"Ok, ma'am that'll be 226.03$."

I take my wallet out of my pocket and unfold it. It is empty other than a single moth that lazily flies out. The moth lands on the tap point of the card reader. There's a beat, and my payment is processed. The moth flies back into my wallet and I put it back in my pocket.

reblog to fucking bite the person you reblog from

they should make a headphones that is comfortable to wear while lying on your side

shhhhh im playing hide and squeak

This is an incredible story.

A man assassinates a former prime minister and gives his demands to the government who turn around and go “Actually yeah, these are quite a good ideas.”

By far the most successful assassin in history, tbh. It's like if someone bodied Reagan and a month later we got police/drug reforms

um don't you know that when you play toys it releases dopamine (a CHEMICAL) in your brain... and it literally acts like a DRUG... you might think you enjoy playing toys but it's actually just dopamine dependency... so yeah playing toys addiction is a serious problem :/

Uh-oh... She heard you.

So this comment section on a tiktok about insane things people ask at aquariums is a goldmine

the fact that i am constantly saying strange and unpleasant things is just part of my charm

these are the guys who lick your clothes clean when you put them in the dishwasher

washing machine

you can bite a tgirl to produce cute noises. follow for more cool tips!

reblog if it's been a WET day

happy wet wednesday everyone