I vent

life is so weird. Liam died (I was a huge one direction fan) and then today my mom told me she thinks her stomach problems are from pancreatic cancer (it runs in my family)

let me pack up the sad thoughts I had a dream where I had one kiss with a guy and it got freaky real fast let me just say boy did I feel cherished and wanted it rewired me

What’s the feeling called when you feel “I’m no one’s best friend. I wish I could find my platonic person that gets me and I, them. A person who I don’t have to feel I’m competing with others for. I wish someone would try to put effort into our relationship like I do them.”

a big update to my anxiety problem if anyone is still out there listening: I HAVE A DIAGNOSIS!!!

turns out I am deficient in iron and vitamin d 😅 but as I get better it is expected that my anxiety will too, at least I think so. my school has counseling services for free and I plan to utilize them when school is back in session just in case the anxiety is not purely attributed to my vitamin deficiencies

more news came to light about my aunt and her bum ass son. I can’t stand to live with them. All they do is take advantage of my mother accepting $1k of the mortgage and not the $1,300 that was agreed on before we moved in. don’t help with chores and want to claim the house is also theirs but they do not even 10% of the housework-in fact they do NONE. the resentment is building up and this is only a small fraction why I am starting to hate them.

anxiety is interesting because why am I scared of trying mouthwash and a new conditioner and I could go on. I’m going to see someone for it though

I was in therapy for one of my classes and during my last session my counselor said I was doing great at managing my anxiety :)

honestly taking the step to say some thing was wrong was nerve wracking but it was a necessary leap I had to take and I found some helpful advice from researching it

when I was younger I had these floral color changing nail stickers that changed colors in the sun or something. they were originally white I remember that part. They were given to me by someone and they came in a square plastic backing and I’m so sad I can’t find anything close to it

also for the life of me I cannot remember the name of a game where you play as a little girl who raises squirrels and dinosaurs and both lay eggs(?). The goal is to raise them and make more but the dinos can’t enter with the squirrels or they eat them all. trust me I rooked at every game I could find that have dinos, squirrels, or a combo of both and never found it again

attraction is so funny because I think of my celeb crushes in their 30s+ and I go feral but not care much for them in their 20s when I myself am in my 20s

I got my lab results back and they say everything is normal but that didn’t solve my problem of feeling like the ground opened up under my feet and is dragging me down tired. and once I feel it coming up, it feels like something dropped in my body and I need to fix it now before the palpitations start. Hopefully I don’t go another 3 months without answers

when me and my mom were house hunting we had seen some new houses a few cities away from where we live now and I’m still obsessed with it 2 yrs later. I’m going to help my mom buy that house. She deserves that house and I’m obsessed with the layout. Firstly though we have to give our house she just bought a makeover and hopefully we keep her because I do love this house a ton for a variety of reasons but unless my family get better paying jobs, no one can even afford to rent it out as it is currently

a year ago I thought I was tired in the middle of the day and so I would walk around my campus but now I feel like the ground opened up is dragging me down and if this is tied to my random anxiety I’m excited to find out and get help

fictional men with wide shoulders wide chest big arms wide thighs who look like they been through war (and in some cases actually have been) >>>

Ik I haven’t talked about the Palestinian genocide that’s happening in Israel at the moment but I was so disgusted when I saw on the news that the oppressor supporters have been going to gun ranges more often because of a war…a war they currently have 10 upper hands in because they’re the ones with millions of dollars of support from other countries. And no where in that news segment did they mention who has the most causalities so it was just propaganda again

I’m so flirty and powerful in my dreams I wished it transferred into real life :(