Wholmesian Misfit

Waiter oh waiter more salt in my wound please!!!

As per my last clay tablet,

CCing Ibbi-Ilabrat on this one just to make sure we’re all on the same page!

THE WAY SHE POSED AFTERWARDS HFKFBDK

My artistic rendition:

"preheat"? dude i dont even HEAT my oven. thats right. im cooking my shit coldstyle. im stretching the definition of "cooking" far beyond its ultimate tensile strength. my chicken breasts are the most gorgeous pink color you've ever seen. they look like rosebuds on the very cusp of blooming. they look like the dawn when you're in love. hospital.

i just never want to see elon musk happy

i think he should be torn apart by lions.

middle aged lady on my bus just called someone's partner "your whimsical idiot boyfriend" over the phone . with sincere frustration might I add

i love when large dogs are picked up and they’re so absolutely confused as to how this could happen that they just sorta

I found another

“How’s life?”

Me:

The mammalian desire to stand at the edge of the ocean.

anyway, [peels a mandarin and gives u half]

Seems to be bunny in the trough Thursday

Never been so glad for it to be Thursday

debating if it would be funnier to have a bumper sticker saying "my other ride is a [exact make and model of the car the sticker is on]" or "my other ride is a [equally shitty but different car]"

2008 Honda Civic with the bumper sticker "My other ride is a 2007 Honda Civic"

This post has found its target market

One of my favorite Peanuts panels.