Fathers and Sons

Another fic for that August challenge featuring @latefortevinter‘s Dorxus.

Day Three- Family

He is terrified. 

It is laughable, for all the things he has done. For all the things that he is. He has stood beneath a sky breaking apart and ran towards the fire, crossed into places that has turned mortals into monsters, faced his people and family and told them no when it would have been so much easier to say yes. He has seen good men turn into demons and bad men turn the world into chaos.

The horrors that haunt the night he creates. He is no stranger to the darkness, has danced with the dead and dreamed of countless nightmares to plague his enemies. Dorian has learned to turn fear into nothing more than a weapon and yet, here, where the sun shifts gentle through the windows, where there is laughter and loving smiles, he is terrified.

He is terrified of failing. 

There are many things his education and experience have prepared him for, but fatherhood is not one of them. His own father is an example best not followed. Dorian remembers the disappointed frowns, eyes that saw him for what is desired instead of who he is, hands like chains that hold him down and demand he protect their bloodline by spilling his. The concept of family has always been a bruise he has mostly avoided pushing on, a break that never healed straight.  

He fears he will fail his son just as his father failed him. 

“Dorian.”

Vaxus’ call pulls him from his thoughts. He sits on the floor not far away with a wobbling Felix holding onto his fingertips. There is determination in the cut of his little face and with a noise of decision he lets go. They hold their breath as he takes his first steps alone, slow at first and then quick all at once, until he is falling forward more than walking. But he is walking. Dorian leans out to catch him before he crashing to the ground and there is pride filling up his chest as Vaxus cheers for this accomplishment.

“Did you see that? He walked! Mae said it would probably be another month or so,” Vax says, beaming with joy and awe. “Amazing.”

Dorian looks down into blue eyes, bright with innocence and excitement, at the hands reaching for him with things a child so young cannot name, but he knows it is trust and love, feels them like a spell spreading through his veins. The fear inside him dissolves for he knows there is nothing he wouldn’t do to protect the life within his grasp, no lengths he wouldn’t swim or climb or crawl for his son. Even if there are failures along the way he will never stop trying, never stop catching.

He is not his father.