A New Home
Joel Miller x Curvy!Female Reader
◆
Word Count: 11.5k
Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI)
Brief alcohol consumption, some angst, age gap, size difference, curvy reader, body insecurity, brief body shaming, lil makeout session, mentions of sex, mentions of past trauma and loss, mentions of death
◆
A/N: Part two is in the works and will be posted next Monday! Co-written with @fishingforpike
◆
◆
It’s not safe, not like the world used to be. But in its own way, it will have to do. Not that you have many choices, anyway. And in multiple ways, you can’t complain. The community was welcoming, Tommy especially. It was surprising just how quick they were to accept you. Once your health scans were cleared, they were thrilled to have you. But you suppose a clean bill of health is all it takes to make friends with people these days.
“Anything else?”
“Um…” Glancing around, you take one last look at the truck, now empty. “No.”
You’re almost embarrassed by it. Three boxes? How do you not have more things? But Tommy just smiles, a warm expression you see when turning back to him.
“C’mon,” Jerking his head, he offers, “Let’s go see your new home.” Home.
If it weren’t for the occasional jingle of the box’s items a few paces behind you, his existence would have completely gone over your head. He doesn’t say much, not anything, really. Didn’t even bother to say hi, but you don’t necessarily mind. You like the quiet.
With each of you carrying a box, the walk is easy. Tommy would have driven the truck closer if your house wasn’t already right next to his.
“Right here,” He grunts with a small sigh, setting your box down on the lawn.
“This one is mine?”
“I know she’s not too pretty, but we plan on fixin’ her up. Right Joel?”
His wording prompts you to turn, eyeing the quieter man. All he does is nod, eyes furrowed as they look away into the distance.
“We’ve already got some furniture in there for you.” Tommy redirects the conversation, picking the box up once again. “And the key’s inside.”
The cement porch is small, with absolutely nothing on it. And the door creaks when it’s opened, but it seems sturdy enough to reassure you. Inside, it’s dusty, some of the windows still boarded with wooden planks. Peeling along the walls is a layer of floral wallpaper, the colorful hues faded from the time of its abandonment. It smells funny, too, like a funeral home. But it’s your home.
“I know it’s still a bit dark, but we’ll take care of that soon. We’ll even start today, if that’s alright with you.”
Smiling, you accept his offer with a small nod. “That would be really great, Tommy. Thank you.”
It’s still light out, only early afternoon. The wind is bitter, though, stinging your cheeks until you’re under the cover of this new space. You’re surprised they’re both willing to work in such extreme temperatures. Well, not necessarily extreme for them. But to you, it might as well be Antarctica. You never did like the cold.
Internally, Joel is thanking the Lord when you finally decide to wander about, curiosity leading you upstairs to your bedroom. With a sigh of relief, he sets your box down on the one table Tommy had given you. It has three chairs, and further in the living room sits one couch, and an end table. Not much else, but then again, some people don’t even have a living room.
Joel isn’t a clumsy man, but he’s been fumbling all over his actions and words since you stepped into town. Since Tess’s passing, he hasn’t really focused on other women. Not just because of her but because he just hasn’t had time to. Romance is a luxury he cannot afford, even in Jackson. He’s convinced himself of that. But it didn’t stop his heart from beating just a little too fast when he first saw you, your pretty face quickly distracting him. You’re gorgeous, which shocks him. With everyone struggling, nobody really looks… cute, these days. But you do.
Smitten isn’t a word he’d use, but Tommy definitely would. It was easy to see how taken Joel immediately was with you. Joel’s brother had never seen him act so dumb around a new woman. He was dropping things whenever you came into the room, stumbling over his words whenever you’d ask a question until you just stopped asking. You thought he was strange but really, Joel was feeling shy. He can’t even bring himself to make eye contact with you, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks far too quickly. It’s been ages since he’s been nervous around a woman, and he feels overtly foolish because of it.
Jesus, I need to get my shit together.
Watching Joel avoid you prompts a small feeling of self-consciousness inside of your belly. The first time you came down from your bedroom, he immediately dropped a hammer on his foot, quickly jerking his leg away with a firm fuck slipping from his mouth. Eyeing him suspiciously, you turned in the opposite direction, asking Tommy about your bed.
“I know it’s not much, but we -”
“Tommy, this is amazing. I just wanted to come thank you. I haven’t slept on a mattress in years, years.”
Without hesitation, you step in to hug him, an act Tommy wholeheartedly accepts. And Joel’s jaw clicks slightly when he sees it, finding himself feeling childish and wishing it were him. He’d call himself pathetic if he felt this way in general around women. But he hasn’t. What is it about you?
To distract himself, Joel works on the boards along your windows, tearing them down and fixing up any markings around the glass. It’s repetitive work, tear down, fix, tear down, fix. The wood will likely be used for a fire soon. There’s a fireplace in your living room, off to his right. Maybe he could offer that to you.
“Your name is Joel, right?” Stepping over gently, you approach him, intending to offer the same thanks you gave Tommy.
Straightening up, Joel’s eyes drop from your face to your body; not to ogle at you, but purely from the anxiety ballooning in his chest. Nodding, he sighs quietly. “Yeah.”
“Well, thank you. For everything. I… I really appreciate it.” You offer him your kindest smile and still, he looks away. He doesn’t know what to say.
It almost hurts him, your sweet smile. How he’d love to keep that expression on your face, to continue to be the reason for it. He remembers a time when Tess smiled at him like that, a time when he believed he was the reason for her happiness, a time where he was convinced he was keeping her safe. But that was never the case, Tess didn’t depend on him. Joel wasn’t the reason for her happiness, he wasn’t the reason she was safe. She fought for herself, and in ways Joel would never even know. He felt like a fool, trying so hard for a woman that didn’t need him.
But, but, the fact that you’ve gone out of your way to thank him, plucks at one of his heartstrings. Maybe his help is finally needed. You really can be sweet. And it only makes you more attractive to him.
“O… kay.” Voice wavering slightly, you end up walking away, wondering why he’s acting this way. So far, everyone’s been nice to you. So, what is it about him? Little do you know, Joel is just trapped in his own head.
“Hey,” Tommy nudges your shoulder when you return to the kitchen, testing the sink. Wow, running water.
“Yeah?”
“I know Joel can be a little rough around the edges, but he means well.”
“He’s ignoring me.” You’ve known Tommy long enough to call him your friend, one of the few people who’s allowed you in. You trust him.
“Yeah, I…” Rubbing the back of his head, he sighs. “I don’t know why he does that.” But Tommy does know, he can see the explanation written all over Joel’s face.
The Miller brothers take it upon themselves to make your house a home, Tommy bringing your boxes up to the bedroom before tearing down the old wallpaper scattered throughout the rooms. And Joel continues with the windows, chopping the wood into manageable pieces before tossing them into the fireplace.
“I have a proposition for ya.” Tommy then says, slapping his hands together to knock the dust off of them. “Maria’s making dinner. I’m gonna head over and I can bring some back to you?”
“That’d be really nice, Tommy.” Pleasantly surprised by his continuing hospitality, you grin. “I’ll be here.”
Patting your shoulder, Tommy returns your happy expression. “And I’ll be right back.”
On his way out, he passes by Joel, shoving his shoulder and knocking him a bit off balance. Brows furrowed, Joel glared at his brother, leaning in to ask why the hell he just did that. But before he can get the words out, Tommy’s grumbling, “Go say something to her.”
Joel grimaces, not from the push but from the words. But his brother means well, he should be more welcoming toward you. He’s just… nervous. But he can be friendly, all he has to be is friendly.
Once Tommy is gone, the atmosphere shifts. It’s not a huge change, just a slight… movement. Turning, you catch Joel’s wandering eyes, now immediately darting down. Raising a brow at him, you brush it off, just like you have been.
Originally, you found Joel quite attractive. You felt drawn to him as soon as you’d climbed into Tommy’s truck. He’s tall and handsome, older and growing into a silver fox. He looked hardened, and you pondered whether or not you could soften him. But Joel’s attitude quickly turned you away.
Going about your business, you find the last box, holding an assortment of your clothes. Bending down, your fingers find its bottom edge, and with one breath, you’re lifting it.
“H-Here,” Joel’s guttural voice finally speaks up. Taking a quick step in your direction, he reaches out, placing one hand on the edge. “Let me help.”
“I don’t need your help, I can do it myself.” Your recent thoughts prompt your quick snap. It feels childish, but his unintentional rejection has made you mad.
Your words shove down every ounce of confidence he’d managed to bring to the surface. Briefly, he wonders what he’s done wrong. But he knows this world isn’t as kind as it used to be; you don’t owe anything to anybody. Lowering his hand, he gulps, looking into your eyes before turning away. And something about your first, true gaze stirs something in your bones. But still, you make your way upstairs.
In your bedroom, there isn’t much, your mattress isn’t even supported on anything but a few wooden palettes. But there’s a fitted sheet on it, along with two pillows and a comforter. And the first time you saw it, the sight brought a tear to your eye. This is your home, you have a home again. There’s even a bathroom, there’s two! Two bathrooms in your house. A half-bath downstairs, and a full across the hall from your bedroom. Problem is, when you turn on the faucet, every drop of water sprays directly at you.
Your shrill scream can be heard from down the damn street, and you already feel foolish from it. But it surprised the hell out of you, and apparently surprised the hell out of Joel, too.
“What?! What is it?! What’s wrong?!” Scrambling up the stairs, he slips when he rounds the corner. Looking up, he finds you absolutely soaked. For a split second, he’s surprised, but all too quickly, a laugh is bursting from him. Turning over onto his hands and knees, he reaches for the plumbing beneath the sink.
“Stop! I can do it!” You angrily shout, leaning down and swatting his hand away.
“Please let me help.” He practically pleads, eyes going wide as he stares up at you.
Your hair is sticking to your cheeks and forehead, clothes tightening around your body. Gulping, he eyes you, the curves your clothing is so openly revealing. Immediately, you find what he’s staring at, wrapping your arms around your midsection.
“Does that mean I can help?” That deep voice calls out, watching you rush into your bedroom.
Harshly, you snap back with, “Fine!”
He’s not sure what he did to make you dislike him so much, but the entire situation has him grinning. Something about the interaction has changed the energy between you two. It’s perplexing, really. Even after your rejection, even after his personal turmoil, Joel finds himself wanting you. You seem so genuinely happy, and you've been kind to everyone… except him. But even so, you’re friendly, that much is true, and that’s so very new to him. And his level of attraction to you surprises him. He really can’t ignore it. And he knows you can take care of yourself, clearly, but he sees a pretty woman like you and immediately, he wants to care for you - protect you. It’s in his nature. You may not need it, but he wants to offer it. He wants to be your safety net.
*
*
*
“So, how’d it go yesterday?”
You’re upstairs unpacking, setting up your bedroom. Tommy thought it’d be a good idea to get some paint to spruce up the rooms, extending their stay.
“Fine.” Shaking his head, Joel tries to rattle the memory out of his brain.
“Well… what did you say?” Tommy pries, glancing over at his brother. He’d been painting the space next to your fireplace, stopping mid-stroke.
“Just… tried to help. I dunno.”
“Jesus, were you always this weird?”
“What?” Joel replies, offense in his tone.
“How the hell did you ever get a girlfriend?”
“Well, it hasn’t exactly been easy during a global pandemic.”
“Even before all of this.” Tommy points out, eyeing Joel beside him. “What’s making you so nervous around her?”
Turning back to the wall, Joel releases an aggravated breath. “This is hard for me, Tommy.”
“Why?”
“She’s pretty, alright?” He doesn’t even look at his brother, not quite sure how to explain it. “Pretty like I’ve never seen.”
“Then ask her out.” Tommy’s trying to keep his voice down, but his brother’s attitude is aggravating him, to say the least.
“She just got here, man.”
“Even better! Take her out, introduce her to the town. We just got done upgrading the bar.”
“Really?” Huh, that might not be a bad idea.
“Yeah, really.” Joel offers an unamused glare at his brother’s mockery. “It can’t hurt to try.”
And maybe Tommy’s right. He’s into you, that much is true. Joel’s only known you for half a day and yet, you seem to have him hooked. But while he has one foot leaping forward, he has the other holding him back. There are so many ways this could go wrong, he could ruin this town being your home if he fucks up bad enough. And he doesn’t want to bother you, even though it seems like he already has. There are so many other things he could do with his time but you’re occupying his mind.
What caught his eye before a single word came out of your mouth was your body. Your hips are wide, thighs bigger than most of the women he’s been with. You have a little tummy that makes him grin, that makes him feel the need to grab. Any pair of pants hugs your ass tightly, the jeans you wore today honestly testing his patience. And when his eyes rose to your chest… the sight of you took his breath. He’d give anything to touch you, to cup and squeeze your breasts. It takes everything in him to have a normal conversation when you’re around, because the majority of the time, he’s off in his own dreamland. But is that all this is? Physical attraction? It would be if you didn’t have such a fiery personality, your kindness still shining through. You’re a woman who can be hard when she needs to be, and he admires that, he respects that. Everything he’s seen, everything you’ve said, every fucking ounce of you is drawing him in.
Joel figures, since the two of you haven’t talked yet today, that maybe it could be a fresh start for the two of you. He knows you’re upstairs, so, with a heavy and encouraging breath, he makes his way up to you.
He does his best to be quiet, not wanting to spook you. Though, in retrospect he figures it should have been the other way around. Regardless, when he approaches your open bedroom door, he sees you crouched down. And Jesus, seeing you in these jeans forces out an internal groan from within. The way it hugs your curves, your hips, it’s making him lose his mind.
Standing from your crouched position, you sigh, turning to only be startled by him. But you don’t jump, your eyes just widen. And seeing that reaction intimidates him. You can clearly hold your own, and that coupled with your beauty makes him nervous all over again.
“Hey, I, um…” Shoving his hands into his front pockets, he swallows. “We’re almost done downstairs. And uh, Tommy… well, he knows this great bar, and -”
“The only bar in town?” You say, crossing your arms and raising a brow.
“Yeah… the only bar in town.” Joel mutters, sighing. He’s already fucked this up. “Well, I was thinkin’. Would you wanna go with me, there? Sometime? Maybe I could, I dunno, maybe I could show you around.”
At this, your eyes widen, the hairs above them raising. This was him asking you out? After ignoring you, randomly staring at you, and barely even responding to you, he decides to come up and say this?
“Thanks, but…” Turning, you crouch back down, going through your belongings. “No thanks.”
Without another word, Joel is spinning around. His ego is hurt, to say the very fucking least, and to reject his offer is one thing, but to completely reject him as a person is another. Why don’t you like him?
“Hey, how’d it -”
“I’m goin’ home.” Joel grumbles, already making a beeline for the door. He feels childish, but if you’re this adamant about not liking him, he might as well not even be in your home.
Joel’s naturally loud footsteps echo throughout the fairly empty house, his harsh push on the screen door making you look up. Standing, you peer out of the open window, watching him walk off. Turns out he lives kitty-corner to you.
Watching him go makes you feel bad, regret sinking heavily in your stomach. You’ve been so stubborn with him, and without any real reason. Sure, he’s acted a little strange, but maybe you misread him. Maybe he was just being shy. After being in survival mode for so long, you sometimes don’t know what to think about other’s expressions. For years, all you’ve had to do was focus on yourself, on simply staying alive. Will life in Jackson offer you more than that? Will it offer you the luxury of friendship? Of connection?
“Ellie?” He calls out, glancing up at the staircase only to be met with silence. “Ellie!”
Stomping around the house, he searches for her, having expected her to be home. There aren’t too many places to go in Jackson, and not too many kids for her to make friends with. One person she has befriended, though, is Maria. After a while, Joel supposes they just got used to each other.
“Jesus,” Joel grumbles, shaking his head as he storms out of the house.
Closing the door behind him, he makes his way over to Tommy’s, only just across the street. Knocking on the door, the first one to answer is the culprit herself.
“Welcome home.” Ellie greets with a huge, sarcastic smile on her face. It might as well be their second home.
“Why are you always bothering them?” Furrowing his brows, those hands gravitate to his hips, his signature pose.
“Joel! Come in!” Glancing past Ellie, he sees Maria, currently holding a bowl of pasta. “We’re settling in for dinner.”
If he’s completely honest, Ellie did most of the cooking between the two of them. Joel often bought snacks - bags of chips and canned goods. But Ellie enjoyed making meals, and he wasn’t one to complain.
“Well, thanks for havin’ us.” He nods, sitting down at the table after he’s closed the door.
“Any time.” She insists, scooching her chair in. “Do you know when Tommy’ll be here?”
“Not sure. I uh, left early.”
“Why?” Ellie raises one eyebrow, already digging into her food.
“Because I wanted to.” Joel responds sternly, wanting the questions to stop at just one.
Maria grins, twirling her fork. “Is it because of the new girl?”
Joel glances up from beneath his brow, annoyed that this conversation is even happening. He expected to be home decompressing, not talking everything out.
“No.”
“It is.” Ellie gasps dramatically.
“It definitely is.” Tommy adds on, walking in through the front door.
“Tommy.”
“And you know what, she’s got a liking for you, too.” Gesturing toward his brother on his way to the kitchen, Tommy watches Joel’s eyes widen at this.
After Joel left, Tommy took it upon himself to go upstairs and see what the hell bothered him so badly. He found you, still completely wet while searching for new clothes to change into. And after you dried off, the two of you got to talking. Tommy started to explain his brother’s intentions, how the pandemic has really hardened him. He might’ve even told you about Joel’s liking for you, and asked you to give him another chance.
“You think?”
“I think she’s warmin’ up to you.”
“This is so cute,” Ellie smirks, punching him on the shoulder. “The old man has a crush.”
Joel rolls his eyes, though a grin pulls on his lips at the new information.
“Am I gonna have a new mom?” Ellie teases, making Joel sigh.
“Don’t you have homework to do or somethin’?” And his random comment reminds him of Sarah. This type of banter was so typical between them. And he misses her dearly, but especially in moments like these. Ellie is happy for him, that much is clear. He thinks Sarah would be, too.
Maria talks about her garden for the remainder of dinner, that and Tommy’s dam. Every now and then, Tommy mentions the patrols and how they’ve been. Some were riskier than others, and Joel wasn’t looking forward to going back to them. He and Tommy had taken time off to gather things for you, but they still heard the reports. And whether they’re talking about hunters or clickers or the new vegetable they’ve grown, Joel’s just happy the conversation has shifted. Although he’s still grinning from his brother’s comment.
Maria and Tommy can talk up a storm around people they consider family, but after so long, it’s only natural that dinner comes to an end. And Joel’s happy to see Ellie stand when Maria starts to clean. Seems like her manners are finally starting to show through.
“Okay,” Tommy starts in a hushed tone, scooching closer to his brother. “What’s got you all riled up about this girl, anyway? I mean, she’s not exactly your… type.”
Narrowing his eyes, Joel wonders aloud, “What do you mean?”
“She’s curvier than your usual gals, isn’t she?”
For a moment, it looks like Joel zones out. He’s thinking about you. And with a subtle shrug, he sighs. “I don’t know… there’s just somethin’ about the way she looks, way she walks… I’ve seen the shape of her hips.” Briefly, he shakes his head. “Perfect ‘lil divots for grabbin’.”
“Oh…” Tommy grins, “So you’re into curvy girls now?”
Something about the way Tommy says it has him bushing. He’s almost embarrassed because he’s really been caught, he couldn't have hid this if his life depended on it. And it’s such a new revelation for him, so much so that it makes him antsy.
“It’s not just about that.” He explains, “She’s fiery, Tommy. I’ve seen her be nice but she’s got some sass.”
“That she does.” Tommy’s seen it, too. “But you can be pretty sassy yourself.”
Frowning, Joel chews his corner lip. “What do you mean?”
“Your looks aren’t exactly… friendly.”
“What?”
“Kind of aggressive.”
“And judgmental!” Ellie chimes in from the kitchen.
“Hey!” Joel quickly swivels in his seat, eyeing her.
“She’s not wrong. Besides, don’t you want to welcome her to the town? There aren’t many people her age here, it’d be nice if she had a friend.”
“She has you.” Joel comments, raising his brows both quickly and sarcastically.
“Yeah, but she could have you.”
“Wait, wait,” Ellie steps in, strolling into the dining room again. “How old is this girl?”
Tommy shrugs, “Mid-twenties?”
“Holy shit!” Wide-eyed, she stares down at Joel. “She’s like half your age!”
Groaning, Joel leans an elbow on the table and covers his face. He knew this was strange.
“Nothing wrong with that.” Tommy grins, already knowing Joel’s reasoning.
Leaving Tommy’s house, Joel feels… unsure. Not conflicted necessarily but different. He’s attracted to a curvier body now more than ever and it’s because of you. It makes him feel like he’s learning new things about himself. In a world so cold and hard, he just wants someone to hold, someone to hold him. Someone that’s just warm and soft. Someone to let in again.
*
*
*
“Just be nice.” He whispers, rolling his shoulders a bit. “Be nice and smile. Don’t forget to smile.” Small mumbles spill from his mouth as he looks into the mirror, buttoning his flannel. Ellie made sure to wash his clothes last night, wanting him to look nice. Joel insisted it was only him asking, not going on the actual date. But she didn’t care.
Digging deep down inside of him, Joel was able to find that sense of carefree excitement that came along with dating, with pursuing someone. You already said no to him, but he wants to try again, when he can present himself a little better. And knowing that you don’t hate him also helps. If you say no again, he’ll drop it, he wouldn’t want to force anything. And he especially wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable in a new town; you only just got here. But he’s decided that he’s going to try, he’s going to put himself out there with you.
“I can do this.” Nodding in the mirror, he sighs, trying to release his anxieties. “I can be… warm. Friendly.”
Looking to his right, he grabs the cluster of flowers he’d bought at the market this morning. He’d been out shopping for food, Ellie wanted to try a new recipe sometime soon. But when he came across the barrel of flowers, he knew it would be the perfect gift to give you. He’s not sure what kinds you like, but he didn’t really have many options. There was one bouquet that was particularly bright and perky, so he went with that one.
You’re only just across the street, so he doesn’t have much time to gather himself on the walk. He has to be ready pretty much as soon as he opens the door. And when he’s convinced himself that he has the confidence to do this, he makes his way down.
Today, you didn’t request Tommy and Joel’s help. You wanted some time to yourself, reassuring Tommy that you’d come to him if you needed any more repairs, or really, anything. He and Maria were more than willing to help. And while you appreciated this, you were looking forward to your day alone, which is why you were so surprised to hear a knock at your door.
“Joel?” Your voice wavers slightly, unsure of his reasoning for being here. But then your eyes drop to the colorful bouquet, and your brows raise a little.
“Hey,” His voice is deep and a bit ragged, just like it always is. The hand not holding the bouquet is shoved in his front pocket. And then he does something that surprises you, he smiles. It’s a nervous expression, but genuine. “How uh, how are you?”
“I’m doing okay…” Stepping forward, you move onto your porch, Joel still standing on your walkway. “What’s… what’s up?”
“I, well… I wanted to apologize.” When your brows raise higher, he continues with a slight stammer. “F-For my demeanor, the past few nights. I’m, well we… don’t get many women like you here.” Forcing out a small chuckle, he tries to keep his friendly grin. But he’s nervous.
“What do you mean women like me?” By your tone of voice, you’re clearly offended.
“Pretty.” Joel blurts out, deciding on full transparency. “I, I think you’re beautiful.” It’s the first time he’s said anything like this to you, and you’re clearly taken aback. “I wanted to try another shot at askin’ you out.”
“Why?” You ask, crossing your arms. Not defensively but protectively. You haven’t been intimate with someone in years; and pretty isn’t enough, in your opinion, to date someone.
“You seem kind.” Shrugging, he finishes with, “I’d just like to get to know you more.”
Now that, that is enough of a reason to date someone. A small smirk curls on your lips, deciding to respond with, “I’m not very kind to you.”
“That you aren’t.” Joel grins, and it makes you feel bashful. “But I haven’t been the nicest, either.” There’s a sparkle in your eye that makes him grin, one he doesn’t have to force to the surface. “And besides, I like a little sass.”
After his comment, a moment of silence passes, and your smirk only grows with it. It’s only the first time he’s flirted with you and you’re already burning up with excitement. To have this older man be so interested in you is beyond flattering. When you rejected him yesterday, it was because of his attitude, not because of his looks. Even with his graying hair and crows feet, he’s handsome, handsome and broad. Truthfully, you’re interested to see what he looks like underneath that flannel, if you even get that far. But really, you’re interested in getting to know him, too. He’s already shown that he’s not the callous man you thought he was.
“Okay.”
And with that, his insides light up. “Okay.” He returns with a nod, and an incredibly bright smile on his face. One so big you almost work up the nerve to calm him cute. Almost.
After that, things were easier than he could have imagined. Within minutes, you were setting up your date, you finally stepping down onto the walkway so he could give you the bouquet. Joel’s face was lit up with a handsome smile the entire conversation, something you haven’t seen before today.
“Well, I’m not doing anything tonight.” You offer, peeking up at him from beneath your lashes. Was that too eager of you?
If it were even possible, his smile grows. “Me either! I am, would you…” Pointing behind him, he offers, “Would you want to come over? I could make us somethin’?”
The idea of having your first date in Joel’s home, conversing over homemade food while it’s just the two of you, sounds so cozy to you. Nothing too fancy or expensive. Simple and sweet, just like first dates should be.
“That sounds really nice.”
Dreamily, he sighs. You’re already cuter than he’d imagined you to be. “Alright. Well I’m, I’ll go freshen up and… see you in a little bit?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Awkwardly, you exchange eager smiles and slightly wandering eyes, your hands on your bouquet while his are in the pockets of his pants. Slowly, you back away, retreating into your home. But even after you’ve turned your back, Joel watches you, smiling. He has a good feeling about this.
*
*
*
“She said yes?!”
“Yeah, that’s why I need you to teach me!” Joel replies impatiently.
“Joel,” Ellie states, very matter-of-factly. “The instructions are on the box. It’s not that complicated.”
“Well I -”
“Do you know how to work a stove?”
“Well, yeah…”
Slapping him on the back, she stares up into those dark eyes. “Then you should be fine. I’m going to Tommy’s.”
Filling the pot, he then sets it on the stove. “Stop buggin’ them!” He calls out after her, but she’s already through the front door.
“Hey!” She then says, a little too enthusiastically. And when Joel hears your returned hi, he’s spinning on his heels.
“So you’re the woman Joel likes.”
Rushing toward the door, Joel’s eyes scan your figure, your beautiful face. You’re wearing makeup.
“I’m Ellie.” Firmly sticking her hand out, you then take it, giving her your name. But as soon as Joel gets to the door, Ellie’s already running off.
“Sorry about that.” Joel laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.
“That your daughter?” You ask, raising a brow while you join in on his small chuckle.
“Uh…” He trails off, watching Ellie make her way down the street. “Somethin’ like that.” After a moment, though, he snaps back to reality. “Oh, come in!”
It’s far too easy to see that this is all so new for him. But he’s trying, that much is true. So, you follow his prompts, walking into his home. And it’s clear to see that this is his home. He’s furnished it quite well, with multiple couches and even a small TV in the living room. The wallpaper is fresh and so are the coats of paint coloring the different rooms. But none of that surprises you. What catches your attention are his decorations, he has decorations. Pictures on the walls and books on the shelves, even a few plants near the windows. There are curtains and throw blankets and candles, too. Oh, how you've yearned for this sense of comfort.
“So I, um…” Joel begins to mutter while walking past you.
You watch him stroll into the kitchen, looking around. “I don’t have much but we… I got, that instant pasta?”
Grinning, you make your way over to the dining table, just beside the kitchen. While sitting, you sling your purse on the back of your chair, staring over at him. He continues to ramble while stirring the pasta he’d already placed in the boiling pot, but you don’t hear much. Oddly enough, you find yourself eyeing him, almost sizing him up.
“That sounds really nice but I…” The way you trail off makes him turn, eyes furrowing with concern. “I um…” Releasing an airy laugh, you then sigh. “I hate to be a burden, but I can’t have um, gluten.”
“Oh, shit.” Widening his eyes, he takes a glance back at the pasta, turning back with a hand held out to you. “I’m sorry I, I had no idea.”
“It’s okay Joel, I haven’t eaten it yet.” Your response makes him grin, happy with your reassurance.
“Well, we’ve got uh… oh! Actually…” Walking over to the fridge, he explains, “We just got some new fish. Uh…” And then he’s reaching in to retrieve a small, wrapped package. “Salmon?”
“That sounds great.” Joel watches as your cheeks plump up with your grin, your adorable expression softening him.
“Well,” Joel replies, releasing a breath while he begins to fry it. “I hope you like it. We’ve got broccoli, too, if you’re not…”
“No,” Laughing, you shake your head. “I’m not allergic to broccoli.”
For how nervous he was to cook pasta, you’re shocked at how quickly he’s able to prepare the vegetables and fish. Not only quickly but easily, so easily that it impresses you. Maybe you’re the reason he was so nervous. After all, that is what Tommy told you. But you can help to wonder… why is that?
“We uh, we’ve got water? Oh, and milk!”
His words make you smile. Nobody has much right now but he’s trying so very hard with you.
“Water would be great.”
The smile he gives you makes your insides stir; he looks so happy, almost careless. Nothing like how he’d been the few days after you met. And when he comes back with your drink, he’s still grinning, humming quietly.
“How…” Starting conversation is a little difficult, just because you’re not really sure what to say. Seen any good movies lately? Do you have any hobbies? What do you do for work? All luxuries of the past. But, you figure you can begin with the obvious.
“How did you make it to Jackson?”
At this, Joel gives his head a single shake. “Long story.” And then, silence. But he doesn’t want that. “How about you? Tommy said you were by yourself?”
“Yeah, I was living on my own. Have been since I was an early teen. My parents were, well… they ate a lot of bread.” You can chuckle about it now, but it wasn’t so funny then. “I have a gluten intolerance, so…”
“It was easy to avoid.” Joel finishes, nodding. “Yeah, I was on Atkins.” And then, he’s laughing too.
But when your laughter dies down, you sigh. Memories of the past bubble to the surface, the remembrance of your life beyond the city walls. With your tone hushed, you tell him, “It was scary out there.”
“Yeah, I know. It still is, if you find yourself in the wrong areas.”
“Where were you? Originally?”
Inside, Joel feels unsure. These are all questions he kept hidden away for so, so long. It was done with the intent to keep himself safe. But he told himself that he wanted this, and that means opening up to you.
“Texas. Made my way here from Boston, though.” He finally responds before gesturing in your direction. “You?”
Nodding, you swallow, staring at your plate. “Arizona.”
“Shit,” Joel cocks his head, “We coulda met even before all this.”
When you started thinking about home, something akin to sadness sank into your bones. But the way Joel changes the conversation’s mood almost changes something about you.
Smiling, you agree, responding with, “Yeah, we could have.”
“What did you do down there? Y’know, before all this happened?”
Looking up, you find those deep, dark eyes. They’re full of excitement and wonder, his full attention on you.
“Well, I… I was pretty young, when the outbreak started.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I was honestly a baby. Only four or five years old.”
Holy shit, Joel internally curses. Ellie was right, she’s so much younger than me.
“Is… that okay? With you?”
It’s the first time either of you have brought it up, your obvious difference in age. While you were attracted to Joel, you weren’t sure about this possible gap in maturity. And if you’re being honest, it was another reason for your initial rejection. But the second time around… you really couldn’t resist.
“You know…” He counters, his expression thoughtful. “Would it be strange if I said it made me like you more?”
His response makes you laugh, a big belly one, too. “Maybe.” Eyeing him, you smirk. “But I don’t know. Maybe I feel the same.”
“Really?” He’s teasing you, you just know it.
“Maybe.”
“Well, tell me about your interests, then. Let me learn about ya.”
At this point, you’re more interested in each other than the food, and you find yourself liking that. It’s honestly astounding how easy this is for the two of you. And at this point, Joel’s forgotten all about the pasta he was starting to make. Looks like that will be Ellie’s dinner.
“I really like to be creative, when I can.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” Smiling, you think back to it, to a time when you still had acrylics and a canvas. “I’d paint when I was young, but can only really afford to find pencils and paper now. But still, I like to draw. I like to read, too. Keeps me distracted.”
“Sounds like an alright distraction to me.”
Grinning, you tilt your head. “What about you?”
Taking a sip from his glass, Joel clears his throat before responding with, “Used to be a musician. Loved to play the guitar - did so for a number of years.”
“I can see that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He responds sarcastically.
“I don’t know, something about your flannels and southern accent screams musician.”
“What, you don’t like flannels?” Joel grins, that silly expression warming your cheeks.
“Eh, not always.” Shrugging, you take a drink from your glass in an otherwise nonchalant fashion. “But I like ‘em on you.”
And then Joel Miller fucking blushes.
“I kind of like your accent, too.”
From then on out, Joel swears an internal promise to himself to up the ante of his accent for you. Usually, people disliked when he’d mumble or drawl, but doing so at dinner didn’t bother you. And even when he snuck in his first honey, he saw your shy grin. That beautiful expression made him want to use it more often.
“I really liked the dinner you made.” Striding beside him, you admire his slow gait. He’s trying to stretch out the time, the walk back to your house a pretty short one.
“I really liked having you over.” Joel remarks right back, his walk languid, unhurried. “It was nice talkin’ with you, honey.”
There’s that cute hum again, the hum you purr quietly whenever you’re happy.
You thought it was incredibly gentlemanly of him to walk you back to your house, even if it’s only across the street. Neither of you wanted the date to end but, Ellie had to come back home before midnight if she was going to meet her curfew. And it’s not that she couldn’t be around you, Joel just wanted his privacy with you.
“You know, it’s already really comfortable here.” Stepping onto your walkway, you turn, gazing up at him. “In my own house, my own home… and when I go to yours, too.”
Before he can stop it, he replies with, “I wanna be able to give that to you.” Looking into your eyes, his expression softens. “Comfort.”
It’s a surprising statement to hear, but one that warms your chilly bones. Everything about this night with Joel has just been reassuring you of your decision, the one you made to come here.
“It’s nice to have a home again.” Smiling, your eyes twinkle with affection. “And a friend.”
That last word would have his heart sinking if you weren’t already leaning up to hug him, nuzzling your face into his neck when he returns the act. Those strong arms hold you against him, wrapping around your back. He’s so sturdy and broad, and feels so good pressed up against you. His smell is more apparent, too, an earthy scent that reminds you of the forest. But it’s also sweet, a few spices close to sandalwood mixing in. And while you’re taking him in, Joel is doing the exact same to you, memorizing the softness of your skin and the smell of your hair, the way you feel beneath him. To finally be touching you, hugging you, feels surreal to him. It’s only been a few days and still, he’s thought about you, dreamt about hugging and just holding you. All night, you talked about home, but for Joel, this is it.
Before he can even register it, you’re pulling back. Just barely, your lips brush over his ear, whispering a gentle goodnight Joel, before moving over the scruff of his jaw so you can kiss his cheek.
*
*
*
It’s a foolish thought, you should be happy with your new home. And for the most part, you are. But with everything running efficiently, that meant no more Joel coming by. You haven’t seen him since your first date, and that was about four days ago now. Of course, you could just ask for another date, but would that be too… desperate? Needy? After more than an hour of thought, you’ve decided that yes, it would very much be needy. So, what the hell are you gonna do to get him back over here?
“Joel?” You couldn't help it, your feet carried you his way before you could even think twice about it. It was hard enough to keep yourself from not showing up on his doorstep for the past four days.
“Oh,” His unsuspecting expression turns joyful as he walks up to the door. It had been open, with only the screen keeping the brutal wind away. Ellie probably didn’t care to lock it. “Hey.”
That quirky little smile pulls on his lips, those large hands propping open the door for you. Shifting your weight, you feel a small sensation fizzle in your veins with nerves growing in your belly. It’s strange to think that only a couple days ago, you couldn't stand him.
“Hey um… my, I’m having trouble with my sink again. And I was, well, I was wondering… if you could…” It’s the only excuse you could make up in your head. And it’s not like it’s anything major, just a small white lie.
Almost instantly, he sees through your little act. His knowing glance makes your pulse pound a bit harder in your neck, one hand moving to balance itself on his hip.
“Sure, honey.” Honey. Lord, you’re swooning so easily. “Give me a minute, and I’ll be right over.”
The fact that he said yes right on the spot makes your heart skip a beat. And your feet nearly do the same as you make your way back home. Smiling from ear to ear, you trot up to your bedroom, awaiting his arrival. Your first instinct is to clean, to make everything neat, but there’s not much to do. There’s not much here in general. So, you just sit and wait.
While you’d been thinking about him the past four days, you weren’t the only person on Joel’s mind. Sure, he thought about you, thought about your pretty face and fiery attitude, your amazing body and witty personality. But he was also thinking about her, about how he lost her too soon, and so abruptly. So tragically and violently. She made him feel safe when no one else could. When he was supposed to be everyone’s rock, Tess was his. Is he ready to move on from that? Is he ready to find someone new? Someone to hold and care for and protect? He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t long for companionship, for someone to warm his bed and fill his days with fun and just… simple happiness. Someone who can swap out the bad memories in his head with ones he can return to at night that won’t make him cry. Someone that makes him want to continue on with life.
“Hello?”
“Hey! Come in!” You’d left your door unlocked, feeling safe with the knowledge of his visit.
The front door creaks open as Joel steps inside, stomping the snow off of his boots and onto your mat before leaving them beside the door. Something jingles beside him and it sounds heavy, maybe he’d brought a toolbox with him. And that jingle only amplifies as he walks up the stairs, heavy footsteps thudding against the dark wood.
“There you are.” Joel grunts as he reaches the top step, striding down the hall to your open bedroom. For just a moment, he stands there, taking a look at you. You’re sitting on your bed, a sketchpad laying beside your hip. Your hair is down and you’re wearing an oversized hoodie, something he hadn’t seen beneath your coat when you came to him. With no makeup on your face, you look refreshed, refreshed and cozy.
When he doesn’t say anything, you chuckle awkwardly. “What? Did you expect to find me wet again?” Almost immediately, heat rushes to your cheeks, not realizing the double meaning until it’s already been said. And immediately, Joel is smirking, laughing at your reaction.
“Maybe.” He mutters to himself as he turns, walking down your hall.
It’s only a few feet to the bathroom, and as soon as he steps inside, he’s getting to work. Settling on his knees, he leans forward to mess with the valves, trying to see where the problem is. He’ll play along. And after only a moment, you follow him, standing behind his bent form as he works.
Eyes traveling down, you nibble on the corner of your lower lip as you take him in. He’s wearing another flannel, of course, with a pair of dark-wash jeans hanging on his hips. And with him facing away, you’re able to wander down a bit further without him noticing. Huh, he has a pretty cute butt.
“What did you say the problem was again?” Cocking an eyebrow, he looks back at you with confusion.
“Oh, um…” Shit, I didn’t think about that. “It wasn’t… there wasn’t any hot water coming out.”
Standing, he flips on the faucet, turning it to the hottest setting. “Seems to be workin’ just fine now.”
Shutting it off, Joel grabs the hand towel to wipe the water away while turning to look at you. And… wow, he’s so much taller than you. So much taller and broader, too.
“There any other reason you wanted me here?” That eyebrow stays cocked and it just makes you feel dumb.
Shrugging, you glance down. “I kinda… missed you.”
Instantly, a bright grin cracks across his face. “What was that?”
Glancing up at him from beneath your brow, you smirk at his teasing. “I missed you.”
“Well color me surprised.” Raising his eyebrows, he placed the hand towel back on its hook as he says, “I thought you couldn’t stand me.”
“Yeah well, I found out you’re actually kind of cute.” Shrugging, you turn, wandering into your bedroom. It’s like your cheeks have been set ablaze.
Slowly, Joel follows, leaning against your doorframe when he gets back to your room. Again, you’re sitting on your bed, sketchpad and pencil in hand. He nods at you, crossing his arms.
“What’s that?”
“Some of my drawings. Haven’t really had time to look at it since I got here.”
Strolling over to the side of your bed, Joel looks down at you, wondering aloud, “Can I see?”
Nervously, you hand it to him. No one’s ever wanted to look at your artwork before, so you're curious to see his reaction. To your surprise, Joel lays down on your bed, resting on his stomach across the end as he flips through.
“You can definitely see the progress.” He comments, nodding. “Your flowers are so detailed.”
“You think so?” Grinning, you orient yourself toward him, folding your legs up on the bed.
“Yeah, I really do. But…”
Frowning, you tilt your head. “What?”
“I think addin’ some portraits to your collection would make it even better.”
“What? Why?”
“I dunno, just think fillin’ it with pretty people would make it nicer to look at.”
“Oh, yeah?” You chuckle, “Like who?”
Turning his head, Joel gives you a knowing look. “You.”
And no matter how hard you roll your eyes, you can’t hide your smirk. “You’re so cheesy.”
“Made you smile though, didn’t it?”
Another eye roll and he’s closing the book, tossing it on the ground before climbing up to sit beside your smaller frame. Resting his back against your headboard, you again turn to face him, barely an inch away now.
Joel sighs, those warm eyes staring into your own. “Don’t you know how pretty you are?”
He’s yet to be so forward with you, and it’s making your limbs tingle with a gentle sense of bashfulness. And this sensation only intensifies when he sits up, crossing his legs and leaning toward you just a bit. Gently, his hand lands on your knee, thumb rubbing you kindly.
Licking his lower lip, his eyes dart down to your mouth before returning to your entrancing orbs, taking in a deep breath when you say, “I think I’m starting to.”
And after that, his hand is lifting to your face, each of his advances made with slow intention so you have room to deny him at any point. But you don’t, you only lean into him.
Keeping your hands in your lap, you let him take the lead, swallowing timidly just before your lips meet. It feels like taking a breath of fresh air, but it also feels like you just jumped out of a plane. Something about Joel is so exciting yet calming, so new yet reassuring.
Joel’s hand settles warmly on your cheek, holding you close to him as he experiences you this way. To know that you accepted this advance makes his heart soar with pride and gratitude. He hasn’t felt something like this in so long, and it’s been calling out to him; ever since she left. And he thinks Tess would’ve liked you.
“Why don’t you come here?” Joel mumbles against your lips after only one kiss. And like the love-struck girl you are, you do as you’re told.
Joel only intends for you to shift closer to him, to lean into his lap, but you interpret his request differently. Taking things to a new level, you climb onto him, his legs straightening out as you do. And even though his eyes widen in surprise, he doesn’t reject you. Your pulse is drumming an erratic rhythm in your ears, your lungs quivering inside your chest as you situate yourself over him. But then, you’re not quite sure what to do, your hands dropping to your thighs awkwardly. But Joel knows what he wants from you. Grabbing them, he urges you to place your palms on his shoulders, and once you do, both of his hands quickly reach out for you.
“C’mere…” It’s a small whisper, one said as his eyes flutter shut and your lips meet again.
The scruff of his graying facial hair rubs against your lips and cheeks, but you don’t mind; you actually like the sting. Your thighs tense on either side of his hips, chest resting against his while your palms run across the soft fabric covering his shoulders. It’s the first time you’ve done this together, and Joel decides to take his time with you because of it. Slowly, his lips run across your own, repeatedly returning to your mouth. Tilting your head, you move with him, sighing into every single kiss he gives.
He almost has to refrain from being too forward with you, from lowering his hands to paw at your ass. Jesus, he’d love to just grip you in hand, kiss you breathless while you rub yourself down on his lap.
Before Joel has the chance to do so himself, you’re sliding your tongue across his bottom lip, leaning even further into him. It takes him by surprise, but he accepts it, and does so wholeheartedly. Lowering both hands, they easily find your waist, his fingers squeezing you gently. And when you moan, lord, when you moan into him, it takes everything he’s got not to toss you down on the bed.
Your breaths are already heavy, feeling the first true slide of your tongue across his. Joel’s warm sigh hits your skin when it happens, a small groan slipping from his throat. And those fingers tighten on your waist when you do it again, your lips curling into a smile at his reaction.
“You’re really doin’ things to me.” His voice is low - rough and gravely. And it only stokes the flames burning in your belly.
“You know,” Wiggling slightly, you hum playfully, feeling him grow between your legs. “I can kinda tell.”
He doesn't think he’s ever been more embarrassed. Already rosy cheeks turn a full, bright shade of red, his neck following suit as he flushes before you. But all you do is grin, leaning in to kiss him again.
“And I kinda like it.”
Usually, you wouldn’t be so forward with a man so early on. But honestly, what do you have to lose? The unwavering dominance Joel so openly exudes is something you’ve admired since you met him. And you’ve continued to discover more of his attractive qualities ever since. He’s strong, mentally and physically; he could make you feel safe, safe and cared for. You can already imagine it, him holding you in bed, his warm body protecting you through the night. You haven’t felt this sense of security in such a long time and you want that, you’re dying for that.
Joel’s hands curl around to your back, caressing you fondly while your own slide down to the back of his neck. And for just a moment, Joel stills against you, taking a breath.
“You know,” He sighs, swallowing quickly. Lifting his hand, he brushes it over the side of your face, cupping your cheek again. “I’m really taking a likin’ to you.”
“I really like you, Joel.” Leaning in, you rest your forehead against his, fingers petting timidly at his neck. “At first you were kind of an ass,” And at this, you both breathe out a laugh. “But I think I’m starting to see through that now.”
“I’m sorry.” His expression is genuine, a small ounce of hurt in his eyes. He never wanted to push you away.
Shaking your head, you reassure him, “You don’t have to be.” And then, a thought wanders into your head. Timidly, you glance down, licking your lower lip. “How, um… how long has it been? For you?”
When you look back up you’re met with a somber expression, not outwardly, but you can tell by the wrinkles in his face that he’s hurting. “Couple years.” Comes his quiet mumble, his own eyes darting away, too. “Lost her pretty quick and I, well… it’s been hard.” He nods firmly at this, as if to show his own agreement with the statement. “You?”
“A while,” You have nothing to hide from him, and feel that this is the time to truly be open. “At least six years since I’ve let someone in like that.”
“It’s hard to trust.” Joel comments, warm eyes looking deeply into your own.
“Yeah…” Sighing out your emotions, you try to keep yourself collected. “There are just so many things that have happened around me, to me, I just… I didn’t exactly have a normal upbringing.”
“I can imagine.” He can’t even comprehend how difficult it must have been to grow up during this pandemic.
“On top of my own insecurities,” Shaking your head, you breathe out a laugh of disbelief. “I don’t know how I survived long enough to get here.”
“Insecurities?” Cocking his head, his forehead crinkles with confusion. “What do you have to be insecure about?”
Shrugging, you close your eyes, feeling your emotions bubble inside. “Haven’t always been happy with how I look, I guess.”
“Has a man never told you how pretty you are, honey?” Joel asks, his words warm and caring. And it makes your cheeks tingle.
“Not just my face.”
“Your body?” All you do is nod. “Jesus…” Turning his head, Joel takes in a breath. “Honey, if I’m speaking freely… my hands feel like wanderin’ every time I see your body.”
At this, your eyes widen ever so slightly, your heart lurching into your throat when he says it. You’re not sure what you expected him to say from your timid confession, but you definitely weren’t expecting that. Though, it’s not like you don’t favor his reaction.
“Really?” You giggle in disbelief, raising a brow at him. You’d always been insecure about your body, mainly your midsection. There are some rolls on your sides that extend to your back that you’ve always despised. And no matter how hard you tried to get rid of them, they never left.
“Hell yes.” He emphasizes with a firm squeeze on your waist again. “You’re just the type of woman I wanna curl up with at night.”
Grinning, your arms slide up and around his neck, bringing you even closer to him. With the tip of your nose rubbing against his, you reply, “Maybe we can arrange that sometime.”
Joel grins at your offer, humming happily while his palms run down your back. “I’d like that.”
A breath of contentment leaves him, both of you enjoying the brief silence that then consumes the room. He’s sturdy beneath you, fingers continuing to move slowly over your covered skin. And you don’t move your faces away, either, simply resting in each other’s embrace.
“I’ve been thinkin’,” Joel then says, staring down at your lips. “How about I take you out? Really take you out. Maybe buy you a drink?” He feels like it’s only right. It doesn’t sit well with him, knowing that you’re on his lap kissing him breathless before he’s even taken you out to eat.
“Oh? At the only bar in town?” You tease, referencing the first time he worked up the nerve to ask you out.
Chuckling, he nods. “At the only bar in town.”
*
*
*
It’s not exactly a fancy establishment, but you still change into nicer clothes for your small outing. And while your pair of jeans and black long sleeve may not seem so special to you, Joel is having a hard time not outwardly ogling you. Everything just conforms to your body so nicely, fitting snugly along your hips and backside, up your tummy to your full chest. You’re such a pretty thing to look at, such a sexy thing to look at.
“You feelin’ hungry?” Joel asks, releasing a sigh at his inner thoughts.
Shrugging, you climb onto one of the bar stools with Joel taking a seat beside you. “I could eat.”
The bartender comes by, introducing himself as Grant. He seems nice enough, an older gentleman wearing a thick jumper that makes him look larger than he actually is.
“Just an IPA.” Joel nods, offering a friendly grin.
“And for our new lady?” Grant asks, having not been introduced to you yet.
“A vodka tonic?”
“Comin’ right up.” He nods, turning to walk off.
“There’s a menu here,” Joel tells you, reaching over to grab and then hand it to you. “They’ve got some ‘lil appetizers.”
In less than five minutes, your drinks are on their designated coasters, and your food order is in. You’d picked out the spinach artichoke dip, the dish happening to be one of Joel’s favorites.
“So, how’re you likin’ the town so far?”
While Joel takes a sip from his bottle, you watch him, eyeing the way his Adam’s apple bobs when the drink is swallowed.
“Haven’t seen much of it other than an angry cowboy and his brother.”
“An angry cowboy?” Joel snickers, “That what I am?”
“Well, I mean, you’ve got the accent to match.”
“You like my accent.” He remarks sassily, looking away with a cheeky grin.
“Maybe.” Stirring your own drink, you then comment, “This is nice. But… I kinda miss your food.”
He’s surprised by this, turning back to you as he says, “Really?”
“Yeah.” Smiling, you reminisce on the recent memory. “I really liked having you cook for me.”
“Honestly, I liked doin’ it.”
“Seems like she’s had enough to eat.”
Immediately, your eyes widen, blood running hot beneath your skin.
The comment came from behind you, and was made by a man you’ve yet to see or meet, but one that Joel has interacted with quite frequently. And not in the most pleasant of ways.
His friend then returns, “Clearly. Haven’t seen a girl that size since I came to Jackson.”
Forcing away the sting in your eyes and the lump growing in your throat, you internalize your rising emotions. You’re angered you’d even let their comments affect you. According to most of the men you’ve interacted with throughout the pandemic, you should be much smaller than you actually are. What with there being food shortages. People even had the nerve to call you greedy.
But while you’re trying to brush off your reaction, Joel can’t hide his anger. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see him. It almost scares you, the way his face twists, the furrow in his brow and the scowl on his face. Turning in his chair, Joel glares at the men. They’re sitting at a table only a few feet away from you.
“It’s okay, Joel.” You really don’t want to make a scene.
“I don’t think it is.” Standing from his chair, he takes a step toward them, but you reach out with a pleading hand. Placing it on his chest, his eyes shoot down to your face upon feeling the contact.
“Joel.”
“Are you sure?” He asks, and there’s real worry in his eyes.
Nodding, you release a saddened and defeated breath. “I’m fine. Can we just… could you walk me home?”
You’ve gone quiet and it breaks him, it fucking breaks his heart. He only just convinced you of his attraction for you, for your wonderful mind and gorgeous body.
“Okay.”
After asking Grant for a box, he packs up the rest of your food and pays the tab, leading you towards the door. For the first time, his hand moves to your lower back, already feeling a sense of protectiveness overcome him. And he keeps it there on the walk back, allowing you to snuggle up against him.
As you continue you on through the snow, Joel’s hand gradually moves from the small of your back to fully wrapping around your frame, hugging you to his side. He’s warm, keeping you snug against him while he walks you home.
Turning his head, he presses his lips to your temple once your feet reach the front door. “Would it be alright if I came in?”
“Sure.” You’re still quiet, timid.
Stepping into the warmth of your home, you both kick off your shoes, Joel following you into the living room. He watches you sit on the couch, folding your arms around yourself. And he sits, too.
“Were you… embarrassed?” You can’t even bring yourself to look at him.
“What?” He asks, something akin to disheartened concern washing over his face. “Sweetheart, no.” Your insides jump at the new word. It’s the first time he’s ever called you that.
Shuffling closer to you, he swallows, trying to compose himself. “You, you have to know how beautiful you are.”
Almost unable to help himself, he reaches for you, but hesitancy then takes over. Retracting his hands, his thumbs shuffle over the knuckles of his fingers, feeling nervous but determined.
“You’re the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen, even before I came to Jackson.” He expresses wholeheartedly to you, briefly referencing the man’s comment but trying to make it better with his own twist.
“I think, I mean…” Rubbing the back of his neck, he sighs. Will his next words be comforting, or too much? “I think your body is amazing.”
“You don’t have to say that.”
“Exactly.” His response is immediate, his tone prompting your eyes to find his. “No one’s making me say that, I’m sayin’ that.”
You can tell he’s trying his damndest to reassure you, to make sure you know how lovely he finds you. And not only this, but he wants you to feel better about yourself, too.
But inside, you’re crumbling. You’d distanced yourself from people for so long and for so many reasons. You were barely Ellie’s age when you so suddenly found yourself alone. Traveling across state lines with absolutely no sense of direction, no indication of where to go or what to do. All you knew was you had to get away from people, you couldn’t trust anyone’s intentions, and you were scared to death of the disease. For the most part, you camped in the woods, and it’s been quite a while since you heard a comment like that. It seems silly to worry about now, about someone’s words instead of finding food for yourself. But if you know anything about people, it’s that they can gossip. You’re new in town, after all, it was only a matter of time.
“I just…” Sighing out a small shiver, your eyes drop again. “I think I need some time.” Joel’s compliments are overwhelming, in both good and bad ways. You’re not sure how to feel.
“Did I do anything wrong?” He feels like he’s breaking inside, like his emotions are so swollen they could burst right in his chest. This hasn’t lasted long but he doesn’t want this to end, please don’t let this end.
“No, it’s not about you, Joel.” You’re muttering, feeling shameful. You’re embarrassed you’re letting your own insecurities and pasta traumas get in the way of this, of the most exciting thing you’ve experienced in years. “I just need to think about this.”
Without even meaning to, Joel’s head hangs a little low. The fabric of your faded brown couch looks pretty interesting right about now; it serves as a small distraction, and is the only reason he can think of to prolong his time here. But he won’t overstay his welcome.
“Okay.” He returns, voice quiet and low. And if you think on it, you swear you heard it crack, too. “I’ll uh, um… I’ll go, if you want me to.”
Tears pooling in your eyes, you can’t even look up when you say, “I think that’d be best.”
With another timid nod, Joel stands, and slowly, too. Rubbing his hands together, it takes him a second to turn, but when he does, he keeps walking until he’s through your front door. And once he closes it behind him, the havoc inside your mind consumes the quiet space around you.
