This was inspired/made for @mrcorkus. You've got the right idea mate.
Summary: A past so dark, and stained with blood will always come back to haunt them. One way or another.
Tags: Nightmares, past trauma, past abuse, death, canon typical violence
Logan was sitting by the window, taking large puffs of his cigar. Wade was sitting in the bathroom. Staring at himself in the mirror, pulling his mask off and shoving it back on his face at random intervals.
Tonight was not a good night. For either of them.
They kept their distances, knowing they weren't good company when things got like this.
And by this, they meant when the two of them were suffering from the effects of their pasts. A time when Logan couldn't stuff down all he remembered he'd done, and Wade couldn't crack a joke to hide the fact that he couldn't stand the thought of someone actually loving him.
He still didn't believe that Logan loved him. Even though he had saved Wade's universe when he didn't have to. Stayed when he could have been anywhere else. Agreed to be Wade's boyfriend even though there were plenty of fish in the sea. He didn't believe a face and a mind like his was worthy of being loved. He looked into the mirror, trying to see even the smallest glimpse of what Logan saw in him. But he couldn't.
There was nothing there except his horribly scarred face and his even worse past as a mercenary. It lurked behind his eyes, like a constant, haunting reminder.
And Logan, couldn't understand why Wade saw him as anything more than a monster. That's what he was after all. A wild killing machine, a feral animal. A dog that at any moment might snap its leash and run wild.
He didn't know why Wade cared for him. Why Wade tried to make him smile, and how he even succeeded. He didn't understand why Wade accommodated for him in his life.
Eventually Wade came out of the bathroom with the biggest fake smile he could muster, having left his mask on the sink.
He turned to Logan saying "I'm off to bed kitten, join me soon?"
He said it in a sing song voice as he slipped over to give Logan a peck on the cheek.
"Yeah yeah, see you soon bub"
Wade smushed Logan's face in his hand, pressing his cheeks together. "I love you Wolvie"
And without another word he skipped back to their room. Passing Al who was sitting passed out on the couch.
"You're really gonna leave an old woman sleeping on the couch? For shame" he said to the writer who wanted to mention Al but couldn't be bothered working out the logistics of their living situation.
Wade changed into his favourite shirt and PJ pants. His bright pink Hello Kitty pants and his white custom made shirt that said "Two seater" with an arrow pointing to his mouth and his crotch.
He climbed into bed, grabbing his unicorn stuffie and passing out almost instantly. No one said it was easy being a hyperactive, traumatised fourth wall breaker.
After an hour, and four more cigars, Logan stumbled his way to bed. Hoping sleep would steal his thoughts away from his last moments with X-Men. How...angry they had been. How much he wished he could take back all that had led to them being taken from him. Wishing he hadn't taken for granted how much of a loving family they were to him.
He stripped himself of his pants and his shirt, crawling into bed in only his boxers before he too passed out.
The night dwindled on as Logan and Wade were sleeping. Wade was curled over on his side. His fist clutching at the blanket. Whilst Logan was on his back the blanket kicked away from him roughly.
Neither of them had found the peace they were hoping for through sleep.
Logan was tossing and turning in the bed, his face twisted into a pained scowl. Logan was getting terrible flashes of his past mingled with his not-so-recent present. He remembers his time with Stryker. Feeling the pain course through his body as he took Logan's body and twisted it into a weapon. Logan was taken advantage of, convinced and manipulated. His mind becoming a mess of thoughts and orders that he didn't want to follow but was compelled to.
He saw his family, his real one and the one he found. He saw his father, his true father. Dead by his own hands, 6 little puncture marks in his chest. He had been a villain all his life. A murderer. A killer.
He saw Scott and Jean, laying bloody and torn apart in the foyer. Their faces pale.
He saw Storm strung up from the chandelier, her cape caught in the ornate bronze. Her hair knotted and twisted.
He saw Jubilee and Nightcrawler. His tail severed lying next to his body. He looked as if he had been shielding Jubilee. Small burn marks in the shape of sparkles littered his skin.
Beast had been in his lab, shards of glass sticking out from his body where the hunters had used his own lab against him.
And Xavier, a look a terror on his face as he sat limply in his chair. His body didn't match his face.
He remembered seeing red. Seeing it everywhere he looked. The blood of his family, strewn across the place he had reluctantly called home.
He saw red in his hands. As he tore any remaining hunters to shreds. Watching his claws take the lives of the humans who had mercilessly taken the life of his family.
And he continued to see red. For days as he chased down anyone who held fear or hate for mutants in their eyes. And he kept going. After a while he stopped looking for that glint in their eyes. Only wishing to see it fade as many times as possible. Because all humans were the same. They always were.
Wade lying next to him curled the sheets and the blanket, clutching at them desperately until his knuckles were white. He saw Francis. Watching him walk in and out of view, every time he walked into view a new method of torture would begin. And Wade could hear his own voice making quippy remarks. Remarks he remembered. But all he could feel was horrible, unbridled fear. All he could hear was the rapid beating of his own heart. The strained rasps that were supposedly his breathing.
All he could feel was the searing pain in every part of his body as it was placed under heavier loads of stress. He remembered how desperately he wanted his body to give up on him. He was dying anyways right? So it wouldn't matter.
But it didn't and for hours and hours it all became worse.
He remembers when it was over. When he was able to break out and free himself.
Only for the pain to return. He remembered the metal poll being shoved through his chest. And hearing it creek as Francis bent it over trapping him on it.
The taste of blood in his mouth as he spat up tattered pieces of his internal organs.
He remembered the hours he had taken to pry himself off the thing. Silently begging that he would just die in the process. But he didn't. And then he spent more hours in the rubble as the hole in his chest closed up. Only for the building to collapse on him and him to pass out. Or die. He didn't know which. Either way, it wasn't permanent enough.
Francis stupid face was all he could see. His voice all he could hear.
"What's my name?" He called, but Wade refused to give him that satisfaction. Refused to allow his face fucker to hear the way his voice might tremble if he said it.
And then in a flash, he was gone and instead he watched as the mercenary pulled the trigger. And Vanessa dropped to the floor.
Wade instinctively reached for Baby Knife who was under his pillow and thrust it into her killer.
Just a Logan protracted his claws and shoved them into the cold dead eyes of Stryker who had taunted him about the monster he had become.
But Wade wasn't killing the masked Merc and Logan wasn't face to face with Stryker.
Instead when they opened their eyes they saw each other.
Wade was hovering over Logan his blade in Logan's neck. Right between his shoulder and his nape. And Logan's claws were in Wade's chest. Blood oozing out of the puncture and dripping onto his bare chest.
The two of them scrambled away from each other freighted. Wade yelped as Logan pulled his claws out of him and he proceeded to fall of the bed. The fall adding to the throbbing, burning pain in his chest.
Logan desperately clutched at the knife in neck feeling blood pool in his mouth. He yanked it out and dropped into on the bed as he spluttered. Coughing blood all over the sheets.
Wade had tears streaming down his face and Logan's eyes were wide with horror.
Logan spat out the blood as his wound began to close and he scrambled out of bed over to Wade. Wade was sitting curled into his chest. The blood staining his t-shirt and pants as he held his knees as close to his chest as he could.
Logan wrapped his arms around Wade and sat with him on the floor. His whole body was shaking as his hair stood on end.
The two of them were breathing heavily. Wade's groaning was punctured with sobs as his organs and ribs repaired themselves.
When Logan's neck had healed enough to allow him to talk again he pulled away from Wade but didn't let go.
"Wade it's not your fault. And I- fuck. I didn't know it was you. I didn't see you"
Wade looked up at Logan from where he was crouching in front of him. His hands still gripping Wade's shoulders.
Logan half expected him to make a joke about penetration but all Wade could muster was a weak pathetic "He wouldn't stop"
Logan knew he was talking about Francis. He had told him all about what happened to him years ago.
Wade had probably just relived it all like he did countless times every night.
"You're fine. Healed see?" He touched his neck to prove the wound had almost closed up.
Wade simply put his head into his knees and continued to cry.
It wasn't often Logan saw Wade like this, it had scared the shit out of him the first time it had happen. When one of these nightmares had consumed Wade in his sleep.
But I guess everything isn't like what you always see on screen, is it?
Logan sighed and picked him up, no strain at all, and sat down on the bed. His back rested against the headboard as Wade curled up on his lap. His legs less tightly pulled to his chest as he half laid on the bed and half laid on Logan
Logan ran his hand over Wade's head and back. Stroking him softly to try and ground and calm him. Not to let him slip away again into that horrible place.
It helped him not to slip away too
"I'm sorry Logan. I didn't mean it"
Wade couldn't stand the thought of hurting Logan. He never wanted to hurt the ones he loved. But he always managed to get them hurt. He got Vanessa killed, he watched as Colossus got beat to a pulp and Negasonic almost got crushed to death. He watched as the entire X-Force was slaughtered. And he remembered all the nights he had woken up like this. Having hurt Logan, again
Logan was frustrated. His actions were always violent. He always attacked first and asked questions later. He kept fucking hurting Wade. He was ashamed and frustrated and afraid. He was worried one to many nightmares would lead Wade to kicking him out. Sending him packing because Wade realised that Logan was too much of an unstable monster to be kept around.
"You don't need to say sorry. You just watched you whole family get killed"
Logan laughed humorlessly at the blunt but accurate statement. Wade also knew what went on in Logan's dreams. Wade knew how badly Logan had lost people.
The two of them stay curled up like that in silence for ages. The moon beginning to set over the horizon.
"You could never hurt me. Not where it matters. You know that right" Logan said it. It wasn't really a question. It was more of a reassurance, a statement that Wade couldn't do it. But he wanted to make sure Wade knew that as well
Wade hesitated but Logan felt him nod his head softly against Logan's chest.
"And I've had worse. You stabbed me in the balls remember?"
Logan grunted "Yeah. I remember"
The two of them didn't say anything else. Having said their apologies they couldn't think of more to bring up. They just needed to sleep.
And so Logan sunk down in the bed and Wade shuffled over. This time the two of them fell asleep. Wade's back pressed to Logan's chest and they slept until the mid afternoon.
Their presence was the only thing that brought the other peace.
I hope you enjoyed this! It was really have and maybe a little ooc on my part but I tried my best. I hope I did it justice.
