The tense moment on this week’s Grey’s Anatomy was when Dr Hunt had to transfer a call to another phone and wasn’t sure he knew how. Office workers everywhere yelled instructions at their TVs.
There are some pretty ridiculous television books out there.
Well I'm sure we can all imagine the disgusted noise I made when I saw this picture. And it's not because I have a problem with two lesbians getting married or having a commitment ceremony because they live in a state where they can't get married or even that they apparently spent a ton of money on a ceremony that isn't even legally binding (I probably would too if I didn't have to worry about paying rent because I was fictional), it's that this entire storyline is so heavy handed and predictable, and also Arizona Robbins gives a bad names to humans everywhere. Even if Arizona wasn't the most selfish character ever (really you're crying about your brother who died years ago when Callie's mother was just incredibly hurtful and homophobic to her face), it's not like I didn't see the Callie's mother is a homophobe coming a mile away. I know the writers of this show think they are being dynamic by constantly breaking up Callie and Arizona and bringing them back together because they *love each other so much~, but it's really because they don't want to have to write in another lesbian for whoever stays. These are still shock value lesbian characters, and not there to round out the the diversity of people on the show.
Okay Grey's Writers, you want to impress me with your ability to write a compelling relationship storyline for a couple of gay characters? Let's replace Teddy with a gay man (actually let's just replace Teddy with anyone whose name is not Teddy. Really? It's like you wanted me to hate her). You haven't even attempted to do that yet. That's it guys I've thrown down the gauntlet. If you want to impress me, write a bisexual who wasn't straight until her male friend told her it would be really hot if she had sex with this other woman, or a lesbian who doesn't behave like an obnoxious 15-year-old. You do that; then we'll talk.
In the mean time here is a picture of Patrick Dempsey holding a baby:
I heard some rumors before I got a chance to watch last night's Grey's that it was a musical episode. I really hoped that I had heard all those things wrong, but alas my life isn't easy like that. Being a fan of actual musicals, I have a tenuous relationship with musical episodes. Since Glee, I have a hard time saying the words, "musical episode" without ranting, so I'm just going to say that sometimes they are good, and sometimes they are terrible. If you've got someone in charge who knows what they are doing (Joss Whedon for example), it can be a decent episode. If you don't, you end up with a lot of pandering and melodrama. Unfortunately, what we are looking at is something that falls into the latter category.
So! What happened this week? Nothing. Because we spent all our time singing in Callie's subconscious. Oh well, better luck next time.
We open immediately after Callie and Arizona's accident with Callie laying on the hood of the car AND standing next to the car looking at herself (normal!) talking about how the brain is a mysterious organ. Oh brother, here we go. Meanwhile at Seattle Grace (because Seattle only has one hospital), Mark is freaking out, and the only 10 doctors who work there are waiting to meet the ambulance. Then Brain Callie starts singing the 2006 Snow Patrol hit "Chasing Cars." Wow, how did you know that when I was 19 I wrote a bunch of lyrics from that song on the mirror in my dorm room, and everyone made fun of me? This show is so smart and current.
Callie is taken to surgery, and Lexi starts singing "Breathe" by Anna Nalick because a song about getting an abortion is totally what you need to sing while a pregnant woman is in surgery. Lexi is sent out to check on Mark, which confirms the suspicion I have that they are going to try to get those two crazy kids back together. Honestly, I like them together, but it's the back and forth that makes me want to blow my brains out.
Addison gets called in for a guest spot, but honestly, the cameo is wasted because this actress appears to not want to sing. Elsewhere, Meredith and Christina find out about Alex and The Other Blond One, and in a truly shocking moment of self awareness for this show, Alex says, "well she works here at Seattle Grace Mercy Death. I'm sure she's pretty much going to go crazy or get cancer, shot by a gunman or hit by a truck. So don't get your hopes up for Karev's big happy ending." Head of nail meet hammer.
There are a few other songs I don't recognize because I can't keep up with what the kids are listening to these days, but they are mostly terrible, and I'm sure if I knew what they were I would have hated them anyway. Mark and Arizona have a fight over Callie's care because Arizona wants a say but legally Mark is the only one who can do anything because he is the father of Callie's baby. Actually, the person with the actual say in this would be Callie's next of kin. You know her parents, but I'm guessing this musical episode is too expensive for any more guest stars.
Then there's some questions about the extent of Callie's brain function (I mean she is making everyone sing right now even people who aren't in the room just with the power of her BRAIN, so I think she's probably going to be okay, or she's definitely not going to be okay ever again), and there is a number where everyone has sex because this is Grey's Anatomy and that's what we do in a crisis.
Callie is taken back into surgery, and because it is always 2005 somewhere, Owen and Christina start singing "How to Save a Life." Long story short they deliver Callie's baby premature, and it's a girl even though I was sure it was a boy (Sloane made a dick joke about a fetus last episode, which was apparently all for nothing), and Callie wakes up and agrees to marry Arizona. Woof. Apparently, the fact that lesbians can't get married in Washington (yet!) will not stop this dysfunctional couple who shouldn't be getting married even if they were straight people, and their marriage wasn't a current political issue.
Elsewhere Meredith asks why the universe is so terrible that she can't get pregnant, and Callie does without trying then goes through a windshield, and the writers say, "don't look at me." Avery tells Lexi that he won't date someone who is still in love with someone else, and Lexi says she's not; thus continuing the LYING TO HERSELF streak she's been on. Then Teddy tells Christina that she won't be her teacher anymore because Christina always wants to learn surgeries that Teddy doesn't know how to do because she is terrible, and I wish she would just marry Scott Foley for real and go away forever.
If this is what they're doing before April, I'm really terrified to see what Sweeps is going to look like on this show. Jesus take the wheel!
An open letter to the Grey's Anatomy writers regarding last week's episode.
Dear Grey's Writers,
First off, I would like to congratulate you for creating a character as objectively and consistently awful and selfish as Arizona Robbins. Really! Good job! Impressive work, guys! Never in the history in of television has there been a character less likely to be happy for or share in her partner's joy about anything ever. I really like the way she pouted all the way through her girlfriend's baby shower because enjoying a party for someone you love that loves you and is carrying a child you have agreed to help raise is for losers. Duh! But what was really inspired was the way she wouldn't let Callie answer a phone call from HER BEST FRIEND and FATHER OF HER CHILD who was in an emotional tailspin because he gets "all the other parts of you." What's great about that is that despite totally not earning it, Callie has committed herself to Arizona rather than being with the father of her child or anyone else or being alone for that matter. Really, you're standing on the shoulders of giants here.
Next, I would like to ask you what the hell are you doing with Stark and April? It's weird and gross, and I don't like it. However, if you're going to write a 28-year-old virgin character, and make us like her, you better also give her an attractive man to lose it to. You cannot make me forget how much of ass Stark has already been, and besides he's really gross and if they do it please don't make me watch.
Finally, I would like to talk about the elephant in the room. I know your whole shtick is showing how people react in the face of death or life altering consequences, but in the real world people don't only solve their problems by contracting a fatal disease or getting in a terrible accident. Some of us just talk about our problems. Only the really indecisive have to develop a brain tumor or get hit by a bus. The only way I'm going to enjoy this car accident (which I spotted from a mile away when Callie took her seat belt off) is if you use it as a means to get rid of Arizona for good.
Keep up the good work!
XOXO
Drex