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#disaster trains – @weirdowithaquill on Tumblr
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Weirdo_with_A_Quill

@weirdowithaquill

This is where the fanfic author in me thrives. Aged 18+, Aussie, living my best life. Pronouns unnecessary, headcanons welcomed.
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I think it's time you consider sharing your Duke and Rheneas ship concept (and the pufflings' sabotage efforts!) with the world 🙏

My memory is that they were too cute to languish forever only in DMs

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Your memory is correct! And also really good! This conversation was months ago!

But here goes nothing - how I ended up shipping Rheneas and Duke:

It all begins with a certain @jobey-wan-kenobi and shipping Skarloey and Neil. These two are very important for Dukeas (Rhenuke?) - so let's cover them first.

These two are terrible at flirting. Like, legitimately bad. Neil gets a repaint when he's bought by the Crovan's Gate Mining Company (into SKR red!!) and Skarloey attempts to flirt and be suave to capture Neil's heart. Here's how he does:

"I like seeing you in my colour--" So far so good - but the engines don't really have good metaphors for clothes so it sort of falls apart: "--it would look better on... uh... oh..." Human pickup lines don't really work for engines, do they? Neil is so confused, and Skarloey is dying of embarrassment (the fireman said that it would totally work!)

Rheneas laughs himself sick.

Skarloey - after grumbling about Rheneas laughing at him - swallows his pride and asks his brother for help. (Side note - this is where our conversation started. We were talking about how the SKR is more interesting for family-values in the RWS.)

Rheneas has never had a crush before, and so his best idea is: "Why not ask him to double head a train with you?" Now, those of you who've instantly spotted the problem with narrow gauge Skarloey and standard gauge Neil double heading a train are doing better than these two hopeless idiots.

But Skarloey is not to be deterred! So he builds 'the truck' to pull trains on the standard gauge railway! Ah... but there's not enough traffic for double heading, so none of the managers will allow it.

It's not like Neil is any better though - this is the same boxy engine who saw Skarloey and went "he's so cute, but I'm too ugly for him..." at which point his crew face-palmed. So his crew convinced Neil to invite Skarloey to hang out at the works while he's being repainted into NWR colours (circa 1915). So Skarloey's there when he's sanded down and repainted.

Skarloey gets a nosebleed and passes out.

And Neil thinks that Skarloey just fell asleep! Even as the mechanics at Crovan's Gate are gathering around him to study him because no engine has ever had a nosebleed before, oh my goodness look at our discovery!

These two are disasters.

Peter Sam is no help either. Peter Sam is about as innocent as a three-year-old (Duke was not going to let no dock workers sully His Puffling, thank you very much) so his best advice is to: "Sing to him!" "What song?" "Uh..." Peter Sam doesn't do proper songs, he makes up ditties! What do you mean, wooing the boxy engine involves actually knowing music?

Skarloey just skips over asking Sir Handel for advice. Which is probably for the best, considering Sir Handel's attempt at flirting was to basically stun Gordon by talking his ear off and insulting his own coaches.

Yeah... none of these engines are very good at this.

But yeah, it probably takes until Rusty and Duncan figure themselves out for Skarloey to get some good advice. Cause of all the engines on the SKR, these two are the first to get into an actual relationship (with each other, but it's not Duncan's first, let's be honest). So, here's this centennarian-and-then-some engine that is Skarloey needing his romance to be chaperoned by these two youngsters... AND IT WORKS!

Finally he has the wingengines he needs: a foul-mouthed factory worker and something called a 'diesel'.

And Rheneas is still laughing in the background.

But it works! Skarloey buys some flowers with his driver's money and asks Neil out - and Neil says yes! (Let's all just headcanon that he was the Crovan's Gate Works engine at this point, okay? Okay.) Rheneas's first words upon hearing this are lost to time, but were either "Oh thank God" or "FINALLY!"

He is very lucky that he is at the works and hears about it there, or else he'd have gotten into a massive argument. But at the same time, he's rather sad, cause he's been using this romantic trainwreck as his entertainment for the last 100 odd years, throwing out slightly bogus suggestions to stir up the drama.

These two are going steady enough in 1965 for Skarloey to tease Neil by calling him "ugly but kind" in front of the Reverend - who accidentally takes it to heart.

We are all very lucky that said Anglican Reverend was out of earshot when Neil shot back a quip about nosebleeds.

But this is Rheneas' life up until 1970 - it's spent doing his job and laughing at his brother's absolutely hilarious and terrible love life. But romance? No, it's not in his cards...

And then Duke arrives.

And Rheneas goes “oh no, he’s hot.”

Rheneas immediately goes to his brother - because they're brothers, and they're supposed to help one another - completely forgetting the past 100 years.

Skarloey bursts into laughter. And then tells Neil, who also laughs. Rheneas is humbled with his own crush on Duke - much to his consternation.

But it’s worse cause Rheneas has to deal with two very overprotective children. See, Sir Handel and Peter Sam don't want to share their Granpuff. Cause they see Rheneas as a friend, not a weird step-grandpa, so stop butting in on our family. These boys have Granpuff-related trauma, and they are not handing over their Granpuff to just any old puffball. Duke for his part thinks Rheneas is cute - but his pufflings just keep calling him "a bad influence" - which is hilariously ironic considering Sir Handel.

Of course, being Peter Sam and Sir Handel, they also do their 'sunshine and thunder thing': "I think it's nice!" "You WOULD." Which naturally evolves into good-cop-bad-cop as Peter Sam is swayed by Sir Handel (and a sniggering Skarloey, but Skarloey's always had the best of intentions, right?)

Rheneas takes his own advice and asks to double head a train (cause at least he's the same gauge!) and Sir Handel slots himself in. Duke thinks it's sweet that Sir Handel is trying to spend more time with him. Rheneas is pulling his metaphorical hair out (oh, he knows - but he's also messing with Rheneas. He also talks to Skarloey).

Can you imagine how ridiculous it would be for everyone? Rheneas is just being interrogated in the background while Duke does a deadpan to some documentary crew like he’s in the Office: “This has been going on for 25 years. I have been dating Rheneas for 20 of those years.”

He has conveniently forgotten to mention this fact to Sir Handel and Peter Sam...

And that should have been that.

Right?

No. Cause then we talked about humanisations - and the story picked back up, only now we have to jump back to the year Duke got together with Rheneas. Now, for some reason or another (I blame the boulder), the entire SKR crew (Neil included) are suddenly turned human. After a few days of figuring out how being human works (cause we take most of three decades before we settle into 'humaning' - these engines are gonna need some help), they begin to act as normally as a bunch of engines-turned-humans can. There was one occasion where Peter Sam bear-walked across the yard because he couldn't figure out how walking worked, and humans have four legs! "Those are hands." "Good enough for walking!"

See, the engines pop into being human with bodies and clothes (this is important) - and for the most part, it's pretty stock standard. Rusty has overalls, Duncan has a few piercings, Sir Handel gets wheelie shoes (for his steamroller wheels!) and Duke has a massive overcoat that makes him look - for lack of a better term - rather chubby.

And he does nothing to dissuade the other engines from this line of thinking. On the surface, it makes sense after all! Duke has his large saddle tank, which translated over.

So it comes as a great surprise to everyone when Duke takes off his overcoat after the engine Duncan (who was pulling them in one of the passenger coaches) derails. Duke is not fat - no, he's been hiding tools in his overcoat... like a crowbar. In fact, Duke randomly takes off his shirt too so he can use said crowbar to lever Duncan back onto the rails all by himself (the shirt was... uh... too constricting?).

Rheneas gets a nosebleed - only none of the engines know how human nosebleeds work and panic. This of course tips Duke off that yes, Rheneas does have a thing for him.

So, Duke basically tortures Rheneas for weeks by volunteering to join the track-workers gang, and wearing a singlet and he has arms, why does he have arm muscles he is a steam engine! (I told someone about this, and they said - and I quote: "It's cause they're always pumping iron!")

Duke also keeps Werther's Originals in his overcoat to distribute to both his Pufflings and the local schoolchildren. Rheneas' heart cannot handle the adorableness.

This of course led to Rheneas confessing to Duke in the rain after the stationmaster's cat got lost. Rheneas had thought Duke would think he was cool if he found said cat first and rushed off... and fell into a ditch and sprained his ankle cause he's a human now, and people don't walk normal, why don't they have wheels - (oh wait, that's what trains are for). Rheneas had saved the cat, and then Duke helped him, asked why Rheneas ran off and didn't stick with the search party - and so Rheneas confessed in the moment. Very cliche romantic, but so am I a bit.

So that's how Duke and Rheneas ended up as a couple. A bit of magic, a whole lot of Duke's family torturing Rheneas and a missing cat.

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