Warnings : Angst, but also fluff A/N : Because Johnny is a hopeless romantic. I’m sorry, it broke my heart writing this but I love it so much…

• Johnny thought he found the love of his life once. He told you about her one day, when he was feeling a bit down. Those were not the best memories he had of his life before meeting you. But they were the reason he cherished every single moment he had with you now.
• She came into his life early on, at a time when he was expertly balancing school work, sports, hobbies, and part time work. He had a very full life, and he thrived in it. Even then, he managed to make room for her in his busy schedule, always taking the time to walk her home after school and to invite her over on the weekends.
• He made sure to be the best boyfriend he could ever be for her because he loved her so much. And with time and a couple of years together, he fell even more deeply in love with her. He thought she was the love of his life and that he was lucky to have found her so early in his life. Johnny was a very intelligent young man and would not have dumbly fallen in love with the first girl that came to talk to him. This was real, and this was meant to last… at least it was for him.
• He knew that, going into the military, maintaining this relationship would need some effort. But she assured him they were gonna make it. She did. And he trusted her. He did his very best to make her happy, even from hundreds of kilometers away. He still thought about her all the time and used any free time to talk to her on the phone or write her some letters.
• Until she stopped answering his calls one day. He got confused at first, then scared. Scared something might’ve happened to her, she and his mom were his sole source of information about what went on back home.
• He tried again and again to reach her, without managing. Until one day when he called her number for the umpteenth time this week, he heard the voice of his best friend at the time on the other end, telling him “Seriously… mate, give up.”
• And his world and his heart fell apart.
• He blamed himself for falling so fast for her… so hard. He put so much energy and love into the relationship thinking this was it. It might have been… at one point and for a time. But then it wasn’t anymore. And he did not realize it. He blamed himself for not seeing it coming. He should’ve known. Idiot.
• This broke him for a while. Luckily he had something greater to live for. He lived for his work. He lived for his ambitions like he always did. He silently swore, one night, in the dark of the room he shared with nine other men, he swore to never fall again. Not like this. This hurt too much. More than anything the officers had put him through during his training. Cause nothing seemed to make sense anymore.
• And then he met you. And he fell again. Harder.
• But this time you were the one to tell him. He was the one. The love of your life. And so he trusted you with his heart. And you’ve treasured it and never stopped from the moment he handed it to you as he pulled you into a soft embrace.

• The reader is not military :

• Or the reader is military :

• In my head, after coming back and noticing he definitely developped a taste for hurting people, and especially women, he would turn to BDSM to explore that side of himself. He would try and take back power over his sexuality this way maybe, which is very toxic but it's the only thing he could think of for now. But then somehow along the way he finds someone good who helps him in more ways than he planned at first...
• Also related to his traumatic backstory but also to the main plot, I think going back to Mexico after what he went through would be quite difficult to process. Even if he mourned the part of him he lost there a long time ago, he can't help the faint memories coming back to him, feelings mostly, through visual details in the streets, smells, noises. Sometimes, those feelings are quite overwhelming even of he doesn't show it.
• If he were in a relationship with someone and accepted to meet their family, I think it would also be a difficult time for him. He still remembers his family living happily after his brother married and this was ripped from him so fast. He would be seized with jealousy seeing your family so close together and happy, something he never had growing up, and he would absolutely hate himself for thinking of your in such a way.
• Further down the line, though, he would have worked on himself and would be able to fully embrace your family's comfort. It's refreshing for him and for you. He's slowly healing.