#transphobia m – @transgenderteensurvivalguide on Tumblr

Anonymous asked:

up until recently i ran a pretty popular radfem blog (stay with me, this ask is in good faith) but after i took a social media detox, i realized i don’t share those beliefs anymore and in fact i might be trans myself. i just kind of abandoned the blog, but i’d feel bad if i didn’t tell my followers what happened. i’m scared of telling anyone because i feel like i’d be a bad feminist if i transitioned. (i know, you can be trans and a feminist just fine, but that’s just the kind of thing radfems tell you.) even worse, i’m scared of posting about it on my main or radfem blog because radfems and trans people by and large hate each other (obv), and i’m scared to mention i’ve been in both groups because of the hate i’ll get

Lee says:

When I first started as a mod, I would have told you that you need to immediately post on all your blogs to disown the transphobic beliefs you had previously expressed to try to make up for the harm that you may have perpetrated as a radfem.

Now that I'm a little older, my feelings on the topic have shifted a bit. Before anything else, I think you need to slow down and make sure that you ensure your own safety and mental health.

If you believe that revealing this change to your followers could result in backlash online that would affect you emotionally, it's crucial to prepare by turning off anonymous asks and muting notifications from social media apps.

You should also make sure you have a non-online place to turn for support. If they used to be your community, you may feel like you've lost online friends, so make sure you don't become too isolated. Instead, lean on your IRL connections and seek support from trans-friendly people in your community.

You may even want to consider looking for a therapist-- questioning being trans can be difficult for anyone, and adding a layer of internalized transphobia doesn't help.

When you're ready to share your feelings on your blog, you should write a thoughtful post explaining your journey. You don't have to justify your identity; rather, focus on your personal growth, how your views have evolved, and how you came to understand yourself better. Acknowledge the complexity of the situation and that you're still learning.

These people were once your buddies and there's a chance you may be able to make some of them question their beliefs too if you don't lash out at them and trigger that instinctual defensive us-versus-them mindset, so I would try to keep a friendly tone even while noting that you no longer support them.

So thank your followers for their support and engagement over the years, but tell them you aren't comfortable staying part of their community now that you've realized that the beliefs underpinning the group are doing damage and you are trying to unlearn that type of thinking.

Gently challenge any misconceptions you once held or promoted. Clarify that being trans and feminist are not mutually exclusive and that everyone deserves respect and equality, regardless of their gender identity.

If you're comfortable, share resources that helped you on your journey. This could be educational materials, support groups, books you found helpful, or contact information for trans-supportive LGBTQ+ organizations. If there's anything you'd recommend to others who were once in the same place as you were on getting out, this is the time to share your advice.

Understand that reactions will likely be mixed. Some followers may feel confused, betrayed, or angry, while others might be supportive or even share their similar experiences. Remember, you're not responsible for their reactions and you don't need to respond to them if you don't want to argue and they aren't willing to have a respectful conversation.

Be clear about your boundaries. Let your followers know what kind of comments you're willing to engage with and that hate or harassment won't be tolerated. You can even stop engaging with the account altogether if you don't think you can deal with the hate that you may receive.

You don't have to post about this immediately. Again, it's okay to take as much time as you need to feel ready. It's okay to wait until you're in a safe and stable position before making any announcements.

If you do post about it and get hate, remind yourself that you're doing the right thing by letting go of that community, and that you're not only making the right choice for your own life in allowing yourself the freedom to explore your gender identity but you're also doing the right thing overall since you're now standing up for the trans community (late is better than never!) and no longer encouraging transphobic narratives.

If you feel that your current blog is no longer a space where you can express yourself authentically, consider starting a new blog or platform where you can write freely about your experiences and beliefs. Or just get offline altogether-- your digital detox is what started this, so maybe it's healthy for you to continue it for a while!

If you tell someone "I support trans folks" and they send you hate, that person is not your friend anyway. This is an opportunity to meet nice people who you can be yourself with. I would really encourage you to connect with IRL activists who are actually regularly volunteering and doing something concrete for their community if you have the opportunity.

When I was in high school, I volunteered at my local library's teen advisory board, and when I was in college I volunteered at a local hospital and through my college. This weekend I'm starting training for volunteering in-person for my town's emergency preparedness group which also does things like help to unload trucks for the food pantry, and I also volunteer remotely for two organizations online.

I'm really pushing for you to get out and volunteer (online or IRL) because I know one draw of the radfem community is feeling like you're an activist and that you're supporting women's rights and protecting and defending women. And it is important to support women's rights and protect and defend women! But there are other ways to do that beyond running a hateful blog attacking trans women.

I have a friend who works at an organization for survivors of domestic violence, for example, and she works with volunteers who help staff events, answer the hotline, etc. You can look around and see what local initiatives there are in your community and if you can't find the thing you're looking for you can start a group yourself or look online and join a national or state-wide cause that you care about, like pushing the legislature to support access to abortions.

Giving up the radfem community doesn't mean giving up feminism, and this is a good opportunity for you to take a look at your own time, your values, and think about how you can take this chance to start working to be a more effective feminist. Not everyone has to be an activist, but if you want to be one, think about how you can start doing good in a way that will actually affect people in a positive way.

I've also often been involved in doing events like conferences and workshops and panels IRL from my time in high school to the present day to try and educate folks on the community, but I also know that sometimes you need to take a step back and prioritize yourself. If you think you're not ready to jump into making change that's also okay. Just join something. A soccer team, a book club, anything hobby-related, to have something else to do and talk about and think about and stay tethered to feeling part of something.

Remember, it's okay to grow and change. You're not betraying anyone by being true to yourself. It's a courageous step to admit when your views have changed, and it's an integral part of personal growth. Be kind to yourself during this process.

Whether or not you end up identify as trans, you still will be doing the right thing by separating yourself from that community. I know it may be difficult because they were a place where you felt supported and part of a movement, but I really believe that you're taking steps in the right direction by letting go of that ideology and just living your life!

Followers, if you have any experiences unlearning toxic beliefs please reply with your advice for anon!

#Lee says #transphobia m

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Anonymous asked:

I’m a genderqueer adult with transphobic parents. I know they wouldn’t be supportive of me & I still rely on them financially so I don’t want them to stumble on something that reveals I’m trans, though luckily I don’t live with them. Here’s the problem: they have access to my bank account statements & credit card statements. Until I get an unconnected bank account, do you have any advice for hiding trans related purchases?

Lee says:

We get variations on this question all the time from folks of every age so you're not alone in trying to figure this out!

1. Gift Cards:

Purchase general-purpose gift cards (like Visa or Mastercard gift cards) or store-specific gift cards. Use these cards to make your purchases. This way, your statement will only show the purchase of the gift card, not what you bought with it, and you can tell your parents that you bought it as a birthday present for a friend. See this post for more information on using a gift card. That's honestly usually the easiest route to take without involving other people.

2. Use a Friend's Account:

Whenever possible, use cash to make trans-related purchases. This ensures that there's no record of the transaction on your bank or credit card statements. You can withdraw cash from the bank/ATM or get cashback when shopping at some stores.

So if you have a trusted friend, consider giving them cash and asking them to make the purchase on your behalf using their credit/debit card.

(If you don't have any friends who you trust, then that's a separate issue, but socialization and connection are important so try to meet folks!! Not just to benefit you in this situation but to not be isolated and have a robust support system. I just moved to another state and I work from home so I know it's not easy to meet people but I volunteer and meet folks that way.)

Apps like PayPal, Venmo, or Cash App can be used to pay a friend back for buying you something without revealing the exact nature of the transaction on your bank statement.

3. Open a Separate Bank Account:

Consider opening a separate bank account that your parents don't have access to. Many banks offer online-only accounts with minimal fees. Withdraw money from your bank account to avoid direct transfers between the accounts then deposit that money to your new account and use it for your purchases.

It isn't as hard to open a bank account on your own as you may assume, so you might as well get started now and just do it if you plan to do it-- you don't live with your parents so they won't receive any mail about your new account before you set up digital statements.

4. Check Descriptions:

Some businesses use neutral or generic names on bank and credit card statements. Before making a purchase, you can contact the company and ask how the transaction will appear on your statement.

If your parents have access to your accounts but aren't actively routinely monitoring your day-to-day purchases then this might be an okay option since they may not Google the company behind every unfamiliar transaction if the transaction name is innocuous and isn't like "TransgenderItemCo."

Regularly review your bank and credit card statements. If you notice a transaction that might raise questions, think of a plausible explanation in advance, just in case.

5. Purchase Through Third Parties:

Platforms like Amazon or eBay or Walmart might list the products you're looking for, and the statement will only show a transaction with that platform, not the specific item. I generally recommend buying things directly from the company and not Amazon when possible, and Amazon doesn't have a ton of good trans products, but if you have no other option it's worth a look.

You can also buy certain products used from other trans people who no longer need it, and there are groups on Facebook and blogs on Tumblr that post used products. Then you could Venmo the payment or similar which wouldn't reveal what you bought, but you have to be careful to avoid scammers because some folks really do take advantage which sucks.

6. Physical Stores:

If you live in a city that has inclusive sex toy stores, consider calling them to see if they happen to have binders/packers/breast forms/etc in stock and or look on the website. Since you're an adult, you're old enough to go shop there in-person using cash and you don't live with your parents so you don't need to worry about hiding the packaging from them.

---

It can be difficult to be an adult who still relies on your parents financially since the relationship isn't exactly balanced since they can cut you off at any time since they aren't required to support you anymore and are just choosing to do so because they care about you, so it can be hard to make requests when they can say no and that's that.

But if it's at all possible, you can try setting some boundaries and see if it's possible to tell them that you would like to remove them from your bank account and credit card account as a step towards becoming more independent. It can be easier for them to transfer money to you when you have shared accounts but it isn't the only way.

If you frame it as a step in your journey towards financial independence and adulthood etc then it can help explain why you don't want them up in your business without being rude and prompting a backlash.

In the long term, the more independent you are the less control your parents will have over your finances, so working to find a way to get an independent income without relying on them is obviously a long-term goal that will allow you to transition in whatever way you would like to.

Followers, any advice for anon?

#Lee says #shopping #unsupportive family #transphobia m

transgenderteensurvivalguide reblogged

gatheringbones

[“I told my mother I thought I might be trans in a lengthy and overly apologetic email, which she didn’t quite know how to respond to. From her perspective, my transition had popped up out of nowhere, with no prior warning signs. She was convinced I had been brainwashed into transitioning, and agreed to meet my counsellor for a joint meeting with me, primarily to meet the person she felt had brainwashed her child into transitioning.

My mother describes her first meeting with me presenting as Laura as very difficult for her, due in no small part to her inability to see me as anything but her very traditionally masculine son in a dress. For a while she knew but did not talk to my father, which she found very difficult. She told me years later that she went through a period of mourning, feeling like her child had died, and that she was left with a stranger she did not know. It put a lot of strain on her, and on our relationship as parent and child.

Why the assumption I was brainwashed? Because of autism infantilisation.

Before we talk more about my journey coming out as transgender, we have to rewind a little bit to something else that went on at around the same point in my life: my diagnosis of Asperger’s. By the time my mother attended that appointment and met me as Laura for the first time, I had already been diagnosed with Asperger’s, which was part of the reason she was so worried about me. She was not aware of any statistical link between autism and gender dysphoria, and in her eyes I was a vulnerable young person with an autism spectrum condition who was being manipulated into transition because I was easily swayed, or lacking in ability to assess my feelings on the matter properly for myself. This is depressingly common: an adult’s assumption that having an autism spectrum condition means you’re incapable of proper self-understanding, or that you’re susceptible to being manipulated into believing things about yourself that you did not previously. You’re not trusted as being of sound mind to make choices about your own life, out of fear you’ve been manipulated.

Speaking to my mother years later, now she has somewhat settled down and got used to me going by Laura and female pronouns, she told me that her biggest fear, and the primary reason she agreed to attend that first joint session together, was that, as a youth with Asperger’s, my therapist was influencing me into believing that I was trans. She feared it was some kind of brainwashing that my gullible mind could not resist the allure of, rather than believing my own account of what I was experiencing.

I also faced this same issue with doctors when trying to access medical support through the NHS. I would have general practitioners, mental health doctors and gender specialists alike raise an eyebrow when I acknowledged my Asperger’s diagnosis, and then proceed to take plenty of extra time asking me lengthy questions about how my autism symptoms manifested, to ensure I was of sound enough mind to make permanent choices about my body. Apart from the obvious infantilisation of people with conditions like Asperger’s on display there, I always just explained it as being like the decision to get a tattoo. I am an adult, over the age of 18, who has been deemed sober and mentally sound, and as such I have every right to permanently inject colours into my skin that may never go away. Why should I not be trusted to take slow-acting meds that are somewhat easier to reverse? Still, the fact I had to fight to be believed that I was mentally sound enough to make that choice says a lot about misunderstandings about autism spectrum conditions, but highlights that to assert that transition is unique in the permanent nature of its change to the body is completely inaccurate.”]

laura kate dale, from uncomfortable labels: my life as a gay autistic trans woman

#transphobia m #parents m #asd #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autism #autism spectrum disorder #autistic

transgenderteensurvivalguide reblogged

thetrevorproject

Texas AG says transition care for minors is child abuse under state law

Advocates say Ken Paxton’s opinion is politically motivated, but that it could have grave consequences for trans youth and their families.

www.nbcnews.com

🛑 This message is dehumanizing and dangerous 🛑

📢 According to our research, transgender youth who have accepting parents are less likely to attempt suicide 📢

Tell Texas officials: Supportive parents should be applauded, not prosecuted ‼️ Take action: https://actnow.io/I4COEul 📲

#Abuse m #suicide m #transphobia m

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Elliot Page Is Ready for This Moment

"I'm fully who I am."

time.com

“Elliot Page doesn’t remember exactly how long he had been asking.

But he does remember the acute feeling of triumph when, around age 9, he was finally allowed to cut his hair short. “I felt like a boy,” Page says. “I wanted to be a boy. I would ask my mom if I could be someday.” Growing up in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Page visualized himself as a boy in imaginary games, freed from the discomfort of how other people saw him: as a girl. After the haircut, strangers finally started perceiving him the way he saw himself, and it felt both right and exciting.

The joy was short-lived. Months later, Page got his first break, landing a part as a daughter in a Canadian mining family in the TV movie Pit Pony. He wore a wig for the film, and when Pit Pony became a TV show, he grew his hair out again. “I became a professional actor at the age of 10,” Page says. And pursuing that passion came with a difficult compromise. “Of course I had to look a certain way.”

We are speaking in late February. It is the first interview Page, 34, has given since disclosing in December that he is transgender, in a heartfelt letter posted to Instagram, and he is crying before I have even uttered a question. “Sorry, I’m going to be emotional, but that’s cool, right?” he says, smiling through his tears.

It’s hard for him to talk about the days that led up to that disclosure. When I ask how he was feeling, he looks away, his neck exposed by a new short haircut. After a pause, he presses his hand to his heart and closes his eyes. “This feeling of true excitement and deep gratitude to have made it to this point in my life,” he says, “mixed with a lot of fear and anxiety.”

It’s not hard to understand why a trans person would be dealing with conflicting feelings in this moment. Increased social acceptance has led to more young people describing themselves as trans—1.8% of Gen Z compared with 0.2% of boomers, according to a recent Gallup poll—yet this has fueled conservatives who are stoking fears about a “transgender craze.” President Joe Biden has restored the right of transgender military members to serve openly, and in Hollywood, trans people have never had more meaningful time onscreen. Meanwhile, J.K. Rowling is leveraging her cultural capital to oppose transgender equality in the name of feminism, and lawmakers are arguing in the halls of Congress over the validity of gender identities. “Sex has become a political football in the culture wars,” says Chase Strangio, deputy director for transgender justice at the ACLU.

(Full article with photos continued under the “read more”)

#suicide m #transphobia m #Elliot Page #transgender #representation #celebrities #actors #tv #movies #rep #trans #transmasculine #nonbinary #queer #long post

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Anonymous asked:

hey,trans guy here. my mother is transphobic and i know if i ask her for a binder then she won’t buy me one so do you know any “bra” types that make your breasts smaller? thanks so much

Lee says:

You might want to look into sports bras and minimizer bras!

I also had an Underworks Magicotton Sports Bra and Binding Minimizer Bra that was pretty binder-like but the band was uncomfortably tight. Some people recommend the Frog Bra but they keep going in and out of stock.

Our Binding FAQ has these links which may be helpful for you:

Sports bras: Ren made some sweet info on binding with two sports bras- see part one here, and part two here.
Here’s a post about asking for a sports bra.
You’ll want to use this type, and here are some brand recs.
There is a ribbed sports bra modification prototype here, but it may not be safe, so we recommend Ren’s method for now.
Camisoles: We also have a post about binding with camisoles
Tape: KT or TransTape binding
Padded shaper: This post describes a padded undershirt to help make your chest less noticeable by filling out the other areas.
Dance top, swimsuit, compression shirt: Dance tops or one-piece Speedo sports swimsuits, and athletic compression shirts can also compress the chest a little.
Clothing: Clothing to wear to help disguise chest

As always, please do not try to make a DIY binder: you don’t necessary know if it will be safe and you could hurt yourself, so using a method that has been tried and tested by other trans folks is the best way to go! And never use duct tape and ace bandages!

If you decide you want to buy yourself an Official™ binder without your mom’s permission, and you don’t know how you can do that without having your own credit card or without her finding out, check out this post:

How to buy a binder without parents knowing

#Lee says #binding without a binder #binding #binders #transphobia m #breast m #chest m #Anonymous

transgenderteensurvivalguide reblogged

questingqueer

Biden overturns Trump’s transgender military ban.

nytimes.com

Monday, January 25th

“President Biden reversed his predecessor’s ban on transgender troops serving in the military, administration officials announced Monday, moving forcefully into a social issue that has tangled the Pentagon over the past five years.

The White House announced the move as Mr. Biden met in the Oval Office with Defense Secretary Lloyd J. Austin III and General Mark A. Milley, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

The move was expected, as Mr. Biden indicated in November that he would work to restore Obama-era protections for transgender people, which were reversed by former President Donald J. Trump.

But the swiftness signaled a willingness by the new Biden administration to put its own stamp on Defense Department social issues. It follows an announcement from Mr. Austin on Saturday that he was ordering up a review of how the Pentagon has been handling sexual assault issues.

Mr. Biden and the Defense Department leadership will also have to wrestle with a reckoning on race that is facing the Pentagon, where officials have had to confront a stark fact: close to one in five of the protesters who have been arrested for breaching the Capitol on Jan. 6 — many of them with links to white supremacist organizations — have ties to the American military.

On the transgender issue, advocacy groups that have been fighting the ban since it was announced three years ago — in a tweet from Mr. Trump — have argued that the Pentagon does not need to spend months studying how to allow transgender people to serve because it had already done so. One such group, the Palm Center, said in a policy memo last summer that the military could reopen to transgender people rapidly if ordered to do so.

“A big ship can take time to turn around, so often the Pentagon needs to study policy changes and move cautiously,” Aaron Belkin, the director of the Palm Center, said last July in an interview. “But this is the rare case where, since the military left inclusive policy for already-serving transgender personnel in place even as it implemented its ban, the switch is just waiting to be flipped.”

The Trump ban had essentially ended an Obama administration initiative to allow transgender troops to serve openly in the military.”

#military #military ban #news #sexual assault m #racism m #transphobia m

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Anonymous asked:

Good vibes!! During Christmas, my family all met at my grandpa’s house. While we were there, my mom kept deadnaming me. My grandpa kept correcting her and when she got mad that he was “agreeing with [my] madness” he told her (his daughter!) that she wasn’t going to be welcome in his home if she kept that attitude! He also pulled me aside at the end of the night and asked if I wanted to stay with him for a while! I had to refuse because my parents would definitely not care for my pets, but still!

#maybe you could bring your pets with you?#good vibes #ableism m #transphobia m #Anonymous

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Anonymous asked:

i want to get a binder, but my parents are kinda frickin transphobic. 1) can i lie and say that it's a sports bra (would that be believable based on what binders look like) and 2) can i wear a binder and also excersise/run up-down stairs? (i have constant hyperactivity)

Lee says:

I had the Underworks Magicotton Sports Bra and Binding Minimizer Bra which kind of splits the difference between a binder and a sports bra, and that may be able to pass as a sports bra, but I found it less comfortable than my gc2b binder because the band on my Magicotton is really tight and I think that’s been the general consensus with folks who I’ve talked to.

My mom found my binder once and I told her it was a compression sports undershirt and she believed that, probably because it’s what she wanted to believe.

It’s up to you, but I’d recommend getting a normal binder because it’s more comfortable and you’ll end up wearing it more often. You can follow the How to buy a binder without parents knowing steps, which include hiding it when you get it so your parents don’t see what it looks like. Then you can hand wash it when it gets dirty, wring it out and hang it to dry in the back of your closet. Or start doing your laundry yourself. Then bring it in a bag with you to change into it when you’re out of the house.

No, as our Binding FAQ says, it isn’t safe to exercise in a binder. If you think you’ll be running up and down a lot of stairs to get out the hyperness, you should probably change into a sports bra first.

#Lee says #binding #transphobia m #getting a binder #Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Anonymous asked:

Will I be accepted by most next to all of the trans community if I only have a little bit of dysphoria i.e, I don’t despise my breasts yet I’m not comfortable with them? I have started transitioning (( ftm )) I just don’t want to fully commit and then not be accepted by the community. Thank You!!💜💜

Lee says:

Honestly, I think the majority of trans people don’t really care much about what a random other person’s level of dysphoria is.

Like when I meet another trans person, we sometimes talk about coming out, or our family’s reaction or about how our transitions have been going (If you can tell from my answers on this blog, I love to talk about my medical transition lol), but people never ask me “How much dysphoria do you have?”. Like sometimes they’ll say they feel dysphoric about something, but nobody asks you to rate your dysphoria on like a 1-10 scale in normal conversation.

There are some trans people who think you need a certain threshold level of dysphoria to merit transitioning, but I don’t think most people will find it unusual if you say “I’m not comfortable with my chest so I decided to bind/get top surgery” instead of saying “I despise my breasts, so…”

While some people do have extreme dysphoria about everything, a lot of people have medium amounts of dysphoria about some things, little dysphoria about other things, and fluctuating dysphoria about a few things, and so on. There isn’t one universal level of dysphoria a trans person has to have in order to be valid. In fact, some people are trans without dysphoria.

The reason I transitioned isn’t because I wanted the trans community to accept me. Honestly, when I came out I wasn’t even thinking about what other trans people would think- I was worried about how my family and friends would react. I transitioned because I needed to have a body I felt comfortable in, so I could be happier and so I could have less dysphoria.

But when I did start posting online about my transition, I got an unfortunate amount of hate from other trans people. I’m non-binary and genderqueer, and folks said that I shouldn’t be on low-dose T because it would turn me into a man and I would regret it once I realized that non-binary people are actually confused cis people looking for attention, that taking T would make me dysphoric because I’m not a trans guy, that I shouldn’t have gotten top surgery because it’s taking a surgery date that could have gone to a man who really needed it, that getting a hysterectomy without an oophorectomy was pointless, that I’m fetishizing who knows what by and creating an ‘inhuman’ body by scheduling phalloplasty to get a penis while keeping my vagina. And so forth. The reaction I’ve received from the trans community hasn’t always been positive.

I do believe it’s a small but vocal minority of “hatekeepers” who were all in a tizzy about me being able to choose what I want to do with my body- the majority of the trans community is either supportive or doesn’t care, it’s just the truscum who make a fuss.

But even if other trans people didn’t support me, it wouldn’t stop me because I know what I need for myself and it doesn’t matter what other people think I should do.

You’re saying if you aren’t accepted by “most/next to all of the trans community” then you won’t do what you need to do to be happy in your own life. But then you’re resigning yourself to an entire life, the rest of your years alive, hiding who you are, pretending you’re something that you’re not, and actively denying yourself the things that would make you happy.

You fully commit to your transition not because of what others think, but because of what is right for you. In the end, you’ll be happier with the way you move through the world because of that- and remember, 99% of the people you interact with in your life aren’t dysphoria discoursers.

So honestly, even if my answer was “You won’t be accepted by the trans community” (Which is definitely not true) that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t transition and do what you need to do to feel comfortable and happy in your body and life. There will always be some people who are transphobic or ignorant.

Not being accepted by people sucks, but you don’t need 1 million people to theoretically support you if you have 5 good friends who actually support you. I know the feeling of “I don’t want to do this unless I’ll be supported in it” and that’s valid, but you don’t need the whole community to agree with what you’re doing, you just need a few people- and it’s always possible to find a few folks who are accepting and supportive.

So yes, I think that all people who want to transition atypically, all non-binary people who want to medically transition, all trans people with microlabels or neopronouns, all trans people with atypical dysphoria, little dysphoria, or no dysphoria, all trans people who are sometimes not accepted within the community, should get to choose their happiness and follow through on it because there’s always a path and there will always be someone you can find who will accept you even if you don’t find them at first. Don’t let the haters in the community keep you from doing what you want to do.

If you’re happy in your body and in your life, that’s what matters- not what other people think, even if those other people are in the trans community.

#Lee says #ftm #transitioning #chest m #breast m #dysphoria #vagina m #transphobia m #Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Anonymous asked:

Do you know if tattoo parlors can deny me service for asking for pride tattoos? I’ve seen some that say that artists are allowed to not want to do your design (I’m thinking if it’s something political or stuff like that) but I’m scared. Has anyone been denied service for pride tattoos?

Devon says:

These are the reasons that tattoo artists typically refuse to do a design, from what I have seen. Some tattoo artists will not care about those reasons, and do the tattoo anyways. It varies like anything else.

They have already done an identical tattoo on someone else. This is like if you show them a photo of a tattoo that they did before, and ask for that tattoo. They might then show you a slightly different design and ask if you want that instead.
You are requesting a tattoo that is someone else’s artwork; some tattoo artists only do tattoos that are their own artwork.
You are underage or inebriated.
The design promotes hate.
The design promotes something else illegal, like drug use-- I have never seen a tattoo artist who would refuse to ink based on this reasoning, but I feel like some might.
The design is too complicated/difficult and they feel like they can’t make it as well as they would want to.
The design isn’t in their style; some artists only ink in a particular style. They might show you a different design, using the same elements but in their own style.
You express that you might regret getting the tattoo.

There of course could be other reasons that I haven’t heard before, as well! I’m not a tattoo artist.

Depending on where you live, it might be illegal to refuse service based on sexual orientation or gender identity, so you should look into that. Anti-discrimination laws don’t always stop people, though.

You can usually message or call a tattoo artist / place before hand to ask about particular tattoos. Then you can ask if they would be open to doing a pride design without the trouble of going to the place, and with the possibility of remaining anonymous since it is not in person.

Also, I personally wouldn’t want to get a tattoo from an artist who I’m not comfortable with. So if there was an artist that was discriminatory or even if I got any sort of bad vibes (and since I am lucky enough to have many tattoo places near me) I would just leave and go somewhere else. -- That’s just my opinion though.

If the design you want is, like, the colors of a pride flag, you could just show them the colors that you want, and not tell them that it’s for pride. Though they might recognize it.

If you know any trans folks with tattoos in your area, you could ask them where they got them. And if you see a stranger with a pride tattoo, if you are comfortable doing so you could go up to them and ask where they got it-- in my experience people are most often happy to talk about their tattoos.

Hope some of that is helpful to you!

Followers, comment if you have personal experience with this!

Followers say:

patmolandcornedrue said: some artists who can afford to be picky might only tattoo things that interest them, but if you’re planning on going to a streetside shop you’ll probably find an artist willing to do almost any design, or they’ll send you to a colleague who’s better at that style. check out the websites and social media of local shops/artists (espcially instagram), i bet you’ll find someone who’s done pride designs before (check reviews anyway, for any tattoo place, don’t get sick!)

p-1-l-0-t said: my experience with tattoo parlors is that many are very inclusive, they are usually very chill and there are so many LGBT+ artists, also a good thing it’s that if you live in a big city or near one you have so many artists to choose from, ask beforehand if they could make you a pride tattoo or honestly search for a LGBT+ artist so they can understand and come up with a more inspired design

kirishimaybe said: Hey! I’m getting a pride tattoo to mark stonewalls 50th anniversary, and I looked around and found an actual lgbt artist to do it :) that way i feel completely safe with spending 3 hours with them

#devon says #tattoo #tattoos #pride tattoos #pride tattoo #drug mention #drug m #drugs #alcohol mention #alcohol m #alcohol #transphobia mention #transphobia m #transphobia #discrimination #Anonymous

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Anonymous asked:

Good vibes!! and possible tw?(sorry, I’m not completely sure). I think my internalized transphobia is finally getting better because for the first time in months I addressed my gender and I didn’t get my usual follow up thought of “there’s so much wrong with me”. It just felt normal!!

#good vibes #transphobia m #Anonymous

transgenderteensurvivalguide reblogged

lukeethornhill

Queer History. The other morning I got into a ‘debate’ over the film Stonewall and one person said he didn’t care about the history of the Stonewall Riots or our queer history in general. Honestly, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. This person didn’t seem to care that the only reason he (we) has any rights or can even happily come out without the fear of being arrested is because of events like the Stonewall Riots and the people that fought. Yet he enjoys the benefits of it (work equality, marriage, anti-discrimination laws, oh and being able to go to a gay bar and drink/dance the night away). So I wanted to put together a small overview of the riots in the hopes it enlightens anyone or gives someone the nudge to learn more. (If anything is incorrect just leave me a comment, I’m by no means an expert in this). Enjoy. 🏳️‍🌈✌️👭👬

Follow me on Instagram for more

queerdo-mcjewface

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION:

First panel:

Queer History

did you know?

STONEWALL RIOTS

Second panel:

did you know? Queer history Luke Thornhill

lets start here

The Stonewall Riots are regarded as a catalyst for the Gay Rights Movement

By 1966 police were raiding gay bars regularly, with hundreds of LGBT people being arrested each month in the US. It was illegal for homosexuals to be served alcoholic drinks or even dance together. (This is something that we now take fro granted but thanks to the gay rights movement we can dance and drink without fear of being arrested…pretty amazing right?) The Stonewall Inn was owned by the New York Mafia which made it the perfect target. By 1969 the community was sick of being bullied, targeted, harassed, abused, and pushed around.

Third panel:

did you know? Queer history Luke Thornhill

June 28th 1969 at 1:20am police raided the Stonewall Inn with people drinking inside. (Illegal drinking, remember?)

Police began arresting those who didn’t have ID (some refused to show ID as a sign of protest) and those in drag were arrested; along with anyone who worked at the bar. Women were required to wear three pieces of feminine clothing to prove they weren’t in drag or lesbians, if they didn’t they were also arrested.

(The word AMNESTY! in rainbow handcuffs)

our love is still illegal in many countries

People who were arrested were told to line up and wait for the police van to arrive whilst crowds gathered outside the bar. The police tried to move people along but the crowd just grew bigger.

Fourth panel:

did you know? Queer history Luke Thornhill

The final straw was when a scruffle broke out between Stormé DeLarverie and the police arresting her. She was hit over the head by one of the officers and thrown in the van, when she yelled out to everyone watching “WHY DON”T YOU GUYS DO SOMETHING?”

And with these words the crowd erupted.

Bottles, pennies (in response to people saying Stonewall was raided because the police weren’t paid off), bricks, bins, and anything else people could find began being thrown. Windows were smashed, car tires slashed, and the crowd even tried to overturn one of the police vans. This led to the police barricading themselves inside the bar as they waited for backup.

Fifth panel:

did you know? Queer history Luke Thornhill

By the time more police showed up the riot was in full swing. The police were not prepared or expecting for the queer community to fight back or for people outside of the community to join them in their fight. Some say they had never seen the police back away as much as they had that night or seen so much anger in one place.

The LGBT community was at a breaking point. Enough was enough.

People chanted whilst others lined up to join in on a Rockette style dance as they all stood their ground.

(There are pictures of red, blue, and yellow fists accompanied by speech bubbles with the phrases “GAY POWER!” and “WE WILL RISE”)

The riot ended around 4am, the Stonewall Inn was completely trashed, from the windows to the pay phones…possibly because of the rioters or the police. 14 people were arrested that night and some people were hospitalized.

Sixth panel:

did you know? Queer history Luke Thornhill

Two often forgotten people who made an impact during the riots, and who are recognized as leaders of the riot were transgender women of color:

Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera (names superimposed over drawings of both people with a purple, blue, green, and orange background)

“We’re tired of running. We intend to fight for our rights until we get them.”

Though, the creator of the film Roland Emmerich probably didn’t feel this was something that viewers would relate to, so the film whitewashed over that, though he thought it was okay because “It was politically correct. It had black, transgender people in there” according to an interview he did with the Guardian.

Seventh panel:

did you know? Queer history Luke Thornhill

The next night, rioting surrounded Christopher Street; participants remember differently which night was more frantic or violent. Many of the same people returned from the previous night hustlers, street youth, and “queens” but they were joined by “police provocateurs”, curious bystanders, and even tourists. Remarkable to many was the sudden exhibition of homosexual affection in public, as described by one witness:

“From going to places where you had to knock on a door and speak to someone though a peephole in order to get in. We were just out. We were in the streets.”

(Drawing of wall with the phrases “DRAG POWER”, “SUPPORT GAY POWER”, “THEY INVADED OUR RIGHTS”, and “LEGALIZE GAY RIGHTS” written on it.)

EIGHTH PANEL:

did you know? Queer history Luke Thornhill

After the Stonewall Riots things started to change. The Gay Liberation Front (GLF) and Gay Activists’ Alliance were formed. Numerous news publications started, more notably the citywide newspaper GAY which was in response to the Village Voice refusing to print any advertisements that had the word gay in them. A year after the events of the riots the first gay pride took place, though it was called the Christopher Street Liberation Day to commemorate the anniversary of the riots.

Marsha P. Johnson and Silvia Rivera in 1970 started the Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries (STAR) group and would hustle on the streets in order to keep the homeless LGBT youth fed and off the streets. Often taking them back to their hotel to give them a place to sleep at night until they could fund for a shelter for the homeless youth.

(Drawing of dark brown hand with pink nailpolish holding a rainbow flag with multicolored confetti in the background.)

NINTH PANEL:

did you know? Queer history Luke Thornhill

LGBT legal recognition (in green) and criminalisation (in red)

Map of world with North America, Greenland, Australia, western Europe, New Zealand, South Africa, and parts of South and Central America in green. Russia and much of Asia, Eastern Europe, and a few countries in Central and South America are red. Countries that are not marked do not have specific legislation.

The LGBT community has a lot to thank those that fought at the Stonewall Riots. They paved the way for our right to live free and out! However we still have a long way to go and we will only move closer to our goal if we remember our history and those who fought/died for our rights.

The fight is far from over, but when has that stopped us?

One in six lesbian, gay, and bi people have experienced a homophobic or biphobic hate crime or incident over the last three years.

Two-thirds of those experiencing a hate crime or incident did not report it to anyone.

Fewer than one in 10 victims who reported hate crimes to the police said it lead to a conviction.

A quarter (26 per cent) of lesbian, gay, and bi people alter their behavior to hide their sexual orientation to avoid being the victim of a hate crime.

38 per cent of trans people have experienced physical intimation and threats and 81 per cent have experienced silent harassment (e.g. being stared at/whispered about)

Tenth panel:

did you know? Queer history Luke Thornhill

(Background is rainbow flag, which each line on one color of the flag)

#KnowYour History

It is important for the LGBTQ community to know their history, to understand why many fight so much for our rights. Why we celebrate Pride every year, and the people who made a difference.

If you want to learn about the Stonewall Riots check out the titles below, or leave a comment and share your stories and recommendations…

Book STONEWALL: The riots that sparked the gay revolution by David Carter (2014)

Films: PAY IT NO MIND: The life and times of Marsha P. Johnson (2012)

BEFORE STONEWALL (1984)

AFTER STONEWALL (1999)

STONEWALL UPRISING (2010)

LGBTQ discrimination statistics from Stonewall.org.uk

Check them out for more information

END IMAGE DESCRIPTION]

transgenderteensurvivalguide

If you’d like to help TTSG write image descriptions to make trans content on Tumblr more accessible, please see this post!

Source: instagram.com

#reblog #queer #q word #transphobia m #homophobia m #caps #stonewall #history #alcohol m #police m #outdated language #transvestite -#violence m

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Anonymous asked:

Ok idk if you can answer this but I’m really hoping to come out and transition in college, unfortunately I’m going to a small town military college(Barton community). It’s free for two years so I could just put it off cause cmon, free college. That way I can save for hormones. Idk ;; any thoughts?

Devon says:

[It sounds like you’ve already committed to this college, but if you haven’t, one possibility is that you could try to look for other affordable colleges in different places. Some community colleges still have applications open for Fall 2019.]

Just checking out the Barton Community College website, I found that there is a student-run Gay Straight Alliance there. So, if you visit the college, perhaps you could attend a GSA meeting to see what it’s like, and to see if there are any other trans people there.

However Kansas state does not have any laws in place protecting people from discrimination on the basis of gender identity. And looking at the college website, it seems like they don’t have any support systems in place for trans students.

I can’t decide for you whether coming out now or in two years would be better for you, so I would suggest looking online for decision making exercises, or talking the idea over with a close friend, a supportive family member, or a therapist.

Here is a post about saving money for top surgery (which costs a lot more than hormones) but the information should still be helpful for you! To save money for hormones or any college expenses.

If you do decide to come out at college, our coming out page has a lot of resources, including these sections:

How do I come out to teachers/professors?

How do I come out at college?

Hope this helps!

This is obviously a big decision that you are making, and the mods can’t make that decision for you. But if you have any more specific questions, we would be happy to try to answer them!

And, this is a long shot, but if any followers have experience with Barton Community College, comment on this post!

#devon says #barton community college #kansas #coming out #college #community college #hormones #saving money #money #caps #transphobia mention #transphobia m #Anonymous

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Anonymous asked:

Advice for switching to they/them pronouns??🙈

Devon says:

First off, check out our coming out page!

Even if you are already out as trans (which I obviously don’t know), you can use some of the resources in that page to help you to tell people about your new pronouns.

Our nonbinary resources page has information about pronouns, some of which you may find helpful:

When I started going by different pronouns, it took a few people in my life a long time to adjust, but they ended up being super supportive. There were also some people who never used my correct pronouns, and it turns out that my life is great without those people.

So my personal advice is to hang in there, and remember that your gender and pronouns are valid no matter what people say.

That’s just my take! Everyone has a different experience of course. Followers, feel free to comment any advice you have about switching to they/them pronouns.

Anon, send in another ask if you have a more specific question! Best of luck.

#devon says #pronouns #they them pronouns #nonbinary #coming out #switching pronouns #transphobia mention #transphobia m #neutral pronouns #Anonymous

transgenderteensurvivalguide reblogged

questingqueer

House Equality Act Extends Civil Rights Protections to Gay and Transgender People

The House passed legislation prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity, but the White House and Republican Senate oppose it.

www.nytimes.com

[Image description: Mara Keisling speaking in front of the Capitol on Friday before the House passed the Equality Act. She’s standing in front of a lot of people in business suits behind a podium that says “Equality Act”. /End ID]

The House passed sweeping legislation on Friday that would prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.

The bill, passed 236-173, comes as departments across the Trump administration have dismantled policies friendly to gay, bisexual and transgender individuals, like barring transgender recruits from serving in the military or formally rejecting complaints filed by transgender students who are barred from restrooms that match their gender identity.

“The question before us is not whether the L.G.B.T.Q. community faces outrageous and immoral discrimination, for the record shows that it clearly does,” said Representative Jerrold Nadler of New York, the chairman of the Judiciary Committee. “The question is whether we, as Congress, are willing to take action to do something about it. The answer goes straight to the heart of who we want to be as a country — and today, that answer must be a resounding ‘yes.’”

The legislation, which amends the Civil Rights Act of 1964, prohibits discrimination of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in both the public and private sectors, offering civil rights protections in businesses, hospitals and welfare services. It explicitly states that individuals cannot be denied access to a locker room or dressing room on the same basis.

The response from the Republican-controlled Senate and White House, however, is likely to be a resounding no.

Citing concern for “the safety of women and girls in intimate spaces” and “conscience protections” in place for medical professionals who decline to perform procedures they find morally objectionable, the administration opposes the measure, according to a draft statement of administration policy obtained by The New York Times. While affirming the administration’s “belief in the dignity of every person,” the draft also cited concerns that the bill could “force schools to teach and affirm sex education that includes self-identified gender identity.”

House Republicans mirrored those fears on Friday. Representative Doug Collins of Georgia, the ranking Republican on the Judiciary Committee, took to the floor to argue that the legislation would harm children and set back the civil rights gains won by women.

“I implore my colleagues to listen to the stories of every stakeholder here, including the transgender girls and boys this bill is meant to help — because we may be hurting them by allowing doctors to prescribe hormones and perform major surgeries on adolescents without parental consent or involvement,” Mr. Collins said.

Since taking office, President Trump’s administration has enacted a sweeping deconstruction of policies and rules intended to protect gay and transgender individuals. In 2017, the Justice Department sided with a cake shop owner who refused to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple, filing legal briefs arguing that a landmark 1964 civil rights law did not ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. Jeff Sessions, then the attorney general, also rescinded guidance for schools that was intended to protect transgender students in bathrooms and locker rooms.

Similar efforts have been undertaken by other cabinet members. The Department of Health and Human Services spearheaded an effort to establish a legal definition of sex as a biological, immutable condition determined by genitalia at birth, The Times reported last year.

The administration has also appointed several judges who have advocated dismantling protections based on sexual orientation. Jeff Mateer, whose nomination to the district court was later dropped, described transgender children as evidence of “Satan’s plan.” Mr. Mateer and another district court nominee, Matthew J. Kacsmaryk, wrote a brief to the Department of Health and Human Services that sought to roll back civil rights protections for transgender people, citing a scientist at Johns Hopkins University who argued that the “sense of being transgendered constitutes a mental disorder.” Mr. Kacsmaryk is waiting for the full Senate to take up his nomination.

“Despite significant advances, L.G.B.T. people across the country remain vulnerable to discrimination on a daily basis and too often have little recourse,” said Representative David Cicilline, Democrat of Rhode Island, the lead sponsor of the bill. “It is past time for the Equality Act to be written into law.”

#this happened today #transphobia m #queer in url

transgenderteensurvivalguide

Anonymous asked:

I want to invite my trans friend to my grad party, but I’m afraid what my parents will think. She’s super sweet, but is still in the early stages of transitioning and so doesn’t “pass” in a way I think my parents will accept. Do I not invite her? Do I invite her and tell my parents she’s trans? Do I invite her and not tell my parents?? At a loss.

Lee says:

You should first ask your friend if it’s okay if you tell your parents that she’s trans to avoid outing her without her permission. Also tell her that there’s a chance they’ll say something transphobic so you would love to have her at your party and you’re going to talk to your parents in advance about it, but if she doesn’t want to risk being in a hostile environment then you’ll understand if she chooses not to go.

If she says that she’s okay with your parents knowing, then tell your parents “My friend X is transgender and uses she/her pronouns. I’m inviting her to my grad party, and I don’t want you to say anything mean/rude/insulting to her so if you have something to say, keep it to yourself.” That way your parents are prepared and may be silent about it, at least to her face.

If trans people weren’t invited to things where we could face hostility for being trans… we would hardly be invited to anything at all. There’s lots of transphobic people out there, and we should get to decide if we want to go despite that instead of having that choice made for us.

Otherwise it’s like a double whammy where you’re also being excluded from things for being trans because someone else has decided it’s “for your own good”. So letting the trans person make their own decision on what they want to get into is best, but giving a heads up warning about it is helpful, and every effort you can make to try to reduce the hostility is helpful.

Followers, anything to add?

#Lee says #transphobia m #parents m #Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender