I’m just dying while thinking about a hotel employee calmly Googling “How to fold a towel in the shape of an elephant,” and then going out to buy eye stickers.

I think these would guarantee return bookings.  Loving the elephant.

I worked in a hotel for a year. Hotel staff LOVE silly requests because otherwise our job is just mundane. It gives the front desk a chance to do something creative.

aaaa this is so lovely

And I can’t even get hotels to supply feather-free pillows.

...My possibilities for hotel booking have been expanded immeasurably...

Gore/torture starters! Bon Appetit!

“Let’s see how much I can cut away before you pass out, shall we? Count with me now…” “If you had to pick, which finger can you do without?” “This place looks very plain right now. Don’t worry, I’ll decorate it with your intestines soon.” “I found this tube. I thought it’d fit nicely down your throat… Open up!” “Any last words before I thread your lips together?” “Left or right eye, which one have you always wanted to see dangling down your cheek?” “The butchers was shut already, so I’ll just have to come up with something else for tonight’s dinner, won’t I?” “Don’t worry, I’ll patch you up when I’m done. I just want to have a look inside…” “Tell me, which of these knives would you like me to use? I can’t make up my mind.” “Let’s see how long you can keep quiet for. Now try your best for me, please, I love watching them keep their screams in, until they can’t anymore… So satisfying.” “Hey, hey, sshhhh darling, you’re not dying yet.” “Do try not to be sick… You wouldn’t want to choke on it, and that gag is hard to clean.” “I brought you some water. You can have a sip for every sip of blood you’ll let me take.” “Sing a song while I work. I have wanted to make a painting on your back with your own blood for days now, but I’m lacking some inspiration.” “I know just how to make that pretty face of yours even prettier…” “Oh no, are you hungry? I should remove your stomach…”

All the worst aspects of Negan are giggling like a madman…

TAKIN’ IT LIKE A CHAMP!!

(Even if I don’t see him following through on half of them - he’s not The Governor or Terminus folks! - I could see him saying all of them, lol!)

Although I am reminded of this zinger…

Haha, that’s one of my favorite things he’s done…and why he might just do some of those things in the starters, LMAO!!

Honestly, I wanna know just how many white shirts and leather jackets this man owns. Or what his cleaning secret is. Because between Lucille-ing folks or shanking them, that’s messy work, yet this little mofo shows up so fresh and so clean everywhere. LMAO

Can’t speak on the white shirts - maybe he takes them all from everyone, lol! - but black leather jackets can hide a lot of blood for a while there.  I mean, sure, the leather won’t be all nice and supple and there might be patches that are darker than others, but it should still be black.

...Not, ya know, that I would know from personal experience or anything...😎

*crawls out of work grave* *gasping* I need….NSFW Negan headcanons….also….lots of pics of JDM… *is yanked screaming back into work grave*

Negan likes giving his partner beard burn on their thighs.

YEAH HE DOES!! HE PURPOSEFULLY RUBS HIS FACE AROUND, SCRAPING AGAINST SENSITIVE FLESH WITH THAT LUSCIOUS SALT AND PEPPER BEARD TO ACHIEVE MAXIMUM BURN!!! (THIS IS JUST HOW IT IS, I DON’T MAKE THE RULES!!!!!!)

**inserts myself into equation**

Negan prides himself on giving his lovers multiple orgasms and will do just about anything to achieve this goal.  Not necessarily out of any sense of giving, but because “what’s the fuckin’ point if you can’t be the best they’ve ever fuckin’ had?”

(I could do a whole day of these headcanons, I’ve thought far too much about it, lol!)

You know what??? @wickednerdery Stahhhpppp!!!! 😆

@crazytxgradstudent Told me to stop, so obviously…

While never physical with a woman on the every day he’s only too happy to toss one around in the sack.  On the bed, up against the wall, over a chair.  Half showing off, half testing limits…He’s all for a bit of rough and tumble for fun’s (and fuck’s) sake. 😉

FUCKIN’ RIGHT! HE LIVES FOR TAKING CONTROL IN THE BEDROOM–ASSERTING HIS DOMINANCE BY DEMONSTRATING HIS STRENGTH (BONUS POINTS IF YOU’RE A SUBBY BOTTOM WHO FUCKING LOVES THAT SHIT)! HHHHHH, THAT WAS VERY HARD TO TYPE BECAUSE….THAT PIC!!!!!!!

*pops up out of my own work grave to join* I bet he loves cunnnilingus because he can put that filthy mouth to use making you come over and over. God, to be able to ride his fucking face. To feel his beard on your thighs, his mouth on your clit, and his hands on your ass as he smothers himself with you until you orgasm multiple times and beg for him to stop because the sensation is just too much. *unwillingly goes back into work grave and tries to refocus on a pile of unfinished paperwork*

Tying your arms behind your back with his red scarf and dragging Lucille across your chest just stopping at your throat to hold you down during really violent lovemaking. All he’s wearing is his leather jacket and his knife holster because look at how it wraps around his leg 

~> that’s my personal fantasy <3

@wickednerdery !!!!!!!

I’m game!  (Haha, game...cause the bat...god I’ve been in Negan’s head way too long, lol!)

Everyone else sees Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a killer turtleneck (and leather jacket), I see Negan saying something like this:

(Only with more cursing, of course, lol!  No idea why, something about Negan just reminds me of Sterling Archer sometimes, hahaha!)