Transgender Teen Survival Guide

Devon says:

I would recommend sending them a coming out email or text and include that you’ve been on T for a couple years (and explain what that means if they don’t know), and also send photos of yourself. This way they have time to react before they see you in person. 

Or, you could tell them you’re sick and then don’t meet up for thanksgiving-- though this would just delay the problem.

You’ll probably find our coming out page helpful. And this interpersonal relationships post.

You could also share our for parents/guardians page with your family, or some of the ally resources, and depending on how much you’d like to share with your family, the testosterone FAQ of our transmasculine resources.

Best of luck!

[Note: we generally recommend that people don’t come out over holidays.]

Kai says:

It’s possible you would start ‘passing’ as a cis man / people may assume you are a cis man, and even if you don’t want it, you may have to deal with it. It’s probably not going to be comfortable to be assumed as a gender you aren’t. I relate since I’m also nonbinary and will go on T and probably people will assume I’m a cis guy, and for me it’s important to realize that even if I don’t want the privilege per se, I need to recognize if/when I have it. And I need to use it to help people who don’t have that privilege, ie people who are not perceived as cis men, or people who are perceived as gender nonconforming men, etc.

It’s important to try to break down those barriers and use your privilege for good rather than allowing it to become toxic. I hope that makes sense.

Devon says:

You can get compression shorts to make your hips less noticeable. You could also try to wear looser shirts that hang down (that hang down above your hips, if that makes sense) to lessen the appearance of your hips. There’s more info about clothing, stuff about passing as male (if you want to pass as male), and other helpful info within our transmasculine resources.

Here is a helpful question from our FAQ about getting stuff without your parents finding out:

You will probably also find our dysphoria page helpful, to cope with the dysphoria that you experience around your hips. If you experience mental health issues as a result of your dysphoria, or anything else, you may also find our mental health page helpful.

Searching “DIY compression shorts” turns up some results about making them yourself, if you can’t afford to buy new ones, but I’m not sure how effective and/or safe they would be compared to the compression shorts that you can buy online.

Best of luck!

!!

Devon says:

Please check out our mental health crisis and suicide resources.

Our dysphoria page has a ton of information about coping with dysphoria:

Here is a post that has information about finding an LGBT+ friendly therapist.

Our mental health page also has information about dealing with a lot of different issues.

Best of luck, I hope you feel better soon!

Kii says:

I would recommend checking out our transmasculine resource page!

Kai says:

I can’t say whether or not you will ever look like a cis male. I know that most folks who go on T (not low dose) for a long time do end up passing all the time, even if they only bind and don’t get top surgery/haven’t gotten it yet.

Also, it’s actually really very common for people to get top surgery but have no intention of having bottom surgery

I’m sure you will figure out what you want out of your transition and you’ll find a place where you are happy with it. best of luck!

Lee says:

Have you looked through our transmasculine resources page? We have info on top surgery and T there. I can’t tell whether you want to look like a male or not, but some non-binary people are interested in low-dose testosterone for awhile and a breast reduction instead of top surgery. Low-dose T will give you the same changes as T at a typical dose, just slower, so you’ll have time to stop it after you’ve gotten the changes you want and you’ll be less likely to overshoot it and get too many changes, y'know what I mean? You said “I feel like whatever I do, I won’t be happy” and sometimes nb people have that sentiment when they think they need to transition in a binary way fully or not at all, which isn’t true. Other non-binary people may want to pass as a binary gender and do snitching they can to do that, and that’s also fine, valid, and usually achievable.

https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/transmasculineresources

Kai says:

yeah absolutely! i know a few trans people personally who started T in mid to late 20s (or even mid to late 30s) and pass well, and plus lots of youtubers document their transitions in their mid twenties or later (see Aydian Dowling, who transitioned in his mid twenties and passes)

Kii says:

We have a page for this.

Emery says:

Here are some tips that I’ve dug up:

-adopt a more masculine hairstyle

-watch the way cis men walk and imitate them

-buy more masculine clothing if you can (men’s button up shirts, polos, band tees, hoodies, sweatshirts, shorts, and jeans)

-speak in a lower voice

-don’t shave your legs and armpits

-wear a well-fitting binder

-wear a packer or STP (stand to pee) device

*Just as a disclaimer, men are men no matter what they look like or what their mannerisms are.

If any followers also have some advice that they’d like to offer, please feel free to do so.

Kii says:

You’re not required to date someone who you aren’t attracted to. I would encourage you to give her a change, because who knows, you might like her? But, if you don’t feel any attraction, you’re not obigated to continue dating her.

Phoenix says:

Do you have a hat maybe? Beanies usually work pretty well to hide bad haircuts! Anyone else have tips for anon?

Charlie says:

I don’t know about passing, that depends, but you’re definitely valid as a boy!! (The concept of passing has quite a few things wrong with it, but most trans people know this and I assume you want to pass for comfort and safety reasons.) I think that your overall passing, however, depends on a variety of factors, because several cis boys I know have no leg hair. Good luck ;)