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#what a time to be alive – @ultralaser on Tumblr
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ultralaser

@ultralaser / ultralaser.tumblr.com

peak hatemail [ choosy moms choose gif ] long and prosper, baby
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not-malik

Let’s talk about how we’re not even a month into 2016 and the year is already wild af:

  • B.o.B. - a rapper - for some odd reason, is convinced that the Earth is flat and not spherical, and how NASA is hiding the truth about this information. His idiotic tweets eventually managed to get the attention of Neil DeGrasse Tyson, - an astrophysicist - who swiftly corrected him and threw a little bit of shade in there for good measure. B.o.B. then released a diss track for Tyson called “Flatline.” Tyson then got his nephew to ether tf out of B.o.B for being stupid and disrespectful in a diss track called “Flat to Fact.” Tyson himself then went on The Nightly Show and flamed B.o.B’s dumbass live. B.o.B. also doesn’t believe the Holocaust actually happened, but hardly anyone paid attention to that. (x)
  • Wiz Khalifa went on a rant about Kanye’s album title change and how he’s biting off of Max B’s “wavy” influence, ending with “Hit this kk and become yourself.” Kanye mistook “kk” for a jab at Kim Kardashian and unleashed hell on not only Wiz, but Amber Rose and their child as well. Amber Rose took notice and decided to tell the whole world that Kanye likes to get his ass played with. In case you were wondering what Wiz meant by “kk,” it’s weed; Wiz said Kanye’s ignorant reaction to kk is proof as to why he ain’t wavy enough to change his album title to “Waves” in the first place. (x)
  • Blac Chyna is now dating Rob Kardashian, and is actually being very supportive of him as she helps him get his life and health back on track; However, she’ll likely be sitting right across from Kylie and Tyga at the dinner table from now on. (x)
  • Rihanna’s new album “Anti” got leaked a day before it was finally released; her opening song “Consideration” featured SZA, who was recently dragged because of her 5 year old tweet stating that Rihanna (and Ciara) can’t sing. (x)
  • R. Kelly confessed that he asked for his own mother’s hand in marriage. (x)
  • Susan Osbourne tweeted that she had a dream that Shaq gave her that pipe and now she’s publicly thirsting over him despite being a married woman. Shaq’s playing along with it too. (x)
  • Frosted Flakes mascot Tony the Tiger had to block several thirsty furries on Twitter because they were legitimately sexually harassing him; some of them got so offended, they deadass slut-shammed and victim-blamed Tony for the harassment he received, suggesting he wear more clothes if he doesn’t like the unwanted attention. Cheetos mascot Chester Cheetah then jumped in and took advantage of the situation, welcoming the heartbroken furries to his Twitter instead. Keep in mind, we’re talking about cartoon mascots here. (x)
  • The FBI hosted a legitimate child pornography website as bait to catch consumers, supplying them with approx. 23,000 pictures and videos of actual child porn. Despite gaining 215,000 registered users, they only managed to arrest 25 people. (x)
  • Donald Trump openly stated that his voters are so mindless “loyal,” he could go out outside and shoot someone down in public, and he’ll still have enough supporters to win the election. (x)
  • Meek Mill’s not doing much, yet he somehow still manages to continue holding L’s. (x)

And January isnt even done yet. 

The last four are so fucking wild?

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ultralaser

may you live in interesting times

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reblogged

Shakespeare Tragedies Renamed for the Modern tumblr Teen

Titus Andronicus: “Well That Escalated Quickly”  Romeo and Juliet: “Shut Up, You’re Like 12” Julius Caesar: “I Came Out Here to Run the Roman Empire and I Am Honestly Feeling So Attacked Right Now” Hamlet: “[AGGRESSIVELY PRETENDS TO GO INSANE AND IN THE PROCESS GOES ACTUALLY INSANE MAYBE]” Othello: “Othello: Is my wife cheating on me?? Iago: Bitch, she might be.” King Lear: “Shows Up To Realization of Commonality with Humanity and Renouncement of Titles as Identity-Definers 15 Years Late With Starbucks” Macbeth: “Did It For the Vine” Antony and Cleopatra: “Much Rome. Very Egypt. Such Different. Wow.”

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