@ultralaser / ultralaser.tumblr.com
the made to move laurie hernandez was marked way down, i may regret not also picking up the season 1 mcgonagall doll. #barbie #mcgonagall #lauriehernandez #madetomove https://www.instagram.com/p/BtLTBa4nMOf/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=10zrrdagmjwfj
literally the crimes of grindelwald is just a three hour long treatise on how much more interesting a 1920s mcgonagall prequel would have been
remember in goblet of fire when minerva says ‘potter’s a boy, not a piece of meat!’
imagine harry telling her everything after the battle of hogwarts, telling her about how dumbledore raised him like a pig for slaughter, and how he had to die and mcgonagall gets so goddamned mad
she loses control for the first time that harry’s EVER seen and she’s actually yelling, she’s so pissed that harry was seventeen and he had to accept death and dumbledore KNEW he would have to die and NEVER TOLD HIM
and harry’s about to cry because yeah his friends would be devastated if he was gone but NO ONE got this damn pissed that dumbledore had raised him so that he could die at the right time and mcgonagall’s in the middle of a rant and he just shoots up and hugs her and she’s stunned into silence but after a moment she hugs back and it’s great
and then she goes up to her office and starts screaming at dumbledore’s portrait because ‘i don’t care if it had to happen, albus, he is a CHILD-’
This is the Minerva McGonagall content we deserve, and make no mistake, we were robbed
AU where Minerva McGonagall has a little less faith in Albus Dumbledore so she does agree to leave Harry at the Dursleys.
But then proceeds to move right in next door with her wife because Albus never said that she couldn’t.
So Harry grows up with two grandmalike aunties next door, who basically finnagle him into living with them in all but name. It’s great, until he gets to Hogwarts because he keeps accidentally calling McGonagall Aunt Min instead of Professor.
The more I think about this the better it gets because suddenly a small biracial orphan appearing on the Dursley’s doorstep is less scandalous and gossip worthy in the pasty ass white suburbia of Privet Drive, when it’s compared to the elderly lesbian interracial couple who moved in next door.
Okay this has an amazing amount of potential for Harry, but I am very filled with curiosity about Minerva’s wife.
1) Who is she? and more importantly
2) How did this marriage come to pass?
I mean I am all for Minerva McGonagall having had a wife already at this juncture in her life, but consider
1) Utter BAMF who is acknowledged to be out of everyone’s league Minerva McGonagall walking into a Ministry break room full of lady Aurors and the like and saying, “I have a child that needs looking after and a neighborhood full of prats who need scandalizing and will marry the first woman to say yes” and there is a moment’s shock and then the verbal equivalent of half a dozen bridesmaids diving for the bouquet with one clear winner who was a split second faster on the uptake and they end up in love by the time Harry is old enough to toddle properly.
2) The house next door is being sold by the daughter of its occupant who just inherited it and wants nothing to do with Little Whinging except to inflict herself on all the narrow-minded bastards long enough to get a good price for it; when Minerva walks in the door there is a mental adjustment that leaves her swooning (or maybe that’s Minerva) and after tea, dinner, and certain other activities she invites Minerva to live with her instead of selling it.
3) Minerva specifically tracks down the schoolmate she knows to be best at making stupid people regret everything, and asks her to pretend to be her wife, share a house in Little Whinging with her, and help keep an eye on Harry Potter. Both of them solidly overestimated their ability to keep the relationship fake.
I love the variants of this that have cropped up of late, it’s fantastic.
I would read all three of these fanfics
vernon and petunia are forever FURIOUS that their awful neighbor never seems to be around when her DAMNED CAT is destroying their garden or sneaking into their kitchen and knocking over vases and things
harry can’t duel
harry can’t duel
harry cannot duel
he only uses expelliarmus and he cannot duel
even if he’s dueling the FUCKING DARK LORD
Imagine the conversation ministry officials must be having when they see his auror application:
“He’s Harry Potter!”
“I know but that doesn’t change the fact-”
“Harry! Freaking! Potter!”
“We still need him to attend extra duelling lessons-”
“We can’t put Harry Potter in extra duelling lessons!”
“He only ever uses one spell-”
“Yeah, but he’s really good at it.”
I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who had practiced one kick 10,000 times. - Bruce Lee
Harry Potter, the boy who dared to ask, “why study all these other spells if I can get really good at yeeting everyone’s wands out of their hands”
applied pacifism, harry potter follows in his godfather’s footsteps, nothing is more surprising to a dark wizard than having their wand ganked and then getting punched right in their fucking face. “it’s time to get sirius” says harry potter right before a bunch of mooks who have never felt pain before surrender in terror. tldr most dsrk wizards have glass jaws and an overabundance of confidence in the magic they can only do while holding a special pen.
tags as requested
#see also hayley atwell as minerva in 1966 #yelling 'expelliarmus' as she just wails on dudes #if we must have auror!harry then he is jake santiago #and he disarms dark wizards and then calls in his partner draco to talk to them.about therapy and reformation #worst arrest rate on the force but he sure gets the job done #POTTER PI #yeah nvm.he's not even a fucking auror he is a rad detective #none of the non muggle wizards know what that is so it sounds more intimidating #harry potter #the worst timeline
where is the harry potter prequel abt oliver wood’s first year in 1987
just an 80s sports movie about minerva trying to build a quidditch team out of normal kids, no chosen ones, no prophecies, no monsters, no fucking horcruxes or voldemort bullshit, just minerva talking shit at severus and drinking with sybil and scheming to get her hands on professor merrythought’s old office
my favorite part of snape and minerva’s duel is that she waits exactly five seconds and then just goes for his fucking throat
no witty banter or showy polity, no emotional speechifying with a man she’s known for years but who betrayed her trust and brought hogwarts into such a state, no honorably waiting for severus to make the first move, draw first blood, or escalate past feints and barbs into real, blood combat, letting him take intiative and responsibility for the fight
nah minerva doesn’t have time for that
literally five seconds waiting for him to make a move, then just 100% fuck you, fuck your whole deal, have a bunch of fireballs right in your stupid fucking face
my other favorite part of this scene is that snape gives this twelve minute nazi speech abt consequences for harboring or abetting a known chosen one, deliberately letting the words linger in the silence to build drama and tension, and then asks if anyone knows where harry is, and harry literally steps out from behind someone all 'I'M RIGHT HERE BITCH, FIGHT ME'
where is the harry potter prequel abt oliver wood’s first year in 1987
just an 80s sports movie about minerva trying to build a quidditch team out of normal kids, no chosen ones, no prophecies, no monsters, no fucking horcruxes or voldemort bullshit, just minerva talking shit at severus and drinking with sybil and scheming to get her hands on professor merrythought’s old office
hagrid: (high fives minerva)
okay so i have just been over on the wiki and what the hell kind of garbage continuity is this where buckbeak is canonically scottish but not eleven foot tall robbie coltrane
anyways there were four! years of overlap where mcgonagall's scottish club had not just babby cho but also oliver wood
Minerva McGonagall: [to Molly Weasley] Your children are unruly, disrespectful, volatile, and highly unpredictable. I am quite fond of them.
Headcanon that McGonagall is offended on a personal level that Umbridge loves cats.
This literally got 600 more notes just while I was at dinner what the fuck
How has nobody thought about this before tbh
Ok but imagine McGonagall in cat form prowling around the castle, in strategically chosen places so that Umbridge will come across her.
Umbridge takes the cat back to her office and feeds it a little saucer of milk. The cat starts coming back to Umbridge’s office around the same time every night, until eventually Umbridge gets into a little routine of setting out a saucer of milk for the cat before bed. McGonagall now has all the best secrets on Umbridge, all of the results of the evaluations, and most importantly, is in a perfect position to spy on the ministry for the Order of the Phoenix.
All because Umbridge is obsessed with cats.
The mental image McGonagall lapping up that milk while full of burning hatred for Umbridge amuses me in ways I can hardly describe.
I love it how when Snape draws out his wand there are audible gasps but when Mcgonagall draws her wand there people are screaming out of the way.
They just know better.
damn snape is piss-OH MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, MOVE OUT, CLEAR THE WAY, MCGONAGALL IS PISSED.
MCGONAGALL
MINERVA MCGONAGALL
(via ultralaser)
i just want a seventies wizarding world cop show called mcgonagall with hayley atwell as a young minerva wrecking dudes
Minerva McGonagall, 20 years old.
