idk idk. will i spend my whole life being constantly melancholic and nostlagic for stuff that's gone? and just. most of the times i'm gladi had a private teacher - two excellent ones, - freedom to choose what i wanted to play, that i never developed any sort of... hatred for a music school. but sometimes i'm filled with so much regret because i'm hardly ever going to use it professionally, and i will probably never learn to read sheet music and play it just like that, and passion like mine should not be thrown away, it just shouldn't. it shouldn't collect dust only to be taken out smetimes when i feel like it.