but you arent responsible for your ancestors? im not responsible for anyone but me lmao

Am I responsible for my mom’s “legacy” of being an abusive alcoholic pedophile too, OP?

This is one of the worst posts I’ve ever seen on here

Don’t say: Anything this post is trying to get you to say.

Instead, try: “No, I am not responsible for what my ancestors did because I was born decades or even centuries later. You do not have the right to demand an apology from me for something I haven’t done.”

I’m only responsible for my own actions. I refuse to apologise for something other people have done.

I guess I’m responsible for my parents mental and emotional abuses and negligence…it’s all my fault.  Thanks OP.

Thank you for telling that the intergenerational trauma that's also been passed down to me was my fault! That's exactly what I needed to hear. Should I apologize for the fact that I was abused and neglected?

And hey do we all need to apologize to ourselves because there are slaves and slaves owners somewhat in everyone's lineage?

I don’t know how to say, “No.” I’m afraid to say no. I’m afraid of disagreeing or showing any signs of protest because, as a disabled child, I was taught not to. It wasn’t in any super obvious ways saying, “you’re never allowed to say no,” it was small.

“Don’t say ‘I can’t’” 

“Stop crying.”

“Do what they say.”

Sure, I wasn’t in any real danger in these situations, but as a child, I was saying and doing these things out of fear because I was being pushed past my comfort zones. But their words became twisted in my mind, telling me I was not allowed to disagree. They knew best so whatever they did and said, I was supposed to put a smile on my face and go along with it. No backtalk. Disabled children are not taught boundaries; that they exist and were allowed to have them. Society, instead, teaches us in so many little ways that our bodies belong to them and they are public property. People on the streets are allowed to have any information they want. Doctors are allowed to touch and poke and stare without explaining why these things are happening. Strangers put their hands on us, cooing and petting our heads, our arms our legs, and we’re taught not to protest these things because they’re just curious. The doctor is doing their job. That person was just being nice.

The rate of depression is 3 to 4 times higher in those with disabilities. Children with disabilities are at higher risk to struggle with anxiety and depression, making saying “No,” that much harder. Children need to be taught it’s ok to say “No”

“Stop”

“Wait”

“I can’t!” when they are scared and uncomfortable in situations. They need to be taught it’s ok for them to set boundaries because they are 10x more likely to be assaulted in their lifetime. Especially girls. 1 and 2 disabled women report having been sexually assaulted in their lifetime. I am part of these statistics. I struggle with anxiety. I’ve dealt with depression. My mental health makes it extremely difficult to say no. Because it doesn’t feel safe to say no. “Why didn’t you say no? Why didn’t you stop it?”  they asked me when I hinted to one of the several incidents. Because I don’t know how. Because I was paralyzed with fear. Because I felt like I couldn’t! Don’t say, ‘I can’t!’ This is abuse culture and ableism at it’s finest. So please fucking teach disabled children how to say no. Teach them their bodies belong to them, and they have a right to speak up when they feel uncomfortable. Stop telling your disabled children they’re not allowed to say ‘I can’t’ and they are not allowed to cry. Because this may be the only way they know how to say “NO!” It was mine.

I have bipolar disorder II and i indentify with this SO HARD! I am afraid to say no. I am afraid to waves. Always on edge.

This!!! All this!! So many of us have had situations like this happen, including myself and it's not talked about the way it should be, if at all.

To add to this disabled people, despite being MUCH more likely to experience domestic violence, and violence in general, are often not taken seriously. We are ignored, and even worse, we are blamed. If a parent or caregiver is abusive, the first things we hear are usually:

"But they're stressed/tired, they don't mean it!!"

"Look at how much they do for you, they could just decide to stop helping you altogether. "

"Be grateful! They could just put you in a home! You're lucky they didn't."

"They've given up (x,y,z) for you, the whole family has sacrificed for you. "

Now you might be asking "why don't we just report it if it's so bad?" or "Why didn't you just (x)?"

I did and it got ignored because we can't have boundaries or normal expectations for how we should be treated.

You can't turn to the cops, and social services are a joke!

The people that were supposed to be there to help took the side of my abusers.

You saw the signs, they were there but it was OK because I'm disabled. I have been taught my entire life that I am not allowed to have the feelings anyone else in a similar situation would be allowed. I have been taught that I am little more than a body in a wheelchair and it doesn't matter what happens to me.

Fuck you if you ever excuse or perpetrate this behavior.

Dear Parents/guardians:

If you constantly feel like you have to tell your kids how good they have it, they probably don't have it as good as you say they do.

“ Thanks for knocking out that gas bill Dad! ”

- when you act like the child’s basic needs as set out by law are somehow luxuries to make your children feel guilty over 😤

WHEN STUFF THAT NOT ONLY YOUR KID NEEDS BUT THAT YOU NEED AND HAVE NEEDED BEFORE HAVING YOUR KID IS SOMETHING TO MAKE THEM FEEL GUILTY OVER BECAUSE ITS NOT AT ALL LIKE YOU DIDNT HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS SHIT ALREADY

Feels like this mindset is propped up by our late-capitalist culture that says “no one owes you anything in this world” and that “you have to work hard to earn things, no one’s gonna give you handouts.” In a society where people are left on the streets to die, because even basic necessities are a privilege and not a right, it makes sense parents be dangling food and shelter over their kid’s heads.

Ah yes I too think I should be praised for doing basic adult things.

There’s also the fact that none of these asshole had to have kids in the first place. You decided to have children. You can’t act like a put upon victim for knowingly taking on the challenge of reproducing. Shit like this is why I honestly wish there was a test people had to take before having kids.

Yeah, if anything, the kid is the victim. They didn't ask for such shitty parents.

W H A T

It's a miss-translation of a phrase that in Swedish means 'hold them accountable' according to her twitter and several other sources as well. I find her inability to acknowledge all of the advancements that have been happening for decades before she was even born beyond irritating, but there has to be some wiggle room given for the inevitable issue of the language barrier existing.

It's disgusting how the left is using this child. But then, leftists have exploited children for decades.

ok then go donate to team trees, you fucking weirdo.

Me? No.

I'm sick of seeing children used in politics in general. These kids are barely old enough to form their own opinions and are just learning to separate themselves from their parents. We should be letting them grow into individuals! Why are so many adults obsessing over children other adults are using as a shield from criticism?

(Not talking about anyone in this thread, just people I've seen around.)

Some of you guys are gonna think I'm dramatic for saying this, but at the very least I think this borders on child abuse on the part of everyone who does this to kids. There's a big difference between giving the youth a voice and using them as a mouthpiece in a shield. Hell, I Feel the same way about any political group who does this whether I agree with them or not.

You know what would have helped me when I was trying to figure out if I’d been abused?

If there had been resources that detail what a healthy family looks like, not just an abusive one.

I feel like it’s people from healthy families who write articles like that, but even with good intentions, the assumption is that you know what is completely natural to the writer–what a good family looks like. But you don’t! So it’s extremely hard to tell whether or not you meet the criteria, because you don’t have anything to compare it to.

The most obvious example for me were the descriptions of physical neglect. They were so fucking vague, like: “caregivers don’t provide the children with food.” Oh well, I wasn’t physically neglected then–there was always food available in the fridge for me to eat. Yeah, sure, I had to make it myself from at least 10 years old. But I mean, you gotta learn how to feed yourself at some point, right? What, you’re so lazy you expect your parent to feed you three times a day, while you just fuck around in your room? You can put a pizza in the oven yourself, it’s not hard! 

I believed that my friends, whose parents fed them three nutritious meals a day, were spoiled. I thought that was helicopter parenting. Articles about physical neglect don’t take into account that the abused one doesn’t have anything to compare their experience to! Or that they will think, like me, that “providing a child with food” means having stuff in the fridge I could make shit with myself. I didn’t realize it was neglectful for my parent not to realize I hadn’t brushed my teeth in a month, or that my brother didn’t even realize he needed to wipe his ass after he shit, or anticipate my own needs instead of me having to, when I was freezing my ass off in a sweatshirt during the winter.

I, we, or someone needs to make a paper like, “a day in the life of a child in a non-abusive family.” It doesn’t have to, and shouldn’t, show an amazing, perfect family, because kids will notice that and then ignore the whole thing. 

But like–three meals a day. Kid breaks something and isn’t terrified. Parent gets upset about something and the kid is sympathetic but doesn’t feel its their responsibility to care for the parent, or that it’s their fault the parent is upset.  Parents notice the kid is sad/has a cut/hasn’t done his homework, and are concerned. They compliment him on the painting he made in art class. The family spends time together playing board games or something a couple days a week. Idk, I could go on and on. Step parent and single parent households can be examples of good families too, just…healthy family dynamics, pls

Im in the process of reading this book, adult children of abusive parents, and one of the main focuses is the difference between a healthy family and an abusive family. It seems good so far if anyone wants to read it.

I'm going to put this here because I know a lot of people will benefit from it, including me.

You know what would have helped me when I was trying to figure out if I’d been abused?

If there had been resources that detail what a healthy family looks like, not just an abusive one.

I feel like it’s people from healthy families who write articles like that, but even with good intentions, the assumption is that you know what is completely natural to the writer–what a good family looks like. But you don’t! So it’s extremely hard to tell whether or not you meet the criteria, because you don’t have anything to compare it to.

The most obvious example for me were the descriptions of physical neglect. They were so fucking vague, like: “caregivers don’t provide the children with food.” Oh well, I wasn’t physically neglected then–there was always food available in the fridge for me to eat. Yeah, sure, I had to make it myself from at least 10 years old. But I mean, you gotta learn how to feed yourself at some point, right? What, you’re so lazy you expect your parent to feed you three times a day, while you just fuck around in your room? You can put a pizza in the oven yourself, it’s not hard! 

I believed that my friends, whose parents fed them three nutritious meals a day, were spoiled. I thought that was helicopter parenting. Articles about physical neglect don’t take into account that the abused one doesn’t have anything to compare their experience to! Or that they will think, like me, that “providing a child with food” means having stuff in the fridge I could make shit with myself. I didn’t realize it was neglectful for my parent not to realize I hadn’t brushed my teeth in a month, or that my brother didn’t even realize he needed to wipe his ass after he shit, or anticipate my own needs instead of me having to, when I was freezing my ass off in a sweatshirt during the winter.

I, we, or someone needs to make a paper like, “a day in the life of a child in a non-abusive family.” It doesn’t have to, and shouldn’t, show an amazing, perfect family, because kids will notice that and then ignore the whole thing. 

But like–three meals a day. Kid breaks something and isn’t terrified. Parent gets upset about something and the kid is sympathetic but doesn’t feel its their responsibility to care for the parent, or that it’s their fault the parent is upset.  Parents notice the kid is sad/has a cut/hasn’t done his homework, and are concerned. They compliment him on the painting he made in art class. The family spends time together playing board games or something a couple days a week. Idk, I could go on and on. Step parent and single parent households can be examples of good families too, just…healthy family dynamics, pls

Can we please get this? It's important!

I wanna know the same thing. There's too many people with this mindset.

I am angry at my parents for abusing me.

I am just as angry at society for letting them.

I’m angry at society for contributing to their abuse.

I’m angery at society for normalizing the abuse we went through, and that when ever we try to bring it ip so we can talk about these types of things, they say we’re just over sensitive.

I’m angry that I would be seen as ungrateful for saying something about the emotional trauma I went through, just because I was provided with nice things and a good education.

I’m angry at society telling me it’s not my parents fault.

I’m angry at society for making it seem like it was my fault, and that I deserved every horrible thing they’ve done to me

I’m mad at society for ignoring my abuse

I’m angry that when I spoke out about my abuse I was “being dramatic”

Im angry that people say its okay because i was a “hyper child” so it was okay to hit

I’m angry that when I tried to defend myself against his abuse, I was treated like the villain and taken away to Juvenile Hall for 13 months.

I’m angry that my parents only tried to do something about him until after I started telling other people about it, ruining their image as Good Parents

I’m angry that when I finally reached out to a teacher and spilled all my secrets to a social worker, when they called home (because it was a rule, they had to do it and the social worker I was talking to was very against it) and my dad came to pick me up, he dismissed everything with just, “you’ll be fine, you’re going through puberty.”

I’m angry that everyone blames my hatred towards my parents as “teenage hormones” when really it’s because of all the abuse everyone blatantly ignores.

I’m angry that my parents forced us to act like we were fine the first time CPS was called on them then cut us off from the family that actually loved us for years after CPS didn’t take us away.

i’m angry at all the “friends” (read: enablers) who turned a blind eye to me/my parents and did everything from belittling and ignoring me to attacking my character when i insisted i was in danger and needed help

i’m angry that my family is justgenerally dysfunctional i wish i had a happy family i wish i was clean and happy

I’m angry that I had to pretend the abuse wasn’t happening — that I was just a bad child. I’m angry that I had to convince myself it was all normal and I deserved it anyway. I’m angry because there were adults in my life who saw what was happening, admitted it to me behind close doors that they knew and how f*cked up it was, and yet did absolutely NOTHING. I’m angry because I was blamed for my sexual abuse. I’m angry because they STILL try to gaslight me. I’m angry that I have permanent injury as an adult because my medical needs as a child were labeled as “just wanting attention.”

I'm angry at society for allowing my parents to use my disability as an excuse to abuse me.

Moms rly are like "what?? I just gave u all the residual trauma that my mother passed down to me, be grateful!"

maybe some mothers are toxic because they are burnt out from doing it all alone because of absent fathers 

“Sorry I abused you, honey, but I was mad about your dad taking off and I had to take it out on someone so it’s really not my fault UwU”

Some people???? Abuse children???? To COPE???

Yeaaah no

Fuck that narrative.

You don’t abuse children because ,“muh stress”

Nobody should abuse children anyway. If someone tries to justify it in any way then I’d excuse my punching them as being because of stress.

This excuse was used on me so much growing up, it was always “muh stress” and “muh disabled burden child” so my suffering was ignored because I was born and its my fault because I was born this way. Fuck any parent that does this to a child.

While mine wasn’t as bad probably, I got the same sort of treatment with my diabetes.

But every parent that even pretends to like their sick/disabled child or even their regular child in public is an angel! Don't tell me otherwise!

maybe some mothers are toxic because they are burnt out from doing it all alone because of absent fathers 

“Sorry I abused you, honey, but I was mad about your dad taking off and I had to take it out on someone so it’s really not my fault UwU”

Some people???? Abuse children???? To COPE???

Yeaaah no

Fuck that narrative.

You don’t abuse children because ,“muh stress”

Nobody should abuse children anyway. If someone tries to justify it in any way then I’d excuse my punching them as being because of stress.

This excuse was used on me so much growing up, it was always "muh stress" and "muh disabled burden child" so my suffering was ignored because I was born and its my fault because I was born this way. Fuck any parent that does this to a child.

interacting with kids that are growing up in healthy environments is always jarring it really reinforces how toxic and unsafe my childhood was

— (via furiousgoldfish)

PSA

theres a new product by verzion called “hum” that allows your parents to track your car and places you go, if your parents are controlling like mine please check under your steering wheel to make sure that they havent installed this

here is what it looks like installed:

you can read more about it here, and here- this excerpt sums up what information Hum will send: 

“a car’s owner will be able to get notified on their phone when the vehicle leaves a pre-determined area or drives faster than a set speed… [Hum] will enable location tracking and a driving log, which measures travel times, engine idle times, and average speeds.” 

People in abusive relationships, please check your cars.

DO NOT TRY TO UNPLUG IT BY YOURSELF!

To add to this nightmare, I’ve just heard of a thing called ForceField where people get to monitor and block internet sites that you’re going on if they don’t approve.

It tells the user what sites/apps you’re going on, for how long you’re on them, and WHERE YOU ARE ON AN UPDATING MAP.

So you know if you’re in an abusive household and use sites like tumblr to escape and talk to friends, you could be cut off from that.

They say “it’s not spyware” but it sure sounds controlling and creepy to me.

signalboost

God. Fuck. That’s scary.

Life 360 is another tracker. My parents have used it on me, not allowing me to delete it from my phone, and sometimes even demanding selfies to prove I was where the map said. (As if I’d go anywhere without my phone)

SpectorPro is another one. Afaik it can’t track location, but it takes screenshots roughly every 20sec to allow the installer to watch a video of your computer activity. It also tracks all keystrokes, so passwords aren’t safe, and records any website you visit + the duration. It’s incredibly creepy and a huge violation of privacy, and was one of the cornerstones of my abuse as a kid.

even if you’re not in an abusive relationship/family, please spread this because you might have just saved someone’s life

Sharing just in case

Sorry, sharing this again because I'm in an abusive situation myself.

The nuclear family is probably the greatest enabler of child abuse, ever.

Putting two people in complete control of another person (who is particularly vulnerable and has few legal rights) and then having no oversight for the whole arrangement is the absolute worst idea.

Families are garbage.

Neat theory. Too bad pretty much every study shows that growing up in a two-parent household is good for a child’s future.

Hi everyone, as a survivor of pretty severe child abuse, I would like to offer my perspective on the issue. I hope you consider it a worthwhile read.

Here it is.

@cisnowflake @anubianpagan @asciiheart

There’s too many of who? Look at global population stats. White folks are only 7.2% of the world population.

@ my followers: have kids please

I’m gen Z, and I have a lot of those reasons for not wanting to have kids as well. We don’t really have opportunities that previous generations had when they were my age. Another reason I have for not wanting to have kids is that I grew up in an abusive/dysfunctional family. My kid would not be able to have the large loving family that I would want them to have. I have several other reasons that I’m not going to list here because they are not relevant to the point that I’m trying to make. The reason I bring this up because I know that these types of families become more and more prevalent with each generation. I’m sure I’m far from the only one in my age group who wants to break the cycle. I believe that our culture is fundamentally broken in a lot of ways, and if you cannot give your children a strong healthy family, they are not going to make it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Do not have kids just to preserve your lineage or because you feel obligated to do so. If you’re doing it out of obligation, you will be unhappy, and unwittingly take that unhappiness out on your child. If you do not think being a parent is something you really want, please do not be a parent because you will do irreparable damage to your child! If you are planning to have children, please make sure that you have worked on any issues you still have from childhood or sometime earlier in your life, because a lot of people end up unwittingly taking that out on their children as well. Get some therapy, make sure that you can handle the mental stress of having children. Same with the financial stress it may put on you. Please be very careful when making this choice! Not everyone is meant to be a parent.

Ok typical atheist scumbag

It’s ironic coming from a gay person but white people HAVE FUCKING KIDS.

Even if I wanted kids, I couldn’t have them anyway because I’m disabled AND I come from an abusive family. Taking care of myself is hard enough, but raising a child??

Exactly! I am also a disabled person from an abusive family and this is also something I've had to say to people before. They get really mad at me and say that I'm just using my disability as an excuse and that plenty of disabled people have kids. Of course, able-bodied people know what's best for us, don't they? They know we're just using our disabilities as excuses to not have to do things they think we should do! The secret is out! (Sarcasm)

I too can barely take care of myself let alone a child. Even if I could, having a parent with a lot of medical issues has a negative effect on a child and I don't want to put them through that.

Then there's all the stuff with my abusive family that I mentioned already, which is a good reason on its own, really. But you know, people don't want to deal with that reality, they're too busy judging you because you're not living the way they think you should live.