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#shrek – @whilst-farting-i on Tumblr
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I AM AN EEL. WITH A GUN.

@whilst-farting-i / whilst-farting-i.tumblr.com

it's 2024 and I will never be free from homestuck, icon by iamnotamuffin, fuck terfs, im a whole adult, that about covers it
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reblogged
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bob-belcher

Shrek 2 + favorite pop culture references

Why does this work for this movie where it fails with most others?

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the-tin-dog

Because Shrek is, at its core, a parody.

It isn’t a silly film making pop-culture references. It’s a *parody* film making a *parody* of pop-culture.

Since most of the references are pretty solidly “classic” or at the very least extremely memorable moments in cinema, over multiple decades of time, they resonate really well even with modern audiences.

It also (crucially, at least in my opinion) doesn’t kill the scene if you don’t know what’s being referenced. Puss reaching back for his hat before the door closes is still funny if you haven’t seen Indie do it. Pinocchio using his strings to lower himself carefully downwards that way is genuinely clever regardless of the Mission Impossible parody. The fact that the furniture is dancing with Fairy Godmother serves to further highlight her character and role whether or not you connect it to Beauty and the Beast. The references serve to enhance the scenes they’re in when you recognize, not to leave you behind if you don’t.

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reblogged

there are so many words to use in place of “penis” in regards to smut. there’s dick. or shaft. we got cock. member. organ. length. hell, even manhood! all are acceptable replacements.

but what do we have for the testicles? nuts? no thank you. ballsac or, lord forbid, just sac? i’d literally rather be tarred and feathered. using their government name and just calling them testicles? take me out back and gimme the ol’ yeller treatment.

how has the english language evolved so much yet we have no acceptable word for testicles in a sexy context? how can we claim we’ve advanced as a society when the best word for describing when two characters are fucking nasty and the noble and mighty testes are swaying about is balls?

BALLS

wanna run that one by me again, champ?

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the-mad-dame

Here ya go. My apologies.

cheers, mate.

you make an incredibly valid point as all of those cock replacements give me pause, but they don’t pack the same yank-me-outta-the-story-sucker-punch as balls does. i’d even go so far as to say balls slaps me in the face. balls smacks into you. i’m not fond of the way fondling must be described. it’s a hairy predicament, if i may say. one that makes me want to give it the sack. but alas, it’s one that seems to stand the teste-ment of time.

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reblogged

I can’t state enough how beneficial it was to work at the sex shop as my first retail job. We were encouraged to practice shutting down inappropriate behavior and it became a well practiced skill set. I had a flat stare, icy tones of disapproval, and a demeanor of untouchable scorn to back it all up. I could get the most hardened of perverts to back off or leave in a matter of sentences if they harassed staff or other customers.

When I moved on to selling mattresses I came prepared to handle pretty much any situation with the unruffled calm of someone who has asked Santa to stop touching himself and leave. To my vast surprise it was a skill I needed on the regular at the mattress store. For whatever reason men thought it was the height of entertainment to sexually harass me because I was young and cheerful.

They would always quickly learn they’d picked the wrong target.

One day a man strolled in, sizing me up as he came. He saw a young, tiny, afab person alone in the store and came to a stop way too close. He used his height to leer down at me and said, “I’m looking for a new headboard. Which ones are the best for sex?”

It was so stupid. He looked down at me with half lidded eyes and the grin of a man who owns an unmarked white van. He probably expected me to laugh uncomfortably or act flustered. He wanted to feel tall and powerful or maybe even sexy.

He was not expecting what he got. My face stretched into what could technically be described as a smile but was more accurately a threat display. The temperature in the room plummeted as I dropped all warmth in my demeanor. He took a half step back, suddenly aware that he was alone in a room with me.

“Well, sir, that depends on what kind of sex you’re having. If you are looking for a headboard that is grippeable, I suggest this model. The metal is rounded and wouldn’t hurt a hand gripping it tightly. However if you want something that you can secure with restraints, I recommend this wooden one as the slats are wide and quite sturdy.”

He looked liked I’d hit him over the head with a board and stared down at me blankly, taken aback by the authoritative way that I discussed the merits of his lackluster sex life. I met his eyes, a veiled threat in mine, and said, “Which one will you be purchasing?”

He tucked his tail between his legs and bought the metal one. I pulled up a thin layer of friendliness as I rang him up but he had the chastened air of a man who just ran straight into an iron pole.

Another time a man crawled up onto a tempurpedic and thrusted into an invisible partner. He gave a cocky look over his shoulder, sure that he was going to discomfit me as he asked, “How are these babies for fucking?”

I gave him a deadpan look and and said, “That depends on if you’re someone who has to rely on the bounce of springs for your thrusts. Memory foam beds are nicer on knees and joints for positions like doggy style but they absorb a lot of kinetic energy.”

He visibly deflated and got down off the bed with a vaguely ashamed air.

He bought a spring mattress.

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gpedia
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glumshoe

I’ll never understand why anthropomorphic animal cartoons like Robin Hood and Zootopia will go to the trouble of creating character designs that are meant to be understood as “attractive” or even “sexy” to the human audience but explicitly avoid showing interspecies romances between anthropomorphic animals. Why is THAT weird but, like, trying to make rabbits recognizably sexy-coded to humans isn’t?

Sometimes, sure, but why was Maid Marian a fox in Robin Hood? There wasn’t anything particularly “foxlike” about her personality, and it would make more sense for her to be a lion. They made her a fox only because Robin was a fox and making her something else would be “weird”, but I don’t think the wolf cop or the chicken maid or the lion prince were actually meant to represent race.

The best inter species couple is Kermit and Miss Piggy as the Cratchits in A Muppet Christmas Carol, because all their sons are frogs and all their daughters are pigs, as God clearly intended.

there are only two genders: frog and pig

I’ve pointed out to my friends that the fact that Kermit and Miss Piggy’s kids are like that means either

1) they reproduce asexually and the children are clones of each parent OR

2) Kermit and Miss Piggy are members of the same sexually dimorphic species, hence the split between their male and female children

yes I have spent too long running about potential muppet biology

oh god

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sailor-lady

Third option, when they want kids they get some fabric and make one, and hope a Hand inhabits it

Do you think there’s a ritual for inviting An Inhabiting Hand to possess the empty husk of your muppet baby?

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jenivi

Just wanted to show u guys that in Muppets Most Wanted, Piggy fantasizes about her and Kermit having babies and this is what they look like

So do with that what you will

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fremedon

Recall that in The Great Muppet Caper, Kermit and Fozzie are brothers. And this was their dad (right):

Thank you for specifying, which one of the two individuals in the picture was the dad haha

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la-pou-belle

I, for one, think Shrek handled interspecies coupling the best. By this I am of course talking about the Dronkeys.

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adrnired

In season 3 of BoJack Horseman, we learn Diane (middle) has been impregnated by Mr. Peanutbutter (left). The fetuses are confirmed to be puppies.

This is the worst addition to this post

I am reminded of Treasure Planet.

In which Captain Amelia (left), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic cat, had hybrid babies with Doctor Doppler (middle), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic dog, whom also gave birth to the babies

I always thought that in muppet movies like muppet Christmas Carol the characters are played by the muppets (so kermit is acting and playing the role of Bob rather than being him) so the kids in that film would just be other acting muppets right?

Or is that just something my brain made up?

Last time I saw this post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at the second Eggman

Last time I saw this

post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at

the second Eggman

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

anyone in this thread smoke weed

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susiron

In Leo the Lion (2005) a lion and elephant have the most cursed hybrid children and I think yall should see them

(also Matt Mercer voices the villain, Maximus Elefante and I think that’s very important)

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spaceinvaydr

I think that what they are talking about is perfectly clear.

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hiveswap

Amogus

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reblogged

fantasy characters: “Geez”

me: who the fuck spread Christianity there

this two-years-old shitpost just gained a hundred notes who the snickerdoodles dug it up

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mirkwoodest

In moments like this I always fall back on the fact that they also aren’t speaking English because they don’t have England or the many languages and conquering peoples that contributed to the creation of the English language and therefore the work musr be a translation into recognizable terms in our world’s terms. Call that Tolkien Brainrot.

Definitely funnier if you make fantasy explanations though,

Champagne is a wizard who sells bubbly alcohol.

It’s called English because of the original Lish people, all languages start with En here.

French fries are not potatoes they’re roots of the french plant.

Goodbye is now short for ‘good be your eye’ wishing you luck seeing the path ahead.

Jesus Christ is a long dead lich who used to cause everyone problems and we haven’t stopped saying her name when things go wrong.

And that’s the Pratchett approach

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valtsv

"objectively physically attractive but in possession of negative rizz" is one of my favorite character concepts. i think it's so great when there's an absurdly hot person who's just a complete fucking loser. the mood is unsalvageable the moment they open their mouth kind of deal. you get no bitches because you're so sucks.

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axiusdragon
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reblogged

how the fuck did the fire nation beat fucking anyone their element can't do shit to any of the others

shoot fire at an airbender? they blow fire back in your face now you got burn face

a waterbender sends a wave at you and you defend with fire? congrats dipshit now you've turned that attack into steam in your eyes at best or boiling water on your skin at worst

you throw fire they throw rock you get hit with hot rock war over

Literally the only way the fire nation fought enemies was with slow technological veachiles (drills and air boats) and fucking AMBUSHING PEOPLE. AND IT WAS MAINLY AMBUSHING CIVILIANS (against the Geneva Convention). The fire nations army is full of war criminals

You think they have the Geneva Convention in ATLA? They don’t even have Geneva. 

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reblogged

im watching shrek for the first time

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pletzelstein

didn't make sense not to live for fun

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r3z1l1c1ous

your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

really all homestucks should watch shrek since he is eridans father it adds to the lore

I mean, look at Shrek's ears. Then look at seahorse dad's snout.

They are the same.

latkestein why does your gif have every disease?

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