I don’t know how to say, “No.” I’m afraid to say no. I’m afraid of disagreeing or showing any signs of protest because, as a disabled child, I was taught not to. It wasn’t in any super obvious ways saying, “you’re never allowed to say no,” it was small.

“Don’t say ‘I can’t’” 

“Stop crying.”

“Do what they say.”

Sure, I wasn’t in any real danger in these situations, but as a child, I was saying and doing these things out of fear because I was being pushed past my comfort zones. But their words became twisted in my mind, telling me I was not allowed to disagree. They knew best so whatever they did and said, I was supposed to put a smile on my face and go along with it. No backtalk. Disabled children are not taught boundaries; that they exist and were allowed to have them. Society, instead, teaches us in so many little ways that our bodies belong to them and they are public property. People on the streets are allowed to have any information they want. Doctors are allowed to touch and poke and stare without explaining why these things are happening. Strangers put their hands on us, cooing and petting our heads, our arms our legs, and we’re taught not to protest these things because they’re just curious. The doctor is doing their job. That person was just being nice.

The rate of depression is 3 to 4 times higher in those with disabilities. Children with disabilities are at higher risk to struggle with anxiety and depression, making saying “No,” that much harder. Children need to be taught it’s ok to say “No”

“Stop”

“Wait”

“I can’t!” when they are scared and uncomfortable in situations. They need to be taught it’s ok for them to set boundaries because they are 10x more likely to be assaulted in their lifetime. Especially girls. 1 and 2 disabled women report having been sexually assaulted in their lifetime. I am part of these statistics. I struggle with anxiety. I’ve dealt with depression. My mental health makes it extremely difficult to say no. Because it doesn’t feel safe to say no. “Why didn’t you say no? Why didn’t you stop it?”  they asked me when I hinted to one of the several incidents. Because I don’t know how. Because I was paralyzed with fear. Because I felt like I couldn’t! Don’t say, ‘I can’t!’ This is abuse culture and ableism at it’s finest. So please fucking teach disabled children how to say no. Teach them their bodies belong to them, and they have a right to speak up when they feel uncomfortable. Stop telling your disabled children they’re not allowed to say ‘I can’t’ and they are not allowed to cry. Because this may be the only way they know how to say “NO!” It was mine.

I have bipolar disorder II and i indentify with this SO HARD! I am afraid to say no. I am afraid to waves. Always on edge.

This!!! All this!! So many of us have had situations like this happen, including myself and it's not talked about the way it should be, if at all.

To add to this disabled people, despite being MUCH more likely to experience domestic violence, and violence in general, are often not taken seriously. We are ignored, and even worse, we are blamed. If a parent or caregiver is abusive, the first things we hear are usually:

"But they're stressed/tired, they don't mean it!!"

"Look at how much they do for you, they could just decide to stop helping you altogether. "

"Be grateful! They could just put you in a home! You're lucky they didn't."

"They've given up (x,y,z) for you, the whole family has sacrificed for you. "

Now you might be asking "why don't we just report it if it's so bad?" or "Why didn't you just (x)?"

I did and it got ignored because we can't have boundaries or normal expectations for how we should be treated.

You can't turn to the cops, and social services are a joke!

The people that were supposed to be there to help took the side of my abusers.

You saw the signs, they were there but it was OK because I'm disabled. I have been taught my entire life that I am not allowed to have the feelings anyone else in a similar situation would be allowed. I have been taught that I am little more than a body in a wheelchair and it doesn't matter what happens to me.

Fuck you if you ever excuse or perpetrate this behavior.

Single women in their 30s: Where have all the good men gone?

Me: Dating younger, prettier, tighter, firmer 20-something year old women

You’ve got to love it when the same people who complain about how shallow women are post shit like this.

You gotta love butthurt whiteknighting from anti MGTOWs.

You gotta love when MGTOW get offended at me pointing the hypocrisy out.

It’s not hypocrisy, it’s preference.  You’re the one attacking MGTOWs, you’re the one butthurt about somebody who isn’t willing to subvert themselves for sex.

Hey man, if that’s how you want to justify it to yourself, that’s fine. I just find it really funny when people call out feminists for their fucked-up views on men (and rightfully so) but have fucked up views on women. The lack of self-awareness some people have is funny to me.

But hey, like I said, it’s your choice to be this way. So go for it.

They’re entitled to their opinions and beliefs just like you and anyone else can challenge them.

You’re entitled to your egalitarian bullshit, I’m just going to point out the flaws. Self awareness is a funny thing to bring up.

Why is it funny? Because you have none? Also, did I not just say you were entitled to your opinion? I’m pretty sure I just said in the comment above that you were entitled to be how you are. The fact is, I’m also going to point out your flaws and I’m going to have a little fun while doing it.

Are you editing your comments now? Need to reverse some opinions?

No, but that’s a very interesting accusation. I’m loving watching you get increasingly angry and paranoid as this goes on, it’s great! Now that we’re at it, let me show you something.

If I were editing my comments, the original comment would have still shown up when you clicked on the notes. As you can see, this is the original comment. It would also have likely shown up on your reblog considering how quickly we respond to each other. Upon looking at this comment, it’s pretty easy to see that I said “but hey like I said, it’s your choice. Go for it!” I don’t know how much clearer I can be about the fact that you’re entitled to your opinion no matter how ridiculous I think it is.

It appears to me that you got angry at a joke I made about that Chokehold collage and decided to go after me for it. If you read much of my blog, I regularly joke around and shitpost on here. My URL itself is a joke. It’s satirical. (People still get angry not realizing it’s a joke even though I’ve had the URL for almost a year.) I do get political on here, or discuss other issues I think are important, but I’m pretty light-hearted about a lot of things on here. I can see where you might have gotten mixed up, sometimes people miss my jokes and I do try to be pretty clear about them. However, if you’re going to bang on about somebody not understanding context and jokes, maybe you should be more careful not to miss people’s jokes. This has to be the most pointless argument I’ve ever gotten into on the internet.

I thought I was responding to you on the other thread. My bad, @receptorantagonist

I forgot we were engaged in two different arguments. My points still stand, but I should have been more careful to make sure I put the last part in the right goddamn thread! My bad, that was my screw up.

Look at me, I’m the administrator now

Glad I stopped updates and manually removed it before it fully downloaded itself when they were giving it out for free.

So far it hasn’t made that attempt on my current machine.

Good, I’m glad. Microsoft updates are shady as shit. I’m also glad you’re sticking with 7 as long as possible, if you have to use Windows.  I have a few fond memories of Windows 7 when I had to use it. Windows 10? Not so much. I use Linux (I’m currently in the process of switching from Ubuntu to regular Debian) and rely on it almost exclusively now, except for a Windows 10 VM, on which I have MS office for when I need it again, and one other app.

I’m arguing with a shoplifter. Things are getting heated…. I’m sad.

Me too, except I'm sad that Humanity has not been nuked yet.

yo being black and depressed is hard as fuck. being black with anxiety is hard as fuck. being black with a chronic illness or disability is hard a fuck. everybody expects you to be ‘strong’ at all times and no one sees black people as complex or nuanced enough to be capable of suffering. no one ever thinks we could possibly need help. and if you’re a black woman, the moment you stop thinking about others and try to tend to yourself you’re a selfish lazy ungrateful bitch.

support black people, esp women, who need help. don’t just call us strong or tell us we’ll get through it, help us. protect us. uplift us. allow us to be beings capable of suffering. give us the same space you’d give white women to express our pain and be there for us like you would for anyone else. 

don’t just like this, reblog it!

Yes because no one listens to black people and it’s all because of race . Also white, people have it so much better in every aspect of life that absolutely no White people who know what it feels like to not be listened to do about these issues. Go fuck yourself.

I’m the antagonization of Black people when discussing a serious mental health issue in the community while placing them self on a pedestal for no reason followed by insults and profanity!

I would have left it alone had they not acted like white people had it better or something. Don’t you have anything better to do with your life?

don’t you have anything better to do with your life than harass black women online, derail their posts that have nothing to do with you, and pretend you know more about the issues they face than they do you piece of shit troglodyte?

Hey, like I said… I’d have left it alone if you didn’t try to bring up white people. You’ve always gotta talk about how much worse you have it than everyone, especially white people.

No really do you have anything better to do?

Why don’t you answer this question? If you have something better to do, why continue commenting on something I said. I mean, if you have something better to do, shouldn’t you go do it? Why do you come around and make everything about race or get mad when somebody points out that one of your buddies made something that had nothing to do with race about race? More importantly, after through your blog a little bit, why are you such a massive racist?

I apologize for the late response, I had company. So I guess that answers your question.

lmfaoo buddy i didnt make anything about race but continue lying to yourself.

u went through my blog and I’m a racist to who?? my shit is mostly anime, chadwick boseman and black panther. look at my name dumbass.

Black Panthers? Yeah, racist. I can look at your bio and figure that out.

OMG. Are u serious?

I thought you were talking about the really pathetic black supremacist group. Because you know, you commented on some race baiting bullshit and acted like I was racist for bringing up the fact that it’s race-baiting bullshit. It wouldn’t have surprised me at all.

My bad, though.

Stfu

Not that you seem to like other races very much.

This reach…

Well, whitely. None of the people that are into this “black appreciation” thing that I’ve met seem to. It would be nice to meet an exception, though.

I’ll never get the obsession with skin on here.

This tells me u know nothing of colorism so

Do you mean racism or the obsession with skin color?

I’ve heard sjws use racism and colorism interchangeably Also, I’ve experienced quite a lot of racism in my day so stfu.

I’m not talking about racism and that’s not what colorism is……OMG goodbye.

Yes I do, it’s discrimination based on skin color. You fucking twat.

Discrimination based on skin color, also known as colorism or shadeism, is a form of prejudice or discrimination in which people are treated differently based on the social meanings attached to skin color. 

rac·ism

ˈrāˌsizəm/

noun

prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.

“a program to combat racism”

synonyms:racial discrimination, racialism, racial prejudice, xenophobia, chauvinism, bigotry, casteism

“Aborigines are the main victims of racism in Australia”

the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.

noun: racism

Apparently colorism is not a synonym for racism but if you look at the definition, it’s basically the same.

So close and yet so far.

col·or·ism ˈkələrˌizəm/Submit nounUS prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group

And you say I’m dumb for not using Google.

This is why I hate sjws like you who can’t use Google and are so obsessed with racism

You know what's really annoying? Social justice Warriors that change the definitions of words like racism or colorism so that certain people can't experience that prejudice. I did use Google, I got that definition out of an actual dictionary. So why don't you pull your head out of your ass and stop using the social justice definition of words. I love how you make it specifically about dark skin so that people with lighter skin can't experience colorism. Guess what? They can. Just like racism. But like I said, you're an idiot. An idiot with a victim complex.

Terfs can’t be lesbians. They aren’t attracted to women, only genitals.

This is not only true, it also pisses off terfs a LOT and that makes it an excellent ‘getting rid of terfs and knowing who to block’ post.

Women who are solely attracted to other biological women… aren’t lesbians. Does that mean women who are solely attracted to biological men aren’t straight?

Except exactly what I’m saying is women exclusively attracted to biological women are lesbians. Trans women are biological women. Just as trans men are biological men.

Unless you have two x chromosomes, you’re not a woman. And without an x and y chromosome, you’re not a man. These are the facts.

“Ur a biological woman if u need hormones and surgery”

Your assigned sex is not your biological gender. Trans woman are born as women just as cis women are. Society forces them to transition to be accepted as women

“If you were born with a penis and society says ur a man then society is wrong”

What the hell? Trans women aren’t biologically women. If they wanna live as women, that’s their right, but they aren’t biologically female.

Except they are. Biology has already proven that gender identity is inborn. Assigned sex does not determine gender.

It does for most people, but for Trans people, while their brain is much more similar to the gender they are transitioning to, their physical body is still there assigned sex until they transition and even then they cannot change their genes. So you are partially correct.

The only “genes” that can’t change is their x and y chromosomes. Otherwise all the other genes are still there. We have so many genes in our DNA that is turned on and off based on circumstance and environment. There’s all sorts of hormone activated genes. There is literally nothing that is sex exclusive. Also the sex binary doesn’t exist and labeling people and segregating them on superficial external characteristics is gross.

You can get your body to behave differently, but you still have the same genetic makeup that you were born with. You know what I meant, you can’t change your chromosomes. Chromosomes are what determine your gender. You can get yourself pretty close to the biological gender of your choice from what I understand though.

Lmao chromosomes don’t determine sex actually. It’s a 5 step process with chromosomes are just one part of determining sex. Also did you not just read what I said? Our genes are constantly being turned on and off so the time due to multiple factors. Like no we can’t change our genetic makeup but we can influence how our genes manifest

No, I think you just tried to ignore a scientific point that I just made. I understand that we turn genes on and off all the time, but we still have all the same genes that we were born with whether we turn them off or not. You likely have inactive genes that make you prone to schizophrenia, does that mean you have schizophrenia? You’re really not making any point, you’re just ignoring my points. Why are you making this so much more difficult than it needs to be? Literally nothing you just said changed any of the points that I made. Did you not catch the part where I said we can make our body behave differently?

No but you are trying to make like chromosomes are what determines sex which is false.

What biologist is saying that?

Literally all of them. Please open a biology book.

That's pretty funny, because if you watched Bill Nye the Science Guy before Big Brother censored it, it would have said the same thing that I'm telling you now. Here is the clip that Netflix edited out: https://youtu.be/axiFot2Azsg It's also pretty funny that you tell me literally all biologists say that chromosomes don't determine biological sex. Genetics happened to be an interest of mine for a while and I have never heard a biologist say something like that. I even followed the new studies that came out. Never once did I ever see anyone challenge the gender binary with any scientific evidence. Especially not a biologist. The only argument that I've ever heard used was the existence of intersex people which are a very small percentage of the human population and it is considered a genetic defect. If you want to live as a non-binary person, that's one thing but don't insist that your biological sex doesn't exist. So if all of them are really saying that biological gender has nothing to do with your gender and I happened to miss it, why don't you prove it?

My Aphobia/Stalker Story

@sini-sterility @iicraft505 (not sure if you want it, but still) @alittlebluebug @autisticbadger @everchangingfangirl @fuckyeahasexual @justaphobethings (I don’t know if a blog like this would want this, but still) @acecourse (some aphobe I knew of.)

I don’t know if I’m ace or not. I’m questioning a lot right now… but you know what happened when my ex-friend found out I lacked interest and even had an aversion to sex? No? I’ll tell ya! In short, she tried to force herself and others on me sexually and romantically, while we were at a disabled camp (I was 15 and quadriplegic she was 19 with diabetes) and then got obsessed with me. Then at the end of the friendship, she tried to force me into a sexual relationship with her ex-boyfriend, How’d she do that, you ask? Well… she lied about me saying I was able-bodied and even athletic in order to get him obsessed with me (which worked) and gave him my Facebook name and phone number and told him to basically harass me! Then when he found out the truth, his obsession got even worse! He openly talks about all kinds of shit now, everything from feeding me with a bottle and taking care of me, to cutting me open and replacing muscles and bones with sticks. Not only that, but he still does to this day, with her encouragement! You know what makes it even worse? Not only did I have to call the police on this motherfucker and the girl that started this, (which didn’t work out) but it turns out that I’m not the only one that’s been abused by them! In fact, they both have criminal records for abuse and harassment.  But it’s only one guy right?  Nope. She has given my number to several other men. At least 2 of which are also sexual predators with records; each of which older than the last! The others I’m not sure of, but they still harass me very often. Even 4 years later, this is still going on! She still constantly gives men my contact information (Mainly my number, and every once in a while, my Facebook.) Why? All because I didn’t have any interest in anything sexual. She also did this knowing I was sexually abused several times throughout my childhood. ( I forgot to mention that before, but it’s an important detail.) I’ve even had 1 or 2 of them threaten to do it the same way. So if you wanna tell me aphobia doesn’t exist, fuck you! You are not just ignorant, but you’re fucking stupid, and don’t come on to my post with that bullshit!

Wait he did invasive surgery on you without your consent??? And calling the police didn’t WORK??? Dude. You need to escape these people like ASAP. Call your parents, the police, 911, a detective… I don’t know, something! (Could someone please reblog this with a series of emergency hotlines?)

What those people did you you is horrible and all kinds of illegal, and if they are to this day doing these kinds of things than they need to be stopped. This goes beyond aphobia, these people are straight-up villainous psychopaths! You need to get those assholes out of your life, NOW. Change your phone number and Facebook account, privately message the people you care about with your new contact information and WARN THEM about the people harassing you. Move if you can or if they know your address, try to find a friend or family member you can live with if money’s an issue.

You shouldn’t have to live with this. NOBODY should have to live with this.

Not sure if my reply actually made it to you, @looney-mooney, but no... he didn't do any invasive surgery... that part was something that he wants to do to me. So is all the other stuff about taking care of me... that's what he wants to do if he finds my house.