FUCK CANCER!

Dear Santa;

I know it's a bit late in the game (it being less than a week before Christmas and all), but I'd like to change my wish list. I asked for a handful of things that are sort of silly. But, what I really want -- NEED -- is a cure for cancer.

Not for myself, of course. I don't have the medical need. And, I'd never be able to figure out all that medical/science-y stuff. (Damn it Jim; I'm a sonneteer, not a doctor.)

But, if you could drop it off to someone at Sloan Kettering in New York City, I'd really appreciate it.

PS: This would square us for that whole never giving me a BB gun thing.

Dear Santa...

With three weeks until Christmas, here’s my list for Santa: 1. Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men (and women, and the non-binary, too). 2. A 10 percent raise in worldwide IQ. 3. A 20 percent raise in Pittsburgh-wide IQ. 4. A benefit concert performed by Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Julian Lennon, and Dhani Harrison. And, Dave Grohl, too. Because, why not?! 5. Alex Trebek’s (now Ken Jennings’) job on Jeopardy! (And a tennis ball gun to fire at contestants who give bonehead responses!) 6. A copy of William Shakespeare’s First Folio. 7. Someone (I'm looking at you, Kenneth Branagh!) to make a good film adaptation of Romeo and Juliet.

8. A franchise quarterback for the New York Jets.

9. A publisher for my novelette Heroes Rise Again. And, for Peter Jackson to turn it into three movies!

Dear Santa...

With three weeks until Christmas, here’s my list for Santa: 1. Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men (you know, and women, too). 2. A 10 percent raise in worldwide IQ. 3. A 20 percent raise in Pittsburgh-wide IQ. 4. A benefit concert performed by Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Julian Lennon, and Dhani Harrison. 5. Alex Trebek’s (now Ken Jennings') job on Jeopardy! (And a tennis ball gun to fire at contestants who give bonehead responses!) 6. A copy of William Shakespeare’s First Folio. 7. An official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.

Yes, Virginia; there is a Santa Claus

Yes, once again, it's that time of the year. And, once again, I'm just not feeling in the "holiday" spirit. In spite of that -- or perhaps because of it -- here is my favorite newspaper editorial of all time. It was written in 1897, by Francis Pharcellus Church of the New York Sun. (No matter how depressed and cynical I get during the year, this always cheers me up.) Merry Christmas! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Is there a Santa Claus? We take pleasure in answering at once and thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Sun: Dear Editor: I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, "If you see it in The Sun, it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus? - Virginia O'Hanlon 115 West Ninety-Fifth Street Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished. Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

The 2021 Koenemund Family Holiday Lights Spectacular!

Yes, Virginia...

 My family’s 2019 Holiday Lights Spectacular!

Dear Santa...

With three weeks until Christmas, here's my list for Santa: 1. Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men (you know, and women, too). 2. A 10 percent raise in worldwide IQ. 3. A 20 percent raise in Pittsburgh-wide IQ. 4. Permanent deactivation of ManChildTrump's Twitter account. 5. A benefit concert performed by Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Julian Lennon, and Dhani Harrison. 6. Alex Trebek's job on Jeopardy! (And a tennis ball gun to fire at contestants who give bonehead responses!) 7. A copy of William Shakespeare's First Folio. 8. An official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.

Dear Santa;   I know it's late, you're very busy right now, and you already have him down for several lumps of coal, but please bring ManChildTrump a dictionary and a thesaurus.   Thank you.