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I want to be granny weatherwax when I grow up!
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“You wouldn’t let a poor old lady go off to confront monsters on a wild night like this, would you?”
They watched him owlishly for a while just in case something interestingly nasty was going to happen to him.
Then someone near the back said, “So why should we care what happens to monsters?”
And Shawn Ogg said, “That’s Granny Weatherwax, that is.”
“But she’s an old lady!” Oats insisted.
The crowd took a few steps back. Oats was clearly a dangerous man to be around.
“Would you go out alone on a night like this?” he said.
The voice at the back said, “Depends if I knew where Granny Weatherwax was.”
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‘You don’t organize a mob, Nanny,’ said Agnes. ‘A mob is something that happens spontaneously.’ Nanny Ogg’s eyes gleamed. ‘There’s seventy-nine Oggs in these parts,’ she said. 'Spontaneous it is, then.’ Her gaze fell for a moment on the forest of familial pictures, and then she removed a boot and hammered on the wall beside her. After a few seconds they heard a door bang and footsteps pass in front of the window. Jason Ogg, blacksmith and head male of the Ogg clan, poked his head around the front door. ‘Yes, Mum?’ 'There’s going to be a spontaneous mob stormin’ the castle in, oh, half an hour,’ said Nanny. 'Put the word out.’
–Terry Pratchett, “Carpe Jugulum”
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"It's the version my grandmother taught me," said Oats.
"She was keen on crushing infidels?"
"Well, mainly I think she was in favor of crushing Mrs. Ahrim next door, but you've got the right idea, yes. She thought the world would be a better place with a bit more crushing and smiting."
"Prob'ly true."
"Not as much smiting and crushing as she'd like, though, I think," said Oats. "A bit judgmental, my grandmother."
"Nothing wrong with that. Judging is human."
"We prefer to leave it ultimately to Om," said Oats and, out here in the dark, that statement sounded lost and all alone.
"Bein' human means judgin' all the time," said the voice behind him. "This and that, good and bad, making choices every day...that's human."
"And are you so sure you make the right decisions?"
"No. But I do the best I can."
"And hope for mercy, eh?"
The bony finger prodded him in the back.
"Mercy's a fine thing, but judgin' comes first. Otherwise you don't know what you're bein' merciful about."
Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum
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This is one of those moments that make me go "oooooooooh! 🎉"
Sir Terry Pratchett saw the "I can change him" line and said fuck that.
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"You mean vampirism is like...pyramid selling?" said Agnes. [...]
"I'm sorry?" said Vlad. "Who sells pyramids?"
"No, I mean... you bite five necks, and in two months' time you get a lake of blood of your very own?"
He smiled, but a little cautiously. "I can see we will have a lot to learn," he said. "I understood every word in that sentence, but not the sentence itself."
Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum
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“‘Anyway, that’s why she’s always standin’ behind herself and criticizin’ what she’s doing. Sometimes I reckon she’s terrified she’ll go bad without noticin’.’ ‘Granny? But she’s as moral as—’ ‘Oh, yes, she is. But that’s because she’s got Granny Weatherwax glarin’ over her shoulder the whole time.’”
— Terry Pratchett - Carpe Jugulum
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‘You don’t organize a mob, Nanny,’ said Agnes. ‘A mob is something that happens spontaneously.’ Nanny Ogg’s eyes gleamed. ‘There’s seventy-nine Oggs in these parts,’ she said. 'Spontaneous it is, then.’ Her gaze fell for a moment on the forest of familial pictures, and then she removed a boot and hammered on the wall beside her. After a few seconds they heard a door bang and footsteps pass in front of the window. Jason Ogg, blacksmith and head male of the Ogg clan, poked his head around the front door. ‘Yes, Mum?’ ‘There’s going to be a spontaneous mob stormin’ the castle in, oh, half an hour,’ said Nanny. 'Put the word out.’
–Terry Pratchett, “Carpe Jugulum”
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‘You wouldn’t let a poor old lady go off to confront monsters on a wild night like this, would you?’ They watched him owlishly for a while just in case something interestingly nasty was going to happen to him. Then someone near the back said, ‘So why should we care what happens to monsters?’ And Shawn Ogg said, ‘That’s Granny Weatherwax, that is.’ ‘But she’s an old lady!’ Oats insisted. The crowd took a few steps back. Oats was clearly a dangerous man to be around. 'Would YOU go out alone on a night like this?’ he said. The voice at the back said, 'Depends if I knew where Granny Weatherwax was.’
–Terry Pratchett, “Carpe Jugulum” (Granny Weatherwax Testimonials.)
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“When people were in serious trouble they went to a witch.* *Sometimes, of course, to say, ‘Please stop doing it.’”
— Terry Pratchett, ‘Carpe Jugulum’ (via angrboda-ironwood)
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“Well, there are two sides to every question…” “What do you do when one of ‘em’s wrong?” The reply came back like an arrow. “I meant that we are enjoined to see things from the other person’s point of view,” said Oats, patiently. “You mean that from the point of view of a torturer, torture is all right?”
– on debates | Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum
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“The Phoenix,” by Stephen Player Discworld 2015 Calendar May Image
A beautifully powerful image of Granny Weatherwax triumphant. Such beautiful lighting and effects. And check out the magpies fleeing at the top left.
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Illustrations for Terry Pratchett’s Carpe Jugulum, that i did in this semester.
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Oats turned to the assembled Lancrastians for support.
“You wouldn’t let a poor old lady go off to confront monsters on a wild night like this, would you?”
They watched him owlishly for a while just in case something interestingly nasty was going to happen to him.
Then someone near the back said, “So why should we care what happens to monsters?”
And Shawn Ogg said, “That’s Granny Weatherwax, that is.”
“But she’s an old lady!” Oats insisted.
The crowd took a few steps back. Oats was clearly a dangerous man to be around.
“Would you go out alone on a night like this?” he said.
The voice at the back said, “Depends if I knew where Granny Weatherwax was.”
Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett (via cat-sophia)
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Even so… Uberwald…*
*On the rare maps on the Ramtops that existed, it was spelled Überwald. But Lancre people had never got the hang of accents and certainly didn’t agree with trying to balance two dots on another letter, where they’d only roll off and cause unnecessary punctuation.
– on umlauts | Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum
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“Well, there are two sides to every question…” “What do you do when one of ‘em’s wrong?” The reply came back like an arrow. “I meant that we are enjoined to see things from the other person’s point of view,” said Oats, patiently. “You mean that from the point of view of a torturer, torture is all right?”
– on debates | Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum
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“To tell you the honest truth, there’s always been a bit of the dark in the Weatherwaxes, and that’s where the trouble is. Look at old Alison Weatherwax.” “Who was she?” “Her own granny. Went to the bad, they say, just packed up one day and headed for Uberwald. And as for Esme’s sister…” Nanny stopped, and restarted. “Anyway, that’s why she’s always standin’ behind herself and criticizin’ what she’s doing. Sometimes I reckon she’s terrified she’ll go bad without noticin’.” “Granny? But she’s as moral as–” “Oh yes, she is. But that’s because she’s got Granny Weatherwax glarin’ over her shoulder the whole time.”
– on how to be a good person | Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum