Borderlands characters and whether or not they are allowed near the grill during a BBQ
Hi I'm at a barbecue and hungry as hell waiting for food. Here's a post that is very necessary for this fandom.
Allowed near the grill, highly encouraged to be there -
- Sir Hammerlock. I already elaborated on this in a previous post, but Alistair has been in a lot of places and he's definetly got cooking skills, it wouldn't be surprising to me if he had a super specific story pertaining to how he learnt to barbecue by going to a planet where the locals told him that the only way to eat something was to grill it or whatever. Plus his seasoning would be bomb. He is allowed on the grill.
- Lilith. Now you might be confused as to how she ranked so high, but fire is literally her whole thing, she's had enough practice to know how to do it. She does struggle with seasoning sometimes because to me she's a girl whose spice tolerance is higher than everyone else's and she's making it their problem by putting WAY too much hot sauce and peppers on the seasoning mix, but she's mostly good. She is allowed on the grill.
Allowed near the grill ONLY under Specific circumstances -
- Salvador. He knows how to grill, it's in his blood ok. Just makes sure he's not the one supplying the meat because it MIGHT be human and that's kinda gross. Otherwise, good griller. He is allowed on the grill under specific circumstances
- Roland. Doesn't usually grill simply because he's not experienced enough in his eyes, but if you insist on making him do it he will run that grill like the navy. If you get close to it he shoots you with the "It'll be done when it's done. Be patient." before shooing you off. His grilling is good, but it's not something he enjoys because he makes it stressful for himself. He is allowed on the grill under specific circumstances.
- Both Scooter and Ellie. Now they ARE yanks so it's not 100% trustworthy, but if no one else is available to cook then either one is good enough at it to do it. Holding a beer the entire time and sometimes splashing the meat with it typa people. They are allowed on the grill under specific circumstances. Maybe not together though.
- Axton. Another yank but I don't know, he seems like he'd know at least how to flip the meat right. The turret probably has a simple grill he could use to cook, and while he would probably burn one or two things because he got distracted, it's not bad at all. He is allowed on the grill under specific circumstances.
- Nisha. For no other reason than it would be really funny to me. Girl with a cig in her mouth looking at meat and flipping it every now and then core. I think she'd have like a very specific grilling style and a meat she likes preparing the most, so if that isn't being served the way she wants it she simply refuses to cook. She is allowed on the grill under specific circumstances.
- Maya. Doesn't really like grilling because I just can't see her doing it, but if she does end up doing it it's just to watch it while someone is busy. Gets extremely focused on the grill and doesn't talk to anyone while she's doing it, and the second someone else offers to take her place she will hand it off and go somewhere else. Another girlie who makes it too stressful for herself to enjoy it. She is allowed on the grill under specific circumstances.
Technically Allowed near the grill, but only to do a specific task -
- Wainwright. He's accompanying his husband and he's supplying most if not all the meat. It's also very expensive stuff, so it's the REALLY good stuff. Also² because it's cute to me to imagine him Nd Alistair being mushy and silly with each other while cooking. He's allowed but only to do specific things.
- Gaige. I just think she knows how to season well. Drops off the marinades and salts it all, but do not let her on the grill or she's going to cause a fire. Also I can imagine she brings the coal for some reason. She is allowed but only to do specific things.
- Sasha and Fiona. Both would love barbecue but they wouldn't want to be near the grill as the main cooks in my head. They're here to eat and they are being served first. If they do end up cooking it's usually something to pair with it as side dishes and they're reallu damn good at that. They're allowed near the grill to do specific things.
Not allowed near the grill because they are Mid/Bad at barbecuing -
- Handsome Jack. Jack to me is the type of guy who loooves talking big game about how he's such a grill man, how he's got coal burning in his veins and how he's been grilling since he was a month old or whatever, but those are all just words. His actual barbecue ranges from "Whatever" to "Bad" and there's hardly an inbetween. People talked bad about his barbecue one time and then he stopped doing it all together. He's also a GRINGO 👺🤬🤬🤬👹👺🤬👹 and that means he shouldn't be allowed on it. Do NOT let him near the grill he doesn't even know what Picanha is.
- Mordecai. He doesn't want to be near the grill and shouldn't be allowed to either. He is a very heavy alcoholic, if he stands too close to the fire he WILL catch on fire, but even if he doesn't the guy just isn't very good at it. It's not his calling you know ? He could probably put in the effort and scrape together a mid barbecue but he doesn't have that kinda energy just lying around. He's the guy who brings the alcohol and drinks 70% of it on his own, he has no interest. He is not allowed on the grill but it's for the best.
- Wilhelm. I don't trust him not to put motor oil on the meat. I don't think his tastebuds work as well anymore due to becoming a robot and all, but even if they did like. I don't think he should be. I don't even have a very good reasoning to put him here I just think he shouldn't be allowed near the grill.
Not allowed near the grill because they don't know how to barbecue
- Tiny Tina, Ava and Angel. - I'm grouping them all together because my reasoning for this is very simple : They are kids / teenagers. They can WATCH the grill, and Maybe flip something when they're supervised, but they don't know how to barbecue. Tina gets distracted easily and leaves at some point (also she's only been eating crumpets for Way too long I'm not trusting her with seasoning), Ava gets too worried about messing up and gets Maya to help her, and Angel. Does not know what a barbecue is aside from reading about it online. She'd probably get too overwhelmed from the sounds and smell to do anything also. (READ: She was trapped in a room for 16 years). They are not allowed near the grill.
- Fl4k and Zer0. First of all, they don't need to eat, and their very odd tastes in what they usually consume is because they're both robots, so I think it's best to keep them off the grill. Not even bringing up the fact that Fl4k is 100% contaminated with every germ from their pets. They are not allowed near the grill.
- Athena. I dont think she's ever been to one, and the Crimson lance was likely not doing teaching about that either. She just strikes me as the type of person to just be clueless as to what she's supposed to do, but she would be able to learn if you taught her with specific steps I'm sure. She is not allowed near the grill but she could be.
- Timothy. Another gringo. He just wouldn't know how to. I don't have to justify this one ok you know why he isn't allowed. He was a poor college student, he's never had a grill in his house I'm afraid. He's not allowed near the grill.
- Tyreen. Gets someone else to do it for her because she simply can't be bothered. Gods don't negotiate ? More like Gods can't cook their own meals due to never having to learn how to (<- She absorbs people for energy). She is not allowed near the grill.
- Troy. Same as Tyreen, but even more so. I don't think he eats a lot of "normal" food anyway because he just prefers to get his energy straight up from phaseleeching. He's not allowed near the grill.
- Katagawa jr. You can't tell me the guy would know shit about grilling. He hires private chefs to do it for him while he has a margarita and copious quantities of cocaine while chilling by the sidelines. He's not allowed near the grill.
Not allowed near the grill because they'd burn that shit to the ground
- Krieg. Listen I would never slander my man Krieg if it wasn't for good reason, but the man is not allowed near the grill. It's not his calling. He would be serving either charred meat or really raw meat, and unless he's laser focused in and poeticizing about how the flame dances on the flesh of the slain, he would get bored with looking at the grill and go do something else. He is not allowed near the grill.
- Claptrap. Just. Claptrap. Please include him in the barbecue but do NOT let him ANYWHERE near the grill.
- Mr. Torgue. Another obvious one. He would blow up the grill in an epic way but then no one would be able to eat.
- Aurelia. Her excuse is that a lady of her calibre shouldn't be on the grill, but the real reason is because she can't do it like Alistair and gets pissed off about it. Maybe the grill wouldn't be set on fire but it WOULD be frozen solid by a blast.
Miscellaneous - Don't fit in specific categories, but I still wanted to include them.
- Moxxi CAN grill really damn well, but prefers not to because it "breaks the illusion for her character". She is allowed on the grill but chooses not to be.
- Rhys is the same as Sasha and Fiona but he is barely being able to reach the table to eat because he was yapping too much and forgor. He grabs bites of Sasha's plate because she feels bad for him /J
- Vaughn is nothing if not a man of surprises to me and I would not be shocked if he knew how to make a mean barbecue. I'm not sure how good but you know.
- Clay brings meat and a fair share of drinks, but he can't grill unfortunately. Smoke would be bad for his hair.
- Typhon DeLeon is not invited to any barbecue ever due to being the second worst man alive.
- Buttstallion isn't allowed on the grill on account of not having hands go flip the meat with and being a horse that only eats pure eridium.
If I forgot any characters uhhhhhhhh I'm very hungry sorry I am not remember. Goodbye
