Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

it’s sooo funny when rude customers encounter employees who can deny them service for the first time.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”

And he was so astonished he didn’t even argue he just turned around and left 💀🙏🏻 it was like he suddenly became self aware

The Crushing Weight of Not Knowing If There Is a Task

im starting to think this crushing weight is not about the tasks

You can really sense the tumblr userbase aging

"No one wants to work anymore." Damn right brother. If I could sit in a beautiful field for 40 hours every week of my singular precious life I would

This week it is Florida, but the same applies.

I've been having a lot of feelings about the downfall of quality lately.

I ordered a pair of Dickies pants because pants are hard and workwear is usually reliable. When they arrived they were the scratchiest, most papery material--I can't actually call it fabric in good faith--and fit a full three sizes too small. A week later I found the same pair in a thrift store, dated 2017. These are actual pants. They fit, they're not made of asbestos. They're only separated by time.

There's no wood used in interior design unless it's a custom build. I have a set of wealthy relatives who live in a condo. The downpayment for it was likely more money than I will see in my lifetime. The floors and the cabinets are all still laminate. I know I will never see real wood in a building constructed after 2000. Every "apartment hack" I see online has this very conspicuous, flat appearance because of all the paint and contact paper required to make these builds look personal in any way. The only natural materials are in the furnishings.

I've been harping on this for years, but everything is shit, nothing is designed to work, and "growth" and "profit" are just euphemisms for cutting corners until things are unworkable.

everything is more expensive, and everything is getting shittier.

Yes, such a claim makes him look like a small-minded piece of shit. To us. But we still shouldn't help Musk create revisionist history.

Musk bought Twitter because he fucked around and found out. He wanted to fuck with Twitter's stock price by feigning interest in buying it. Since that's illegal, he was then cornered into actually buying it for an insanely inflated price.

He's a transphobe. He's a bad father. But he's also a fucking idiot.

This. Please remember that he committed blatant market manipulation by not disclosing that he owned shares of Twitter when he was fucking with the stock market. The SEC was watching him very closely already, and so when the cost became more than what the entire company was worth, he had no choice. Remember when he had his gaggle of lawyers try to get him out of it by saying Twitter didn't disclose all of the information? That wasn't Twitter, it was him trying desperately to get out of a purchase he didn't want in the first place.

stacys mom turned me into a frog!

im eating flies and live inside a log!

stacy cant you see she has placed a spell on me!

now im in a bog and look just like a small green frog

who is telling men that having gray in their hair is ugly. why are they fucking lying

who is telling women that having gray in their hair is ugly!!!!!!! why are they fucking lying!!!!!!!

It would be great if I could just go to sleep and not have the "my shiny teeth and me" song playing in my head at max volume

EVISCERATED

For those that don’t know, Brock’s mom and dad both bailed on their kids to go dreamchasing for a bit and he had to look after NINE siblings on his own

In other words,

SHOTS FIRED

Brock also just kind of left those same 9 siblings so he could travel the world with a 12 year old and his electric rat

Brock literally hung tight until his dad came home, gave said dad a stern shit-talking about how much of a worthless deadbeat he was to his face, refused to set one foot out of Pewter City until he was sure the dude would stay and take care of his damn kids, and then left to follow the dreams he was never allowed to follow because he was too busy cleaning up his parents goddamn mistakes.

But, like, go off, I guess.

If the one in the first pic is his mom, why does she look younger than him?

Because she’s not the one who had to raise 9 kids.

world heritage post

I’m 35 now. Also here’s the original doodle

i feel like i just walked past jesus in a hot topic