“You can lean on my shoulder if you’re having trouble.” Qui-Gonoffered, watching the man struggle to get down.
Ben shot him a look then took a deep breath and rested his hand onQui-Gon’s shoulder, using it to slowly kneel down beside the otherJedi, wincing as his joints made a audible popping sound. Qui-Gon hidhis own wince at the sound and smiled gently at Ben. “If it startshurting to bad, tell me, I’ll help you up.”
The other master sighed then nodded. “Thank you Qui-Gon. I admitthis is…difficult.” He looked around and then settled. “But itsnice to be meditating outside for once and not worry about the sunburning me.”
“The healers told me you’re doing better. You’re breathing betterat least.” Qui-Gon had been put in charge of Ben when he wasoutside of the healer wards, ensure that he ate, kept up on hismedication and to ensure he tried to socialize.
“Finebacta mist breathed in over several hours and healing crystals.”Ben breathed in the air of the gardens as he rested his hands in hislap. “It healed most of the scar tissue of my lungs and Vokarahopes long term affect will help the rheumatism, she’s moving me fromthe basic shii-cho to the lighter forms for katas.”
Qui-Gon nodded and pretended not to seethe little group of padawans watching them, his own among them andwhat looked like Bant with her arms wrapped tightly around Obi-Wan.‘Knowing who Ben is…she looks worried.’ Not that Qui-Gon couldn’thave been accused of the same. The amount of medical tests he hadforced his padawan to attend…
He also pretended not to notice Ben’sattention suddenly wandering, the man finding a flower suddenly veryinteresting. While the medical healers were hopeful that they’dmanage to improve Ben’s health, the mindhealers were less hopeful asto improve the others shattered soul.
Sometimes Ben would have moments ofawareness that hinted to the elegant and well-spoken man his padawanhad grown to be even with the loss. Qui-Gon couldn’t help but wonderwhy the rest of the temple had left him to become like this, brokenalmost beyond repair.
No, it was best not to think like that.It was best to hope.
He smiled a bit when Ben put his headon the others shoulder, taking steady, deep breaths. It wasn’t oftenBen engaged in physical touches and that was also one of severalthings the mindhealers encouraged as a way to get him to accept thateverything was real.
“Its nice to be able to feel Jedi’sagain, even if its just me pretending.” Ben offered almost lightly.
There it was again, that hint thatOb-Ben had been alone and seemingly for a long time, without anotherJedi as company. Perhaps it wasn’t as much the temple leaving him tobe broken as there being no one around to help him.
It had been a unkind thought anyhow,Jedi wouldn’t willfully leave their own to this.
Qui-Gon slowly slipped a arm around theothers shoulders. “Indeed Ben?”
“Yes. Seventeen standard years are along time, I may have gone properly insane.” The pepper and salthaired man beside him sounded as much intrigued as amused about theidea of his own sanity and Qui-Gon took a deep breath.
“Why were you alone though? Were yousent away?” He prodded gently, trying to get the other to open.Ben’s aura flooded instantly with darker emotions.
Regret, sadness, pain and bitter griefechoed.
“The temple burned and every light inthe Force burned with it.” He whispered. “And I was sent afterthe cause of the fire that ravaged our home. My own padawan, who Fellso much further then ever Xanatos did.”
Qui-Gon noticed Plo and Shaak makingtheir way towards them, obviously having heard the other speak. Abouttheir home burning and every light in the Force? Every Jedi?
Their temple burned and the death ofall Jedi?
“What happened then Ben?” Qui-Gondidn’t want to know, yet he asked.
“Mustafar. I followed him to Mustafarand I did something terrible.” Shame flooded the Force as much asthe pain. “I gave ground and backed away and tried to talk to him.And yet he wouldn’t give and the fires burned so high and hot aroundus.” Ben stared at his hands, looking more lost then the day heappeared.
“I had the higher grounds I told him,I had the higher ground Anakin… I was standing on that banks and hetold me not to underestimate him. He jumped and I…”
“You what Ben?” Shaak knelt down infront of him, taking Ben’s aged hands in hers while encouraging him.
Dazed green stared at her. “Mou kei.My own padawan and I…” He shuddered and closed his eyes, hisshame and grief wrapping around himself like a cloak as he turned hisface into Qui-Gon’s suddenly numb shoulder.
Mou Kei was a forbidden move, a act ofdismemberment of several limbs at once and not to be utilized againstliving beings.
“Forgive me Anakin. I couldn’t killyou so I left you to torment instead.” Ben whispered thickly andQui-Gon mentally shook himself before tightening his grasp around themans shoulders, Shaak slowly rubbing Ben’s hands between her own.
Shaak meet his gaze and they bothwondered the same thing.
What had driven Ben to this statefirst, the loss of the order, the loss of his own padawan by his ownhand or the years of loneliness and isolation since.
Qui-Gon glanced across the yard andcaught his padawan’s eyes before glancing down at Ben and back. ‘Iwon’t leave you to this Obi-Wan. This will not be your future.’
The bond between them glowed inacknowledgment and worry.