official review via the girl sitting behind me

MAJOR SPOILERS, CLICKETH NOT

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INFINITY WAR GIRL

“couldn’t tony stark have died for once”

“half of everyone in every galaxy in the universe is dead but tony stark is still alive”

“i want my money back”

ENDGAME ME

she got her wish

my question is: did the russos, markus, and mcfeely abandon the theme of steve and bucky being everything to each other of their own volition or did disney make them do it?

This is a good question, I know we’re all venting against the Russos and the writers but who actually decided this? I am VERY curious to find out who exactly is responsible for the Steggy ending.

Okay, real talk: I don’t think the Russos and Markus and McFeely have been free to write what they wanted since after CATWS.

This is a question I have wondered since CACW came out. As you know I was really, really, really upset with it. Then came Infinity War, by the same team, and the big question, again, was: was The Winter Soldier an accident?

Now, I guess we’ll never know, but I have my suspicions, which are such: CATWS was still in the experimental era, and it was considered a “minor” movie in the franchise, the first Captain America movie had not been hugely popular and the second was expected to be better but still not something to put huge stakes on. It was given to this directing/writing team, and they were given pretty much carte blanche, they needed to go from point A to point B, introduce X and Y characters, and that was it. The result: one of the most appreciated and beloved movies in the entire series. But also a politically uncomfortable one for Marvel Studios (and Disney).

Now, Civil War was a weird one. It is pretty clear that the original pitch for the Captain America 3 movie was radically different from the final product. The villain was supposed to be Crossbones, i.e. still Hydra. It makes no sense for him to just blow himself up at the beginning of the movie - it makes sense that he was supposed to have a larger part but then plans changed. Also, I’ve written in the past about how Civil War basically contradicts The Winter Soldier in many, fundamental, ways. From message/values to straight-up recon of CATWS canon. I don’t really feel like talking about it again, though. You can find stuff in my tag “not civil war friendly”.

Basically, I believe that the original plan by the Russos was scrapped to make room to a new plan, from higher up. Now the have to put Iron Man and a bunch of other characters in it, introduce Spiderman, introduce Black Panther… (who are all great characters but had shit to do with the Captain America plot itself). The political message is different, Steve Rogers is portrayed differently, Bucky’s Winter Soldier situation is basically rewritten, female characters get no respect… Captain America gets suspiciously close to becoming a militaristic libertarian fantasy. And there must be no gay.

In fact, we know that some things were hastily changed in post-production because test audiences were like “that’s very gay”. The Sharon/Steve “romance” was basically added at the last minute, they had to re-shoot scenes to put heterosexuality in the movie. Things were re-shot, trimmed, edited to make the movie… different. (It didn’t work much. Everyone still went, “that’s very gay” and in fact everyone saw the Sharon thing for what it was…)

Infinity War was obviously a list of things that needed to happen in it. It’s basically a list of instructions given to the writers, made in CGI.

So, the possibilities are two: CATWS was a total accident (but that sounds implausible); or CACW, IW and Endgame were massively dictated from above. Including political messages and strong no-homo.

This said, I hold the Russos, Markus and McFeely responsible for crap that comes out of their own mouths during interviews, but it would make damn sense if the only movie the four of them have worked on that they really wrote autonomously was The Winter Soldier.

It’s sort of sad, because if we go by The Winter Soldier, they were good at it. Remember how happy we were when they announced that Avengers 3 and 4 would be done by them instead of Whedon…? Ah, good times.

yeah, i completely agree. the tonal shift between tws and literally everything after was so drastic that i’ve wondered a few times if tws was the only chance the russos and m&m actually had to tell the story they wanted to tell

unfortunately, i doubt we’ll ever know

bruce / nat was marvel being super uncomfortable with Science Bros after av1, steve / sharon was marvel being super uncomfortable with Stucky after tws. if thor suddenly has a super beterosexual romance in guardians 3, that'll be marvel pushing back on Thor/Bruce. further, if marvel hadn't pushed natasha over to bruce in age of ultron - if they had, idk, brought betty in instead, or pepper, or just let science bros be subtext - then they wouldn't have had to invent a secret family for clint, and then kill them to make him the punisher, and then kill natasha so he could reunite with them at the end of endgame. there are whole swathes of phase three they might have played way differently if they weren't so dead set on subverting fanon gay ships.

The Mummy Returns (2001) dir. Stephen Sommers

Australia vs the rest of the world

more infinity war probably

thor - who are all of you people?

quill - we’re the guardians of the galaxy

thor - oh! you are the people who defeated ronan! well done. what happened to the infinity stone?

gamora - we left it with the nova corps for safe keeping.

thor - oh dear, we have to get to xandar right away before thanos does

gamora - oh no

—

quill - wait, //thor// thor? like norse mythology thor?

thor - aha, you have heard of me!

quill - wait, if you’re real, are other pantheons real? is …is hercules real?

thor - he owes me money.

—

quill - wait, //captain america// captain america? he’s alive?

thor - not if we don’t return to midgard soon, he and stark and the others will need our help.

quill - howard stark is an avenger?

thor - no, he died a long time ago. tony, son of howard, is the iron man.

quill - //tony stark//, tony stark? is a super hero now?

thor - you know of him?

quill - …i have something you should see.

—

tony - point break.

thor - //teen beat//.

tony - …who told him about that

@MrCraigKyle: I took this shot for my daughter and it’s the coolest picture I’ve ever taken! #BadassLadiesOfMarvel

no spoilers but every scene where tony stark and steven strange are in the same room they are INDISTINGUISHABLE, as are chrises hemsworth evans and pratt

the movie even seems to be commenting on this but in like a maria hill in age of ultron, asking where all the non-natasha ladies are, then walking off-screen while the third woman in that scene literally falls asleep, kind of way

Honestly, once you factor in Loki it doesn’t seem so silly

preview of the battle of winterfell

infinity war seems a lot more unnecessary when you remember that the mcu canonically has two (2) elders of the universe who could literally wipe the floor with thanos. like huge battle, Everything is bad, suddenly the grandmaster and the collector roll up in their party bus techno music blaring and thanos is melted into a puddle instantly

“Fuckin sweet” the collector says as he picks up the infinity gauntlet with his bare fucking hands “this is gonna look great above my big screen tv”

“who gives, uh, a shit about some shiny rocks? my trophy twink is here” calls out the grandmaster. he whisks loki away and they disappear in a puff of golden glitter to go play games across the stars

I mean. Fuck. This isn’t wrong

wait the Grandmaster is powerful? its a Deity? I thought he;s just an alien?

he’s, uh, kinda powerful yeah

Hes not nearly strong enough to beat thanos. That list basically just says hes stronger than a human and immortal

“h,hey you big purple dipshit”

says the grandmaster upon 1) rearranging thanos’s matter into vapor and then 2) subjecting each particle to a blinding blast of kinetic energy and then 3) teleporting each god damn remaining particle to a different corner of the universe,

“i know you liked having a, a body, and all, but uhhhhh this is what you get if you mess with my, my beautiful boyfriend here,” he waves over the battlefield and in loki’s general direction, “and the, the rest of the planet too. there’s skee ball here. skee ball, skee ball is great. so wh-whatever”

the collector is still fawning over the pretty rocks stuck in the infinity gauntlet (which he is still holding with his bare fucking hands) but he does get back into the party bus with it, which stan lee is driving

“bye, losers,” loki says before disappearing into the ether with his sugar daddy in a puff of golden glitter. the day is saved. peter parker goes back to school. bucky gets a goddamn nap under an actual blanket. steve and tony have an adult conversation for once. the rest of the movie is character development and constructive relationship building

the mid credits scene is the collector watching sex and the city on his big screen tv with the infinity gauntlet mounted above it in a lovely shadowbox frame

the end credits scene shows the grandmaster and loki in bed cuddling. loki is fast asleep. the grandmaster’s blue makeup is smudged all over loki’s face and neck and the part of his chest that’s visible. just off screen you can hear taika waititi yelling in triumph. jeff goldblum looks directly at the camera and winks. cut to black

also tbh, going back to ‘thanos killed odin to let loose hela’, it would be a really good reveal in infinity war two if ultron came back and revealed that he was a seed planted in the cosmic source code of the mindstone by thanos, specifically intended to lead to the creation of ultron when (not if) loki’s invasion failed, thereby exposing the timestone and the tesseract to thanos’ view

like if ultron was part of his long game? that’s a way more interesting plan than getting lucky six times and then **space lebensraum**

oh well

BEST. VIDEO. EVER.

SCREAMING

# I C O N I C

infinity war probably

steve - you brought that kid again?  tony what the hell

literally everyone - bad look tony

tony - i didn’t bring him!  he just showed up!

steve - tony that’s a new suit you just made for him

tony - …i like making suits, i happened to have one that fit him.

peter - listen i just want to help out.  i have this kind of responsibility thing i got from my uncle, i just, i couldn’t stay home when all this was going on

steve - …oh hell he’s me

bucky - i like this kid

steve - still tony what the hell

t’challa - mister stank, i think this is a violation of the-

tony - the sokovia accords?  i thought we decided to ignore them.

t’challa - …i was going to say the geneva conventions, actually.

pretty close, actually

tony stark (tapping the lunchbox full of nanotech he just had installed in his chest) - pretty cool, right?

rhodey (looking at a picture of t'challa, who is wearing a necklace) - …if you say so

tony - i just want to have access to my armor at all times, you know, just in case

peter parker - okay but, have you heard of, like, a backpack?

tony - i tried a suitcase once

peter - i saw that on tv, it was awesome

rhodey - so wait, if the armor can turn into anything why not just have it turn into a jacket?

tony - …

rhodey - did you cut a hole in your shirt just for this thing? you look ridiculous, tony.

tony - …

rhodey - and when can i get a suitcase suit? mine doesn’t even fit in the trunk, i have to let him sit in the passenger seat. and can i get an a.i.? i asked you for one like five years ago.

peter - what, like karen?

rhodey - wait, the kid gets one? tony, come on.

tag yourself: infinity war edition!

I’m Disney Princess & regret nothing

I’m both I don’t want to go and Disney Princess.