Welcome to the whale fall!

"Whoa nice, a backup camera¹!"

¹backup cameras have been mandatory for over half a decade

THEY HAVE??

shirt i want

Everyone has goth sex hormones it came free with your fucking existence.

BOTH I MEANT

BOTH

[id: Red flaming text on a black background, reading: "Edgar Allan Ty-poe". end id.]

do you actually want (fetish related thing) or do you just (attempt at psychoanalysis that reveals more about OP than anything else)

do you actually have a lactation fetish or are you just dehydrated right now

Do you actually have a lactation fetish or did you forget to buy milk and remember to buy cereal

Sterling Silver & Enamel Nautical Signal Flags Sweetheart Bracelet, circa 1930-1940, with life rings ends, flags spelling out "I Love You"

I have a deep appreciation for every person who posts lists and articles with the theme "Why you shouldn't get X as a pet" where X is everything from exotics to cats and dogs.

Often these articles, especially the ones for cats and dogs, garner terrible comments from people defending their pets as if the article is an insult or threat. The articles aren't for them though.

They're for me. And people like me.

I would be a terrible pet owner. I dislike extra mess (e.g., food tossed about, shed hair, droppings), hassle (e.g., multiple hours required daily interaction, protecting cords and cables from chewing, daily walks) and additional chores (e.g., litter boxes, vomit clean up, aquarium cleaning).

Occasionally, though, I get this little urge saying Wouldn't it be nice to have something else sentient in your apartment....?

And I'll start browsing adoption websites or small breeder sites or upcoming conventions or shelters or however the pet in question is acquired. I'll read through care instructions, make a budget, and think I could do that...

But then, some tiny part of me, too quiet to be heard over the growing momentum of pet pet pet directs my fingers to hunt for the 'why you shouldn't' articles, because there will be one. There's always inevitably one published on a pet store website, hidden in a forum, shared on reddit, hosted by a veterinarian--someone has compiled all the reasons why the pet is a bad idea.

So I find it. And I read it. And then I toss my budget away. And I close all my related tabs. And I let go of the thought entirely. Crisis averted.

Because, occasional impulse aside, I don't want a pet. I just need a reality check from time to time.

it’s important to remember that love doesn’t equal energy. loving your pet doesn’t mean you will have the energy to do what it requires, the mental stamina, or that it’s a good fit for your lifestyle. i don’t have a bird right now despite loving them for these reasons

there are no hard rules for human interaction but honestly i think everyone online would benefit hugely from operating under the assumption that, unless you have been given a specific reason to think otherwise in discrete instances, internet strangers do not want to be approached with:

if it is your first time speaking with someone i can not highly enough recommend that these do not be your opening topics

something that has happened enough that it’s officially a Pattern of internet behavior: i will make a tweet that’s like, a jokey headcanon about a piece of media, and then someone i’ve never spoken to before in my life will come into the replies to try and offer a directly contradictory and actively depressing take. and either within their initial reply, or once i’ve expressed polite disagreement, they’ll make sure i know that the reason they have this headcanon is because they’re projecting their own trauma or self worth issues onto a fictional character.

and the thing that really gets me about this is that i am like 90% sure these people don’t have any ill intentions or even think they’re particularly overstepping. but i just can not fathom what the intended response to these things. i have NO idea what sort of reaction they’re looking for. it’s such a weird and uncomfortable spot to be put in. it’s a great way to get instantly put on my mental list of people to never engage with in the future

We’ve all heard the “I like pancakes” / “Oh, so you hate waffles?” example of a social media exchange, but we don’t talk enough about how “I like pancakes” / “I can’t eat pancakes anymore since my brother choked to death on one before my eyes” is not a great approach either.

the real mcdonald's

sorry i took too much ibuprofen and i thought this was funny when i posted it

bro what was in that dayquil

the difference between astrology and mbti is that astrology is like someone coming up to you and saying 'i can tell your favorite color is orange because you were born in march' and mbti is like someone asking you what your favorite color is, you telling them its blue, and then them being like 'wow! according to the results, that means your favorite color is blue!' like yeah......... no shit

answers 'yes' on ten questions in a row that ask if i prefer being alone to being in large crowds and then gasps dramatically and faints onto a nearby loveseat when the mbti quiz tells me im an introvert

mbti enjoyers when they get a statement from their bank in the mail: this is so scary... how do they know where i live and what purchases ive made recently........