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Salt Water

@treepyful / treepyful.tumblr.com

The cure for everything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. (Isak Dinesen) :: 30s. Queer. Scientist. Two decades a fen. Any pronoun will do. :: Fandoms: Star Trek, Leverage, Stranger Things, Schitt's Creek, The Witcher. :: I adore a rare pair.
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reblogged
Anonymous asked:

wait so you like problematic yaoi?

lets take a moment to think about this one critically

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if you remove the cannibalism, manipulation, murder, abuse of power, non consensual shoving of an ear down one’s throat, unsafe bdsm, power dynamics, unethical therapy practices, framing for murder, intentionally feeding of a type of soup that worsens encephalitis to a person with encephalitis, sawing one’s head open, paralyzing, killing the support group of your potential partner, abandonment, body horror

I think hannigram is pretty healthy

forgot the age gap

how could I forget the age gap…

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I love it when people use "shrimp" to mean "beyond the human range". like "shrimp colors" but applied to other things. "shrimp emotions" "shrimp sounds" "shrimp morality", as if shrimp are living some kind of transcendent existence that humans can never comprehend

turns out... these little creatures are not so "shrimple" after all!

why'd I write this like I'm 74

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attention this is your captain speaking chag sameach pesach to all celebrating and a reminder do not open the airlock to greet elijah the vulcan rabbinic council ruled that opening the door to the room where the seder is occurring is sufficient elijah can get on a starship just fine himself he just likes to be personally invited in to your seder we dont need another incident like last year thank you

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etirabys

oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”

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argumate

hello, fellow apes

The lead up to that sentence is gold:

[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]

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roach-works

imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.

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found goat milk and wheat ale at the store. theres no way im NOT making a white gilgamesh tonite

ok here we go. recipe/original post here:

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localcryptic

i sent this post to my friend who is known for making Concoctions. thinking she'd just find it funny. i underestimated her hubris

so for anyone curious about the white gilgamesh experience. i hope this satiates that sick desire in your hearts

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reblogged

…………….y’all ready for Pesach?

Because this person certainly is!

My goyische fiance: “Is this a prank?” 

after being informed it is not:

“At that point you should just go outside and build a kosher hut” 

also

art becomes life I guess

I’m sobbing this is a perfect addition

We knew this couple from our schul back in the day who had an issue with birds continually flying into their french window, so upon advice from an animal control expert they lined the outside of the window with foil as a measure to ward off the birds. 

I am not jewish so my presence is not relevant. However i am high. And i genuinely cant tell if this makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WHATEVER because i am high or because im not jewish. Or are jewish holidays just…. Like that.

Jewish people: this post

Me, a simple non jew who happens to be high as balls, sobbing: what the fuck does this mean

Yo @transenbyhollis that is an extremely fair question, high or not. 

For you and the rest of the peanut gallery, the joke here is honestly…. just kind of something you had to have lived through to really get? 

So you may be aware that many Jews (in particular, religious Jews, but some secular Jews also) keep the dietary laws known as kashrut. The really, really basic meaning of this is that we only eat meat from certain animals that has been slaughtered in a certain way, and we separate meat and dairy. How people observe this in practice varies a lot. If you follow the strict traditional rules, you have separate dishes, cookware, and ideally appliances for meat and dairy. However, there is a whole continuum of practices that are more lenient. 

In any event, for eight days a year, during the holiday of Pesach (Passover), those who keep kosher year-round (and even some who don’t) observe unique kashrut rules that involve removing all of the chametz (leavened grain products) from the household and one’s diet. If one holds by traditional observance, ridding one’s life of chametz in preparation for Pesach is a BIG deal, and includes a truly insane amount of cleaning and then the covering of surfaces that cannot be kashered. 

People literally clean for a month to be fully prepared. In fact, you know what? I’m just gonna drop this here: https://www.chabad.org/holidays/passover/pesach_cdo/aid/664473/jewish/Printable-Passover-Guide-2019.htm

It’s such an intensive process that once you’ve lived through it, it only makes sense to make jokes about it. Covering items that do not have and couldn’t even have food on them (see: the toilet paper) is hilariously over the top, but a good tension relief when you’re on your tenth hour of scrubbing your entire kitchen with a toothbrush to ensure that literally no cookie crumb has escaped. 

GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS AGAIN

Sudden mental image of a dude just taking a power washer to his kitchen

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kindigo

when i was a small child i (christian-raised) understood: Passover and Easter are two holidays that are around the same time of year but different; Easter is the Christian holiday celebrating Jesus’s return from the dead; Passover involves a ban on chametz and can involve observers throwing a lot of chamitz away. Young me came to the knowledgable conclusion that Jesus = chametz

How dare you leave this in the tags:

[Screenshot ID: tags from @kindigo

#christians: so easter is coming up #jews: *busy cleaning for pesach* love that for you. SARAH CHECK ON TOP OF THE CABINETS. I DON’T CARE GET A STOOL. #christians: …so have you heard about our lord and savior jesus christ #jews: YES EVEN THE TOILET PAPER. ALL OF IT. sorry im really busy. what’s so special about this guy? #christians: he is risen– #jews: *screaming* End ID]

Someone liked this post and therefore made it surface in my notifications again and uh. Rude reminder that Pesach is less than two weeks away 😳😨🥲

Cheerful reminder that Pesach is three weeks away so you should have started cleaning like, yesterday lmao

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biglawbear

I am HOWLING

OPERATION CHAMETZ: SEARCH AND DESTROY🔥🎯🚀

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Imagine waiting for the coast guard or whatever to show up and instead a replica of 18th century merchant ship pulls up and tows you to the coast.

pov: you’ve been transported to the 17th century

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ms-demeanor

I'm crying. Here's a photo of a sailor from the Götheborg watching over the little sailboat in tow:

From the story:

We repeatedly emphasized that we were aboard a small 8-meter sailboat, but the response was the same each time: "We are a 50-meter three-masted sailboat, and we offer our assistance in towing you to Paimpol." We were perplexed by the size difference between our two boats, as we feared being towed by a boat that was too large and at too fast a speed that could damage our boat. The arrival of the Götheborg on the scene was rapid and surprising, as we did not expect to see a merchant ship from the East India Company of the XVIII century. This moment was very strange, and we wondered if we were dreaming. Where were we? What time period was it? The Götheborg approached very close to us to throw the line and pass a large rope. The mooring went well, and our destinies were linked for very long hours, during which we shared the same radio frequency to communicate with each other. The crew of the Götheborg showed great professionalism and kindness towards us. They adapted their speed to the size of our boat and the weather conditions. We felt accompanied by very professional sailors. Every hour, the officer on duty of the Götheborg called us to ensure everything was going well.[...] This adventure, very real, was an incredible experience for us. We were extremely lucky to cross paths with the Götheborg by chance and especially to meet such a caring crew. Dear commander and crew of the Götheborg, your kindness, and generosity have shown that your ship is much more than just a boat. It embodies the noblest values of the sea, and we are honored to have had the chance to cross your path and benefit from your help.

"Our destinies were linked for very long hours" is just knocking me out.

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smoqueen

when a boy tries to shotgun a bong hit with me i always suck it out of his mouth like a *remembers i cant say “dementor” because harry potter is a significant part of an ongoing culture war against trans people* like a Ghostbuster

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