Forests in the Sky

"Questions don't have to make sense, Vincent," said Miss Susan. "But answers do." -- Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

Susan did not waste breath saying things like "That's impossible" at a time like this. Only people who believed that they lived in the real world said things like that. -- Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

"But that's far too difficult for seven-year-olds!" "Yes, but I didn't tell them that and so far they haven't found out," said Susan. -- Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

"There is practically no limit to the things I find normal." -- Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

Some people fade into the background. Miss Susan faded into the foreground. She stood out. Everything she stood in front of became nothing more than background. -- Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

"But I thought they were a superstition!" "No, they're a substition, said Susan. "I mean they're real, but hardly anyone really believes in them. Mostly everyone believes in things that aren't real." -- Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

She smiled. "Look on the bright side," she added. "We're young, we've got all the time in the world..." She swung the wrench onto her shoulder. "Let's go clubbing." -- Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

1. "Is it not written in the sacred text, 'There's a lot goes on that we don't know about, in my opinion'?" said Lu-Tze.
2. "For it is written: 'I can't be having with that kind of a thing.'"
3. "For is it not written, 'It does you good to get out in the fresh air'?"
4. "For it is written, 'There is no time like the present,' which is Mrs. Cosmopilite's most profound understanding."
5. "For it is written, 'You can't tell a book by its cover.'"
6. "It is written, 'You've got to learn to walk before you can run,'" said Lu-Tze, putting his broom over his shoulder.
7. "It is written, 'Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs!'" he said.
8. "Truly it is written, 'You could knock me down with a feather,'" he muttered, as they headed up the sloping passage.
9. "It is written, 'I've got a feeling in my water,'" said Lu-Tze.
10. "Hah! It is written, 'I'm not as green as I'm cabbage-looking'!" snapped Lu-Tze.
11. "For it is written, 'Wrap up warm or you'll catch your death.'"
12. "Is it not written, 'Every second counts'?"
13. "Oh, well, in that case," said Lu-Tze, "is it not written, 'If you want a thing done properly you've got to do it yourself'?"
14. "However, is it not written, 'When you have got to go, you have got to go'?" said Lu-Tze.
15. "And also that 'You should always wear clean underwear because you never know if you will be knocked down by a cart'?"
16. "But is it not written, 'If you have another one, you won't have an appetite for dinner'?"
17. "For is it not written, 'You never know what's going to turn up'?"

“She’d never realised how much humans were controlled by their bodies. The thing nagged night and day. It was always too hot, too cold, too empty, too full, too tired… The key was discipline, she was sure. Auditors were immortal. If she couldn’t tell her body what to do, she didn’t deserve to have one. Bodies were a major human weakness. Senses, too. The Auditors had hundreds of senses, since every possible phenomenon had to be witnessed and recorded. She could find only five available now. Five ought to be easy to deal with. But they were wired directly into the rest of the body! They didn’t just submit information, they made demands! She’d walked past a stall selling roasted meats and her mouth had started to drool! The sense of smell wanted the body to eat without consulting the brain! But that wasn’t the worst of it! The brain itself did its own thinking! That was the hardest part. The bag of soggy tissue behind the eyes worked away independently of its owner. It took in information from the senses, and checked it all against memory, and presented options. Sometimes the hidden parts of it even fought for control of the mouth! Humans weren’t individuals, they were, each one, a committee!”

“I’ve gone back in time, haven’t I? It was that bloody Library! Everyone knows the magic in there makes strange things happen!” “Well, yes. It was mainly that, yes. It’s more true to say that you, er, got caught up in a major event.”

“We’re down to the nougat now,” said Unity. “And I believe nougat is a terrible thing to cover with chocolate, where it can ambush the unsuspecting.”

The sound of distant changing followed them. Lu-Tze, who was not holy and therefore could think unholy thoughts, occasionally wondered whether the chanting monks were chanting anything, or were just going “aahaaahahah.” You could never tell with all the echo.

The pigeon on Miss Susan’s desk fluttered down and joined the other pigeons prospecting for scraps among the flagstones, cooing very gently to them in pidgin pigeon.