i came across an old ask of yours where you mentioned that you don't say 'yes' every time to your partner and i feel like that goes against what we're taught about consent
I wouldn’t feel this way for a one-night stand or someone I am not established with, but my partner and I have blanket consent which for us means, he’s allowed to initiate anything and I say “no” if I’m not up to it. So, while I don’t believe in “no means no” for a general consent rule (because this ignores silence, etc), I do use it for my own relationship because I feel safe to say “no.”
Sometimes people decide that they want to use different standards of consent. This is especially common for people in relationships. Sometimes they’ll decide that they don’t need to say yes every time, and agree upfront that the other person can always assume the answer is yes unless they say otherwise. (A non sexual example of this is sometimes friends/loved ones may hug each other without asking every time because it’s been pre-established this is okay!) Sometimes they may agree on “sexier” ways to ask for consent. This is okay as long as these things are established and agreed upon beforehand between all parties involved. The same rules about consent apply to making these new agreements, too. Someone who is too drunk or tired to consent is too drunk or tired to negotiate an alternative consent agreement. It’s not okay to pressure someone into agreeing. And if they change their mind, the agreement stops.
I really do like the saying that "consent is a freely-given yes". Consent should absolutely be a freely-given yes. Not coerced, manipulated or anything like that. But I also think it's valid if in an established relationship, you do have a different consent agreement and that's what my partner and I have. And an alternative agreement should follow the same rules. No one should be coerced into agreeing to something they aren't comfortable with.
Just recently, he went to hug me when I was upset and I said "no". He has blanket permission to hug me, but I was over stimulated and wasn't okay with it in that moment. He stopped, and I let him know when I was ready to resume being hugged without him asking again.
It's okay if what I do in my relationship doesn't work for you! This is about what makes you feel most comfortable.