New form of joke: telling someone to roll an ability check for something that obviously doesn’t need that type of check

“I wanna see if this dead body is anyone we recognize” “Roll an acrobatics check”

You say joke, but I like to use it as an opportunity to genuinely fuck with players. “I want to see if the dead body is anyone we know.” “Roll acrobatics.” “11?” “The body seizes you by the wrists and lunges at your throat with its teeth, howling like a demon. You are grappled. Roll initiative.”

Or, “I want to check the chest for traps.” “Roll performance.” “Okay, uh. 17…?” “You start whistling quietly while you go about tapping, poking, and examining the sides of the chest. It’s a pretty catchy tune you picked up a couple days ago from the bard.” “Alright, neat, and the chest?” “The chest starts humming along.”

OH MY GOSH THAT SECOND ONE IS A RLLY GOOD IDEA

Here’s one that happened in a game I was in:

Our party was sitting around a bar in a new town. This happened with no prompting:

DM: [to the half-orc in the party] Roll for wisdom.

Half-orc: 5?

DM: You didn’t think about it.

All of us: ?!?!????!?!!!?

The next day, they were walking around with the sheriff in town, who also happened to be a half-orc.

DM: Roll for wisdom again.

Half-orc: 15.

DM: You JUST realized that nobody in this town has been staring at you for being a half-orc. That’s all. 

“Mercy on Herr Wright’s eardrums, I could hear you from the parking lot.”

A lot of people liked my last piece so I decided to draw something with Apollo in it. Poor guy needs a sequel. ilu ;-; Who should I draw next?

(to the tune of The Final Countdown) it’s a mental breakdown

*off-key kazoo*

After vine died we are reduced to text form vines

I added some more to the D&D valentines set, so now there’s a full lettersize sheet if you’re into that. Do you know how hard it is to come up with PG D&D puns?

These are gr8! :D 

@dangerous-john

do you think phoenix had the same thoughts we’ve been having about 2016 and he was just “please don’t let anything worse happen this year it’s almost over please” “miles edgeworth has been arrested for murder” “god DAMMIT”

i open the word document

outline: done

fingers: ready

mind: blank

i forcibly close out of the word document

If corals get stressed they die, so if I was coral I would be dead 

what do coral even get stressed about

Current events

I sea.

guys, i work at an aquarium and my coworkers and i have literally laughed at this for three days straight. everytime we pass each other we whisper “current events” and crack up. our customers think we are nuts.

Tolkien Pressure 9/?

follow for more straight erasure