Anon because its not safe to be out for me.
As a kid I would write lots of stories and Id never thought about my gender in depth, it just felt so Wrong to write myself as a girl, I couldnt physically do it, and if I tried to, I would immediately give up on the story and start another one. I always made my self insert a cis guy, mainly because I didnt yet know the ins and outs of transgenderism. My family would question it but I could never explain it. Then unfortunately as I got older I had to force myself to write myself as a girl because it was safer that way. Im no longer confident in my identity.
Im going to assume you are the anon from before or answering my post about writing and your identity when writing self insert.
Being trans isn't easy and it never has been. I understand the struggle and I'm sorry you've had to suppress that side of you.
I try my best to be an ally and a helping hand for those who are struggling. If you would like to discuss this you have permission to DM me and I promise to keep everything you say confidential.
If you are not comfortable with that I understand and I hope that if you are the anon from yesterday I did not say anything that discouraged or hurt you.