Transgender Teen Survival Guide

Lee says:

When people say they’re worried that their identity is just a phase, I always direct them towards the Decatastrophizing: The “What If” Technique and (Worksheet). In 5 years, having mistakenly called yourself non-binary won’t ruin your life. If you decide you’re not trans, you’ve still had an adventure into gender that likely widened your understanding of your own self and your understanding of other people- that’s a happy ending regardless of whether you end up deciding you’re trans or cis and there’s no harm done. So even if the worse case scenario happened, and you had to tell people you were mistaken about your identity, it still wouldn’t be the end of the world. It might be rough for a bit, but everyone would move on. But this worst-case scenario isn’t likely!

The other thing I tell people when they’re worried that their identity is just a phase: you know yourself. You’re identifying as non-binary for a reason, and you feel happier this way and more comfortable this way. You know that you’re non-binary- you’ve said so yourself- you just need to trust yourself. That’s easier said than done, but you’ve already taken the first step by realizing that your anxiety is causing the intrusive self-doubt, and once you’ve identified that as the issue you can consciously try validating yourself and try to use one of your coping skills, whether that’s distraction, mindfulness, or anything that else that helps you. You know you’re trans, and it is very unlikely that you’re faking being trans to yourself.

Self-acceptance:

Intrusive thoughts:

General coping skills:

The blog @mentalillnessmouse might be able to help more with coping with intrusive thoughts and validating!

Followers, any advice or tips for anon?

Ren says:

Yeah. Dysphoria is similar to body dysmorphic disorder which can definitely cause intrusive thoughts, so...potentially, yes, although with intrusive thoughts I really urge you to get help from a professional, if you can. They'll help give you the tools to overcome them in a way that we can't do here!

Ren says:

Those definitely sound like intrusive thoughts. They're distressing, involuntary, and often part of you understands at the time that they're not thoughts you should be having (although this isn't always the case). Afterwards you might feel guilty, or disgusted. Does that sound about right?

Things that can cause intrusive thoughts: OCD, depression, body dysmorphic disorder or eating disorders, PTSD, some types of anxiety, some psychotic disorders, and even AD/HD. It's okay if you don't know what it is - what's more important is that you know what to do about them!

This is a pretty good resource for handling intrusive thoughts, although it is OCD-specific; I would recommend you try seeing a therapist about them! Handling them is different for everyone.

Personally, I find that distracting myself is the best tool, although that's not always the best thing for everyone. When I'm afraid I'm going to act on a thought I close my eyes and take a deep breath and tell myself that I am in control, and put some distance between me and whatever I'm obsessing about. (For you, getting your hands busy sounds like a good idea - try playdough, a stress ball, a kneaded eraser...etc.)