I like my men stupid.

Im not my blorbo's defence lawyer. I'm their rich mom at parent night and for the money I'm paying this place, my little darling treasure gets to bite as many classmates as they like

Four roommates are extraterrestrials who have taken human form in the hopes of learning about Earth’s culture. Unfortunately, each alien is from a different planet and believes the other three are normal humans.

I would read this

OH MY GOD

Starring Jack Black, The Rock, Jeff Goldblum and Taika Waititi 

And Mads Mikkelsen, the human neighbour that is weird enough that all the aliens think he’s an alien too.

they all are sure hes an alien and will go talk to him about how hard it is being an alien on earth, will even talk really frankly to him about it, but weirdly no matter what they say hes always like ‘oh yeah i can relate’

It got about a thousand times better than the last time I reblogged this I think.

So, Chris Hemsworth is in Ghostbusters, and Thor wasn’t in Civil War.

The character played by Chris Hemsworth in Ghostbusters:

I’m just sayin’, man.

Kevin’s superhuman abilities weren’t a result of being posessed by a human ghost, it was the result of a ghost taking control of an Asgardian O.O

HEADCANON: Someone showed Thor the Christopher Reeve Superman movies and he decided he needed a secret identity. Kevin is the result.

If net neutrality disappears then that means only rich people will be able to access Tumblr so just to be safe we need to post memes that the rich people will like so we all have a chance at being Tumblr famous after we can’t afford the internet anymore

U RITE

Here, I’ll start us off:

father w/ the homunculi: alright children my plans involve all of you cooperating with me. even just a little bit. putting up with each other for a little while. not committing ultimate betrayal. that’s not difficult. you can handle that greed (multiple times):

Humans Are Weird: Fun with Food Allergies

My humble submission to the Humans Are Weird conversation. I know we’ve talked about food allergies, but as someone with a LONG list of them, I have a feeling explaining the different ways multiple foods can fuck you up would be fun….

X’kora was learning fast. It was their first mission with humans aboard the ship, but they had felt adequately prepared. Until the peanut incident with Human Monica, that is. The human had been understanding, and had offered to prepare her own food, but X’kora insisted that they didn’t want Human Monica excluded, and that they would be happy to accommodate her needs.

“You turned purple. That is not a standard human skin tone. It must never happen again. Please provide me with your list of death foods.”

Of course, they hadn’t been prepared for the list of twenty-two foods Human Monica was not allowed to eat.

“I tried to color code them for you,” Human Monica explained. “Red are the ones that make my throat close up - like peanuts. The ones in yellow give me hives - a skin rash. And green just give me a headache or stomach ache.”

“All of these foods cause you various forms of distress?” X’kora asked in shock.

“Unfortunately.”

“I must avoid peanuts, bananas, and soy at all costs?”

“Please do. My grandma didn’t believe in food allergies, and baked some peanut butter banana cookies with soy milk - to prove to my parents that they were over protective. Didn’t see much of grandma after the death cookie incident.”

X’kora taped the list to the cabinet. “I will endeavor to meet your needs.”

“Don’t stress - I’m used to it.”

“You. Turned. Purple.”