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Transgender Teen Survival Guide

@transgenderteensurvivalguide / transgenderteensurvivalguide.com

We are a blog created for people of all ages who have questions concerning their gender identity. Read our FAQ here!
Transgender is an umbrella term that is inclusive of, but not limited to (nor forced upon), trans women, trans men, non-binary people, genderfluid people, genderqueer people, agender people, and anyone who doesn't identify as the gender assigned to them at birth.
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Anonymous asked:

I have some self harm scars on my chest. Should this affect my ability to bind or get top surgery in the future?

Lee says:

You should still be able to do both, yes.

Binding should still be possible, although it may be painful to have pressure on healing wounds.

When it comes to top surgery, it might make things a little harder for the surgeon, and in rare cases, it might impact what type of top surgery procedure you’re eligible for depending on much scar tissue there is, how deep the scarring goes, where the scars are, and if they impact blood flow. That’s something you’d have to discuss with your surgeon at your consultation.

I don’t think it would typically put your top surgery in jeopardy from a purely surgical perspective, although it might impact the aesthetics and also make it harder to access the surgery in the first place.

But if it is extensive deep scarring you should discuss it with your top surgeon when you have your consultation to get their assessment- we aren’t medical professionals, so it’s best to consult with them about your particular situation, and I can’t guarantee that surgeons won’t turn you down.

Personally, I spent a lot of time thinking about all the effort I’d spend on taking care of the top surgery incision scars, and researching scar gel and silicone scar strips, and all that kind of helped me put my perspective into the long-term. 

I knew if I’d bother with scar care for my top surgery scars, and I wanted a good aesthetic outcome from my top surgery, I wouldn’t want to have even more scars with a negative history behind them as permanent reminders on my past on my new body.

I wanted top surgery to be a fresh start in a body I’m comfortable with, so I didn’t want to let my chest dysphoria in the moment jeopardize how I’d feel about taking off my shirt in the future because I didn’t want to go through all the trouble of getting top surgery to be self-conscious.

So that was my motivation in helping to stop self-harming in the areas I had been doing it (which all turned out to be potential phalloplasty donor sites so even more of a motivation to stop so I wouldn’t end up with a scarred penis), and not start doing it on my chest.

If you’ve already got scars there, don’t think “Oh guess it’s too late, I might as well keep going!” because that isn’t the case. Instead, you should start scar care (the Post-top surgery scar care link has tips that apply to any scar) and remember the reasons why you don’t want to continue.

One good reason to stop: Even if it’s medically possible to get top surgery, you may find that self-harm will delay your surgery anyway because you usually need a letter from a therapist/mental health professional saying you’re mentally stable and capable enough to get surgery.

If you’re currently self-harming, they will usually want you to wait to get surgery until you’re not doing risky self-injurious things so it’s best to try to wean yourself off from self-harming if at all possible so you’ll be able to sail through that process without having to wait even longer which isn’t great for the mental health either. And I’m saying this from personal experience as someone who had my top surgery letter delayed as a result of my mental health.

Shifting your mental attitude from “this is fine” to “actually, this is a potential barrier to me getting top surgery as soon as possible and so I need to do whatever I can to work on this” can make a big difference because I’m not always motivated by taking care of myself, but I am motivated by doing whatever it takes to transition.

So if you are still self-harming, you should try to stop doing so, both for your general health and to ensure a smooth top surgery process. Here is a post with suicide hotlines and mental health services, and I encourage you to reach out if you need help.

Figure out what your triggers are, unfollow blogs on Tumblr that post about self harm, throw away any “tools” that you use to hurt yourself, hang out in public places like parks (it’s harder to hurt yourself in public than when you’re alone), follow “recovery” blogs on tumblr, or work on a skin care routine (put energy into helping your body instead of hurting it).

When you feel like hurting yourself, try these things: Draw on your body where you want to hurt yourself, rub ice on your body where you want to hurt yourself, do the same thing you want to do to yourself to an object (if you want to cut yourself, cut paper up), do one of the above distracting activities, scream into a pillow (it sounds silly but it can really help), take a cold bath or shower, snap rubber bands on your wrist (harm reduction), or listen to loud music. 

I also find exercise like running or doing push-ups helpful because it’s something physical, it releases endorphins and helps mental health, it’s distracting, and it can help you feel masculine. And then after I exercise, I try to do something that’s self-care like watching a show I like, or doing something to try to cope with dysphoria like packing.

You should also look into Getting a therapist and being in therapy, and you may also want to look into medication too- both of those things at the same time are generally more effective than one or the other. You’re clearly in pain, and you deserve to get help.

#Lee says#self harm#binding#top surgery#self harm m#caps#scar#scars#Anonymous#transgenderteensurvivalguide#trans#transgender#nonbinary#lgbtq#lgbt#transgender teen survival guide#TTSG
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Suicide Hotlines and Mental Health Services

Mods Emery and Lee say:

I believe in each and every one of you, and as cliche as it sounds, it can get better. As someone who has been in the same situation, you can take it from me. This existence of ours can often feel like ascending a mountain without any climbing gear, but it is possible to do so when you have a bit of help. I know that all of you can reach the peak if you are just given a helping hand.

We would love to help each and every one of you individually, but many of us mods have dealt with suicide in our lives so it is a very difficult topic for us to cover. Nonetheless, we hope all of you are able to benefit from this mental health resource list that we have put together. 

All of the mods on this blog care about you and do not want your life to end, but we as a mod team do not respond directly to suicidal asks sent to us, to avoid upsetting ourselves and followers. Here is a more in-depth post on this.

Helpful Links:

Mental Health Crisis Hotlines

Self-Harm:

If those phone numbers don’t work where you live, you need regional-specific numbers, you need situation/issue specific numbers, or the number you tried had too long of a waiting period, click on the keep reading and we have more!

Keep reading

#long post#suicide m#self harm m
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Anonymous asked:

I am getting a psychiactic evalution soon ... my therpist said im expirencing psychosis and im scared that if I have a mental disorder on my record, especially a psychotic one.. I wont be taken seriously and wont be able to start hrt for as soon as I plan too....

Lee says:

Unfortunately, having a stigmatized mental illness diagnosis can make it harder for you to transition because doctors sometimes do take you less seriously or wonder if your dysphoria is a symptom of your mental illness, so it might make your journey to HRT a slightly longer one. But it’s still possible to start T while struggling with mental illness.

There aren’t a lot of people in the community who are open about their diagnoses because there’s still a lot of stigma around having a psychotic disorder, so it can be hard to find role models who are like you and a community to be a part of. 

So I’ve decided to be more open about my experience. I also experience psychosis, and I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder when I was a senior in high school. But I was able to get my symptoms under control through a combination of antipsychotic medication and therapy, and I was able to start testosterone when I turned 18.

The rate of mental illness in the trans community is higher than with cisgender people because of minority stress, dysphoria, and family/friend rejection and social stigmatization among other things so doctors who are used to treating the transgender community tend to see a lot of patients with various mental health struggles.

I won’t deny that it can be harder to get a prescription when you’re mentally ill, especially if you’re severely mentally ill or if you have stigmatized disorders like a schizo-spectrum diagnosis. It can feel like you have to choose between treating your psychosis and your dysphoria, which isn’t a choice anyone should have to make. But it isn’t hopeless, and you can work on both.

You can still find a doctor who will get you started on HRT even if it means getting a second opinion from another doctor. It will also help if you can get a WPATH-compliant letter from your therapist saying that you’re ready to start HRT and able to consent to the process.

The WPATH guidelines say:

“Any co-existing psychological, medical, or social problems that could interfere with treatment (e.g., that may compromise treatment adherence) have been addressed, such that the adolescent’s situation and functioning are stable enough to start treatment"
“The presence of co-existing mental health concerns does not necessarily preclude possible changes in gender role or access to feminizing/masculinizing hormones or surgery; rather, these concerns need to be optimally managed prior to or concurrent with treatment of gender dysphoria. In addition, clients should be assessed for their ability to provide educated and informed consent for medical treatments.”

I’d recommend being honest about what you’re experiencing in your psychiatric evaluation- you want to be able to get the best treatment possible for whatever you’re experiencing, and having a diagnosis might help your doctors figure out what kind of therapy and medication you should try. 

And lying to try to speed up your transition might backfire- if your symptoms get worse and you try to hide them, you might end up hurting yourself or getting in a lot of trouble depending on what kind of delusions and paranoia you have. Getting treatment is important.

You should talk to your therapist about your concerns- tell her that starting HRT is very important to you, that a lot of the distress you experience is caused by your dysphoria so transitioning is part of your path to mental health recovery, and that you’re concerned you’re not going to be able to get HRT with a psychotic diagnosis and having to delay your transition would make your mental illnesses a lot harder to deal with. 

See if you can the therapist to agree to write you the WPATH letter, or at least get a clear timeline about what steps the therapist wants to you take first, or what benchmarks you’ll need to meet before you can start HRT. Be stubborn about this and stand up for yourself- tell them that you need to start HRT and you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get there. 

You need to feel like you’re making progress on your goal, so you need to know what you need to do next so you’re taking steps forward. Do they want you to keep a daily log to make sure you’re taking care of yourself and eating every day and showering once a week? Do you need to try practicing any specific coping skills, or try to stop self harming? Make sure you have a treatment plan in place, and the therapist is willing to write you the letter you need in a reasonable timeline.

Recovery doesn’t mean that you no longer have a psychotic disorder, it means trying to reduce the frequency and intensity of your symptoms if you can with medication, and using therapy to help you learn coping skills to help you manage any symptoms that remain. You can be in recovery and still experience symptoms, and you can still live a full life that’s worth living and transition while having a psychotic disorder, even if you can’t “cure” all your symptoms.

If you can’t get this therapist to write you the letter you need because of your diagnosis, you can always try getting another therapist, or starting HRT through informed consent. Here is how to get hormones in the US, if you aren’t sure about the way to get HRT. There’s always a path, but you will need to jump over some hurdles that aren’t in place for other people. 

I want to acknowledge the very real discrimination that people with psychotic diagnoses can face, something I’ve faced too, and I don’t want to lie and say it’s a walk in the park. I have to admit that it can sometimes make it harder to transition, and it might slow or delay your transition a little. But I do also want to make it clear that you still have a future and there is a path to that future, and even if it takes a few months longer, you’ll still be able to get there.

I used to be in your shoes. Now I’m a pre-med sophomore in college, I’m 2 years and 7 months on T, I’m 2 years and 4 months post-top surgery, I’m 1 year and 7 months post- hysterectomy, I’m in a long-term relationship with a lovely partner, and things are looking up. I’m 20 years old now and I never thought I’d live this long or have this future, but it possible for things to get better. 

About 7 months ago I answered a similar Q about getting top surgery with a psychotic disorder, and if you scroll to the end you can see a Rare Picture of me featuring my antipsychotics and top surgery results.

#Lee says#hrt#hormone replacement therapy#psychosis#self harm m#transgenderteensurvivalguide#trans#transgender
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Suicide Hotlines and Mental Health Services

Mods Emery and Lee say:

I believe in each and every one of you, and as cliche as it sounds, it can get better. As someone who has been in the same situation, you can take it from me. This existence of ours can often feel like ascending a mountain without any climbing gear, but it is possible to do so when you have a bit of help. I know that all of you can reach the peak if you are just given a helping hand.

We would love to help each and every one of you individually, but many of us mods have dealt with suicide in our lives so it is a very difficult topic for us to cover. Nonetheless, we hope all of you are able to benefit from this mental health resource list that we have put together. 

All of the mods on this blog care about you and do not want your life to end, but we as a mod team do not respond directly to suicidal asks sent to us, to avoid upsetting ourselves and followers. Here is a more in-depth post on this.

Helpful Links:

Mental Health Crisis Hotlines

Self-Harm:

If those phone numbers don’t work where you live, you need regional-specific numbers, you need situation/issue specific numbers, or the number you tried had too long of a waiting period, click on the keep reading and we have more!

Keep reading

#Suicide m#caps#self harm m
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#self harm m#suicide m
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realtransfacts

Self Care Masterpost

If you need something to distract you from gender dysphoria or if you need this for some other reason, hopefully something from this post could be useful <3

& if anyone else have any good recources or advice, please feel free to add to this post!

General Advice & Resources:

Kind Words & Positivity:

Apps:

Reddits:

Previous Masterposts:

#additional resources#breast m#reblog#self harm m#caps#jewish#judiasm#religion m
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transgenderteensurvivalguide

"Is it normal?" The dysphoria edition

Yes:

  • No dysphoria at all
  • Mild dysphoria that doesn’t interfere with life activities
  • Dysphoria not eliminated by binding/packing/tucking/gender-affirming clothes
  • More top than bottom dysphoria
  • More bottom than top dysphoria
  • No top dysphoria
  • No bottom dysphoria
  • Dysphoria that fluctuates
  • Dysphoria about things other than chest or genitals (like your hips/waist, voice, facial/body hair or lack of, height, passing, etc)
  • No dysphoria about birth name/pronouns
  • Dysphoria triggered by certain activities only (dressing a certain way, exercise, shopping, sex, public bathrooms, periods)
  • Feeling good in your body despite the fact that it’s not your “ideal” body
  • Dysphoria not alleviated by hormones/surgery
  • No dysphoria about pronouns/no pronoun preference
  • No dysphoria while naked (alone or with others)
  • No dysphoria about gendered words (handsome/beautiful, son/daughter, etc)
  • More dysphoria once you’ve come out or realized you’re trans
  • Less dysphoria once you’ve come out or realized you’re trans
  • Dysphoria with pronouns but not gendered words
  • Dysphoria with gendered words but not pronouns
  • Being cis and having dysphoria/using methods to alleviate dysphoria
  • Dysphoria influenced by mental illness
  • Unsure if you have dysphoria or not
  • Only having dysphoria in certain situations or around certain people
  • Dysphoria when seeing celebrities/models/people with “ideal” bodies 

Yes, but you may want to consider seeing a professional about it:

  • Dysphoria that interferes with life activities
  • Unable to shower, change clothes, or do other hygiene activities because of dysphoria
  • Panic attacks/anxiety
  • Refusing to leave the house
  • Urges to change your body in an unhealthy way (like by self-medicating or with disordered eating)
  • Urges to harm or kill yourself 

No:

  • Literally nothing?
  • Any amount and type of dysphoria is normal
  • But if it’s severely affecting your mental health please try to see an accepting therapist (tips on how to make that happen here)- and check out the links in the getting help post for more resources.

What should I do about dysphoria?

#suicidal ideation m#self harm m#genital m#eating disorder m
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Anonymous asked:

Ok, I'm not sure who else to ask and this is pretty urgent since I have to see him tomorrow. I have a friend who I'm pretty close to, but he has been making jokes that make me uncomfortable like saying I don't have a penis and playing it off as a joke and he misgenders me (he calls me they/them even though I'm a boy and I'm not nb). My friends are suggesting that I drop him, but I'm afraid that he'll hurt himselfor others because we're like his only friends and I need advice.

Kii says:

You’re not responsible for his emotions. If he’s making you uncomfortable, you can drop him, and if you think he’s going to harm himself or others, tell his parents, a teacher, etc about it. 

However, if you haven’t already, you might want to bring it up to him that he’s making you uncomfortable, because he probably doesn’t know if he’s been making these jokes for awhile and you acted like you were okay with it.

#kii says#penis m#self harm m#danger m#Anonymous
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Anonymous asked:

hi so. basically. somebody outed me to my parents, who are incredibly transphobic. I'm safe for now but my parents are going to hospitalize me in an attempt to "fix" me. I'm trans male and I've known for years, but they refuse to listen to me and just say I'm delusional. I think I'm just looking for?? advice?? I don't really know what to do, or how to ask for help or anything. thanks :)

Lee says:

There’s a chance your parents are all bark and no bite and won’t actually try to do it, but in my experience with hospitalization, you won’t be admitted into a psychiatric ward for being trans.

If your parents are honest about what they’re doing because they genuinely believe that you identifying as trans is you showing psychotic symptoms, and they tell the doctor or nurses you see at intake that they’re trying to hospitalize you in an attempt to “fix” you so you aren’t trans anymore or that you’re psychotic but the only symptom you have is thinking you’re a man, there’s a very low chance you’ll be admitted.

If your parents lie about why they think you’re believing in delusions and make up fake symptoms, there’s a chance that the doctor will believe them over you. But even then, I don’t think you’d be hospitalized for very long, because in that situation they’d be trying to do a brief hospitalization to stabilize you and maybe start medication (sort of a catch and release type thing) and it would be obvious from what you tell them and your behavior that you don’t need long-term residential care. 

Whenever you see a psychologist who is evaluating you, make it clear that you will not voluntarily consent to being hospitalized, and your parents are trying to hospitalize you because you’re transgender. Repeat this to every single adult you speak to from the emergency room to the ward and so on. You’ll have a better chance of getting out quickly if you do this, so make sure you repeat that to literally everyone you see.

If you are admitted to a psychiatric ward, you’ll get a packet of info on the first day that should have helpful information, and you can request to call the patient advocate person. I forget what they’re called, I don’t have the packet I got with me, but look through the packet and request to call whatever patient advocates are listed! If a patient advocate isn’t listed, then tell the staff you want to call a patient advocate and ask them to find the number. Keep asking if the request gets lost when shifts change.

Hospitalization won’t be that bad, esp if you aren’t mentally ill- it’s not the end of the world. Think of it as a really really boring short vacation, you’re in a room for a long time with not much to do and they won’t let you watch PG-13 movies. You’ll probably be allowed to color in your room since you won’t be a risk for doing something bad with the supplies. I spent a Lot of time coloring and looking out the window. 

Here’s more on what to expect- read through all of them!

As noted, we’re teens too so I’d talk to an adult outside your family about this. Tomorrow is a school day, so if you go to school then you should talk to a teacher or guidance counselor, and if you aren’t able to go to school tomorrow then look on the school’s website for their contact info and email them. If you’re homeschooled, then contact another family member like an aunt or uncle or someone who you think might support you and tell them what’s happening. 

I’d defs tell an adult (if not multiple adults) about this situation before it gets worse and your parents take steps towards hospitalizing you. Talking to adults and asking for help can be anxiety-producing, but if you think that this is a legitimate threat that your parents are going to follow through with then it’s important to reach out for help anyway. Talk in person, text, email, write a letter and hand it to them, whatever you gotta do, just get this info across. It may help to have a friend there for moral support.

As far as what you should do if you’ve been hospitalized and get out:

Coping:

Documenting abuse:

What to do:

TW: mental health/suicidal ideation in this next part where I talk about my personal experience with the hospitalization process

#Lee says#hospitalization#inpatient psychiatric hospitalization#abuse#self harm m#suicidal ideation m#Anonymous#transgenderteensurvivalguide#trans#transgender
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Dysphoria Tips Masterpost

Emery, Lee, and Charlie say:

Hey, everyone! Dysphoria is a real pain in the butt to deal with, and we know it can be difficult to find ways to lessen it or distract yourself from it. You don’t need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but many (if not most) trans people do have dysphoria. And gender dysphoria (for those who have it) just sucks. 

Since we get a lot of asks from people who are looking for tips to help manage their dysphoria, we thought we would make a masterpost to help everyone out. So, this is some added advice from the mods on coping with it! The key is distraction, and trying to remember that it will get better one day. Here we go!

Articles and Posts About How To Deal With Dysphoria

Transfeminine-Specific

Transmasculine-Specific

Non-binary specific:

General Tips

  • Making a music playlist of your favorite songs! 
  • You can also explore new music on YouTube, or check out some CDs from your local library.
  • We had a whole assortment of recommendations a while ago for music that helps people when they feel dysphoric because they can sing along. You could try to sing along to music, or lip synch if that makes you feel better, or just listen to your fav songs!
  • Cleaning or tidying and/or doing laundry; doing something to make your environment/surroundings better can also give you a sense of accomplishment.
  • Name and pronoun affirmations 
  • You can make yourself some cards with your name and pronouns on them and carry them with you, or doodle in a notebook or make virtual edits and/or ask supportive friends and family to verbally participate in these affirmations
  • Wearing clothes that you feel good in (shoes, hats, dresses, sweaters, accessories etc.)
  • Taking up a hobby that you find enjoyable (skateboarding, making bracelets, writing, learning a new language, playing an instrument, joining a tabletop gaming club, etc.)
  • Watching YouTube videos (let’s-plays are Emery’s fav, and Lee likes music videos)
  • Dyeing your hair and/or getting a haircut (this can make you feel like a million bucks). 
  • Info on getting short hair is here for transmasc people!
  • Transfemme people could try buying some cute hairclips or headbands from CVS or another store, which are small enough to easily hide if you’re in the closet.
  • Check out our dysphoria tag! You’ll see other suggestions on things to do, and Qs from other people who are dysphoric. Remember, you aren’t alone.
  • Journal about how you feel. 
  • You could have one journal for negative things, because it feels good to get them out, and another journal for positivity and notes to yourself. Or you could write everything all in one place, it’s up to you. 
  • You could also post on a private sideblog, or type in notes on your phone if you don’t have access to a physical journal
  • Practice some grounding/calming/meditation techniques.
  • Soothing grounding exercise 
  • Physical grounding exercise
  • Mental grounding exercise
  • Grounding techniques 
  • It’s a good idea to do something that makes you feel extra valid as your gender, like packing, binding, tucking, and wearing breast forms.
  • Maybe trans feminine individuals could put on makeup, or clear nail polish, or use flower-scented body wash when they shower. We have info on tucking here.
  • Trans masculine people could put on a button up, or masculine-coded clothing, or make a beard with makeup. We have info on binding without a binder here, and packing without a packer here.
  • Practicing Self-care, ex. taking a bath with a bath bomb (if that doesn’t induce dysphoria) to wind down.  Maybe having tea and going to bed early?
  • You feel like sh*t: interactive self care
  • Talking to and getting in touch with other trans friends/people you may know, who will understand what you’re going through and are willing to support you is important!
  • If you don’t have a GSA at your school, PFLAG meetings in a nearby town, or any other local LGBT support groups, online community can be helpful too.
  • Take a walk and/or exercise a bit!! Even if you’re unable to do that because of disabilities, get some fresh air and new scenery if you can.
  • Find little things to appreciate about your body, or try not to think about it at all. Remember, this is about what helps you best, and it’s different for everyone.
  • Spend time with a pet, if you have one!
  • Try to work on planning your transition. Have a goal, and plan how you’ll get there.
  • Gather information about legally changing your name where you live when you turn 18 or the age of legal adulthood, read up on the effects of hormones, look at different surgery techniques and surgeons and prices, etc. We have info on some of the above in our transfeminine and transmasculine resource pages.
  • Start saving money now, even if it’s only a few dollars a month, or a few coins. When you turn 18, you’ll be informed and ready to start your transition, even if it involves saving money for a few years after to be able to afford it if your insurance doesn’t cover it fully. It’s possible, and you can do it! 
  • Watch other people’s transition videos, and read their transition blogs. Again, this may help or make it worse, but you will be better prepared.
  • Go to your local public library and read a book, if you can! That might distract you, and it can be either fun or educational or both. 
  • You can also see if they have any programs/events coming up, or see if they have any museum/zoo passes you could check out.
  • Listen to music, wear comfy clothes, curl up with a blanket, and chill out. Be cozy!
  • Have a countdown until you’re 18 (you could use an app or write it in a calendar) or a countdown until you’re able to get a new shirt, or whatever you’re looking forward to. Countdowns can be motivating.
  • Get organized! Clean things, sort through your things, make lists of what you need to do, color code, or whatever you want. It’ll help take your mind off things, and you’ll be helping yourself later.
  • Make your own Activity list of things you can do to help with dysphoria or distract yourself. Try to include as many healthy options as you can!
  • Include 3 things minimum that you know you’ll be able to do, like putting on affirming underwear or going on a walk for example, but make sure it’s three things specifically that you can do. 
  • Include 3 goals you will have to work harder to do, like maybe exercising or filling out a DBT or CBT worksheet.

Tips For When Dysphoria Makes You Want To Self-Harm

  • Holding an ice cube in your hand
  • Writing in a journal (it can be extremely therapeutic)
  • Listening to music
  • Playing a video game (a puzzle game or fighting game might be particularly helpful since they require a lot of concentration)
  • Going for a walk (exercise can produce feel-good endorphins in your brain)
  • Watching a funny youtube video or doing tongue-twisters (laughter also produces endorphins)
  • Taking a hot shower (they’re particularly great for relieving tension)
  • Practicing breathing techniques (inhale for 8 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds and Belly breathing)
  • Drinking tea (something like chamomile, mint, or peppermint is best)
  • Coloring (I personally really like ones that feature Disney characters!)
  • You can google “Coloring pages” and just print some out! I (Lee) like mandalas
  • Reach out to a friend or family member; they can distract you, and it’s harder to do anything when you’re in the company of others.
  • We have more info on coping when you want to self-harm here.

Take care of your mental health! You can try getting a therapist and being in therapy, and take a peek at a few of the things below:

YouTube Videos That Talk About Dysphoria

Distract yourself! Watch TV, play video games, or do craft, or waste a few minutes on one of the websites below:

Our Suicide Hotlines and Crisis Resources is a list of places you could contact to talk to someone if you’re feeling suicidal. Please, reach out and get help. We can’t answer suicidal asks, but we care about you.

Reblog this and tell us how you deal with dysphoria!

#dysphoria#suicide m#self harm m#long post
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Suicide Hotlines and Mental Health Services

Mod Emery says:

I believe in each and every one of you, and as cliche as it sounds, it can get better. As someone who has been in the same situation, you can take it from me. This existence of ours can often feel like ascending a mountain without any climbing gear, but it is possible to do so when you have a bit of help. I know that all of you can reach the peak if you are just given a helping hand.

Mod Lee says:

We would love to help each and every one of you individually, but many of us mods have dealt with suicide in our lives so it is a very difficult topic for us to cover. Nonetheless, we hope all of you are able to benefit from this mental health resource list that we have put together. 

Helpful Links:

Mental Health Crisis Hotlines

Self-Harm:

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#suicide hotlines#suicide mention#suicide mention tw#self harm#self harm m#suicide#caps
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transgenderteensurvivalguide

Dysphoria Tips Masterpost

Emery, Lee, and Charlie say:

Hey, everyone! Dysphoria is a real pain in the butt to deal with, and we know it can be difficult to find ways to lessen it or distract yourself from it. You don’t need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but many (if not most) trans people do have dysphoria. And gender dysphoria (for those who have it) just sucks. 

Since we get a lot of asks from people who are looking for tips to help manage their dysphoria, we thought we would make a masterpost to help everyone out. So, this is some added advice from the mods on coping with it! The key is distraction, and trying to remember that it will get better one day. Here we go!

Articles and Posts About How To Deal With Dysphoria

Transfeminine-Specific

Transmasculine-Specific

Non-binary specific:

General Tips

  • Making a music playlist of your favorite songs! 
  • You can also explore new music on YouTube, or check out some CDs from your local library.
  • We had a whole assortment of recommendations a while ago for music that helps people when they feel dysphoric because they can sing along. You could try to sing along to music, or lip synch if that makes you feel better, or just listen to your fav songs!
  • Cleaning or tidying and/or doing laundry; doing something to make your environment/surroundings better can also give you a sense of accomplishment.
  • Name and pronoun affirmations 
  • You can make yourself some cards with your name and pronouns on them and carry them with you, or doodle in a notebook or make virtual edits and/or ask supportive friends and family to verbally participate in these affirmations
  • Wearing clothes that you feel good in (shoes, hats, dresses, sweaters, accessories etc.)
  • Taking up a hobby that you find enjoyable (skateboarding, making bracelets, writing, learning a new language, playing an instrument, joining a tabletop gaming club, etc.)
  • Watching YouTube videos (let’s-plays are Emery’s fav, and Lee likes music videos)
  • Dyeing your hair and/or getting a haircut (this can make you feel like a million bucks). 
  • Info on getting short hair is here for transmasc people!
  • Transfemme people could try buying some cute hairclips or headbands from CVS or another store, which are small enough to easily hide if you’re in the closet.
  • Check out our dysphoria tag! You’ll see other suggestions on things to do, and Qs from other people who are dysphoric. Remember, you aren’t alone.
  • Journal about how you feel. 
  • You could have one journal for negative things, because it feels good to get them out, and another journal for positivity and notes to yourself. Or you could write everything all in one place, it’s up to you. 
  • You could also post on a private sideblog, or type in notes on your phone if you don’t have access to a physical journal
  • Practice some grounding/calming/meditation techniques.
  • Soothing grounding exercise 
  • Physical grounding exercise
  • Mental grounding exercise
  • Grounding techniques 
  • It’s a good idea to do something that makes you feel extra valid as your gender, like packing, binding, tucking, and wearing breast forms.
  • Maybe trans feminine individuals could put on makeup, or clear nail polish, or use flower-scented body wash when they shower. We have info on tucking here.
  • Trans masculine people could put on a button up, or masculine-coded clothing, or make a beard with makeup. We have info on binding without a binder here, and packing without a packer here.
  • Practicing Self-care, ex. taking a bath with a bath bomb (if that doesn’t induce dysphoria) to wind down.  Maybe having tea and going to bed early?
  • You feel like sh*t: interactive self care
  • Talking to and getting in touch with other trans friends/people you may know, who will understand what you’re going through and are willing to support you is important!
  • If you don’t have a GSA at your school, PFLAG meetings in a nearby town, or any other local LGBT support groups, online community can be helpful too.
  • Take a walk and/or exercise a bit!! Even if you’re unable to do that because of disabilities, get some fresh air and new scenery if you can.
  • Find little things to appreciate about your body, or try not to think about it at all. Remember, this is about what helps you best, and it’s different for everyone.
  • Spend time with a pet, if you have one!
  • Try to work on planning your transition. Have a goal, and plan how you’ll get there.
  • Gather information about legally changing your name where you live when you turn 18 or the age of legal adulthood, read up on the effects of hormones, look at different surgery techniques and surgeons and prices, etc. We have info on some of the above in our transfeminine and transmasculine resource pages.
  • Start saving money now, even if it’s only a few dollars a month, or a few coins. When you turn 18, you’ll be informed and ready to start your transition, even if it involves saving money for a few years after to be able to afford it if your insurance doesn’t cover it fully. It’s possible, and you can do it! 
  • Watch other people’s transition videos, and read their transition blogs. Again, this may help or make it worse, but you will be better prepared.
  • Go to your local public library and read a book, if you can! That might distract you, and it can be either fun or educational or both. 
  • You can also see if they have any programs/events coming up, or see if they have any museum/zoo passes you could check out.
  • Listen to music, wear comfy clothes, curl up with a blanket, and chill out. Be cozy!
  • Have a countdown until you’re 18 (you could use an app or write it in a calendar) or a countdown until you’re able to get a new shirt, or whatever you’re looking forward to. Countdowns can be motivating.
  • Get organized! Clean things, sort through your things, make lists of what you need to do, color code, or whatever you want. It’ll help take your mind off things, and you’ll be helping yourself later.
  • Make your own Activity list of things you can do to help with dysphoria or distract yourself. Try to include as many healthy options as you can!
  • Include 3 things minimum that you know you’ll be able to do, like putting on affirming underwear or going on a walk for example, but make sure it’s three things specifically that you can do. 
  • Include 3 goals you will have to work harder to do, like maybe exercising or filling out a DBT or CBT worksheet.

Tips For When Dysphoria Makes You Want To Self-Harm

  • Holding an ice cube in your hand
  • Writing in a journal (it can be extremely therapeutic)
  • Listening to music
  • Playing a video game (a puzzle game or fighting game might be particularly helpful since they require a lot of concentration)
  • Going for a walk (exercise can produce feel-good endorphins in your brain)
  • Watching a funny youtube video or doing tongue-twisters (laughter also produces endorphins)
  • Taking a hot shower (they’re particularly great for relieving tension)
  • Practicing breathing techniques (inhale for 8 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds and Belly breathing)
  • Drinking tea (something like chamomile, mint, or peppermint is best)
  • Coloring (I personally really like ones that feature Disney characters!)
  • You can google “Coloring pages” and just print some out! I (Lee) like mandalas
  • Reach out to a friend or family member; they can distract you, and it’s harder to do anything when you’re in the company of others.
  • We have more info on coping when you want to self-harm here.

Take care of your mental health! You can try getting a therapist and being in therapy, and take a peek at a few of the things below:

YouTube Videos That Talk About Dysphoria

Distract yourself! Watch TV, play video games, or do craft, or waste a few minutes on one of the websites below:

Our Suicide Hotlines and Crisis Resources is a list of places you could contact to talk to someone if you’re feeling suicidal. Please, reach out and get help. We can’t answer suicidal asks, but we care about you.

Reblog this and tell us how you deal with dysphoria!

#Long post#caps#self harm m
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Anonymous asked:

Hi there can I ask if it is possible to use already scarred skin from my forearm for phallo? Would it affect the result badly or would it even be possible to use badly scarred skin?

Lee says:

If you have a minor scarring on your donor site, you could still use it as a donor site but the scar will be transferred to your penis so that may be an aesthetic but not medical issue. This is true for some self-harm scars- there’s a post about that here. 

But if there’s more extensive and deep scarring there may be a medical issue with using that donor site, you may want to choose another donor site like ALT (thigh) instead of using your forearm.

As @gendercube​ wrote:

“Whether or not the donor site can be used would depend on how much scarring there is, how deep the scars are, where the scars are, and what impact the scarring might have on your recovery. Extensive or deep scarring could impact blood flow, for example, and might make using that donor site more risky. This could mean either having to use a different donor site or delaying parts of your phalloplasty for a later time. A friend of mine had scarring on his wrist from a childhood surgery that made it risky to do his glansplasty right away, so he delayed it and had his glans done 2 weeks post-op. This allowed the phallus time to heal and establish strong blood flow before adding another element of healing onto it. Less extensive or shallow scaring usually has no effect on the donor site.”

More info on lower surgery is in the Bottom surgery (genital surgery) page!

#Lee says#self harm m#scarring#scars#scar#penis m#genital m#lower surgery#Anonymous#transgenderteensurvivalguide#trans#transgender#TTSG#nonbinary#lgbtq#lgbt#transgender teen survival guide
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Lee says:

Tattooing and your penis:

Your penis will be single-toned if you get phallo because the whole thing will probably be made from a graft from a single site.

If you want the visual of veins or a colored glans, you need to get medical tattooing done. More info: Here’s a post about that, and another post.

This is a picture of a penis post-medical tattooing, and if you have a transbucket account you can see two other penises post-tattooing here and here.

If you have a tattoo on your donor site, that tattoo will be transferred to your penis. So if I had a forearm tattoo then got RFF phallo, I’d have the tattoo on my penis. 

This is true for self-harm scars as well- there’s about about that here, and more info on surgery with scar tissue here.

Here’s a post on laser hair removal while also undergoing tattoo removal.

Sidenote- I have my phalloplasty surgery date scheduled for next year, but I need a little bit of assistance to bridge the gap between what I've saved and what it'll cost. I’ve started a GoFundMe for my lower surgery, and if you find my work on this blog helpful or you have an extra dollar to spare I’d really appreciate a donation of any amount!

#Tattooing and your penis#self harm m#self harm#caps briefly#scars m#scarring m#penis m#genital m#Lee says#transgenderteensurvivalguide#trans#transgender
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transgenderteensurvivalguide
Anonymous asked:

When did you "know" you were trans, my dad doesn't believe me because I wasn't a "tomboy" as a little kid and didn't know until I was 11.

transgenderteensurvivalguide answered:

Kii says:

I don’t remember exactly when it was, but I’m fairly certain it was around the time I started puberty (10 or 11), specifically the breast growth part. My mom talked to me a lot about how I was “becoming a woman” and my thoughts were always “But I don’t feel like one.” but I never really said anything. I learned what transgender meant around 14, and I knew I didn’t feel like a girl, so I figured I must be a boy (since I didn’t realize what nb genders were) but I wasn’t happy with that either, so I then decided I must be a girl again. Then, when I was 15, I learned that there were more than two genders. I came out as nonbinary soon after I turned 16, but didn’t have a more specific label until around 6 months later. I’m just about to turn 18, so this wasn’t very long ago for me.

Ora says:

I was definitely always aware of my gender, like I never felt like a cis girl. But when it came to putting a name to it, it took me a little while. I started off by saying I was genderqueer when I was hospitalized at 13 because I had a lot of time to think. Then during my freshmen and sophomore year I felt more comfortable with genderfluid and/or nonbinary, but through all of that I really denied my femininity. Recently (probably in the past year, or so) is when I decided to go by nonbinary girl, because I definitely still have my days where I feel more feminine but not necessarily within the binary.

Callie says:

When I was younger, I had a much more vague sense of uneasiness about myself as a whole and I tried very hard to just focus on fiction and schoolwork and music and was generally miserable. As I started to go through puberty (around 13), I started crossdressing and it made me a lot of more comfortable and I proceeded to do that any time I could, but keeping it an absolute secret. I had never experienced many people from the lgbt+ community in real life and even in media I had no view of trans people that were not intensely negative. I didn’t want to think I was trans because I didn’t think I was brave enough to transition and live life how I wanted to. It wasn’t until the last couple of years (starting around 16) that I was able to come to terms with myself and actively accept that I was trans and wanted to transition.

Lee says:

I didn’t really have a good understanding of gender as an (Autistic) child, and I wanted to be “one of the guys” when I was younger but by 4th grade I had given up on that and was trying to fit in with the girls in my grade. I was excited about growing up, but I was really uncomfortable with the idea of breast growth and getting a period but I also knew that I should want it, so I felt conflicted. I refused to wear a bra, and I’d take off my bra in the bathroom every morning in 5th grade and leave it in my locker, and in 6th grade I’d argue with my mom about being forced to wear it because I still didn’t think I should have to. I had a feminine-ish wardrobe because my mom bought my clothes and I didn’t care about them as long as they were sensory-friendly, and I had long hair because I didn’t really care about its length enough to ask for a haircut. I came across as an odd child but nobody suspected I was trans, and I didn’t suspect either. I honestly didn’t show many signs of being trans as a kid. In middle school, I found out about lesbians (I was very sheltered) and thought maybe I was just a butch lesbian because I realized I liked girls and not guys and was not very feminine. 

It wasn’t until I found out about nonbinary people in highschool did I start identifying as genderqueer, at the age of 15. I didn’t “feel” trans until I knew what being trans was, then all of a sudden I realized it was me and fit me. Before I was 15, if you had asked, I would have said I was a girl, but a tomboy or butch- I didn’t know at all from a young age. Once I found out about non-binary people, I started to look into medical transitioning as well.

It doesn’t matter when you realize you’re trans, you can never be too young or too old to know. Some people know as children, but a lot of other people find out as teens or in college, and that’s okay too. It’s okay to be out of college and be an adult and figure it out for the first time. Your identity is valid no matter when you realized, or if you knew it all along. Your dad is wrong in saying you aren’t trans because you didn’t know at a young age. Not all transmasculine people were tomboys, and that’s okay! Some people become more masculine as they grow older, and some people just feel more free to express themselves when they’re older, and you don’t have to be masculine to be a trans boy, or a nonbinary person. Gender stereotypes aren’t true for everyone- they’re stereotypes! It’s okay if you fit the stereotype and played with trucks and did sports and typical “boy” things, but not all boys do those things, and that’s okay.

I’m sorry your dad doesn’t believe you. You are still a totally 100% valid trans person now, no matter what you were like as a kid. Trans people can realize they’re trans outside of childhood and they’re still trans!

Asis says:

I started to feel like a fuzzy cloud over my life around the time of puberty starting, but it was much later, when I was like 16 that I started to have thoughts of not wanting to be a guy, wishing I was born a girl, stuff like that. At this point I came across the term transgender but never really took to it (probably because of internalised transphobia and denial, thinking that no transition could make me stop being a guy, stuff like that) and then put the thought at the back of my head because school and stuff. When I was (I guess) 18, I saw someone’s transition timeline, and then I started looking up stuff a lot, realised that I’m definitely trans, and that there is hope for being comfortable in my body and life eventually. But it took me around another year to kind of accept it properly, and start to think of telling people.

Kai says:

Hm when I was 13 I sort of came to the realization that I was bi (I’m actually pan) and that’s when thoughts about being trans started. When I was 14 I got a short pixie haircut and I thought I might maybe be genderfluid, but when I was 15 ½ I was fairly certain I was a binary trans boy and named myself Kevin. When I turned 16 I thought I was a binary trans boy, and when I was 16 ½ I realized that I’m a nonbinary trans boy and also named myself Kai. So that’s the timeline.

I certainly remember being a “tomboy” especially in the third grade and to a lesser degree in the 6th grade until now (except I’m actually a boy now lol). I remember crying in the garage because the other boys in the neighborhood wouldn’t let me play with them because I was “a girl.” I remember dysphoria about my chest when it started developing when I was in 6th grade, but I didn’t know it was dysphoria at the time. I would wear loose shirts and slouch a lot and wear jackets to cover up (I still have an awful slouch). But yeah I realized I was trans for sure when I was 15 ½. It was a process definitely and it helped me explain some of the things from when I was younger but I want to emphasize that my story is not like others and everyone is valid as a trans person even if they didn’t “know” from a young age.

Phoenix says:

Copied from a TTSG post in 2011

I didn’t know I was different when I was little. I thought I was your every day, average boy. It wasn’t until I was around five that I realized I wasn’t “normal”.

I spent most of my summer with my babysitter and the three other children she watched - my friend E, her brother M, and my little sister Em. His mother told me that it was inappropriate how I behaved and that I needed to act like a proper lady now. I just didn’t understand it. I thought I was a boy. But I hid it. I decided that it wasn’t worth it any more. I would just be a normal person. So I remained back in the closet for another five or ten years.

Fast forward to my seventh grade year. I knew something about myself was different. I started coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t a normal “girl.” I found myself attracted to women - something I’d always tried to hide.

But I wasn’t ready to be a boy, or to even tell anyone that I wasn’t straight. So I hid it. I became severely depressed and began to self-harm. [Details removed.] I did all sorts of things to myself. And then I became incredibly uncomfortable with my body, just after coming out to my mother. (She cried). My eating disorder developed. [Details removed.]

The summer between my freshman and sophomore year, I attended GSA for Safe Schools’ Leadership Training Institute. I found myself surrounded by incredible queer voices and met one of my first true trans* friends - Jake Bradley, and of course, my loving and helpful older sibling, Kai.

I felt like I was finally ready to come out. On one of the days, we were told to divide ourselves by certain traits - sexual orientation, or gender identity. There was a group of all of the trans* youth there. The group was me, Jake, Kai, Warren (one of the mentors who works at my dream college), and Tatianna, a transwoman in the beginning of her transition.

From this date, my life changed. I was sick of hiding myself. I was ready to be the person I am. I went through several names, such as Aaron, but settled on Phoenix Cassian Van Laanen. I came out to my mother as trans soon after returning from LTI. It didn’t go well, and I repeated the coming out a few times to her after.

Fast forward to this past summer. I attended the Wisconsin Youth Leadership Academy, the first place where I truly felt like I could be myself since the last summer. This made my transition go even faster.

Since then, I am so much more confident in myself. This year I came out at school as an open trans male. Coming from someone who has struggled deeply in his life, I can truly say that it gets better. Be who you are. I love you and am so proud of everyone who came out today, or any other day.C

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#self harm m#eating disorder m#breast m#period m
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Lee says:

If you’re considering getting lower surgery one day or just curious about AFAB people’s experiences with bottom surgery, most of these FAQs have links to post-op people’s documentation of their surgery.

There’s a lot of negativity and misconceptions around lower surgery, so please read the How to talk about bottom surgery results post, watch the how to talk about bottom surgery video, and read the guidelines for discussing bottom surgery post before you comment on/reply to this post.

The basics of AFAB genital surgery:

#Lee says#phalloplasty#phallo#metoidioplasty#meta#ftm#caps#lower surgery#bottom surgery#genital m#penis m#clitoris m#self harm m#transgenderteensurvivalguide#trans#transgender#TTSG#nonbinary#lgbtq#lgbt#transgender teen survival guide
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comfortapp

Comfort: an app that makes you feel better

Hi! I’m a black nb programmer. I’ve been working on this app for about a year and it’s finally released!

Comfort is an app that you can go to whenever if you ever feel anxious, or want to self-harm, or feel suicidal. The app uses cognitive and dialectical behavioral therapy to help you get through a bad day.

The app is named Comfort after the idea of a comfort person, which was inspired by the @comfortperson​ blog. If you’re feeling like you’re being ignored by your comfort person. send the comfort bot the phrase “TextBack” and you’ll get specialized help!

After getting questions about gender identity, I’ve used the F.A.Q. from @transgenderteensurvivalguide to help guide questioning users! For questions about gender identity type “TransAdvice”.

You can also talk to the chatbot about your day or ask the bot what its favorite hobbies are. If you’re bored, if you’re just curious, Comfort is here for you.

You can try Comfort at comfort.launchaco.com. It’s totally free, forever.

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Their link seems to be somwhow broken, but this one works: https://comfort.launchaco.com/

#self harm m#suicide m
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