more Marvel trash

It’s like every week something weird happens.

I can’t even begin to imagine how many episodes would be improved just by Picard giving a stumbling, awkward exposition of the episode’s plot to the crew

ALL episodes could be improved if we saw Picard’s awkward, stumbling exposition to the crew of what’s going on that episode. In fact, I really wanna see that.

“Attention crew, this is your captain speaking. You may notice my voice sounds different, and uh, long story short, I’m 12 again. Another transporter thing, we should really get that looked at. Anywhooo if a little blonde kid starts ordering you around, don’t ignore him, because it’s me. Ok. Bye.”

“Okay so, you may have noticed large parts of the ship transforming into some kind of Mayan temple, and Commander Data running around and talking in several different voices. We are aware of the situation and taking steps to restore things to normal.”

“Q’s fucking back again”

This might be fun to do as a fan video project.

Like, edit together some of those shots of people walking through corridors, and do a voiceover with a slight tinny filter, and be like “All Crew: this is Ensign Turing with today’s update: We’ve entered a realm of non-space and there’s some non-corporeal energy being here who wishes to learn about humanity, including death. The captain has activated the self-destruct. Please complete your will and any last messages by 1300 hours at the latest. Thanks!”

just go through the episodes and record the PA announcements the crew might have gotten 2/3rds of the way through the episode.

[Video description: A compilation of clips from Star Trek: The Next Generation showing the instances in which Picard pulled his shirt. It is edited so that every time he pulls his shirt, his badge flies off of his uniform with a 'pop' sound. End description]

It’s that time of the year again :)

#i like to think data took him all the way to the brig tossed him in and left#and then came back 60 seconds later and was like ‘i believe i have successfully played a ‘practical joke’ on you :)’#riker loses it & claps him on the back like ‘wow. good job u rly had me going. dont ever fucking do that again’ Perfect.

Actually it’s 73 seconds. Data, knowing something of how human minds work, estimates that Riker will give him 60 seconds to come back (because humans prefer “round numbers”, however arbitrary the units). After 60 seconds it will take 4 seconds for Riker to fully process the conclusion that Data is, in fact, not coming back after all, and an additional 9 seconds to build to the optimum level of anxiety. 

After all, comedy is timing.

Earth’s Rotation Visualized in a Timelapse of the Milky Way Galaxy by Aryeh Nirenberg

This messed me up.

We really do just be on a rock without a fucking clue huh

KIRK THIS WHY YOU GOTTA FILL OUT THE LOG

I’ve heard the theory that Kirk’s logs just get circulated round headquarters for lulz before being dumped in the circular file as obvious fabrications by someone bored with a frontier posting. “Hey, have you seen this one? He says he fought Apollo.” “What, the old earth probe?” “Try the old earth GOD!” “Hilarious! Classic Kirk! That’s better than the time when he was transported to an evil dimenison.” The reason why in The Naked Now it was Riker who remembered that the previous polywater infection had happened is that he’s the sort of person who would read The Hilarious Adventures of Captain Kirk for fun.

I especially like this idea because of the implication that all the other captains in Starfleet are reporting perfectly ordinary experiences like visiting a space station, dropping off supplies at a colony, bit of a stand-off with some Klingons in disputed space but got out of it unscathed - and then there’s Kirk all, “sorry guys we’ve been off course this week because my first officer seriously needed to get laid (LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA MY NECK STILL HURTS)” and “let me tell you about the Chicago Gangster planet” and “WHIPPED AND THROWN IN JAIL BY SPACE NAZIS.”

I actually really like the above explanation

“So wait, they stole his first officer’s brain?”

I always preferred the idea that every single Constitution-class starship of the Kirk era was running into all kinds of insane shit and so the Enterprise’s adventures mostly just got lost in the shuffle.

“Sir, Starbase 12 reports a flock of space sharks cruising through the system.  They’re worried about them chewing on the antennae.”

“Can we get the Hood over there to monitor their path and shoo them off if need be?”

“No can do sir, Hood called in two days ago, says the Captain took his security detail down to the local surface to fight an army of evil komodo dragons.”

“Damn.  What about the Valiant?”

“Captain says she’s currently engaged in a duel of wits with a clone of Bismarck.”

“Like the battleship?”

“No sir, a clone of Otto von Bismarck, the German chancellor from the 1900s.”

“I’m scared to ask, but where’s the Potemkin?”

“Last reported in pursuit of a super-intelligent shade of blue.”

“God’s sake.  What about the Enterprise, are they available?”

“Something about a hole in space.”

“Christ, it’s always something.”

Tribbles have picked the wrong man to mess with

[[*TNG theme song plays* *Patrick Stewart runs outside and shouts* YOU MOTHERFCKERS ARE GONNA KILL ALL MY LILIES *shoots guns twice* PEST CONTROL! *TNG theme song*]]

au where in tng the uniforms have a boob window. like this

@il-pleut-ma-cherie