Despite what outsiders might think, not all Estonians and Finns are lowkey into BDSM. For us, hitting ourselves (and others) with birch tree brances while completely naked in an hot room is completely normal activity.
support platonic hot branch spanking
Someone recently posted about how Tumblr clout doesn’t actually translate into anything in real life, it just means X amount of people read your post, so what’s the point?
I mean besides the fact that some people actually use their posts for good, like activism and combating misinformation, there’s just posting for the sake of posting which is its own reward.
But also, sometimes you’ll make an impression with your fucked up posting that someone decides to send you a DM to talk to you about elves or a podcast or a podcast about elves or something and now you’ve made a new best friend :)
Also sometimes you get to teach people about sauna gnomes and that’s rewarding in and of itself
PLEASE tell me what a sauna gnome is
Okay, so: it’s “saunatonttu” in Finnish. The word “tonttu” gets translated as “elf” sometimes but like as a Finn I emphatically disagree with that shit, these ain’t no elves. “Gnome” has its own issues but I think it’s funny.
They’re basically a type of tutelary spirit of the sauna. Whenever you build a sauna a sauna gnome will eventually move in. I mean you can always expedite the process by going to someone else’s sauna and telling everyone there that you’ve just built a sauna and it’s such a shame that you don’t have a sauna gnome yet, so the local sauna gnome will put the word on the grapevine that any sauna gnomes in need of a sauna know that there’s a new sauna in town.
And they basically take care of the sauna for you, making sure it doesn’t burn down and that it works properly. But they’re also capricious and vindictive: to stay on their good side you gotta make sure to behave properly in the sauna (the sauna is no place for drunkenness or obscenity, in fact going to the sauna should be treated almost as a somber religious ritual), you gotta greet them when coming and going, and it’s customary to leave them a vihta/vasta (a bundle of birch branches with the leaves on, used for cleaning up in the sauna) and to leave them one last löyly (a very specific term for the steam that rises from the sauna’s stove, called “kiuas”) before you leave so the sauna gnome can enjoy the saunaing.
If you’re in breach of sauna gnome etiquette they may turn against you and skin you alive or burn down your sauna.
Passing this along in case any of my mutuals were thinking of building a sauna.
@cipheramnesia left these gems in the tags and they have passed peer review…
last time the finnish dragged people this hard the russians were pissing their pants
Have you heard about the sauna gnome
so i looked it up and:
A haltija (haltia) is a spirit, gnome, or elf-like creature in Finnish mythology that guards, helps, or protects something or somebody.
ok so far so good. but then:
The saunatonttu lives in the sauna and protects it but also makes sure that people do not behave improperly in it.
this elf was created to shame people into public decency
Shame gnome
SHAME GNOME
You know how fantasy races/aliens are built around a common idea (dwarves have wealth, vulcans don't show emotion, klingons are violent, etc)... Finland sounds like that, but the thing you center your entire society around is going to the sauna...
I was gonna say they’re not as big of a deal as some other things, but then I started thinking about it and yeah, you’re right…..
Here’s a map of every public sauna in Finland:
Then there are all of the private saunas which are literally everywhere - most houses have their own and even some apartments like mine have a small one. If you don’t have a personal sauna there’s usually at least a shared one with others in the same building complex. And of course summer cottages, which there are also a dickload of in finland, have saunas.
The sauna/person ratio is about 1:2
you could be in the middle of fucking woods and still run into scouts with a portable tent sauna. they’re just fucking everywhere
there’s a huge difference whether a finn invites you TO sauna or BEHIND the sauna
to sauna means a regular sauna experience but behind the sauna means they’re going to kill you
Sauna for dummies
- Sauna is an essential to Finnish culture. Back in the days Finns did not only bathe, but also cooked, gave birth and healed the sick in the sauna. There are also many old sauna-related beliefs.
- Go naked! It’s better, trust me. If you feel shy or uncomfortable, you can always take a towel.
- Bring a small towel you can sit on. For hygienic reasons. Also because the benches may be uncomfortably hot.
- Some public saunas are unisex. Just letting you know. But don’t worry, people usually act very appropriately.
- Don’t wear a swimsuit in a sauna if you swam in a pool! You most likely have chlorine on your swimsuit. It will vaporize and it’s toxic.
- First shower, then sauna, then shower again. If you’re at a summer cottage, it might not be possible to take a shower first, though.
- Spanking yourself with a birch whisk may sound weird, but it’s really worth it. It’s called vasta or vihta in Finnish. It helps your blood circulation and it smells good.
- Some like it hot, some don’t. Quite often you hear Finns say that the perfect sauna temperature is somewhere between 80 and 100 °C (176-212 °F) degrees but some like lower temperatures around 60-70 degrees (140-158 °F). Or even lower. And it’s totally okay! Sauna is not a competition. Though Finland used to host sauna world championships. No more championships have been held since 2010 when the men’s final turned out to be fatal.
- There’s a lot of sauna-related vocabulary in Finnish. See some examples here!
- There’s nothing sexual in sauna. Though there are ”gay saunas” all over the world and sweating naked in a steamy dim room while spanking yourself with twigs may sound kind of peculiar, sauna is just for bathing and relaxation purposes.
- Electric sauna in the city is good, but nothing beats a wooden sauna by a lake in the middle of nowhere.
- Experience the smoke sauna! Smoke saunas have no chimney, which means that the room will be filled with smoke. When it’s hot enough, the smoke is ventilated out and only after that you go in. It takes time and skill to prepare the smoke sauna properly and safely.
- Add some scent. Many shops sell different kinds of sauna scents which are basically scented oils you add in the water you throw on the sauna stove. Some typical scents are eucalyptus, birch and tar. Some throw beer on the stove (it will smell like bread).
- Opposites attract. Run out of the steamy sauna and jump into a lake or dive into a pile of snow. Or combine these two and go ice swimming! If these outdoor activities are not possible, take a cold shower. You will feel alive.
- Humidity is as important as the heat! A hot, dry sauna is very uncomfortable. Remember to throw water on the stove.
- The more water you throw, the hotter it will be. Also the higher you sit, the higher the temperature.
- Sauna is not dangerous, but there are some things you should pay attention to. Don’t stay in for too long. Don’t go to sauna if you are sick. You sweat in sauna, which means you lose fluids; remember to drink afterwards. If you have heart problems, avoid sudden temperature changes.
- Sauna makes you relaxed. It is not recommended to go before exercising; it’s not dangerous, but you will feel lazy.
- Have a beer afterwards. It’s just a tradition.
One more fact: the spirit/god of the sauna steam (which has its own specific word in Finnish, löyly) is called Auterinen.
valkeakuulas replied to your post: I want to make dumb paint doodles just…
Soundwave in sauna, using vihta
hawt.png
*makes the most horrible sound ever that might've been laughter*
Perfect
In Sandunóvskie Baths Soundwave is bath attendant.
Finnish man Sulo Karjalainen tells about his friend Juuso, a brown bear who he raised and took care of.
This is a clip from a documentary called Miesten Vuoro (Steam of Life), a really excellent doc about Finnish men. It portrays different men from different stages of their life, and gets quite heart-wrenching in places (I shed tears along with the man who told he can’t see his children because of unfair divorce proceedings). Really excellent, well worth watching.
06.12. - Happy independence day Finland!
“The Finns have something they call sisu. It is a compound of bravado and bravery, of ferocity and tenacity, of the ability to keep fighting after most people would have quit, and to fight with the will to win.” — Time magazine (1940)
Or watched them go into the sauna. Saw few weeks back several men take their off clothes with my very own eyes. Even the host got buck naked right in front of me. That was little uncomfortable, but mostly because he is my friend's ex and, well, she liked to tell things.*shrugs*