Was asked, "What's it like not to have sexual attraction?"
And I felt like a cis boy who's been asked, "What's it like to not have periods?"
How am I supposed to explain what the lack of something I never had feels like??
It doesn't feel like anything. We feel other things. There is enough to feel and experience and appreciate in this world to have a completely fulfilling life without sexuality or romance.
I think allosexual and alloromantic people ask questions like this from a place of mis-applied empathy. They're trying to imagine how they would feel in our place. And to them it feels like something is missing, something is lacking, life is emptier. They imagine being repressed.
Which makes sense, because their sexuality is a huge part of who they are! But our experiences as a-spec people aren't less. It's just different.
Like, if you ask a straight guy or a lesbian what's it's like to not be attracted to guys, of course you're going to get a bunch of different responses. Indifference, or disgust, or any number of complex personal insights into their own sexuality. A-spec people have just as many answers to this question (especially because many of us do experience some sexual and/or romantic attraction or have done so in the past, particularly on the grey/flux/demi side of the spectrum).
The thing is, it's not about the guys.
It's about the girls. Someone who's attracted only to women isn't going to have all that much to say on their non-attraction to non-women. But they have so much to say about their attraction to women. Passionate love, joyful sexuality—a world of rich and diverse experience.
And it would be silly to go up to a gay guy or a straight woman and say, "gosh, you're missing out on girls, your life must be so empty." Because we know that there's just as much joy and passion and richness in their attraction to guys.
A-spec people don't have an obvious alternative. We're not as easy to stereotype. It's a common joke in the a-spec community that our special passion is cake, or perhaps garlic bread.
The beautiful truth beneath that joke is that a-spec people find our joy and passion in so many different places we simply can't be put in one box. We only congregate under this umbrella out of solidarity over being misfits in heteronormative, amatonormative society. Each a-spec individual has different things that are as satisfying to them as sexuality and romance are to allo people. For some of us it's queerplatonic bonds, family, deep friendships or huge groups of friends. For others it's blissful solitude. For others still it's our interests, religions, jobs, creativity, grand ambitions to change the world, or enjoying the simple pleasures of life. Such as, you guessed it, cake.
So, if you're an allo person trying to understand the a-spec people in your life... don't ask about sexuality. Ask them what they're passionate about. Ask them what's important to them. Ask them about the joys of their lives, and please understand this: their joys and longings are just as profound as your own.
Let go of your assumptions about what it means to be fulfilled, to be happy, to be human.
Beautifully said.