Master manipulator Ash

I was planning to write a meta on how Shorter also saved Ash’s humanity and was indeed the first to do so (and no, I’m totally NOT under the influence of @sevenflats​’ gorgeous shorash fanart) but then I realised that the main idea I had for that meta actually overlaps with what @ash-in-the-rye​ inspired me to write about power relations in Banana Fish.

Content/trigger warning: This meta discusses child sexual abuse.

All his life Ash fought against people who sought to dominate him for his beauty, intelligence and skills. While the odds were always in favour of his opponents who had resources he didn’t have, Ash made use of the very same qualities they were after to fight back. He tipped off the power balance to his favour by pretending to play the part they expected him to and caught them unawares. 

How did Ash learn to do that? Well, in the worst possible way. When he was repeatedly raped by his baseball coach in Cape Cod, he killed him to put an end to what his abuser was doing to him because the adults around him couldn’t. According to James, the guy thought he didn’t have to kill Ash like the other kids because he was paying him money. So here’s the thing. And this is really difficult to think about, let alone to put into words. Ash was only 8 years old and he knew this. He knew the money was keeping him alive. That’s why James, the genius that he is, suggested that Ash ask the guy for money in the first place. Ash also knew that as long as money was involved, the abuse would continue and there would be no way out. By then, he must have observed the guy many times and learned his routine. So one day, he took his father’s gun. 

It’s shocking to think that an 8-year-old would commit premeditated murder. The fact of the matter is that when the adults around him who should have protected him failed to do so, Ash took matters into his own hands. And he learned something from this experience: how to turn his vulnerability into an advantage.

Ash’s loneliness

Originally posted on 1 April 2019 in Turkish here.

Let’s take a closer look at this loneliness that Eiji’s talking about.

Ash’s mother abandoned him after he was born. James was hardly a father to Ash at all. Griffin, who was ten years older than his little brother, assumed the role of both parents before he was drafted to Vietnam. These are the facts we know. So then, was there no one around Ash who cared about him until he met Eiji?

Take Blanca, for example. He’s not any different from Ash as he’s very lonely too. But he’s not deprived of his humanity like some other adults in Banana Fish. Still, he swallowed the bitter pill long ago and learned the hard way not to try to bend the rules of the game. Also, Blanca can’t dissociate Ash from his past. He can’t see beyond the bruises on his wrists and ankles when he looks at him. And that’s perhaps his biggest mistake.

We kind of have an idea about what Blanca lived through but I can only imagine how fucked-up life has been for him to be so damn practical about what to do with Ash when he first meets him. Instead of rebelling at the idea of a child ending up in such circumstances, he simply thinks to himself, “This world is the only place this child can belong to.” That’s why Blanca teaches Ash how to survive in the underworld, not how to escape from it. But that’s not what Ash wants. Ash never wished to become a king in the world he was thrown in. He wants to tear it down at the risk of his own life.

From Ash’s perspective, Blanca is probably the best thing that happened to him in those years. Other than Private Opinion, the preview of episode 22 unexpectedly gives us an idea about how little Ash saw Blanca. In the preview Blanca tells Ash, “You used to be such a sweet boy. You’d secretly read the books I had finished, scrape the food you didn’t like off your plate to mine and follow me around like a duckling.”

Yeah, I’m melting inside too. Someone please draw fanarts of these scenes? Like this maybe?

Back to our point… Since Ash is a child, he behaves around Blanca the same way a child behaves around a trusted adult as this preview tells us. But I don’t think he ever forgot who Blanca was and why he was there. Blanca would make sure he always remembered that in the first place.

So Blanca never becomes a parent figure for Ash. He doesn’t (can’t) really give him the love and care he needs at that age. What’s more, the Central Park scene at the end of the story kind of proves to us that these two have never and will never be a cure to each other’s loneliness.

O zaman bir de 15 yaşındaki Ash’ten duyalım…

Ash’in yalnızlığı

Eiji’nin bahsettiği bu yalnızlığa biraz daha yakından bakalım.

Annesi Ash’i doğar doğmaz terk etmiş. Babasına baba demeye bin şahit gerek. Ona hem anne babalık yapan kendinden on yaş büyük ağabeyi ise askere alınmış. Buraya kadar tamamız. Ash, Eiji’yle tanışana kadar hiç mi etrafında ona sevgi gösteren biri olmamış peki?

Blanca’yı ele alırsak onun da Ash’ten çok bir farkı yok. O da yapayalnız. İnsanlığını kaybeden yetişkinlerden olmamakla birlikte Blanca acı ilacı içmiş, oyunun kurallarını ve bu kuralların dışına çıkmaması gerektiğini öğrenmiş. Blanca, Ash’i yaşadıklarından bağımsız düşünemiyor. Ona baktığında el ve ayak bileklerindeki izlerin ötesini göremiyor. Bu belki de Blanca’nın en büyük hatası.

Blanca kim bilir neler görüp geçirmiş ki Ash’le ilk tanıştığında gayet pratik düşünüyor: “14 yaşındaki bir çocuğun bu ortamlarda ne işi var?” diye boşu boşuna isyan etmek yerine “Bu çocuk bu dünyanın dışında yapamaz” diyor. Dolayısıyla, Ash’e içine düştüğü dünyadan kaçmayı değil ancak bu dünyada hayatta kalmayı öğretiyor. Halbuki, Ash’in nihai amacı bu değil. Ash hiçbir zaman içine düştüğü dünyada kral olmayı istemiyor; o dünyayı canı pahasına alaşağı etmek istiyor.

Ash’in gözünden bakacak olursak Blanca şüphesiz o yıllarda küçük Ash’in başına gelen en iyi şey. Private Opinion dışında hiç olmadık bir kaynak bize Ash’in Blanca’yı nasıl gördüğüne dair çok güzel bir fikir veriyor. Animenin 22. bölümünün fragmanında Blanca Ash’e şöyle diyor: “Eskiden ne tatlı çocuktun. Benim bitirdiğim kitapları alıp gizli gizli okurdun, sevmediğin yemek olunca benim tabağıma itelerdin, yavru ördek gibi peşimden hiç ayrılmazdın.”

Evet biliyorum, ben de eridim içten içe. Biri bu sahneleri fanart’laştırsın n’olur. Mesela böyle.

Konuya geri dönersek Ash çocuk olduğu için haliyle çocukların güvendikleri yetişkinlere davrandıkları gibi davranıyor Blanca’ya. Ama Blanca’nın kim olduğunu ve ne amaçla orada olduğunu bir an için bile unuttuğunu zannetmiyorum. En başta Blanca bunu unutmamasını sağlamıştır.

Sonuç olarak, Blanca hiçbir zaman Ash’e bir ebeveyn gibi davranmıyor. Dolayısıyla, Ash’e ihtiyaç duyduğu sevgiyi ve şefkati hiçbir zaman tam anlamıyla ver(e)miyor. Öte yandan, hikayenin en sonunda Ash ve Blanca arasında geçen diyalog da bu ikisinin birbirlerinin yalnızlığına derman olmadığını ve bundan sonra da olamayacağını resmen tescilliyor.