At the risk of sounding like an anomaly within the world of television-obsessed females, I should admit that I have never seen an episode of Sex And The City. I was ten-years-old and uninterested when it premiered but I was still aware of its massive existence mostly thanks to older friends who were lucky enough to have HBO (and parents who went to bed early) and who would discuss episodes on Monday afternoons. Admittedly, it seemed that they didn’t watch the show because they actually liked it but because it felt somewhat cool and rebellious to talk about sex in the basement cafeteria of a Catholic Church, which was the location of my summer day camp. Sure, some friends followed the show until the end but a handful quit when they didn’t have to whisper while recapping sex scenes out of fear that a nun would overhear. Aside from that, my knowledge of the show is limited: I know of the oft-mocked “Which Sex And The City Character Are You”? quizzes, I know there’s a Mr. Big (but I’m not sure if that’s his real name), and I know that Carrie liked shoes. I figured I’d watch it eventually--out of curiosity or boredom or “cultural research” or just to viciously mock it on the internet-- but, well, full disclosure: I snuck into Sex And The City 2 after plowing through a few bottles of bum wine during Marmaduke (don’t ask) but my only very, very vague memory of the film is being so thoroughly horrified and offended by the racism that we all left after about five minutes and I decided I never wanted to watch another second of any of these women. 

This is a weird roundabout way of saying that not only did I watch The Carrie Diaries--twice!--but I actually sort of enjoyed it.

The Carrie Diaries is, first and foremost, a simple teen drama. Okay, sure, technically it’s a prequel that centers around a young Carrie Bradshaw. And yes, it’s clear they’re trying to keep a strong link there: There are frank conversations about sex by a group of four friends (though this time they’re high schoolers), there is an importance placed on fashion (the dresses are as delightfully ‘80s as you could possibly hope for), Carrie’s voiceover waxes poetic throughout the episode (hopefully the show will use this a little less in the future), and New York City is less of a city and more of a character (even if the writers are seemingly unaware that the World Trade Center did, indeed, exist in 1984). Carrie is a character that most viewers are already familiar with (and have close ties to, I’d imagine) and it’s a narrative that’s supposed to setup an already existing narrative. 

Honestly, I’d say that the reason why I liked--or at least didn’t actively dislike--The Carrie Diaries is because I’m not familiar with Sex And The City. I have no idea if the backstory here fits with the existing continuity, I can’t say whether or not this show will, in the future, manage to seamlessly blend into the original program, and I don’t know if AnnaSophia Robb was a good choice for a young Sarah Jessica Parker (though I can say Robb is so charming that it’s hard to believe she once played the super bratty Violet Beauregarde). Still, because Sex And The City was such an, ugh, beloved show watched by millions of people and because presumably a lot of these people watched The Carrie Diaries, it’s understandable that there is prequel nitpicking--I recommend this Vulture recap--and that this is what largely makes up the criticisms so far. (Well, aside from the basic criticisms that are lodged at every teen drama simply because it’s a television genre that, post-My So-Called Life, hasn’t exactly been taken seriously, no matter how hard Dawson’s Creek tried, but that’s a much different and longer discussion.) But none of that has to matter!

In fact, I’d recommend viewing the two shows as completely separate from each other. If you ignore the prequel factor then basically The Carrie Diaries pilot follows the Rules Of Teen Dramas down to the letter. Carrie’s teen dream? Become a writer, live in Manhattan. Teen angst? Her mother recently died. Best friends? Three giggling girls and one closeted boy (who is dating one of the girls). Well-meaning father, cute crush, and bitchy nemesis? Check, check and check. Unrealistic plot point? Carrie gets an internship at a law firm which leads to her meeting a shoplifter-slash-mentor who brings her to a fancy party. There’s the requisite drug use (courtesy of Carrie’s pot-smoking, Joy-Division-listening rebellious sister) and the requisite secret relationship (Maggie and a police officer) and the requisite love triangle (of course her nemesis has a crush on Sebastian). There are also some nice surprises, such as an early scene where Carrie’s friends discuss losing their virginities (one girl grossly and hilariously describes it as “putting a hot dog into a keyhole”); it’s a very matter-of-fact conversation that’s free of all the usual fanfare and romanticization. For the most part, the show does feels familiar but it’s a good kind of familiar. It's even slightly reminiscent of the heyday of WB before the merge into CW caused the network to rely on rich elitists or secret vampires to propel their teen dramas. Once you ignore The Carrie Diaries' ties to Sex And The City, it's easy to see how it can become a viable program in its own right, provided the series keeps up the same momentum. 

This was going to be a post about how Hart of Dixie was easily the worst pilot I have seen so far, but then I decided that any show that features the main character walking down a backroad drinking a box of wine couldn't possibly be all bad. And I cried a little.

You get a pass this week Hart of Dixie.

America's Next Top Model All Stars Recap (Ep. 1)

This current season of America’s Next Top Model (season premiere aired on 9/14) is an All-Stars version. I have been waiting for this to happen for so long now and I’m actually surprised that it took Tyra so long to get on this game.  It must have been all that mail I sent her.  Do you think when Tyra goes to the mailbox to get her mail she says, "Tyra mail!"?  Tyra brought 14 of the most popular non-winning models to compete (we all miss Jade, I know). 

I am really hoping this is not Tyra's look for the whole season.  You know she tends to stick to one style.  Remember the jumpsuit season? I do.  She is hardcore channeling Lydia Deetz this episode.

I always wondered where Tyra lived.  Apparently, she lives in a quaint little cottage near the moon.

I can feel America's Next Top Best Actress coming for Tyra.   She is so good at acting, ya'll.  Speaking of southern charm: Why is "Laura" on Tyra's vagina?

Tyra awaking from a terrible dream that Modelland didn't make it to the New York Times Best Sellers list.

Angelea's quote speaks to me on a deep philosophical level.

Tyra knows exactly what she's doing, or at least a producer does, by giving each girl a class of champagne as they walk in the door.  We need to get this All Star season started off right.  "Ready, set..." Tyra never finished that statement.

"716 is back!"

"Who woulda thought a country girl could be a top model."

"I can brand myself, I can be a mogul."

"Twinkle, Twinkle. I'm a star."

"You can't make scenes like that for no reason, B."

"When this show is over your career really begins." LOL foreshadowing.

"I don't need a face lift.  I just pull my hair back like this!" me paraphrasing Dominique's opening statements.

"There's much more to me than being a model." I ain't even ready for her yellow fever right now.

"I don't have a penis anymore."

"Who are you?" -everyone in the house.  "Oh, you're the lesbian."

These are grown women.

"Kate Middleton? Girl, please.  I am the Queen." -Bianca

"My life is so hard." -Bianca on extensions.

The models have their first photo shoot almost immediately.  They were taking photos of over the top versions of themselves.  I'm sorry, but I don;t think any of these are over the top,

Being a proud lesbian as opposed to being just a plain old lesbian is over the top!

"More party? Can I get a cocktail then?"

"You excited about your fishing pole?"

"Errrggh!"

"You should definitely follow your dreams."  I like Isis, but in just the first 15 minutes we have heard so much of this exact sentiment.  I want more Isis, although Isis wanted less Isis. So, we'll have to compromise.

"I'm gonna bake you a carrot cake." Sheen channeling her inner Jessica Rabbit.

"What do you have to say to me 716?"

Jay claps for her at the end, "Good Job, Lisa!" like she is a 5 year old after she does a split in the air and jumps into the pool.

"I don't wear underwear outside. Bikini bottoms? No prob!"

Live judging panel reaction shot!

Guest Judge Nicki Minaj.

Nigel with hair?  Don't fear, I saw clips of future episodes and he comes to his senses and shaves it all off.

"Don't cry for me Nokia Theatre. The truth is I'll never leave you (until Tyra fires me)"

"I'm a wild child!" No, no you're not.

If modeling falls through then Lisa has a future career as a stripper.

"I think you're projecting hood, but it's Beverly Hood!"

"People still remember me?" that girl from the first season.

"Do those look like panties to yoooooouuuuu!!?!?!?!"

Alexandria needs a minute, she's just trying to have her time. Also, that guy? in the furry white outfit.

Top Model reaction faces by Camille and Tyra.

What pageant is Kayla auditioning for? The Miss Proud Lesbian competition?

I'm adorable, ya'll and my Grandma Wanda Sue made this outfit!!!!

I am so disappointed that we aren't getting the not rehearsed 'backstage footage' this season.  Here's what the judging panel looks like this season.

First & Best Picture: Isis.

Personal note: I really liked Kayla's picture and she's my favorite to win the whole thing.  I don't understand the dislike of her fist here.  She's just being a strong, proud lesbian.

Bottom two: Brittany and Alexandria

"Do you know why you're still here? It's something called polarity.  The opposite of Love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.  When you have people who love you when you have people who hate you that's the definition of a true star." -Tyra waxing poetic.

"I thought I was going to be a star."

The photoshop disaster that is this group shot.  I can't even begin.  I think Alexandria pretending to surf while riding a motorcycle is my favorite part to be honest.

This season is going to be so amazing.  Thank you, Tyra.

I discussed the Ringer pilot with Andrew via Gchat.

Andrew: Oh my God, Ringer I don't know if I can make it through this premiere actually Me: Oh my god I know! I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo disappointed it can only get better right? 'it gets better' Andrew: maybe? I'm glad Chiffon is gone or Shavonne? Chivon? I don't know Me: Siobhan? but is she really gone? I don't think so Andrew: No, she's in the opening credits I mean, the music? The general production values? Me: I think that is what kills me the most Andrew: The cover of Chicago's "25 or 6 to 4" Me: The CW could have stepped up the budget a bit Andrew: (I mean, could they have?) Me: I think I could have done better special effects in mspaint Andrew: There was better green screening in The Ten Commandments Me: There is better green sceening on Covert Affairs and that's saying something Andrew: I have seen more subtle acting on a Telenovela Me: I have seen more subtle acting on Teletubbies

"I play both of them. I have the most excellent co-star, me." -Sarah Michelle Gellar on Jimmy Fallon last night discussing my most anticipated series premiere this week (maybe this fall), Ringer.

I also want to mention that the CW is bringing it a little this season with its new shows.

I don't think we all fully appreciated Veronica Mars when it was on the first time. I mean come on, a sassy self-possessed teenage girl who doesn't care what the popular kids say about her and thinks about things besides who wants to date her? Sure things spiraled out of control a little bit in the second season (the bus crash, Duncan's secret baby, Beaver the covert rapist), but for one beautiful, shining moment everything was perfect.

Miss you; love you, V Mars.

Things Josh Schwartz likes: the rich and elite, characters that wax nostalgic about things they are too young to be nostalgic for, jumping the shark mid-way through the first season of his shows, the eighties, and the BLANDEST COUPLES ON TELEVISION.

"Amateurs." - Bridalplasty

   "You know what I'd like to be?" I said. "You know what I'd like to be? I mean if I had my goddamn choice?"

   "What? Stop swearing."

   "You know that Sonic Youth song 'If a body catch a body stumblin' on the roof'? I'd like --"

   "It's 'If a body meet a body coming through the rye'!" Little J said. "It's a poem. By Robert Burns."

   "I know it's a poem by Robert Burns."

   She was right, though. It is "If a body meet a body coming through the rye." I didn't know it then, though. I still don't care.

   "I thought it was a Sonic Youth song. Maybe they copied it," I said. "Whatever. I keep picturing all these high schoolers having a party on this rooftop in Brooklyn. Thousands of high schoolers, and nobody's around -- nobody sober, I mean -- except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some roof. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the roof -- I mean if they're stumbling and they're too drunk to look where they're going I have to come out from behind a keg and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher on the roof and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. xoxo gossip girl."

Gossip Girl in the Rye is J.D. Salinger's upcoming posthumous novel wherein he attempts to appeal to a new generation of angsty and apathetic teenagers.