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#'90s – @tymime on Tumblr
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@tymime / tymime.tumblr.com

Muffins make marvelous mouse mattresses.
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Right around when ‘90s nostalgia first started showing itself, only weeks after The ‘90s Are All That premiered, my first real throwback to my childhood was when I saw Good Burger at a local theater in 2011.

It was the first time I’d seen it in years. It was a very nice film copy too. All night they were serving freshly grilled burgers out back, with all manner of toppings available. I put a pile of SpaghettiOs on mine, and they also had candy and soda. They were playing old punk records over the sound system before the movie started, and with a can of orange Shasta in one hand and fistful of Skittles in the other, I kind of felt like I was in some Fred Savage movie, partying like an eight-year-old whose parents were away for the weekend.

After the movie, Kel Mitchell himself came on and did a Q&A about All That and Kenan & Kel, and what he and the other cast members were up to. There was real energy in the theater, and I could tell the place was full of fellow ‘90s kids, and Kel was loving it.

Afterward everyone went out back, and Kel signed autographs. I got him to sign our orange soda.

Since Good Burger 2 came out recently...

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Something I’ve been thinking about lately, and one of the things I miss most about cartoons and kid programming in the ‘90s, is the hosts that presented them. Whether it was a show with multiple segments, or a several hour marathon of some kind, something about characters talking to you and telling you what was coming up next made your viewing experience feel like an event, something special, something that you, yourself, were involved in and participating in, and not just passively consuming.

This is something that’s been missing for a long time, and something that’s much, much harder to do in the streaming era. Sure, we can still watch Tiny Toons on DVD, and “binge watch”, as we call it these days, an entire season of our favorite shows. But there’s less of sense of interaction, however artificial it may have been, and less of a sense of the shows being specifically selected for the audience in that particular moment in time. There were also programs like Nick in the Afternoon (with its U-Pick gimmick) and JBVO, where you could actually directly influence what you watched. You do, of course, have the freedom to watch whatever you want if you subscribe to the right streaming services, but to me, it was the characters that made all the difference.

It sorta gave the illusion that these characters were alive, at least on some other plane of existence. It also has a similar appeal as old school variety shows like Ed Sullivan and Johnny Carson, or even Vaudeville and circuses.

In general, I miss the days when kid programming felt more like they were catering to us, instead of just telling us what we should like.

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A lot of the argument in favor of 2010s cartoons is that they’re doing things no cartoons have ever done before. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I can get everything I could possibly want from ‘80s and ‘90s cartoons.

World-building and deep lore? TaleSpin. DuckTales (thanks to Carl Barks). Gummi Bears. My Little Pony. Ewoks. Aladdin. Gargoyles.

Dark and scary stuff? Too many to mention, but Disney and early Don Bluth films especially.

Complex, sympathetic villains? Darkwing Duck. The Raccoons. My Little Pony. Pokémon. Pinky and the Brain.

Long, drawn-out plotlines and/or quests? Any number of anime or action cartoons, really.

Sociopolicital satire/liberal agendas? Animaniacs. Pepper Ann. Recess. The Raccoons.

Ethnically diverse casts? Hey Arnold. Recess. The Wombles.

Strong female leads? Disney princesses. Hey Arnold. SWAT Kats.

Homosexual characters? Hey Arnold yet again. Mr. Simmons, to be exact.

Fourth wall breaking and meta humor? You’re kidding, right? That sort of thing has been around since Porky’s Duck Hunt in 1937, at least.

Also, Whatever Happened to Robot Jones was doing 1980s pop culture references before anyone else was.

There seems to be this impression that because of the popularity of Cartoon Network and Spielberg-produced Looney Tunes spinoffs that every TV cartoon in the ‘90s was pure slapstick silliness. There was a lot of that, but that was only one side to the whole picture. It seems to me that a lot of what came afterwards was a misguided reaction to that. It’s a testament to the ignorance of people who favor 2010s cartoons that they think they’re being innovative.

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One thing that bugged the heck out of me about the original Pokémon anime was the long-running arc about Ash’s Charizard. I think they were trying to do a version of “you don’t have enough badges to train me”, but Ash already had six by the time Charmander evolved into Charmeleon, so that doesn’t make sense. I know the show isn’t really that accurate to the games, so maybe they were just going for a broader “Ash is inexperienced and Charmeleon/Charizard doesn’t respect him anymore” thing. I mean, they do say as much in “The Problem with Paras”.

Either way, I think it was handled poorly, especially since I have no idea what exactly the writers were going for. As a kid I couldn’t understand what Charizard’s deal was, and even now I can only guess. I could sort of understand Charmeleon being like a cranky teenager, but the way this subplot went on for so long despite Ash’s repeated attempts at proving his dedication frustrated me as a kid.

I just watched “Charizard Chills” for the first time in forever, and it’s really only now that I can make any kind of guess why he didn’t like Ash in the first place. I figure Charizard, being more mature now, just didn’t see Ash as his peer anymore, and thought he was just a dopey kid. At the same time, he never realized just how much Ash cared about him until he helped him recover from being frozen.

Mind you, this is a guess, since we never actually get any real explanation. That’s probably the most frustrating part of the whole thing, is that we’ll probably never know exactly why Charizard just out-of-the-blue decided he didn’t like Ash anymore. So of course I was pretty upset when the writers just dumped him in Johto only a year and a half and 30 episodes later. You’d think after all that buildup Ash would get to keep him a little longer.

People don’t give OG Ash enough credit. I’ve mentioned before that I’m sure the main reason he was so dumb in the early episodes is that the audience was learning along with him. These days, with infinite resources of Pokémon data at our fingertips, it’s easy to look at him and think “how can you not know that??”. But episodes like these show that what really counts is how much he cares about his Pokémon and their well-being.

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The Wolf Howls tape

Halloween as a kid was one of the best things ever. And ‘90s Halloween, while probably only looked on fondly by ‘90s kids such as myself, was one of the best decades for Halloween. Horror movies from that decade are not my cup of tea (any horror movie after 1970 or so really), but the ‘90s were chock full of great Halloween specials, cartoons, and kid-friendly TV movies.

One thing about Halloween for me personally was the certain cheap, campy quality about it. Decorations and costumes made of plastic, rubber and cardboard. There’s an intangible charm and mystery to that sort of thing in any decade of Halloween’s popularity. It’s not really scary- and I think the internet came up with the perfect word for it: “spoopy”.

But of course the real core of Halloween is the things that are scary but not enough to really upset you. Just look at any Nightmare Fuel page for a kids’ show or movie on TV Tropes and you’ll see what I mean.

That brings me to this tape. For years, this tape was played in our house on Halloween night during trick-or-treating. Our mom recorded it off of a vinyl album who knows how long ago. We stuck the stereo through the window so that it could be heard outside. The whole thing is nothing but honest-to-goodness wolves not only howling, but barking and growling for about 20 minutes. When the tape got to the end, we rewound it and started it over again.

And believe me, it’s one of the spookiest things you’ll ever hear. The howls are extremely well recorded and are deep, throaty and mournful. Kids and their parents would pass us by because of this tape (and our unusually effective decorations). One of the best things in the world is coming home after our pumpkin buckets were full and sitting on the couch eating candy, watching old black-and-white movies on cable, and listening to this tape and the activity outside. I still get a little spooked listening to it.

But then one year it disappeared. Lost in some box somewhere in the house, we had no Wolf Howls for Halloween for many years. We had to make do with another tape called Howl-o-Ween Sounds, which is also very good, but it didn’t seem as effective, and it certainly lacks that utter simplicity. It seemed like we’d never see it again.

Luckily it turned up years later as teenagers and the tape was again playing on Halloween night, scaring the stuffing out of the neighbors. We were real audiophiles by that point and had discovered the world of vinyl sharity- the idea that you could convert old recordings that weren’t on CD and save them for posterity was a real revelation. I got the idea of rigging a way of digitizing our tapes by using a two-way cable- one end went into the stereo’s headphones jack, and the other into the computer’s mic jack. I converted several of them (including some home recordings of us and family members) and after cleaning up the noise, put Wolf Howls on CD.

But there was always one problem: where in God’s name did the thing come from?

Wolf Howls is only one side of the tape. The other is labeled “Haunted House”. We’d never played it as kids, but after hearing it, it was obvious it was the Disney classic Chilling, Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House. Clearly Wolf Howls must have been another record. But being such a simple, straightforward recording, there wasn’t much to identify it. We didn’t have the record at our house, and I didn’t know where our grandma kept her records at the time. Our mom couldn’t remember what it was called. It was impossible to find anything on the internet with the dozens of wolf sound effect albums floating around. Even after years of collecting Halloween records on mp3, it still didn’t turn up.

Finally, earlier this year, the right combination of search terms and websites (and thankfully an online copy) led me to the identity of the album: The Language and Music of the Wolves, released in 1971. It’s not a sound effects record or even a meditative nature sounds album. Side one actually features a short audio documentary on wolves narrated by Robert Redford! It’s cheesy and more than a little ‘70s, and to say that it surprised me is an understatement. I’ve spent my entire life being creeped out by these sounds, and it turns out it wasn’t meant to be creepy at all.

Even though this long story is close to ending (I still need to get a copy of the original and convert it myself), Wolf Howls still has a little mystery attached to it. And despite its less-than-amazing origins, it’s still a major part of my childhood and one of the spookiest things you’ll ever hear.

Try using it for your own Halloween.

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