artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.

its like, impossible to come up with anything funnier than the experience of seeing this post

pharoahs fuck better because they ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put the pussy in a scarmophogoghs

world heritage post

Vikings fuck better because they be Loki leaving that gna feeling Thor and Fulla Nott

I love that he has the fire shield earrings on. Really adds to the comic.

it would have the texture of thick honey until your body supercooled it with its spit and blood and steam and what nots, then if you are able to power through, it would have the texture of Evil Rock Candy

Challenge: construct a power that allows you to metaphorically see into the future that is both useful and doesn’t allow you to become a billionaire

Hard mode: it must allow you to see at least ten seconds into the future

Extra hard mode: at least a minute

You can look into the future but you can’t read anything. Including numbers. Written words are just nonsense to you. Also you have to be monolingual. You can decide what language but you only get one.

I like this one. It's an interesting limitation.

Hmm: learn to recognise jockeys and/or horses, look into the future see who wins a race and bet on the winner of the race. That should allow you to make as much money as you want gambling

My attempt at easy mode: you can see a few seconds into the future but only when you're in the middle of a fight. It doesn't work for planned fights/sparring and only shows what's going on with the fight and not outside it.

Cool power for a combat focused setting but not immediately obvious to me how to make a bunch of money with it

You can look into the future but every time you act on what you see it changes, butterfly of doom style. Like legit "the RNG gives a different number" type shit

if what you see never has enough resemblance to the timeline you actually end up in to be useful, that can't meet the conditions

limits on how frequently you can use the power could help with threading the needle, but probably wouldn't be enough on their own

You can see, theoretically, infinitely into the future.

But !

Predestination does not exist. So what you see is actually a random selection of the most likely possible futures. The further out you’re looking, the more possible futures you see, until you’re absolutely drowning in them.

This is still useful for short time spans (a day or less) but basically worthless in circumstances where chance is involved.

You can analyze a thousand possible futures at the horse track to determine who is most likely to win, but in the end you’re still playing the odds just like everybody else. You could do the same thing just by studying the horses and jockeys really in depth.

You can see what the stock market will probably be tomorrow, but there’s no telling what it’ll be the day after that. You’re just gambling.

You could maybe do some basically magic insider trading, but then the IRS murders you in your sleep, so that’s no good.

In terms of making money, this power is no more useful than a degree in statistics.

But if you wanted to be a superhero? Know which way the villain is about to run, which wire to cut on the bomb, if that bridge is about to collapse, whether there really were still people in that burning building? Fuckin ideal.

Emotional Feedback

you can experience within a second the emotions you will feel if you choose a course of action up to a minute after that action is taken.

ex:

I want to eat this inconspicuous chocolate egg- oh boy, joy! pain? regret? regret? regret? why regret? pop open egg, it is filled with actual egg.

can i come over and do this

im not going to ask, im going to go to your house and do this to you until you under go my quest.

(i need you to go with me to the specialty stores for early christmas shopping because i get overly nervous in areas that feel to nice. if no one goes with me, i will end up stuck talking to someone out of inane obligation and miss out on the movie tickets i bought prior)

well it's a pun so it doesn't really work in another language.

meeting someone is jemanden treffen, but treffen can also mean you hit them with something and them being hunters implies they shoot things.

so if to hunters meet each other in german it's not clear if they just met or shot each other.

OK so in English it would be something like...

"Two stoners take a hit. Their both dead."

Oh what? The leader of the automotives doesn't deserve to get his back blown out? The dragon warrior doesn't deserve to get his ass slurpped like noodles? Do better.

“Say hello Travis.”

“✨hello Travis 💅”

lol fuck’em