nineteen years after the battle of hogwarts

OCTOBER headmaster mcgonagall - child, this is not a 'dee ten', this is THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE, and where on earth did you find it fredericka 'fred junior' weasley - in the forest ma'am, near the harry potter memorial minerva - he didn't even really die, it was just a, never mind. do you know what this is? georgina 'ginger' weasley-granger - no ma'am, we just thought it was neat looking minerva - children, this is a **literally** mythical object with power over life and death, and the last time it appeared in my school it was the harbinger of voldemort's return, and the last time it was seen was in the //spider and vampire infested// forbidden forest, on the occasion of his most recent death and defeat fred jr - wow minerva - and you thought it was, and i quote, "neat looking" ginger - actually, ma'am, the forest isn't that bad anymore. hagrid has really turned it around. i don't even know if i'd call it 'forboding'. minerva - this year is going to be the death of me. === NOVEMBER minerva - good heavens! rubeus minerva "ruby" potter - ma'am, i was, er, rock climbing? in the ravine, under the bridge? minerva - who told you you could- ruby - hagrid said he'd spot me, he went climbing in the alps awhile back with me mum and dad, so, well i mean, he and i went climbing and mum and dad played chess with a dragon or something, it was amazing minerva - hagrid should... actually never mind WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT ruby - well as i said ma'am i was down in the ravine, and this birds nest caught me eye, you see how it's glinting in the light, so i went in for a little closer look and well, you can see why i brought it to you. minerva - seven hells ruby - well, ma'am, i admit the rappelling was a bit of a bad call on my part, but i imagine whoever's wand this is might want it back. minerva - "whoever's" wand? ruby - ma'am, do you actually //know// this wand? who it belongs to, i mean? minerva - my dear, this wand belonged to albus dumbledore. ruby - oh wow! wait, but he had, i mean, if, that means? no! minerva - the elder wand itself. your father, bless his soul, said he buried it deep under the earth where no one would ever find it. and then nineteen years later, his own daughter fishes it out of a hole //in my backyard//, in a bloody bird's nest! no one would ever find it, he said, and who did? a bird! ruby - he's not gonna believe this. minerva - put away your radiophone, child. this doesn't belong on the twitters. ruby - that's pretty close, actually, tho i was just going to ring him. although, i did kind of instagram the nest already- harry potter (bearded, disheveled, shirt half untucked under his sweater vest, bursts out of the fireplace) - WHAT IN THE HECK, RUBY minerva (places philosopher's stone on desk next to the elder nest) harry - oh no minerva - please tell me you aren't carrying an invisibility cloak on your person because i can only take so many signs and portents harry - ...i can honestly say i have not seen that thing in years. minerva (eyes narrowed to razor thin slits) === DECEMBER minerva - can you at least confirm that it still answers to you? that only you can wield it to it's full potential? harry - as best as our tests can confirm, i am no longer the master of this wand. minerva - please tell me there is not a bird in the area capable of //unimaginable// levels of magic harry - as delightful an image as that is, it showed itself to ruby, and i have to assume it did so for a reason. minerva - oh, a fourteen year old girl, yes that's much better. harry - beats a malevolent dark wizard i suppose neville - ma'am, i'm sorry to interrupt. malfoy's kid, the suspiciously nice one? minerva - lucia. neville - so anyways she came to me in herbology saying she'd tripped over some kind of invisible rug outside the room of requirement. i thought she were pulling my leg but, well, here it is. when i heard harry was visiting, i thought maybe he'd want it back? minerva (breaks the glass she was holding) harry - i had nothing to do with this. i thought it burned in the fire. neville - you know, i'll just hang on to this for awhile and come back later- minerva - harold james potter, if there is some kind of prophecy involving all this and there are about to be, i don't know, mermaid werewolves tearing through my school, i will personally give you a new bloody scar. harry - i don't know about a prophecy. maybe an old folk tale, but that would be ridiculous. fawkes (stuffed on the mantle) - (bursts into flame, flies around the room, settles on top of a dusty old book nobody can remember getting off the shelf) minerva (pulls a pack of cigarettes out a drawer and lights two) - i could have retired this year. i earned it. i did my time. i don't deserve this. harry - ...is this what it was like on the other side? oh man, this is amazing. neville (looking at book) - wait, is the kraken real?