Healing Is Not Linear

You can buy me a coffee (here is my Ko-fi)

Here is a link to some FAQ about trauma and other related topics.

You can also offer support by checking out the stim toy business I co-own! Check out our blog @flappyhappystim. Here is the website to order products. 

Consider checking these out?

My Trauma Survivors Website: I have a lot of info and longer blog posts on here!

My Trauma Cohost

My Trauma Facebook

My Trauma Instagram

I also have a trauma discord, but you’ll need to message my personal blog @aprilthebiqueen for that link just so we can keep the chat safe. :) (Still active as of July 2024 and over four years active!)

My Blogs:

@aprilthebiqueen : My personal blog. It’s where I follow from and can message from!

@borderlinereminders : Mostly BPD positivity and reminders. Also other mental health stuff.

@disabilityreminders : disability positivity and reminders.

@somepositivityforyou : is my general positivity blog to post everything else!

@traumasurvivorswriting: A blog where I share bits of my books.

@traumavents: This is a blog where you can vent about your trauma, or events surrounding it, or your healing or whatever else!

Hey! Friendly reminder that it's super valid if you try to look on the bright side of your trauma to cope. But please don't force this narrative on others.

For some of us, this is the opposite of helpful and can make us feel bad.

You're so valid to cope in the ways that work for you, but please know that we're all different and the same coping mechanisms don't work for everyone else.

I believe you if your memories are confusing.

I believe you if you don't remember anything.

I believe you if you remember everything.

I believe you if some details in your memories changed over time.

Memories are confusing and complicated. But whatever the case, I believe you.

It’s okay to live for the little things like a new season of your show, a new book in a series, the want to see a sunset again. It’s okay if you’re living out of spite. It’s okay if you’re living because your pet wouldn’t understand why you never came home. It’s okay if you’re living because someone needs you.

While it’s nice to want to live for you, to heal and whatever else, sometimes that’s not in reach. And that’s okay. Grasp whatever little reasons pull you. They’re valid. I’m just happy you’re living.

What’s best for others isn’t necessarily what’s best for you. And what’s best for you isn’t necessarily best for everyone else.

We are all unique, and therefore so is our healing journey. It’s okay if it looks different.

Some of the tags you all share make me so emotional. (In a good way. They're often tags about your own healing journey, or things you've learned, or comments about my blog itself.)

And I just want you to know that I do try to read them all. I see you and the tags you leave and I appreciate you.

I turn 31 on Saturday.

I remember the panic when I was turning 28. It felt like I really only began living in my mid twenties. I spent most of my teen years thinking I was going to kill myself eventually, so I never made a plan for my future.

I spent my early 20's struggling with suicidal thoughts, and I even made some genuine attempts. I really only began healing around then and it felt like it was only around 25 when I began really living.

It left me feeling sick with anxiety and sadness anytime my birthday came around because I felt like I'd lost so much time.

And I've come to realize that while I did lose years to mental illness, trauma and abuse... I still have so many years to enjoy. I can't get those back, and getting stuck on thinking about that is taking away my current time from me. I deserved better, but I can't fix that. I also deserve to enjoy my time now, and I can't do that when I'm stuck on the past.

As my birthday approaches this year, I don't feel anxiety. There's a little bit of sadness which I think is fair, but mostly I feel curiousity. I am curious for what the future holds, and I know that I can still make a beautiful life for myself.

I am so loved. I spend so much time laughing. I spend so much time doing stuff I love.

I lost time. But I don't have to continue losing time.

I hope that if you are dealing with the feelings I did about getting older because of the years you lost that you can get to a point like me. I allowed myself to grieve that loss, and I can't even fix that, but I can still enjoy my time now and I intend to.