Halloween 2024. Not bad for a one-armed man.

King Henry V (died: 31 August 1422)

Dear Santa...

With three weeks until Christmas, here’s my list for Santa: 1. Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men (and women, and the non-binary, too). 2. A 10 percent raise in worldwide IQ. 3. A 20 percent raise in Pittsburgh-wide IQ. 4. A benefit concert performed by Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Julian Lennon, and Dhani Harrison. And, Dave Grohl, too. Because, why not?! 5. Alex Trebek’s (now Ken Jennings’) job on Jeopardy! (And a tennis ball gun to fire at contestants who give bonehead responses!) 6. A copy of William Shakespeare’s First Folio. 7. Someone (I'm looking at you, Kenneth Branagh!) to make a good film adaptation of Romeo and Juliet.

8. A franchise quarterback for the New York Jets.

9. A publisher for my novelette Heroes Rise Again. And, for Peter Jackson to turn it into three movies!

"If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked! if to be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: if to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh's lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord; banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, being, as he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry's company, banish not him thy Harry's company: banish plump Jack, and banish all the world."

Fuck Ron DeSantis!

Shakespearean Yo Mama Joke for Mother’s Day!

Demetrius: "Villain, what hast thou done?" Aaron: "That which thou canst not undo." Chiron: "Thou hast undone our mother." Aaron: "Villain, I have done thy mother."

Shakespeare Sunday        

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief, That thou her maid art far more fair than she: Be not her maid, since she is envious; Her vestal livery is but sick and green And none but fools do wear it; cast it off. It is my lady, O, it is my love! O, that she knew she were! She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it. I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks: Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, Having some business, do entreat her eyes To twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head? The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars, As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven Would through the airy region stream so bright That birds would sing and think it were not night. See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek!

If you stare into the abyss too long, the abyss stares back.

Dear Santa...

With three weeks until Christmas, here’s my list for Santa: 1. Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men (you know, and women, too). 2. A 10 percent raise in worldwide IQ. 3. A 20 percent raise in Pittsburgh-wide IQ. 4. A benefit concert performed by Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Julian Lennon, and Dhani Harrison. 5. Alex Trebek’s (now Ken Jennings') job on Jeopardy! (And a tennis ball gun to fire at contestants who give bonehead responses!) 6. A copy of William Shakespeare’s First Folio. 7. An official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.

Sadly, I’m sensing a theme here.