Transgender Teen Survival Guide

(in response to this ask)

Lee says:

This is such a funny question to me! 

Yes, I was assigned female at birth. However, I am now 21 years old. I am no longer at birth.

So I was assigned female at birth, when I was born, but now I’m done being born. I’m past that, past tense. 

I am genderqueer, non-binary, transmasculine, transsexual, and transgender, and I was AFAB.

The tense doesn’t really matter to some people, but I like to state it that way because I can acknowledge where I came from without implying that it’s something that’s still currently occuring- I’ve long since moved on from what I was assigned at birth (and fun fact: I’m actually mailing the documents tomorrow to update my birth certificate to change it from “F” to “X”)

Kai says:

It is possible it could make your face more neutral or masculine - good luck with your dental work!

Lee says:

Transmasculine is a term used to describe AFAB trans people who identify with masculinity to a greater extent than with femininity. 

There are some transmasculine people who identify as transmasculine as a result of their medical transition but don’t necessarily present in a masculine way with their gender expression (clothing, makeup, etc), and there are some transmasculine folks who identify as transmasculine because of their gender expression but don’t choose to medically transition. 

I’m on testosterone, I’ve gotten top surgery, I’ve had a hysterectomy I pack, and I pretty much only wear men’s clothing. I consider myself to be transitioning to a place that people view as being more masculine, so I use the term transmasculine because it can be helpful in describing like where I’m coming from and where I’m going to. 

Someone can be transmasculine while still presenting and/or feeling feminine sometimes. Being transmasculine doesn’t mean that you identify as a trans man, or even as male-aligned or boy-proximal, it just means you’re masc-leaning.

Being transmasculine and having a connection to womanhood aren’t mutually exclusive things, and there is some overlap by people who have both. For example, I know a genderfluid person who identifies as transmasculine and is on T and has had top surgery, but they’re still genderfluid and sometimes are a woman- so their gender can be female and they’d still call themselves transmasculine because the term can refer to the overall arch of their transition. 

So yes, you can call yourself transmasculine even if you have a connection to womanhood- you just have to feel like the term transmasculine fits your experience in some way.

Ryn says:

Best thing to tell your doctors is exactly that- you were assigned female at birth, but you are trans, you are on hormone replacement therapy, and you’ve had top surgery. When I went on hrt, my doctor told me his plan was to provide treatment for what I had at the time. For example, I’m amab and on estrogen, so when I get older I will have to do prostate exams and watch for prostate cancer. That said, I also will need to get mammograms and watch for breast cancer. 

Regardless, informing your doctor that you’re trans and on hormones allows them to provide the best medical care they can for you in a respectful fashion. When I came out to my doctor, I did so partially so I wouldn’t have to hear “Mr. [deadname]” every time I went. 

The issue with everything is that like, a simple “M/F” tick box doesn’t apply to us very well. If you want to, you can tick one of the boxes and then write an extra note on the form. But, in general, just like a cis person’s medical history and issues and needs go beyond their assigned sex, so do yours. Be up front with your doctor about your needs, issues, and medical history related to your transition as you would be when asked about anything else medical. 

Lee says:

I think that dysphoria sometimes gets worse when you try to present yourself in a certain way and feel like the reality of what you look like doesn’t match the expectations of what you thought that you’d look like.

As an example, when I first got top surgery my chest dysphoria went away, but my social dysphoria increased because somewhere in the back of my mind was the thought “after this surgery I’ll pass a lot better!” but in reality I didn’t pass more frequently than I had been pre-surgery. 

When I’m wearing a shirt, a stranger who genders me in a store would think my chest in a binder looks the same as my chest after surgery so I passed at the same rate as I had before when my flat chest was due to binding. So after surgery, my social dysphoria increased a bit because I was sort of panicking like ahh! I tried to pass and I couldn’t, so now I feel worse in some ways than when I wasn’t trying at all!

Similarly, some trans people feel more dysphoric when they come out, sometimes because they become aware of the way people are gendering and misgendering them and they’ve kind of announced to the world that they want to be seen in a particular way but it feels like other people (especially strangers) haven’t gotten the message. 

In cases like yours, some trans people feel less dysphoric when they cut their hair and wear masculine clothing because they’re moving away from the feminine things that caused the dysphoria, but some trans people feel more dysphoric because trying to present masculinely makes them more self-conscious and aware of their appearance and then they realized that even if it’s closer to what they want it still isn’t what they had hoped to see in the mirror.

Of course, sometimes when people start to transition and their dysphoria increases they find that the dysphoria is a temporary increase that means they haven’t yet reached their target, but with a few people the increased dysphoria means they’re going in the wrong direction after all.

So yes, it can be (and often is) a normal part of early transition to find that your dysphoria has increased- but it can also (in a few cases) be a warning sign. You can sometimes tell the difference by trying to figure out if the increase in Bad Feelings is dysphoria telling you that you need to look more masculine than you current are, or if it’s an urge to return to where you were.

In general though, I’d say that only you can tell what’s going on with your dysphoria- we aren’t in your shoes and we can’t tell you why you’re feeling the way that you’re feeling. But yes, increases in dysphoria can be normal and it doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t trans.

Kai says:

No, we don’t recommend ever double binding with sports bras that are too small or even going down in size intentionally.

I’m linking the binding faq and some posts about binding with sports bras:

https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/bindingfaq

https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/post/106536200485/urgent-because-i-need-something-soon-i-have

https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/post/111830190080/ren-says-an-anon-asked-for-clarification-on-the

Lee says:

Yes to all of that! The issue in using too-small sports bras is the band- if the sports bra is a few sizes too small, the band will be way too tight and it could hurt you because it won’t have enough stretch or give.

Kai says:

I’m nonbinary and transmasculine and would probably feel the same way. My gender is nonbinary and that’s how I identify, but I feel most at home in a masculine-ish body. That’s perfectly normal, and okay.

Devon says:

I’m not entirely sure what your question is, but we can’t tell you whether you’re trans or what your gender is, sorry! If you are asking something different, feel free to send another ask specifying that. :)

From our FAQ:

Also, please do not use ableist language in your asks.

Lee says:

A lot of people are uncomfortable with mtf/ftm/ftx/mtx terminology, you aren’t alone in that. 

Instead of saying “I’m FtM” you can say “I’m a trans guy” or a trans man, a trans boy, or just a man, a boy, a guy, etc. 

Some people like to say they’re “a man of trans experience” or similar as well.

If you have to specify the way you were born, you can say “afab” which stands for assigned female at birth. That term notes how you were assigned, but it doesn’t imply you actually were female in the past.

Toddy says:

Afab stands for “assigned female at birth,” and amab stands for “assigned male at birth.” (Question 7 in our faq)

Lee says:

Yes, any AFAB person can take testosterone if they feel it’s what’s right for them and their body.

I’m genderqueer and on T myself!

Toddy says:

I actually had a very similar experience. I remember wanting to have more “feminine” traits before puberty, and then when they actually came I was like “nope this is not right.” 

For me, I think part of it was wanting to be like other girls since I could tell I was “different” from them somehow, and that might be the same for you.

Toddy says:

Yes, nonbinary people can identify as trans if they want to

Tyler Says:

I really get where you’re coming from because I’m trans masculine and I’ve IDed as a lesbian since I was about 11, and now I’m 21. So for a decade of my life I’ve identified with being a lesbian but at the same time I’ve never ever felt womanly. I’ve always felt more manish or in-the-middle-ish. So when I was in 7th grade I just asked one small health class to call me Zak and they did! It was amazing and they were all so welcoming and they called me bro and I was the one boy in the class full of girls and it felt really nice. So try starting small? Also, starting with friends helps. 

As for getting past your discomfort, I’d say try starting small and in comfortable groups, and be prepared for failure. Some people won’t get it, and that’s okay. Don’t let it get you down. And don’t worry if your chosen name changes a lot. I was Zakhary, then Nikolai, and loads of other names before I settled on Tyler. Be flexible, be open. Listen to others and hear what their experiences say. And feel free to always message us and message me in particular if you need advice right HERE.

Harper says:Hey there! I’m just hopping on to the end here to direct you to some resources on the lesbian end of things.Your question about identifying as a woman through any other way other than being a lesbian strikes me as quite a common way of thinking about oneself as a lesbian. Most of this comes from the distancing from heterosexual cultural norms one experiences as a lesbian. Re-centering our attention and lives away from men really challenges the notions of what it is to be a woman. Monique Wittig goes so far as to say “lesbians aren’t women” in The Straight Mind. In this she means that ‘woman’ as a construct has been made for the benefit and use of men. She argues by refusing men outright in being a lesbian, we completely disrupt and destroy any notions of being a woman. I’d recommend then reading Jacob Hale’s essay Are Lesbians Women? for a more thorough look at Wittig’s claim.Anyway, the feeling that one’s only connection to womanhood is through lesbianism is quite common in my circles and one that is without contradiction. A connection to womanhood centered on loving women, on lesbian aesthetics, butchness - that’s completely fine. I’d absolutely recommend reading what other butches have to say about their butch experiences: what it means for them, how it helps them navigate dysphoria, discomfort about being a woman, and so on. You might be able to find answers here to your feelings about gender, whether you end up sticking with being butch or not.I’d recommend this masterpost on gnc/butch woman literature, as well as this one, and Jewelle Gomez’s Femme Butch Feminist for a personal account of femme-butch relationships.Regarding your name: I’d have a look at our coming out page! It has a lot of tips on telling friends and other people about changing your name or using another name, as well as resources for dealing with people who don’t use your new name.