#the 3 very grown adults of the 118

to devote thyself

what happens after the couch scene at the end of 8x06…

little bit of sub!eddie for y’all

this drawing was purely to show off eddie’s thigh mole (and ofc i drew it as a heart)

THERE IS IN FACT ANOTHER, MORE RISQUÉ VERSION FEATURING LESS CLOTHES ALTOGETHER BUT I DON’T THINK I CAN POST THAT TO TUMBLR SO IT’S GONNA HAVE TO STAY ON TWITTER AND BLUESKY, SORRY TO MY TUMBLR ONLY FOLLOWERS…

6.12, “Recovery” 8.06, “Confessions”

okay so like. far be it from me (a certified hater) to over sympathize with buck’s current boyfriend. but there is something so genuinely tragic about being really the first person to witness the buck and eddie thing up close like this *while also knowing* for a fact that there’s actual potential there since he knows for sure that buck is queer and also probably eddie since he clocked him at least enough to take him on helicopter vegas naked fight dates or whatever they were doing while buck’s brain was turning to jealousy jello. like i do think ana knew by the time eddie was dumping her and i think taylor recognized eddie as a threat and Suspected because they did notably try to kill each other with their psychic mind powers. but this is the first time there’s been someone literally wearing a visitor badge and looking like the family friend checking in on local mummy-cursed firefighter buck diaz while his husband sits nearby indulgently rolling his eyes and explaining buck’s derangements to you, the clear outsider in the room like. Woof.

buck is where he BELONGS. fundamentally speaking. he belongs in the torment nexus with three days of stubble and a flour-dusted depression hoodie because not only is it where he needs to be but it is also where he wants to be. this is enrichment to him. he has never thrived more than when he is screaming crying throwing up and rending his garments over his stupid unfair piece of shit life. he has never looked better than when he is covered in blood and ripping out his hair and throwing his body around in desperation. he is going to kick rocks over this breakup for like 2 seconds and then realize it's not actually about stupid tommy after all, it's about BUCK and how much BUCK SUCKS. and he is going to wallow in this knowledge and stew over it and pout for days or possibly even weeks while eddie stands by and says :) and radiates joy and makes buck SICK ohhhhh he is sick. because eddie is living a happy life without him :( kicks rocks. he doesn't even need me to be happy. ugh. until buck will eventually realize that he (buck) is the only thing standing between his current torment nexus and the sunshine (eddie). and then buck will circle back to the breakup and he will say well. what went wrong there (self-reflecting) and the answer will be "i didn't know what i wanted". and then buck will say okay well what do i want. my life is a stupid unfair piece of shit life and i get covered in blood all the time and i don't have any hair left from ripping it all out in desperation. and he will look at eddie who is still saying :) and radiating joy. and he will say oh. OH. ohhhhh no. and then he will exit the torment nexus and descend directly into a pit of madness.

this town is only gonna eat you

Buck is smiling when it happens. Grinning at Eddie like he hung the fucking moon as he points out what must be the hundredth interesting play he’s seen on the court tonight. Buck’s smiling.

Eddie registers the screams before the gunfire. He smells the metallic scent of spent shell casings before he sees the shooter. He tackles Buck to the ground before he realizes he’s already hurt.

Buck was smiling, but now his face is inches from Eddie’s and his eyes are wide with pain and panic.

“Eds,” he says, and it’s barely above a whisper but it’s still too loud.

Eddie shakes his head, a tiny, sharp movement. Buck takes a shaky breath and presses his lips together. He understands. Eddie hates that he understands. Thank God he understands.

There’s something warm and wet slowly spreading between them, and it takes Eddie several wasted seconds to realize it’s blood. He’s almost completely certain it isn’t his, which—

God, that’s so much worse than if it was.

it’s been said by others, but i just rewatched the episode so i can confirm it’s factually correct.

it’s so unbelievably significant that in an episode called confessions, buck and eddie don’t speak a single word to each other. their confessions are in the negative space. they aren’t ready to share them yet, but the confessions are there.

buck is going to take eddie to the lakers game and eddie will have the time of his life while buck is depressed, drinking a beer and having sex in the bathroom with some guy he met at the urinals. when he cries on the way home eddie will pat his shoulder and, as delicately as he can manage, let buck know he got come on his sweater (it’s not very delicate at all)

eddie organic fruit leather. buck says lube, flying in ok eddie. eddie ring pop blowjob. eddie reaches for fruit juice but then goes for water because he’s Denying himself. he’s straight and he has the mustache (which is a mask) because the lafd doesn’t allow him to have a beard. and now he’s shaved the mustache off. ok.

so... i kinda think buck might already know. i think he might have had his oh moment already between his kitchen and eddie's couch...

'like it weren't the beer what he were tryna savour', huh

where else but here, who else but us?

(8x06 coda) (buddie) (986 words)

Eddie wakes to the smell of bacon frying and coffee brewing, and for the first time in maybe his entire life, he lets himself luxuriate in it. If he’d actually made it to bed last night, he might even go back to sleep.

He stands and stretches, then shivers a little bit as the cool morning air tickles his bare thighs. Eddie grins. He just—

He did something for himself, and the world didn’t end. He did something for himself, and not only did the world not end, it got a little bit bigger and a little bit brighter. He did something for himself and Buck showed up, and that joy he was feeling burned a little bit hotter.

Eddie scoops his phone up off the floor and finds that it’s completely out of juice. He huffs a soft laugh and plugs it in. It’s a silly thought, but—Eddie can’t remember the last time his phone died. How could it, when he’s been so damn determined to avoid anything that might bring him a little joy. Hell, he hasn’t even been letting himself text Buck unless Buck texts him first.

He pads down the hall and into his bedroom and pulls on the softest pair of sweats he owns. He changes into an old, threadbare t-shirt, leans against the wall and exhales.

In his kitchen, Buck is making breakfast. In Texas, Christopher is safe and probably still asleep, and that’s a whole lot more than Eddie’s been letting himself acknowledge.  Here in LA, Eddie is alive and healthy and, if the priest that was maybe hitting on him is to be believed, allowed to forgive himself. He’s not there yet, but he can let himself join Buck in the kitchen.

#I can't wait for them to date, it's gonna be hilarious

6.12, “Recovery” 8.06, “Confessions”

ship of all time truly

[That last scene where Buck interrupts Eddie’s Risky Business moment is certainly open to interpretation. Is this a friendly hangout, just two bros getting together to talk out their problems?]

Actually, I think it’s beyond that. It’s them not talking. That was the real thing to me when I read it. Buck looks Eddie up and down — he’s in his underwear and a shirt with the collar popped, the mustache is gone, there’s obviously something happening with him — but they don’t need to talk in that moment. It’s like, you’re going through something and I’m going through something, so let’s just have a drink and be in each other’s space in a supportive way. I’m guessing they did exchange some words at some point, but I imagine they didn’t talk for a while. Just being there for each other was enough. - Oliver Stark

911 is so beautifully heavy handed i love it so much. the lakers tickets being a call back to how they got together (basketball game that turned buck evil and was literally about eddie). tommy being the one to randomly bring up eddie. i'm not your last. eddie defensively saying i'm straight. eddie letting himself feel joy and then literally opening the door to buck. they are not dropping crumbs they are dropping entire loafs of bread and i am saying THANK YOU