Healing Is Not Linear

You can buy me a coffee (here is my Ko-fi)

Here is a link to some FAQ about trauma and other related topics.

You can also offer support by checking out the stim toy business I co-own! Check out our blog @flappyhappystim. Here is the website to order products. 

Consider checking these out?

My Trauma Survivors Website: I have a lot of info and longer blog posts on here!

My Trauma Cohost

My Trauma Facebook

My Trauma Instagram

I also have a trauma discord, but you’ll need to message my personal blog @aprilthebiqueen for that link just so we can keep the chat safe. :) (Still active as of July 2024 and over four years active!)

My Blogs:

@aprilthebiqueen : My personal blog. It’s where I follow from and can message from!

@borderlinereminders : Mostly BPD positivity and reminders. Also other mental health stuff.

@disabilityreminders : disability positivity and reminders.

@somepositivityforyou : is my general positivity blog to post everything else!

@traumasurvivorswriting: A blog where I share bits of my books.

@traumavents: This is a blog where you can vent about your trauma, or events surrounding it, or your healing or whatever else!

It’s really valid if you have big feelings about being neglected as a child or pushed aside. Even if it was for what some see as a valid reason (sick sibling, etc), it’s still okay to be upset by it and feel the effects. Someone else needing more doesn’t mean you deserved less.

Medical trauma is valid and real. You aren't weak or being dramatic if you have medical trauma.

Your trauma is valid if it came from therapy.

You don't need to be "over" what happened to you.

You never have to. Not even on your healing journey. While I hope you get to a place where it doesn't consume you, it's okay if it always affects you in some level. You aren't weak, or failing. Or anything like that. It's okay if you always have feelings about it.

Your trauma is valid, even if you went back to someone who abused you.

Going back, or not leaving in the first place, does not mean that you asked for it or deserved it. I promise.

It's not up to anyone else to tell you how you should be reacting to your trauma.

Everyone reacts differently, and there are no rules about it. It's okay if how you react looks different. It doesn't mean you're wrong.

Absolutely! I didn't mention that because I didn't want people to feel pressured, but if sending one back is something you want to do, then by all means! I would love to get a card. You can either wait for my return address on the card, or if you want to, I can give my address when you give me yours.

 I wouldn’t feel this way for a one-night stand or someone I am not established with, but my partner and I have blanket consent which for us means, he’s allowed to initiate anything and I say “no” if I’m not up to it. So, while I don’t believe in “no means no” for a general consent rule (because this ignores silence, etc), I do use it for my own relationship because I feel safe to say “no.”

Sometimes people decide that they want to use different standards of consent. This is especially common for people in relationships. Sometimes they’ll decide that they don’t need to say yes every time, and agree upfront that the other person can always assume the answer is yes unless they say otherwise. (A non sexual example of this is sometimes friends/loved ones may hug each other without asking every time because it’s been pre-established this is okay!) Sometimes they may agree on “sexier” ways to ask for consent. This is okay as long as these things are established and agreed upon beforehand between all parties involved. The same rules about consent apply to making these new agreements, too. Someone who is too drunk or tired to consent is too drunk or tired to negotiate an alternative consent agreement. It’s not okay to pressure someone into agreeing. And if they change their mind, the agreement stops.

I really do like the saying that "consent is a freely-given yes". Consent should absolutely be a freely-given yes. Not coerced, manipulated or anything like that. But I also think it's valid if in an established relationship, you do have a different consent agreement and that's what my partner and I have. And an alternative agreement should follow the same rules. No one should be coerced into agreeing to something they aren't comfortable with.

Just recently, he went to hug me when I was upset and I said "no". He has blanket permission to hug me, but I was over stimulated and wasn't okay with it in that moment. He stopped, and I let him know when I was ready to resume being hugged without him asking again.

It's okay if what I do in my relationship doesn't work for you! This is about what makes you feel most comfortable.

I promise that even though your trauma may always be a part of you and your life, you can still have a good and happy life. It is not hopeless, no matter how dark it may feel.

I talk about how your trauma is valid if your memories are fuzzy, or missing pieces and details and that’s very true.

But I also want to say that your trauma is valid if you remember every detail. Your trauma is valid if you’ve remembered it from the beginning or it became clear over time.

There are no rules for how you should react to trauma (like how much you remember or don’t remember) as we are all different and you are valid regardless.