got the spoons for writing anything long, so I'm just throwing my ideas out here in little snippets. This little snippet turned out a bit long, but...

This is super dark. I've tagged all of the dark stuff, and if I've missed a tw, please tell me. I don't think I did. There are no graphic descriptions.

ATLA AU: Aang defeats Ozai. Aang loses everyone.

Aang has just defeated Ozai. He looks out to the horizon, and sees a number of airships crashing down. He mourns the possible loss of life (even though he can see many crews huddling on the tops of the airships, surely there were some who didn't make it) but ultimately, he's at peace with it.

He sees one particular airship go down rough. Well, he thinks. Time to go rescue people.

He secures Ozai to the rock and even though the man is a monster, he promises to come back and that the former Fire Lord will be treated humanely.

There are bodies in the wreck, and he offers some words to Agni on their behalf, because that's who he is, and he remembers that Fire folk need to be guided on their way to the Sun. He remembers the words from a hundred years ago like yesterday, because for him, it was. Well, yesterday and a year.

But when he finds three bodies, huddled close together with a burst steam pipe near them and the room slowly filling with water, Aang finds that he doesn't have any words at all.

Okay, so.

Imagine if at the end of the series, Zuko goes to Ozai's cell, blah blah blah, "you should count yourself lucky that the Avatar spared your life", "why are you really here?" and then...

"Because you failed, Father. I control the Fire Nation. I control the Avatar. And that means I control the world."

And then we cut to the scene in the Jasmine Dragon. Zuko is serving tea. Everybody's having fun. But then the view zooms to Zuko, who's watching them with a very peculiar expression. Nobody's paying attention to him. There's a musical sting... and the moment just ends. Zuko goes over to complain about Sokka's artistic skills along with everybody else. Roll credits.

I think this could be, like, a neat AU. I think we as a fandom don't do enough with Evil Zuko when it comes to AUs and crackfics.

The Palace Servants in the first year of Zuko's reign:

"Your Majesty, a motion has respectfully been put forth for you to employ the services of a royal food taster. We humbly ask that you consider it."

... the fifth year of his reign:

"Lord Zuko, the Imperial Firebenders can handle the assassins. Please stay out of this."

... and the 30th year of his reign:

"GET OFF THE ROOF, YOU FUCKING GREMLIN! YOU'RE ALMOST FIFTY!"

i just. this is very silly, but i totally loved this scene. it was hilarious. top marks, no notes, 10/10

Further Excerpts From The Fire Nation Royal Palace Servants' (Unofficial) Handbook

Or: More Revisions To Normal Protocol After The Ascension Of Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko

Part 1:

7. If His Majesty offers you advice regarding martial arts, camouflage, theatre, or any other subject which he is commonly known to be well-versed in, accept it gratefully. If His Majesty offers you advice on emotional matters, listen politely and then disregard it.

7.1. If His Majesty uses the phrase "silver sandwich", you are entitled to a longer lunch break. So you can take a longer bite out of your silver sandwich.

7.1.1. Please do not vandalize the handbook, even if you think it's funny.

7.1.2. Especially if you think it's funny, Chikao.

7.2. If you share something tragic with His Majesty, and he replies "that's rough, buddy", it means he empathizes with your situation.

7.2.1 Alright, maybe he did need to learn that it's not a great way to respond to tragedy. But "rough like the boulders that crushed my father?" was a bit much.

The Stupidest Things In Netflix's Avatar The Last Airbender: A List

a.k.a.

a whiny rant from someone who has dedicated far too many of their already limited number of braincells to atla i know it's just a tv show but come on this is what tumblr is for let me whine

For your consideration, with many spoilers:

So, uh, Netflix Avatar, huh? Yeah. I guess I'll make a really long post about it because ATLA brainrot has is a cornerstone of my personality at this point.

So.

It's okay. B, maybe a C+.

That's it.

Now for the spoilers:

Things that definitely happened Post-War in ATLA a.k.a. assorted headcanons that really boil down to "wouldn't it be neat/funny if...":

Zuko fought an inordinate amount of Agni Kais, to the point that some of the junior officials ended up thinking that it's custom to fight the Fire Lord every once in a while. He was notable for both never losing, and never seriously injuring his opponent.

Aang and Katara helped with the reformation of Ba Sing Se. They became friends with Joo Dee. Katara helped her regain her own memories, and her own name. Some of the women formerly known as 'Joo Dee' formed a theatre troupe, which produced highly subversive counterculture plays. Their anti-authoritarian nonconformist plays became a huge cultural movement, though they did face a fair amount of criticism from the more traditional groups. Aang loved them, and the patronage of the Avatar definitely helped them grow. They also produced a play on the history of the Air Nomads, at the request of Aang. Aang, of course, helped write it.

Sokka once hit his thumb with a hammer. This led to the invention of the nail gun, powered by pressurized air. Aang spent over four days bending air into canisters and pressurizing them. The invention never saw widespread use. The day after it was complete, Sokka drove a nail through his thumb.

zuko: must regain honor

iroh: be a good person

zuko:but...? honor!!!