waynethings reblogged
Tim: You know, I do have an idea on how I can make this right.
Bruce: Really? Can you tell me your idea without using the words chowder, monkey, pogo, or time machine?
Tim:
Tim: No.
waynethings reblogged
au where instead of wanting to murder his own replacement, jason just decides to. replace somebody else. and that's now dick ends up in an increasingly ridiculous back and forth fight between himself and some random fucker who keeps showing up in a nightwing costume pretending to be him
dick's never been more pissed off in his life. theres literally nothing he did to deserve this, and now he has to fight for the vigilante persona HE created? it only gets worse because the more frustrated dick gets about the whole situation, the funnier this fake nightwing seems to find it.
it gets personal when damian starts calling the fake nightwing his big brother too. of course, jason was there first, but dick doesn't know that. and it's driving him fucking insane
he thinks that he's got the guy when he stands on top of a building in the middle of a massive fight, tries to do a quadrupal somersault, and promptly eats shit in front of everybody, but instead of realising he's a faker now the rest of the underworld thinks that nightwing's losing his touch.
he cries in alfred's arms at the injustice of it all.
waynethings reblogged
jason: i think we should get a divorce
steph: what are you doing?
jason: just practicing
steph: why are you already planning your hypothetical divorce?
jason: i don't know. i'm getting old, i think i'm having a mid-life crisis
steph: you don't even have a girlfriend
jason: hypothetically divorce me
steph: okay, then i'm hypothetically taking half your assets
jason: well, you didn't sign the hypothetical prenup
jason, to duke: it's called a prenup, right?
duke: yeah, it's a prenup, and you DID hypothetically sign one
steph: who the fuck is this guy?
duke: i'm his hypothetical lawyer in this divorce case
steph: well, then, i'm taking the hypothetical kids
steph, to tim: right? we can get those, right?
tim: yes, we can definitely get the hypothetical kids, don't worry about it
jason: who the fuck is this hypothetical fucking idiot? a hella fucking nerd idiot
tim: wow, that is a lot of hypothetical insults. i need to keep these on for continuity because i look like the other lawyer
steph: this is MY hypothetical lawyer, and we have been hypothetically sleeping with each other
jason: how could you hypothetically do this to me?!
steph: because you hypothetically are an alcoholic!
waynethings reblogged
Jason Todd, getting 'surprise adopted' by Batman, who is apparently also Bruce Wayne, the lovable idiot billionaire:
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at 3 am
Tim: You can say 'Have a nice day!' without a problem.
Tim: But you can't say 'Enjoy the next 24 hours' without sounding vaguely threatening.
Jason: How the fuck did you get into my safehouse again?!
waynethings reblogged
“ Da— I mean Bru— BATMAN, MARCH!!”
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Bruce going through empty nest syndrome while Dick is literally sitting beside him
Dick is so fucking done with his ass-
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Tim, interrupting one of Two-Face’s long-ass monologues: --just stop being a cunt, okay?
Two-Face: and I — excuse me?
Tim:
Two-Face:
Tim, crossing his arms: wassup?
waynethings reblogged
waynethings reblogged
Damian took his helmet, so Jason took a lollipop.
Happy Halloween!
waynethings reblogged
I know that the “billionaire playboy” look is important to B’s look but honestly if the joker or smthn tried to kill someone at a gala and Bruce fuckin decked him everyone would probably just be like “damn these Gotham boys are just Like That huh”
Too true, the actual reason nobody makes Bruce Wayne the Batman seriously is because the entirety of Gotham is ridiculous and Like That
ambrosius-faust
Reporter: Mister Wayne, how did you find the courage to punch the Joker?
Bruce: That clown comes to my party, threatens my guests and my children - of course I deck him. What else was I supposed to do? Wait for Batman to show up?
thebelgianconspiracy
I
Bruce Wayne becomes the lead symbol of the “we cant always just wait for Batman” movement
The wave of self-responsibility does almost as much for Gotham as either Batman or Bruce Wayne’s philanthropy.
Joker does not plan brutal revenge on Bruce Wayne, because, when interviewed, he states, “I didn’t think the namby pamby milksop had it in him. Him hitting me is actually kind of funny, and nobody likes a joke as much as I do.”
waynethings reblogged
the most canny DC characters are the ones who can look at one (1) Bruce Wayne and immediately say, with great certainty, there’s something wrong with that man that goes back at least several generations.
waynethings reblogged
Anonymous asked:
Thinking about all the different ways the Batfam + Clark might have tried to keep Bruce from sneaking out to do Batman Stuff™️ after Bane broke his back. Like, Jason and Damien (timeline who?) Home-Alone-ing-the-mansion-in-a-slightly-less-lethal-way type shenanigans.
For some reason I'm imagining Leslie strictly limiting Bruce to "low impact" movement as he's healing, which, after some failed attempts at sneaking out/higher impact stuff, ends with getting yelled at by Alfred and (somehow?) Jason doing yoga/meditation with Bruce down in the Cave just to get this man to do something and stop driving everyone crazy.
And it works. They're kinda snippy but it peters out. Bruce winces and moves through the forms/holds with some difficulty, and Jason is sore right alongside him from a brutal patrol the night before so it all works out. They don't have to talk, but they hold each other's company.
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batfamily thought: we need to bring back where the boys really don't follow anyone else besides their dad. They can work with others and lead a team very well. But unless it's for a mission, they do not follow anyone else's orders besides Bruce or Alfred. Especially if they're a person in a position of power they have zero respect for. The boys give batman a hard time and feel safe enough to question his orders or his methods (especially Jason), but at the end of the day he's their teacher. It's just built in the respect they have for him. Everyone else, if the bats don't respect you or don't need to fake respect for you they are full chaos gremlins. The worst is Dick. Because he is full of disrespectful while he has a flirty smile on his face. It's just this air of hidden superiority Dick has. Dick has been with batman the longest, someone he considers the "best". He can count on one had the people he's met that should be considered the "best". Yet Bruce is not fully aware of the type of loyalty he inspires.
Dick, tilting his head to the side painfully slow, eyebrows ever so slightly raised: “I’m sorry. Was that…a request?”
Oliver Queen, just now realizing the stupidity of trying to give Nightwing SON OF BATMAN a direct order:
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Roy, awkwardly: “Not to be mean but, don’t you ever wonder if anyone in your family is…you know…mentally ok?”
Jason: “I mean. Alfred’s fine?”
*cut to Alfred across the Cave, humming the theme from Sweeney Todd under his breath as he sews Bruce’s most recent bullet wound back together*
Jason, less convincingly: “Yeah. like I said.”
waynethings reblogged
Gothamites are weirdly proud and protective of their hero so whenever they find out Batman is interested in someone (Clark Kent, another civilian, etc) that person gets special, haphazard protection in Gotham because no one wants to piss off the Bat. Kind of like a Mafia Boss’ wife or girlfriend.
Clark gets escorted through Gotham while there for a piece by two separate (opposing) gangs, an off-duty firefighter, and three old ladies who were “worried” about him being on the streets late at night (read: after 4 pm).
Sure, there’s still people who try to kidnap him. But most nearby Gothamites will be like hey! leave the kid alone, don’t you know who he is?
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Bruce cross-trained all of the Batfamily in weapons handling to an annoying degree which means you can keep handing them increasingly obscure swords and staff etc and they'll twirl it around, mutter "Oh, the BallCrusher 3000, I haven't seen one of these in a while" and then proceed to demonstrate overhand, underhand, and single-hand techniques from memory with flawless form.