actually you know what that's exactly it i would rather someone add 5 parantheticals after every sentence than use tone indicators it's 1. accomplishing SO much more in terms of clarity 2. extremely funny to look at depending on how they're used

observe:

"is this real? /gen" — i thought /gen meant "general" for ages. i would not be able to understand this on first sight a few years ago and is thus ineffective

"is this real? (genuine question)" — i fully understand this without issue

"is this real? (genuine question) (can't tell) (very realistic) (looks real) (scary) (photoshop?)" — is not only incredibly clear it's also very funny to read all of these thoughts stapled together while also in their own parentheses. it's also the most useful because now i can actually address all parts of what they are asking me with as much specificity as BOTH of us need

parentheses my beloved (they are for bonus thoughts) (and questions) ( and sidetracks) (like a 2nd conversation on top of the first)

what do they want this time

inspired by

Mutuals feel free to hold my hand & swing it back n forth a bit if u want

heres the realest shit ever: literally no one is going to pressure you to do drugs in high school

literally no one

an encounter i had in 10th grade in a bathroom

person: hey we’re about to smoke some pot do you want some?

me: nah i got a test in like 20 minutes i just have to pee

person: alright good luck

actual highschool party I’ve been to 

person: I brought beer!

people: aaaaaaa yyyyeeeaaahhh

person: want some?!?!

Me: no I don’t drink

person: GOOD MORE FOR US HERE’S SOME SODA

On the bus: Dude: Do you want a cigarette? Me: Dude I’m asthmatic. I’d die. Dude: Okay, cool, cool.

6th period math: 

friend: hey, you want a weed brownie?

me: nah I’m good. 

friend: cool.

Lunch

Some girl: You guys wanna smoke weed in the stairwell??

Us: not really

Girl: Okay friends, if you want any later my name’s Zoey, i always sit here

Guy: do you want a cigarette?

Me: I don’t smoke

Guy: good, don’t start

(that happened on multiple occasions with different people)

Seriously I was pressured into reading the Twilight books 1000x more than any drugs or alcohol

The last one

glad to see those spreading the truth

Rb to force new people from twitter to eat bees

Oh, hey, I was wondering when I’d get to use this again.

did you just fucking have this

i've heard ppl say that the gallagher and milkovich family trees from shameless are the most confusing family trees, but like, have you seen once upon a time???

An adaptation of Sherlock Holmes set in a world in which the fictional character/literary juggernaut Sherlock Holmes, and all the subsequent adaptations thereof, still exist.

Sherlock Holmes (pronounced Holl-mess, as he is constantly reminding people) just had the misfortune of having parents who really liked the books, and his attitude towards his fictional counterpart is pretty much the same as that of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Sherlock runs a Youtube Theory channel called Mysteries Unwrapped with Sherlock Holmes. He has received no less than seven cease and desist letters from the Conan Doyle estate, all of which he has so faded managed to rebuff by pointing out that that's literally his name.

(No he won't change his name. He's Sherlock Holmes the real live human person. Let Sherlock Holmes the non existent fictional character change his name.)

John is Sherlock's flatmate. Sherlock almost refused to live with him once he realised that it would mean staying with a medical student named John, and only gave in once John pointed out that: a) he's a biomedical student, which is completely different from an md, and b) his surname isn't Watson.

It's now been three years, which is long enough for them to have developed a genuine friendship, and for John to have a) started working towards his PhD in biotechnology, and b) for him to start dating somebody with the surname Watson.

Sherlock can feel the narrative closing in.

His Youtube channel is meant to be focused on lost media, fan theories and stuff like that, but he keeps accidentally stumbling upon and then solving genuine crimes.

His brother Mycroft may or may not have chosen that name after he transitions specifically to annoy him.

He doesn't even live in London, but somehow the only flat they could afford was on a street named fucking Baker Street.

Sherlock Holmes and the Unescapable Power of the Narrative.

image: a tweet by ruler of Seattle (@/ThoughtSlime) reading "People who become right wing because they get annoyed by leftists are weak willed, most leftists are annoyed by leftists every single day." end description

i root for all of my mutuals even if we don’t talk ❗❗ i see u an hope ur doin well an hope ur achieving ur goals 👀👏💓

hey man. nice regional dialect. mind if i apply some baseless assumptions about your personhood to it? i was also gonna prescribe morality to it as well. if that’s cool with you

does anyone else remember when peoples talking point against asexuality being a queer identity was to make up a cisgender heterosexual but aromantic man who wanted to get in to all the lgbt society meetings or was that just an embarrassing thing people i knew did

the question was always "do you really think that guy should be allowed in" and it was like.... first off you made him up to get mad at for some reason. second off yeah he can come in if he wants. hes aromantic of course he can. other stuff doesnt matter to me. what are you a cop. why are you policing peoples identities so hard

the thing about that weird stuff americans call cheese is that if you heat it a little it becomes an excellent burger condiment despite its failings in every other area. such is the fate of the american cultural product

the American 'cheese' slice was engineered by our best scientific minds (all borrowed from Germany ofc) to melt perfectly onto a burger and for nothing else. Its only purpose is to compliment the one true product of the American people. The hamburger. (also borrowed from Germany)

reeling a little at the implication that the Kraft Single was a product of operation paperclip

My manager was in the break room with me and she said 'I don't ever remember oranges being THIS hard to peel' and I just responded 'they're making them harder to peel' without thinking and she looked and me and said. Why?

Because of woke.

the most disorienting thing thats ever happened to me was when a linguistics major stopped in the middle of our conversation, looked me in the eye, and said, "you have a very interesting vernacular. were you on tumblr in 2014?" and i had to just stand there and process that one for a good ten seconds

#i was in a car with a linguist i had never met before the car trip and like half an hour in he looked at me#after i finished describing a geology thing that was happening out the window and asked if i'd ever spent much time on tumblr#the fuckor of it all#and then we spent six more hours driving#it sure does leave linguistic markers! i'm not sure i'm good with it (tags via @thoughtsformtheuniverse)

it is one thing to be a linguist and another to be a linguist who knows enough of 2010s Tumblr to spot one of its enjoyers

probably just a coincidence and not at all a linguistic marker or anything...