content: vampire whumpee, whumper turned whumpee, whumpee turned caretaker, past starvation, feeling guilty for eating
The thought pops into Kane's head again. It's been nagging at him ever since Jim started feeding him, but feels louder than ever this time, filling him with guilt and fear. Guilt at continuing to take from Jim even now, and fear at having not changed. If he hasn't changed, then he's still bad, and he might deserve to go back. The thought crawls down his spine like ice.
He thinks about returning to starvation, the horrible pain of it making its home inside him once again. He feels okay, feels good even, for the first time in years. If he does this, that might go away forever.
He thinks about the grimace Jim always used to wear back then during feeding time, reluctantly baring his neck, wincing as Kane carelessly bit into the already-damaged flesh, but unable to do anything to stop it from happening.
He thinks about how kind Jim has been to him, despite everything. Everything he's been given. The lack of pain. The kind words, assurances that he's safe here. It's far more than he deserves after what he's done, he knows. And more importantly, so much less than Jim deserves. Jim should be able to live free of having to worry about feeding him. He should be able to feel safe.
When Jim comes down in the morning with a small bowl of fresh blood, Kane drinks slowly, savoring it. Licking every remnant from the bowl, as always. Knowing it will be his last.
"Thank you." Kane says, handing the bowl back. "Um..."
He could still back out, not say anything. He could keep being able to have food. He could keep feeling healthy and strong and free of pain.
"You don't have to do this. It's, it's okay. I can go without. Thank you for letting me... feel full again, one more time. You don't have to do it anymore. I'll be fine." Kane's voice gets quieter as he goes on, looking down at his feet, the reality of what he's asking for really sinking in.
"Kane." Jim says, his serious tone startling Kane into looking up again. He sets the bowl aside and puts a hand on Kane's shoulder. "While you're in my house, you're going to eat. This isn't up for debate. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it wasn't right for me to wait a month to feed you. I shouldn't have done that. You're not gonna go hungry again. Alright?"
"But... but... I've changed! I don't want to be cruel anymore." Kane protests.
Jim smiles. "You really have, huh?" He squeezes Kane's shoulder gently. "It's different this time. You're not forcing me, it's my choice. You're all good."
The words wash over him warmly. It's okay. He's good. Jim said so.
The thought bothers him far less frequently after that.
